3

The Great Hall was filled with the usual clinking of utensils and talking between friends about what they did that summer, the Voldemort-Harry Potter issues, and stuff. Now one may wonder. Why are they talking about one boy? Well this boy was not just any boy. He is the only one to survive attacks by the dreaded Voldemort. But they weren't talking about that anymore. Right now, they were all wondering "Who were the new kids on the train?"

Everyone's thoughts were interrupted when the Great Halls doors opened. The talking abruptly ceased; everyone's attention on the figures standing in the door way. The staff members suddenly tensed up at the site of the new arrivals except Dumbledore.

He merely gazed at them as though he was expecting them. He waved for them to come forward to the staff table. The figures who were all dressed in black cloaks except for the adult who stood in the front wearing muggle-like attire, a green vest, a headband covering his eye, and a mask. But the one who caught the most attention were the three kids who carried large objects on their backs (a fan, a gourd, and three wide rolls of…toilet paper?), a boy out of dress code wearing an orange jump suit, and the pink haired girl.

"I'm sorry, Dumbledore-san," Kakashi said, late as usual. Dumbledore knew well enough after the first three meetings total from Kakashi to not expect punctuality from their leader. "I was discussing several extra details with my students outside."

"Well it does not matter," Dumbledore said. "You only missed the entrance ceremony and the sorting of students."

"...Isn't that everything?"

"Well, there is always the meal."

"Ah, the most important part of the entrance ceremony. How could I forget?"

"Quite easily, considering the recent chaos concerning the hole in the roof and the expenses. Since your students are here now, I'm sure we can spare an extra few minutes to sort them out, yes? Now, children, don't be afraid. Don't hesitate, the Sorting Hat isn't supposed to eat your head." Isn't supposed to...

Was he talking to the strangers or the Hogwarts students? Because it was all in vain. The newer children looked slightly apprehensive, preferring the back seat and avoiding the spotlight. The Hogwarts students…sensed their vibe and couldn't help but want to scoot farther from them in their seats.

"Just go up on stage and put the hat on your head."

The shinobi looked somewhat hesitant to touch the raggedy thing. Somehow, with all the shuffling and lining up and pushing the other person to the front, Hinata got stuck going first.

She slowly trudged towards the hat, completely and painfully aware of the hundreds and perhaps even thousand students watching her. She put the hat on her head. The moment she did so, she heard a voice in her head.

Hm…shy, yet bold at unexpected moments, the voice in her head said. Hm, a smart girl. Nevertheless...

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat shouted.

Hinata nearly fell over and tripped over her own feet in shock. The shinobi each stood in a defensive position. Most people were shocked that they were shocked. Such a strange, paranoid reaction to a talking hat! What was so strange about that? These people were so weird.

Nevertheless, one of the tables clapped loudly. Hinata stared.

"Sit over here!" someone said.

She threw off the hat and rushed over, blushing madly. She's so cute!

Hm...rebellious, brave, and smells like a dog. You're definitely a—

"GRYFFINDOR!" Kiba grinned and ran over to Hinata who smiled. She wasn't alone!

The prodigy and the sensible one belongs in—

"RAVENCLAW!" Neji left calmly moving towards the less fun looking group.

You're on the verge of a change, yet still dark, powerful, and ambitious, you, sir, belong in—

"SLYTHERIN!" Gaara ignored the stares he received from half the class and the half-hearted claps from the other half. He sat in an empty seat at a group of very unenthusiastic students robed in green. Surprisingly, he would have blended in really well had his hair not been as red as a Weasley's. Some of the Slytherins were wondering if he was a one of them. Seemed a bit more threatening than one, though.

Brave yet intelligent and highly capable.

"RAVENCLAW!" Tenten ran excitedly to Neji and literally jumped on him. So far, they were the only Ravenclaws! Yes!

You fight for your friends and your precious ones. You'll never give up and return twice as powerful. You would make a good—

"GRYFFINDOR!" Lee grinned, flashing lights off his teeth. Everyone in the room looked away from the blinding lights except for Shino because he had his sunglasses and Dumbledore, whose twinkling eyes were just as powerful as Gai's.

You once fought for your friends. Then you fought against them. Having been returned to your allies, you are in turmoil. Nevertheless, you'd make a perfect—

"SLYTHERIN!" Sasuke had the same feedback from the Slytherins and gave the same silent reply as Gaara did. He didn't even bother talking to Gaara. They never spoke, and never even met outside the tournament.

Complete Silence? Let me see your memories.

…

What the heck?

The hat frowned on stage as it peered into the mind of thousands of bugs before finally finding Shino's.

"Uh….SLYTHERIN!" Shino went over to the table. He didn't say anything. They didn't say anything. Nobody said anything.

Smart, ambitious, and in love with a certain angsty guy and someone else.

"RAVEN—!"

HECK NO! Inner Sakura roared. Sasuke-kun is in Slytherin. SLYTHERIN!

