Chapter 5: Phone conversations with Alice

"Alice?" I whisper in the phone. I check the lock to the bathroom door once more. Locked. Perfect.

"Ophelia?" Alice sound surprised. "Hey. What is it?"

"I spilled a beer on a guy a few nights ago. On purpose. I don't regret it. Now I argued with him in front of the entire class. I just met the guy. What is happening with me?"

"Sweetie, it is alright. You are still grieving. Your emotions are all over the place. It is understandable."

I swallow a lump again. Tears are falling down my cheeks. "I miss him. I miss him so much!" I cry. "I miss him, Alice! I miss him. I don't know how to live without him! Alice! Please, tell me it is fake! Tell me it is a prank and he will come and surprise me! Tell me!" I let out a desperate whimper.

"Oh, darling." Her voice is soothing. "Darling, I am so sorry. I really am."

I can hear her voice break.

"It can't be real, Alice! It can't! I was about to order a ticket to visit him!" I cry out.

I slide down on the floor. It is messy. I don't care.

"How can I live without him? He was so good! He was so young! I can't," I sob. I dry my nose with my sleeve. "I can't see a way, Alice. He can't be dead."

I sniff.

"Oh, Ophelia," I hear Alice cry. "I know. It is hard."

"Hard! Hard?" I yell. Sobs overcome me once again. "You got Lionel. I got no one. Everyone is gone! No one knows! Only you and Lionel and you are miles away!"

"Ophelia!" Alice has raised her voice.

I shut up in shock. Whatever it is because she has raised her voice or not, I don't know.

"You are an amazing woman. Your parents are shit for not really liking anyone else, but British. Ahmet was amazing. I have a hard time dealing with this death too. Okay? You are not the only one. I have known him for longer than you have. I have known him for multiple years. Okay? I never felt anything towards him like you do. You had something special going on. And no, I don't say this because I have to, but I had never seen him smile more, than after he met you. He was beginning to see a brighter future, Ophelia, together with you. I know - knew - him very well and mourn over his loss too!"

I blink. "Sorry Alice." My voice is barely above a whisper.

I hear her sob on the other side.

"No, I am sorry, Ophelia. I didn't mean to lash out on you."

I nod.

We both sit and listen to each other cry and sob. I don't know how long time. I don't care.

"What are you crying for?"

I gave a small jump of surprise. I felt Ahmet put his arm around my waist. He dragged me closer, cuddling me. He wiped my tears away.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I didn't mean to cry."

He smelt fresh. His hair was wet.

"No, talk to me. What is it?"

"I am leaving soon," I told him. I held back a sob. I wanted to be strong. To enjoy the last few days in happiness together with him. "I am leaving Cyprus, so I can attend university."

"I know." I felt him press a soft kiss to my forehead. "But once you are done we can move together. Not here, but somewhere else."

I looked up at him. Happiness shone through my eyes, I was sure off. "You want that?"

"Of course." I felt his hand find mine. He tugged at the ring, getting it of my hand. "Remember this ring. Always remember what it means. I got one more almost alike. To sit on your engagement finger. And after that, on your wedding finger." He pointed out my fingers as he mentioned them. He gave each of them a kiss.

"I love you," I whispered. I snuggled close.

"Alice?" I whisper, my voice hoarse. "Ar- you still th- there?"

"Yeah." Her voice is hoarse too. Maybe because she yelled at me. Or because of her crying or both. My voice is hoarse because I cried.

"Can you please see if you can find a ring or two? Ahmet mentioned it. He mentioned he had some for later. For when he - when he... When he -," I take a deep calming breath. "For when he should propose." I pauses, new tears forming once again. "I know he might not have them, but can you please check? I need to know."

"I will. I will," Alice tells me, repeating herself.

"Thanks."

I lean against the door. I feel someone tug at it. I hold my breath. Lectures are over. Students are piling out in the corridors again.

"I will soon come and visit you, Ophelia. Just hang in there."

"Yeah," I sniff. "I need to go. Bye."

I hang up before I hear her reply.

I get up from the floor. I dust of my backside. I look around for my bag. I forgot it in the class. I groan.

I unlock the door. I hurry out, praying no one sees me.