Chapter 11

UNEDITED

"After seeing you last night, something changed River, I don't see as my brother sees you, as a sister. I think...I think I want to maybe take this relationship to a different place. I think a potential girlfriend is a better light for you in my eyes. I know what you're thinking, this is a sudden change, but, I can't hold back my feelings anymore. "Landen practices his speech while sitting in the stands of the racing arena and watching his competition practice. It wasn't his real speech. Weirdly, he was joking with himself as he thought about how much fun it would be to have something his brother wants. For the first time, his brother will envy him.

All his life, their mother always treated Ryan different, special different. Ryan was the perfect son in every way. He never disobeyed curfew, he never got into any trouble, he didn't even argue. It was hard for Landen to have to live up to that. He broke the rules, all the rules. He argued, he disagreed; drank, smoked, tried every drug available, and more. He was the opposite of a good son. Then came the times he would realize how different his mother treated his brother compared to him and Zack. There were a few times his saint-like brother took the blame for his misdeeds. Each time he did, their mother took it better than she would have if Landen had confessed. She didn't yell, and he was barely given a punishment. Landen should be grateful, right? Wrong. He knew that anything Ryan took the blame for, was so their mother wouldn't be upset. Which only shows more who her favorite son is.

She always seemed to worry more about him, and have a special bond she didn't have with him and Zack, because of that, Landen strived to be more like Ryan but failed. It made him miserable. He began self-medicating with prescription drugs and ended up overdosing. When he woke in the hospital, no one was just relieved. They were all angry with him for what he had done. He remembers like it was just a second ago. His mother came into his hospital room and sat on the bed near him. She breaks down in tears, so he reaches out and touches her. "Why can't you be like your brother? Why do you have to give me such grief?" Her words engraved itself into his soul. She continued to scold him but, those two sentences lite a fire under him forever. She didn't notice that he tried, nor did she notice how unhappy he was. That's when he decided that he wasn't going to try to be like anyone else. He was going to make himself happy. Unfortunately, he couldn't control his resentment towards his mother and brother. He tries every day to push it deep down and just accept the love that he did get. But why? He used to wonder. Why can't he be like Ryan, and never disappoint his mother? These issues came to Landen's mind too often. He wanted to let it all go but he just can't.

Now, an opportunity has come up where he can give himself satisfaction. Now he can now show his mother that her almighty firstborn is not perfect and, Two, show his brother that he can't hide his dark side forever, but most of all, he wants to show himself.

His eyes narrow to River climbing up the stairs while licking a chocolate ice cream cone. She has been with him all day, watching him practice, and cheering him on. He smiles at her awkward, inelegant winsomeness. His smile grew as he thought about how much fun he is going to have to mess with his brother. He let him take River home last night but, only because he wasn't ready to push buttons just yet. However, he did make River promise, loud and clear for Ryan to hear, that she would be waiting for him to pick her up by nine sharp.

"Here you go. Your water, your majesty " River hands him a bottle and takes her spot near him.

"Thanks." He takes it from her and twists the cap off. "Can I ask you something?"

"A huh." She licks.

"How is it that you, being a tree-hugger, can have fun at a race track where every car is burning a hole in the ozone layer for entertainment?"

"There are worse things going on in the world. I'm not going to fret over something this small when at least this makes people happy."

"If I didn't have racing growing up, I don't know what I would have done." He admits " Overdose in some dark lonely ally, behind a dumpster, that was my food source, on my cushy cardboard bed, and a neighborhood street cat as my best friend and he would've been the only one to attend my funeral."

"That's actually, not funny. That's sad and tragic. Your life couldn't be that bad. Look at everything you have. Anything money can buy; parents that love you, brothers that love you."

He shakes his head. "I know life brought you up rough, you lost your sister, and your dad is a dick. That makes you look at life differently than I do, but my situation was just that, different."

"So help me understand."

"It's a long story, Ree."

"Okay." She doesn't push.

"I'm sorry." He suddenly apologizes. "Not my favorite topic."

She shrugs "Its okay." Her eyes were completely focused on the track.

She was genuinely interested. Landen liked being with her. He felt no judgment or expectations from her. She didn't compare him to anyone, and he was comfortable. He never told anyone his thoughts about inducing himself in a drug coma but, with her, he felt like he could say anything and she would accept him. He leans near her and nudges her shoulders. "Want to come home with me tonight?"

Puzzled, she turns her head. She had to look at him to get a feel of his attitude, and what was he asking exactly? Her brows drew closer and closer together as more seconds pass.

"We could watch a movie." He finally clarifies.

She blinks, then fixes her attention back on the racing. "Sure." She agrees. It was easy for her to say yes to a movie, she has no other social life

When they arrived at his condo, all River could see was modern, expensive, and black. Black flooring, black countertops, cabinets, appliances, leather sofas, curtains, and the list goes on. "You love black, I guess." She yells from the living room sofa to the kitchen where Landen was.

"Doesn't stain." He yells back. "Would you like something to drink?"

She laughs. "What are you doing here Brenner?"

"Offering a clumsy lady, a drink. What would you like?"

Her giggles grew louder.

"I'm going to bring you whiskey if you don't answer me." He warns.

"Water." She breathes through her laughter. At that point, she really needed the water.

A few minutes later, he enters with drinks and a bowl of popcorn. He hands her glass, then dims the lights. He then takes a seat near her and sets the bowl between them. "Ready?" He asks as he picks up the remote.

She nods.

He ended up picking out a chick flick, one with some pretty intense scenes. It was making her feel a bit awkward watching with him near. She kept taking sips of her drink just to divert her eyes, and her throat kept clearing itself, or at least that's what it felt like.

'Have you ever kissed anyone Ree" He asks. "I'm only asking because you seem uncomfortable."

Hesitating, her eyelids dropped to the ground. "No."

"I know you went to an all-girls college but, not even through high school?"

"No." She repeats.

"What are you waiting for?"

She shrugs. "I don't know; the right guy." If only he knew, his brother is the reason. She was thinking about him during her last two years of high school and thought she was engaged to him all through college.

He stands up, turns the TV off, and moves in front of it. "I thought this would have been something you would have liked. All I have other than this crap is horror movies.

"Eww... I know what that means."

"What?" He folds his arms.

"This is your getting a girl to sleep with your collection."

He smirks. "Very observant, Miss Winters. Although, just FYI, I don't need any of this."

"But it doesn't hurt?" She asks.

"Exactly." He confirms. " I love how you understand me."

"You know what, I'm going to buy you some action movies because you need a life besides girls."

"Ouch." He covers his heart.

"Anyway, I should head home. Your aunt is going to ring up my phone any moment now." She gets off the sofa and gets to the door. When turning to say goodbye, he wraps his arms around her. "Oh." She's surprised.

"Thank you." He whispers.

"For what?"

"For spending my entire birthday with me."

"It's your birthday?" She grabs his shoulder and pushes forward to look him in the eyes.

"I think so."

"I had no idea. I'm so sorry. Happy Birthday." She hugs him again.

"Thank you."

"Why didn't you tell me? She breaks the hug and slaps him in the arm. "And why are you celebrating like this?"

"I normally spend my birthday alone."

She opens her mouth.

"Before you say anything." He stops her. " I prefer it that way."

She shuts her mouth but then opens it again. "Aren't you the one that preaches fun?"

He lifts a brow. "Yeah, that's me." He confirms to her in a so-what attitude. He then proceeds to take his keys off the hook and pulls the door open. "Come on, I'm dropping you home."

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