"Sakura…" Kakashi whispered very loudly to her. "Please go to the Ravenclaw table."

Tenten and Neji sighed inwardly. So much for not having any other irritating shinobi in the same House as them.

"Aw..."

Ino stuck her tongue out at her. Sakura held up her lethal fist. Ino got up on stage, confident she would be placed into the Slytherin with her beloved Sasuke.

"GRYFFINDOR!" it shouted immediately.

"HellnoImgonnakillit!" she said, throwing it to the floor, ready to stomp on it. Chouji held her back in an armhold.

"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat announced for Chouji. Chouji continued eating the chips and went over to the Gryffindor table.

You love your brothers and you love to be powerful.

"GRI—"

You stick me in there with them and I'll tear you to tiny pieces on stage and use you for toilet paper! The Sand Siblings stick together!

"..." There was a brief silence.

"SLYTHERIN!" Temari skipped to Gaara's side. Kankurou walked onto the stage.

"SLYTHERIN!" He didn't even put on the hat yet...! Kankurou shrugged. Oh well, to put on the hat, he would have to take off his own. And that would take so much longer on the stage. He felt so self-conscious without his makeup—erm, facepaint. He had forgotten to put it on beforehand.

Shikamaru took his time dragging himself up the stairs and onto the cage. The Sorting Hat had barely touched his ponytail, faintly mentioning something about his wits yet lack of ambition, when it's deafening cry echoed in the Great Hall.

"RAVENCLAW!"

Knew it. Always did...

Naruto put on the hat excitedly on his head and found...silence. It didn't say anything.

How odd...like the boy with the tanuki. You belong in Gryffindor but...Slytherin suits you as well. Only you, the racoon child, and Harry Potter have ever had this kind of dilemma...

The students on the Great Hall shifted uneasily, waiting for the last boy to finish so they can eat.

"GRYFFINDOR!" Naruto sighed and ran to the others.

"That was taking way too long," Naruto said with a laugh. "I was beginning to feel I didn't belong or something."

"Yeah, and I'm hungry," Kiba said.

"Hey you!" a voice said. It was the dude with a scratch on his forehead.

"Who are you?" Naruto asked.

"That's Harry Potter," Hinata said. "He's a celebrity of some sort here."

"Of some sort? OF SOME SORT!" a kid said. "This is THE Harry POTTER! The vanquisher of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! How can you not know who he is!"

"Ignore him," whispered the red haired boy next to 'Hairy'. His hair was a different shade than Gaara's. It was brighter and more fiery. He was probably a cheerful guy.

"Collin, I fell in!" a smaller version of the Harry Potter fanatic shouted, throwing himself into the empty seat next to the larger one. "It was brilliant! And something in the water grabbed me and pushed me back in the boat!"

"Cool!" Collin said. "It was probably the giant squid, Dennis!"

Calling? Tennis? Eh?

"Wow!" Dennis said, as though nobody in their wildest dreams could hope for more than being thrown into a storm-tossed, fathoms-deep lake, and pushed out of it by a giant sea monster. Kiba shuddered at the thought. Sushi gone wrong.

"Dennis, Dennis! See that boy there? That's Harry Potter!" They began jabbering on senselessly. Harry stared, focusing on his friends. Naruto could understand now why his red haired friend told him to ignore them.

"Hair-ee?" Naruto said.

"Yeah," the red head replied. "And I'm Ron Weasley. We were in the same box at the World Cup."

"Oh," Naruto said, nodding, although he didn't really remember the guy.

"And I'm Hermione Granger," a bushy haired girl said. Squirrel… Naruto thought when he saw her. He didn't know why. But she was a squirrel.

"Her-My-Oni? You're whose demon?"

"No, that's my whole name. Hermione."

"Oh...that's really long," Naruto said. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha!"

"Oh, that's great," Hermione replied, although she wasn't really sure what it was. Not that she would ever admit that.

"AH!" Naruto fell backwards as a red fox jumped onto the table the same time food began to appear. Oops. They missed the rest of what Dumbledore said…

"Hey, I thought only cats, owls, and toads were allowed here as pets?" the boy said. "I'm Seamus by the way. Seamus Finnegan."

"I'm Inuzuka Kiba!" Kiba said. "And this is Akamaru. Anyway, he's not a pet! He's my partner! Or weapon."

"Weapon?" most of the wizards at the table asked.

"Well, the fox isn't a weapon or a pet," Naruto retorted. "It's a nuisance."

"Shut up and eat!" Ino said angrily. Chouji was already doing so.

"What's with her?" Harry asked the blond.

"She likes Sasuke. Sasuke's in Slytherin."

"Oh."

Ron must have made a face because Naruto scrunched up his own face and asked him, "What's with the look?"

