56. Credit

Benji's POV

"Now, your doctor has a few choice words for you," Connor muttered before stepping away. I could tell from his eyes that he was proud of me, but he wouldn't say that in front of the daunting medical professional that was about ready to wring my neck in his hands like I was a wet rag that needed drying. Said man's face was reddened, and his posture was tight as a boy scout's knot. Before I could anticipate what was coming my way, his palm slapped down right on the side of my cheek.

"Hey! You're supposed to help me, not hit me! What was that for!?" My voice was a rogue firecracker on New Years, and I found myself cursing internally. How come my body still acts like I've barely gone through puberty? I totally have! Then again, I seem to recall acting like a baby for a little while after my last charge, so maybe my brain gets temporarily reset whenever I emit that much energy from my hands.

"You may be the stupidest person I've ever met! I told you to take it easy; I told you that your body was not stable enough to handle small bursts of magic, let alone whatever that was! You have shown blatant disregard for my words, and someone needs to knock you into shape! I refuse to be responsible for your death!" I wiped his spit off of my cheek, which only seemed to infuriate him even more. It was impossible not to see the fire in his eyes, and everyone around us was doing the quiet rumble people would do when I was in trouble in highschool. "You will stay in your bed and refrain from using your magic, or I will have to tie you to it. Understood?"

"With all do respect sir, I can still use magic even if I'm tied down."

"Not if I restrain you right where the organ for your power is. Don't test me Benjamin Evans."

"Fine, fine. I'll stay put, just don't do that to me."

"Good." The man stormed out of the room, and a fit of nervous laughter came over me. I know he's serious, and I don't want to get in the way of that. However, if I see people in danger, I will help them. It's just a part of my nature. It has become instinct at this point; nothing I can do about it.

"You're not going to listen to that order, are you," Connor commented, and a smirk befell my lips.

"No, of course not. What ever gave you the idea that I would?"

"Literally nothing. Just be careful; I don't think he's prepared to be playing around with you. That man is dead serious, and I'm convinced he actually would pinch the entrance to your Jeroniod. Lay low until your leg heals up."

"What, did you expect me to just watch as people I care about died? There's no way."

"I know… Hopefully they won't come back now that a lot of their men are dead, and you can just plan for the next few days. Then you get time to heal, and we have a masterful plan of brilliance."

"Everyone here gives me too much credit; not all of my plans are perfect, or even good. I almost got us killed at the human fort because I didn't make a good enough back up plan."

"We know that you aren't perfect; no one can think of every possible situation and make a plan for it. Unfortunately, the human mind is a very complex place. We can't account for what their men are doing since they also have their own plan. It's made harder by the fact that no one will spy for us, so we can't know what their defence looks like. There are so many unknowns, and I'm proud of the fact that you're able to stitch ideas to cover those holes in our knowledge. Whether or not you're right is another story entirely, but not everyone will be right every single time."

"I just feel like I could be doing so much better, and no one else seems to want to mention that. I know that everyone thinks I'm fragile because I'm small, and not physical, and really just brains, but there's so much more to me! I can take criticism, I need it in order to get better. You have to understand, I just want people to be honest to my face. Is that so much to ask?"

"We are being honest with you, Benji. I'm only telling you everything that I have in my mind to think about you. Everyone else- I can't speak for them, but I'm sure they feel the same way. So stop doubting yourself, because it won't get you anywhere in life."

"But I've already gotten so many people killed because I had a faulty plan, and that lead to our forces being significantly weakened. We almost didn't win this fight; what would have happened then? Everyone sees us as the examples, so if we were to fall, the entire revolution would fall apart in a matter of hours."

"I know that you've been trying to lie to yourself about this for ages, but death is a part of war. People came here knowing that they may lose their life, but that you would do everything in your power to keep that from happening. They signed up for the risks in order to get the reward of freedom for everyone else. Your sacrifices are nothing to laugh at, and neither are theirs. It's a mutual respect that everyone here has. All jobs are hard; especially since you have to be marked as the bad guy. You're killing it, though, so keep going."

"You say that now, but when we lose the war, it will be my fault. People in the future will look back and see a general that did something dumb and never got the chance to fix it."

"That won't happen, Benji. And stop saying "when" we lose. With you, we will always have a fighting chance. You are the ace up our sleeve that will pull this mess to victory."

"This is what I mean! You have got to stop relying on me like that. Do you even understand how stressful those statements are? The feeling that everyone's eyes are on me is a real fear of mine. I've been shoving through it to help everyone else with getting through this war, but I can only go so far. I am not a secret advantage, nor am I some kind of genius. You should know this as well as everyone; you saw me get a zero on a math test in high school. And I actually tried on that!"

"Math and strategy are very different concepts, Benjamin. Just don't sell yourself so short, and I won't have to have this conversation with you."

"Don't hold me to too high of a standard and I wouldn't have to have this conversation with you."

"Fine, whatever you say. Just… Don't give up. There's still a long way for us to go."

"Alright, fine."

"Good. Now you may want to be horizontal when your doctor comes back or he'll kick you all the way to the moon."

"Will do."