31. Hair Clip

Antony's POV

As I stood in the rubble of the formerly great Harsin Mansion, I wondered where I went wrong. I had assumed that when I saw Allystar again, Alex would be with him. However, that wasn't the case. Now no one knows where my son is, and as far as I know, his soulmate is dead. It will be a fun time trying to explain that his soulmate exploded into pieces so finite we couldn't find his body. I watched as Marc crawled through the rubble of his childhood home, and even though he had been the one to light it, he was visibility sad to see all of his hard work gone.

I had sent a message to every pack in the area to keep a lookout for Alex, but no one had messaged back. I just want to see my little boy again; is that too terribly much to ask?

"Tony?" Jackson curled an arm around my shoulders, and I leaned against his body.

"Sorry, I'm just thinking about Alex. It's like he disappeared from the planet."

"I know. At least I know for certain that Ash is dead, but I can't imagine being left in the dark for 2 months. I wish you didn't have to go through this, Tony. You've been through so much in your life already, and this is just icing on the cake."

"It's nothing I'm not used to. I just wish the world would stop using us as playthings."

"Don't we all."

Suddenly, Marc pulled something up from the rubble with a loud, "aha!" He climbed down the pile towards us, and I was pretty curious as to what he held in his hand. "I figure you would want something to remember your son by, so here." He pushed something into Jackson's hand, and when the palm was flipped, I realized that it was the hair clip Ash would wear in his hair.

"I remember this from his childhood, but I didn't know he still had it." The little item was black, but there were the initials A.R.Q and 2000 engraved in the black metal. "We got it for him when he was born, and he kind of fell in love with it as he grew up. There wasn't a day I didn't see him wearing it, but My wife didn't really appreciate it. She would tell me about how it made him look like a girl."

His words ended in a sniffle, and I pulled him into my embrace. He may have been much less of a mess than me, but knowing his son was actually dead this time was taking its toll. He took the little metal bit and slid it into his hair as a tribute to the boy he lost, and his smile was a ghost of the past. "I'm gonna miss this place," Marc declared.

"I'm sure you will."

He pulled out a little black rose and set it on top of the rubble before walking away. Jackson sighed, and we followed Marc away from the wreckage hand in hand.

Dinner that night was sombre, but it has been for a long time. Knowing that our rightful alpha is missing and the Luna is dead has taken a large toll on our pack, but we were resilient. Life moves on even after tragedy.

When I thought about everything that I've lost, tears couldn't run dry. There are so many things I wish I could change, and I missed my chance. As far as Alex knows, I'm still upset with him about being pregnant. When looking through his room, I had found the pictures of his growing children on the night stand, and I had felt the loss in the pit of my stomach. That many memories I would never get to have of 2 grandchildren would be enough to knock me off of my feet until I died.

"Tony, don't forget to actually eat."

"Right."

***

Once Jackson had slipped out of the room for what he liked to call 'him time', I opened my bedroom window wide. I climbed out onto the roof, and the chilly night air made me feel slightly more sane. The roof tiles dug into my bare feet, and I welcomed the slightly painful texture. The moon was full tonight, so it was pretty bright outside. I looked over my land with a miniature smile on my face, and I wished that it was still my son's land.

I laid back, and I noted the beauty of the stars. The ocean threatens to drown me, but I still have the ability to swim. No matter how thick the water, I'll make it out. I know I will because Jackson is keeping me afloat. He kept me from dipping below the waves, and I admired that so much in him. No matter how hurt he was, he was still supporting me.

I remembered the days that Alex would come out onto the roof to escape me as a teenager. I would worry about his safety, but he would still come up here whether or not it made me lose my mind. Come to think of it, I never told him how much I worried about him. I was too focused on world domination and making him the perfect alpha to have a real relationship.

"Alex, wherever you are, I love you. I don't know if you're dead or alive, but that doesn't matter. Every second you aren't with me is another knife in my skin, and I wish I had a piece of you like Jacky does for Ash. All I have to remember you is the memories that fade with my old age, and I wish that I at least knew if you were alive or dead. I guess if you are up there in the sky, you're happy to see your soulmate again. It must hurt to see the world go by without being able to influence it at all, but I guess that's the life cycle."

I closed my eyes and let the tears flow down my cheeks. "It really sucks that you died before your kids were born. I would have loved to meet them and see them smile. I found your Ultrasound pictures, and I was really excited to see that it was twins. I'm kind of curious to see how would have come out. Would they have been vampires like Ash or wolves like you? Maybe something in-between? I guess I'll never know. Uh, I finally managed to start eating without feeling disgusting about myself, so that's a plus."

Even though there were tears still wetting my cheeks, I smiled at the stars. "I get the feeling that one of those stars is you looking down on us. I wish that I'm able to hear you talk back, but what can you do? I know that one day I'll join you up there, but it isn't my time yet, you know? I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing on earth right now, but it's something. I used to only life for you, but ever since I was able to see Jacky again, I've found another purpose."

Suddenly, I heard my name being called nervously from my bedroom, and I stood up to go back. "Bye, Alex." I swung my legs back into my room and managed to bowl over Jackson who was looking out the open window. "Sorry, I was busy."

"It's fine. Just don't hurt yourself."

"I won't."