"Nothing. Slytherins just tend to be on the dark and evil side," Ron said cheerfully, eating his pie. Hm...dark and evil. Yeah, that fit Sasuke and Gaara just about right. But that was still mean!

Naruto looked at the feast laid out in front of him. This wasn't ramen...but it was great! The only time he had ever eaten a meal like this was one Christmas celebration at Sasuke's manor with almost all of their fellow genins. When everyone still was a genin. Naruto pouted at the thought. He was the only from the old group who was still a genin.

"You don't like it?" Hinata asked him. Sure, it wasn't his usual instant ramen meal, but it wasn't too bad.

"Nah, it's good," Naruto said honestly. "Just thinking."

"Oh." Of course. Whenever Naruto was thinking, he always had that faraway look in his eyes. She didn't like it when he thought about things. He looked so sad all the time when he did. And, as if her anxiety about Naruto's reflections was noticed...

"Hey, give that back!" He snatched at Vulpes's tail as the fox ran down the table with a turkey leg in its mouth.

"MINE!" Naruto said, chasing after him. Everyone laughed. "Gimme! Come back here, Vulpes!" (2) Honestly, what was the use of naming a fox if it doesn't answer?

"So," Dumbledore said, "now that we are all fed and watered…" Hermione scoffed. Slave labor! "I must once more ask for your attention. Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me to tell you all the list of objects forbidden inside this castle has been extended into Screaming Yo-Yos, Everbashing Boomerangs, and Fanged Frisbees. The full list comprises some four hundred thirty-seven items, I believe, and can be viewed in Mr. Filch's office. As always, I would like to remind you all that the forest on the grounds as is the village of Hogsmeade are forbidden to all below third-years. It is also my painful duty to inform you that the InterHouse Quidditch Cup will not take place this year."

"What?" Harry said. He looked at Fred and George, fellow Quidditch players, who where mouthing the exact same thing. Only they were too stunned for words.

"Due to an event starting in October and continuing throughout the school year, taking up much of the teacher's time and energy—but I am sure you will enjoy it immensely—I have no greater pleasure than to announce that this year at Hogwarts—"

The thunder boomed overhead and the door to the Great Hall creaked open. The man Naruto, Gaara, and Hinata had encountered in the train walked into the room. The lightning flashed and lit up his heavily scarred face. He walked with a limp in his stride. Nevertheless, he strode/limped with pride straight towards Dumbledore. He spoke quietly with Dumbledore, who nodded.

"Ahem, I would like to introduce to you our newest Defense Against Dark Arts teacher, Professor Moody."

It was common courtesy each year for students to clap for any new arrivals (namely: the Defense Against Dark Arts teacher, for a new one came every single year), but all of the professors looked rather grim. Dumbledore and Hagrid were the only people to clap for Moody. Kakashi looked up from his orange book and clapped along with them, although he probably wasn't listening to whatever was going on.

"Ahem, as I was saying," Dumbledore said, although everyone was still staring at the scarred man who now sat himself in the empty chair between to Kakashi and Hagrid, "we are you have the honor of hosting a very exciting event over the coming months, an event that hasn't been held in over a century—"

"He really does get to the point, doesn't he?" Naruto muttered.

"—It is my very great pleasure to tell you that the Triwizard Tournament will be taking place here this year."

There was a brief moment of silence as everyone in the Great Hall digested this new bit of information.

"Holy mother of Merlin!" Ron cried out with the rest of the students.

"What is it?" Naruto asked.

"The Triwizard Tournament! It's been banned for the last two centuries because of the death toll and they're bringing it back! To Hogwarts! HERE! ON THIS CAMPUS! People fight monsters, do tasks, and do other stuff! And the winner always gets some prize. Money! Gold! Galleons! Riches! The big prize is one thousand plus galleons! I wanna enter!"

And, as if hearing this comment, Dumbledore shot down Ron's ecstatic soul. "Due to the number of deaths in the Triwizard Tournament, this year, it will be much safer. There will be fully trained medic-wizards standing by, a group of highly trained wizards, and an Age line. You must be seventeen or older to join. Students only. Beauxbatons and Durmstrang will be arriving some time in October. While they are here, I expect you to be on good behavior and not to pull any dangerous pranks."

Ron and the twins sighed forlornly.

"Feel free to eat desert, and then the Prefects will lead you back to your House," Dumbledore said.

Naruto sighed. There was no ramen on the table.

Hinata watched him curiously. A piece of fish appeared on her plate and she ate it piece by piece.

"What's wrong Naruto?" she asked him.

"They don't have any ramen here," he said with a shrug.

"Just think that you want it and you'll get it. Like this." A bowl of ramen appeared on her side. She handed it to him, cheering silently. No stutter! Hooray!

Naruto grinned, Hinata blushed, and Ino raised a brow. 'Hm…more romance and no action, and Ino-chan's gonna hafta play the cupid…'

"I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy," the platinum haired boy said to Sasuke.

"Great," he said, between bites. Now that he and Naruto were officially not enemies, he would have to train harder. As difficult as it was to believe, Naruto wasn't weak anymore. He had gotten much stronger during his two year absence. Kankurou stared.

"Dude, you eat like a pig." Sasuke was shoveling as much food as possible into his mouth. He needed more energy so he could train and become stronger. At Kankurou's comment, he remembered their first C-rank mission when they were at Tazuna's home in the Land of Waves. He and Naruto were competing in who could master the tree climbing faster after Sakura. They puked right after.

Sasuke made a face at that memory. A silly thing to do, really, remembering the past. When people still trusted him.

"Whatever," Kankurou muttered, although he did bother to slow down his pace. If he choked, Temari would probably point, laugh, and make a stupid joke at his funeral.

Sasuke went back into silent mode. First item of business—he would have to train outside. There was no way he could train inside without breaking anyone—erm, anything. Triwizard Tournament, eh? If he fought with other wizards and experimented discovered his strengths and weaknesses fighting these people, perhaps it would be a good…challenge.

Second, he wasn't completely rid of the cursed seal. He needed to find new techniques that he could use. Shikamaru mentioned something about studying from books they had bought. Perhaps he could learn a few of these people's "spells", although with everything he had seen so far, he wasn't really impressed. Weren't there any powerful spells here?

Third item of business: Itachi. Itachi was never going to find him here. While skimming through Hogwarts, A History, they mentioned something of a spell to keep intruders out. He doubted it would have much of an effect on the Akatsuki. They were really strong. But if the spells were stronger, Itachi would never come. But Naruto…and Gaara. They were after both Naruto and Gaara. If he somehow led them to Hogwarts, he could finally meet and kill his brother.

(3) But why did they want those two boys? He knew that Gaara had an amazing creature inside of him. A demon. But what about Naruto? He certainly didn't have anything demonic in him. Or did he?

Almost three years ago during the chuunin exams, Naruto had harnessed an amazing amount of chakra. He had been sealed by Neji's attack, but had somehow managed to find another source of chakra other than his body. Of course, it was possible that Neji could have made a mistake and actually helped Naruto gain more chakra with the sacrifice of several moments without it. But that wasn't very likely. And then, after the tournament when the Sabaku siblings attacked, Naruto—who should have been exhausted and completely depleted of all chakra—had gone after Gaara when Sasuke had gone down. He summoned a giant frog!

Sasuke knew how hard it was to summon such a large creature. He himself had barely managed to summon Manda, the giant snake, after a whole year of training under Orochimaru.

"Hey, you," Draco said maliciously. "Stop ignoring me!"

Sasuke snapped out of his angsty lost-in-thought mode and looked up at the not really menacing figure that stood across from him at the table.

"Huh?"

"What are you, stupid?" Draco said. "I said I won't tolerate any fraternizing with the enemy!"

"Enemy...?" Sasuke's eyes lit up at the sound of a powerful enemy.

"GRYFFINDOR!" Draco said, with his eyes popping out of his head. Not literally. But Sasuke would have liked to poke them out with his stick.

"What makes them the enemy?" Sasuke asked. Out of the table, he was the only one paying attention to the boy, who was rapidly losing his moment of grandeur. He wasn't impressing this group with his intimidation as he had hoped.

"They're obnoxious mudbloods and wizards who consort with the enemy!"

"And again, what enemy?" Provoking this guy made him look a bit more normal. He was albino. Making him turn red from yelling would be a major improvement.

"THE MUDBLOODS!"

Several Hufflepuffs sitting at the table next to them and Gryffindors at the right stared at Draco menacingly. Sasuke smirked. This guy was almost as dumb as Naruto.

"What are you smirking about?"

"You remind me of a stupid blond I know," Sasuke said. Kankurou and Temari snorted into their pudding, knowing exactly who he was talking about.

"Well you remind me of a…of a snobbish bloodtraitor with a stupid scar on his forehead!" Malfoy shot back. Who? Gaara looked up from his steak, with a scowl that almost said, 'Who, me?'

"You're a traitor! You don't belong in Slytherin. Join your friends in Gryffindor and Ravenclaw!"

'Traitor'… Sasuke's taboo word. He fingered the wand in the back of his pocket. It was too dull to properly stab him with it, but it could leave painful bruises if he stabbed hard enough with it.

"HI, SASUKE!" Malfoy was nearly trampled by two girls and a boy.

"I'm not in the same House as you...!" the girls cried out tearfully.

"I'm gonna beat you Sasuke-bastard!" the boy said.

"Who are you?" Draco asked them.

"I am Yamanaka Ino!" Ino said, letting loose her long blond hair like how she did with Neji when they encountered each other in the Forest of Death. "Beauty of Konohagakure!" Many people stared in awe. Not only was this girl beautiful, but she and Malfoy could have been siblings! And they both had an ego the size of a house!

"Her name means PIG!" the pink haired girl said. "I'm Haruno Sakura, the powerful and elegant kunoichi of Konoha Village. Better than Ino!"

"Shut up, Forehead-san! You need to shrink your forehead. I've got just the needle to pop it!" Ino growled, brandishing her wand.

"That's no needle," a Slytherin said uncertainly, watching the argument behind him. They ignored him.

"Oi, porker! You're too weak! Sasuke-kun would never fall in love with you!"

"It's better than being as strong as a giant of a man!"

The blond boy with the whiskers ignored them. "Oi, Sasuke, I met Harry Potter," he said.

Draco stiffened at that name. He hated that stupid, scarred bastard! And not only that! The blond boy had dragged Harry over to the table! He's on Slytherin turf now! Bwahahahaha! Malfoy's thoughts were interrupted by Naruto's comment.

"He's got a fifty year old perverted snake fag after him too! You two could bond and become best of friends, as long as you don't try killing him to—erk!"

What was that?

Sasuke hit Naruto in the face.

"Hey!" Harry said. "What's up with you?"

"Go away," Sasuke said.

"Sasuke-bastard, I'll get you for that!" Naruto cried as a boy with a bowlcut, thick eyebrows, and spherical eyes dragged him away. A little red fox followed them both.

"Oyasuminasai," a white-eyed, blue haired girl said with a wave.

"Huh?" Draco had no idea what the heck she had just said. And was she blind? Her eyes were white, but she was surprisingly well coordinated.

"Sakura, Ino, go to your tables or houses or whatever," Sasuke said coolly. "Stop bothering me. I am in no mood to be spoken to right now."

Draco smirked. Sasuke didn't like that. "Heh, you are a real Slytherin," he said.

"No. I like Naruto better than I like you," Sasuke said. "Baka," he added with an afterthought. At least when he said he didn't want to talk to anybody, Naruto would understand that everybody—including Naruto himself—was in the Anybody group.

"Huh?"

Stupid blonds. He hated them, although Ino wasn't too bad. But that wasn't the case. Not only was this guy a blond, but it looked like this guy waxed his hair. What the hell? And this one didn't even respond to the insult. Not much of an insult, but this guy just wasn't funny. Yes, he liked Naruto much better than this guy.

"I'm leaving," Gaara said suddenly.

"I'm coming with you!" Temari said. Kankurou stood up too. Shino looked around at Sasuke. There was no way in hell they were going to get left behind with these people.

And so, the shinobi went to their House.

The Gryffindors went through a maze of stairwells and hallways, heading to the common room. Akamaru was in Kiba's robes, sitting snugly inside. Vulpes was on Naruto's shoulder, occasionally placing its paw on his head or sometimes up his nose.

"So what are house elves?" Naruto asked some of the original students who seemed to understand what was going on. He swatted at the fox on his head.

"They're elves," Ron answered plainly. "Who work in houses. And other buildings."

"Hence the word house elves," Kiba muttered at his dimwitted friend.

"It's slavery," Hermione muttered. "It's wrong, just plain wrong! I'm not going to eat anything made by the cruelty of enslavement."

Ron shrugged. Vulpes walked between Naruto's feet, nearly making him trip and fall. That dumb fox.

"Oh...so... what's the Triwizard Tournament?" Naruto asked.

"Idiot," Kiba snorted. "It's a contest. Wizards do things in it. The old man spent half the dinnertime talking about it, although it's not as if you were listening anyway."

"Oh, I get it!" Naruto said. Tournament! If he wins, it'll be victory over Sasuke! "I'm gonna win this thing!"

"You have to be seventeen to join," Hermione said. "Only adult wizards are allowed to enter. Dumbledore said so."

"What! But I am grown up!" Naruto pouted.

"You're only, what, thirteen?"

"Fourteen! I've got a baby face! I'm almost fifteen, though," he said.

"We are considered adults the moment we graduate from academy and become genins," Hinata explained.

"What's that?" Hermione asked.

"Like…junior 'wizards'. The lowest level, aside from Academy. What Naruto still is." Naruto made a face at that comment.

"You're the weakest?" Ron asked the blond.

"Am not!"

"Dead last," Kiba snickered.

"What do you mean by that?" Ron said.

"Shut up, Kiba," Naruto said. "I beat you in the prelims."

"Preliminaries?"

"We all took the chuunin exams two years ago. Naruto and Kiba fought in the preliminary matches and Naruto won."

"So then he's not that weak?"

"It wasn't fair! He farted in my face!"

Ron, Fred, and George snorted. "(4) Damate!" Naruto cried indignantly. Hinata smiled.

"Hey, just wondering," Harry said, "but what's with the whiskers?"

"I have them," Naruto said, not really answering the question. "But if you think that's weird, you should take a look at Neji's forehead."

"Naruto-kun, Neji doesn't like it when people talk about it," Hinata said.

"But he's not here," Naruto said. Looking at Hinata, he shrugged. "Fine, fine. Wait, I might have whisker marks, but why does Kiba have triangles?"

"It's a family thing," Kiba said although he didn't really know why either.

"Your dad doesn't have it. Only your mom and sister do. Hey, are you a girl, Kiba?"

"Oh, shut it, Naruto!"

"Nyah!" Naruto stuck his tongue out at Kiba.

"Argh!" Neville suddenly got a lot shorter.

Wait, no he didn't. His leg was stuck in the steps. Naruto grabbed his arm to pull him up and then...got stuck in it himself.

"Oi, baka..." Ino muttered, still in a bad mood.

Hinata pulled them up easily.

"Wow, you're strong!" Fred said.

Hinata smiled nervously.

"She got our Hokage's super strength!" Naruto said, rubbing his sore leg. He shook it off and continued walking. "She's not as crazy strong as Sakura, but I still think she's better! And that's good, because Sakura hits me really hard..." He sniffed.

"Here's the House," Fred said.

"Where?"

"Balderdash," George said.

"Nani?" Naruto scratched his head. The picture frame he was walking by suddenly swung forwards, knocking him down. "OW! Holy kage!"

"I got the password from a prefect," George said, snickering as Naruto recovered from his collision.

He was amazed by what he saw inside. It was like the Leaky Cauldron! Only better. There were four poster beds! With little drape thingies on them! Each bedroom was big and had five of the beds in each one! A fire in the fireplace managed to warm up the whole circular common room, which was full of comfortable armchairs and tables.

"Slave labor..." Hermione muttered.

Hinata immediately headed to the doors on the right. Surprisingly, she flopped down on her bed and not in someone else's room. No one else knew, but she was going in overload mode. 'I-I-I didn't stutter I didn't stutter! S-speech therapy really works! Naruto-kun you are my inspiration!' (AN: I know Hinata doesn't talk like that, but I'm guessing that after two years of exposure to Sakura, she's developed an Inner Hinata herself.)

"How'd she know which was hers?" Hermione asked, outside of the room.

"She probably saw that no one else's stuff was in here," Chouji said, still eating. Where was he getting all these foods? Normal bags of chips didn't last that long…"

"How could she know that?" Hermione said. "It's not as if she has X-ray vision, or something, does she."

"X-ray vision? Like seeing bones? Yea—"

"Well I was thinking more along the lines of seeing through walls, but yes."

"Well—" Kiba said. Akamaru barked.

"Shut up, Kiba," Ino said. They weren't supposed to talk about their mission and their abilities anymore. Not on campus anyway.

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked.

"Hey, what's Kakashi doing here anyway?" Ino asked suddenly.

"Uh...he's just here?"

"No seriously, he's not a student. What's he going to do while we're here?"

"I don't know..." Naruto said thoughtfully.

"I know! He is regaining his lost youth by companying his youthful students!" Lee said.

"Right," Kiba said. "And Akamaru is a cat." Akamaru growled. "That wasn't an insult, it was sarcasm."

"Oi, Hinata!" Naruto said, running towards where Hinata had gone in. He began to run up the small flight of stairs. "Do you know wha—gack!"

The stairs flattened, becoming a slide, and began to emit a shrill siren.

"What the hell?" Naruto cried, rubbing his rear, which he had landed so ungracefully on.

"Girls can go into the boy's dormitory if they want," Hermione said, "but boys can't enter the girl's rooms. It's always been this way. Haven't any of you read Hogwarts, A History?"

"No."

Hinata peaked her head out of the doorway.

"Come on out," Naruto said.

"Okay," Hinata said. She had changed back into her thick jacket.

"You change fast," Naruto commented. She blushed.

"It's just more comfortable than the robes," she said. It felt so much warmer with the jacket and made things feel less threatening. "Ano…did you want something?"

"Yeah, do you know what Kakashi's doing here?"

"No."

"Oh, okay."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah..." Naruto said, trying to fill in the silence. "I know what we could do! Let's go visit Gaara in Slytherin!"

"What?" Fred said.

"Come again?" George asked.

"Let's visit Gaara?"

"He's in the Slytherin House," Harry said. "We don't go into other people's Houses." He didn't mention that fact that he and Ron had actually entered once, disguised as Malfoy's stooges, to find out more information on the Chamber of Secrets.

"Why not?"

"We don't like them, and they don't like us," George said.

"Get caught in a crowd of them and you're dead meat, my friend," Fred said. "They'll eat you alive." Naruto made a face. Cannibalistic students! "No, not literally…"

"Tomorrow, we start our classes," Hermione said. "So let's go to sleep so we can actually wake up tomorrow. Good night, Harry, Ron, Fred, George, and shinobi."

"Are you blind?" a young Slytherin asked Shino.

"…"

"Are you mute?" he asked Shino.

"…"

"Are you ignoring me?"

"…" Shino walked in the other direction as if he hadn't heard. He wasn't listening anyway. He was too preoccupied with the information he was gathering from his bugs. A fly landed on his index finger. Hm…nothing really that significant to report...

The Moody professor leg and eye did not belong to him and the blue eye that did not belong to him could see through the back of his head.

Kakashi was reading Icha Icha Paradise. The lucky bastard had his own room. And an office too.

Lee, Naruto, Hinata, Kiba, Chouji, and Ino were with the common rooms, although they were separating and going to bed.

Naruto's newest pet wasn't a normal fox. It had chakra and it was learning...things.

In Hufflepuff, nobody he knew was there. Shino was not interested. His bugs left that house.

In Ravenclaw, Shikamaru was pretending to be asleep as he listened to Hogwarts students speak, perfecting his mastery over the English language, although it was hardly needed with the hitai-ate headbands they wore.

Sakura was reading some book. Howarts, A History? Boring. Useless.

Neji and Tenten were hanging out together, talking about some training for Tenten.

In the Slytherin common room, Temari and Kankurou were arguing, attracting the attention of many other students.

"I do not have your make up!" Temari shouted.

"Face paint!" Kankurou said angrily. "I didn't say make up. FACE PAINT!"

"Whatever! Don't you dare go looking through my bags! KANKUROU! I'll KILL you goddammit!"

"What, I doubt Gaara has it! He CAN'T have it! All he's got on him is two robes, a wand, and SAND! Yes, he has my make—face paint in his gourd of sand! That makes total sense!"

"Well I don't have it, you loser!"

"Stupid wind witch!"

"Ugly old man!"

"I'm only one year older than you!"

"Does it matter! You're sixteen years old, and you play with dolls!"

"Puppets! They're PUPPETS, and they kick ass! Besides, all you've got is an oversized fan!"

"It fits me better. I'm a girl. Do puppets fit you because you're just a little baby? Well, you sure don't look like one, although I have to say, you really do think like one, stupid."

"I'm not stupid!"

"Oh, well then you're about as smart as Naruto!"

"Take that back!"

"You freaking bastard!"

"Stupid bitch!"

"Dumb fag!"

The Slytherins sighed, covering the innocent ears of their first years, mentally noting to avoid these two.

"No!" They wrestled a bit when a menacing smaller boy approached them.

"Temari," Gaara said. "Kankurou..."

"Yes, little brother?" they whimpered.

"Shut up."

He left.

"That was a lot less violent than usual," Temari commented.

"He's been exposed to Naruto," Kankurou said. "Happy Gaara is coming back, thank the kages."

"Happy Gaara?" Sasuke asked. Temari and Kankurou jumped. Egads! Where did he come from?

"Not so Happy as just not-on-a-killing-streak," Temari answered him with a sigh.

The first class Naruto had for the day was Herbology. He, Kiba, and Hinata shared a strange looking plant. It seemed to be pulsing. Sitting at a nearby table was Chouji, Ino, and Lee. On their other side was Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"This thing is pulsing," Naruto said, looking pale.

"Get out your dragonhide gloves. The bubotubers need squeezing," the professor, a short and plump-ish looking woman said. Naruto frowned. Bubotubers? Squeezing? This didn't sound good.

"You will collect the pus and—"

"NANI! Pus!"

"Yes, Uzumaki, the pus. Anyway, we will be giving it to Madam Pomfrey. They make for good medicine and cures, like acne. Let us hope that no incident like Eloise Midgen happens again."

One of the girls sighed sympathetically.

"Yeah, poor Eloise. She tried to curse hers off."

"Well what matters is that Madam Pomfrey was able to get her nose back on in the end," she said. Naruto looked at the pulsing…plant? He shivered. Eeew.

Naruto ran out of the next class, completely grossed out by the green, sickly pus that emitted from the plants' pores. He was twitching and running around. Vulpes, who was currently sitting on Hinata's shoulders, watched, looking quite amused.

"What's our next class?" Hinata asked Harry.

"Ah, Care with Magical Creatures with Hagrid," Harry said excitedly. "Hm, he's got some new assistant… Anyway, Hagrid's the big guy who was sitting at the table up front with Dumbledore and the other teachers."

"The one who could step on me?" Naruto said. "Wow, cool!"

"Hello, Harry, Hermione, Ron," Hagrid greeted them when they came. "Hi…urm…new students."

"It's Kiba, Naruto, Ino, Chouji, Hinata, and Lee," a voice said.

"Kakashi-sensei!" they all said.

"Yo." He gave them a little wave. He must have been grinning under his mask because his eyes closed. "Hey, kids, you know what?"

"What?" they asked.

"You're going to have a lot of fun today!" Kakashi cackled evilly. His eyes glinted. They sweatdropped. Kakashi was so…scary today. He was spending way too much time with Kurenai.

They realized that they were in the same session with the Slytherin House through the identification coming from screaming fangirls.

"Hiiii, Saaaasuuuukkkeee!" Ino cried. Sasuke froze. He looked like he was about to bolt at the sound of her voice. He was about to run away when he ran into another mob of girls. Oh no! It was his newly organized Slytherin fanclub! Founded overnight by some Parkinson girl, it had immediately began attracting a horde of demons bearing heart shaped figures inside their eyes (like in anime and stuff). It was rather alarming. This was Konohagakure all over again! He almost escaped when he found Kakashi grabbing the back of his shirt.

"Trying to cut class, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked him. "It's only been your first day. Sit. Now." Ugh, the creepy essence of Kurenai…only no pair of red eyes. Just one.

"Well, class," Hagrid said. "We've got our orders. Come and see our…Blast-Ended Skrewts!" He revealed several crates and the whole class backed away.

"What...Is...That?" Naruto said. Kiba passed out. The smell had been too great. They looked like…shell-less lobsters. With stingers. And a suction cup on their belly.

"Blast-Ended Skrewts. You'll be helping me raise them."

"What for?" Malfoy asked. Lee fumed. This unyouthful wizard was in the same class as he! He must avoid him at all costs. Should his anti-youthful attitude be contagious, Gai-sensei would be so disappointed in him!

"Ah...urm...that's for next lesson!" Hagrid said enthusiastically. "Now, wear your dragonhide gloves and stick these on your skrewts," Hagrid said, pulling out several tiny, handmade leashes. Naruto sulkily pulled out his pus soaked gloves. Groooooss. "We'll jus' be feedin' them terday."

"Where do we tie it on them?" Hinata asked, summoning all her courage to speak to this very…very large man.

"Ahm, on the tail behind the stinger, I suppose," he said.

"What are these?" Kiba said, still pinching his nose and prodding at a suction cup on their belly with his other hand.

"Suckers, I think," Hagrid said. "Don't touch 'em, they'll probably take your blood." Kiba immediately withdrew his hands from the crate.

Several minutes had gone by when Naruto let out a cry.

"Argh! It exploded!" Naruto removed the dragonhide gloves and threw it to the ground, cradling his hand.

"What? No!" Hagrid cried. He strode over and found Naruto nursing his burnt hand.

"It stings!" Naruto yelped.

"Thank goodness, they're okay," Hagrid said, inspecting Naruto's skrewt. "Oh, I suppose I should have warned you. They spit a little bit of fire too."

"Great," Malfoy said sarcastically. "Who would want a pet that would sting, suck blood, and blow fire at the same time?"

As little as Naruto liked Malfoy, he had to agree.

"Well," Hermione said. "Dragons bite, scratch, blow fire, and can even be poisonous. They're magical, and their blood has amazingly magical abilities, but still, who would want a dragon for a pet? That's just plain crazy." A dragon? Who wouldn't want one?

Hagrid gave her a hearty grin. "Alright, Mr. Uzumaki—"

"Naruto," Naruto interjected.

"Alright, Naruto," Hagrid said. "Let me see your hand."

He took Naruto's hand in his giant mits and inspected them closely. Barely a scar! It was rapidly disappearing. Not really quickly, but much faster than normal.

Kakashi tapped Hagrids arm, being unable to reach his shoulder.

"I'll take care of my student," he said, giving Hagrid a look. A few of the Gryffindors nearby noticed Hagrid's surprise and Kakashi's intended discretion. Kakashi pulled him away from the others and was talking to him.

Harry noticed several flies surface from Shino's heavy robes (why was he wearing his winter robes in the middle of August?) to head in their direction. Kiba's puppy Akamaru stood on Kiba's shoulders with his paws on his owner's head, sniffing and listening in their direction. Gaara closed his eyes and made a sign with his hands. Harry noticed a handful of sand rise from his gourd and head in their direction.

Harry wondered if the shinobi were usually so distrusting of one another, to resort to spying on their own companion. He wanted to ask them, but they might…do something to him. That and Naruto was already returning from his talk with Kakashi. Vulpes reappeared too. Where was he before?

"AAAAAAH!" Kiba cried angrily. "It bit me!" He nursed his hand and kicked the crate. Unfortunately, within moments of exposure to the skrewts and breathing in the scent, he passed out.

"How did that happen?" Ino wondered. "They don't have jaws." No one was successful in feeding the skrewts. Naruto, however, found it easier to force entry of salamander guts through another entry.

Kakashi sighed. Perhaps it would be a better idea to have a split class…one on Hagrid's side, and one on his own.

At lunch, Hermione was breathing in her lunch.

"Er, is this the new stand on elf rights?" Ron asked. "You're going to make yourself puke instead?"

Naruto smirked, distantly remembering his training in the Land of Waves with Sasuke. They ate so much, stubborn on regaining their strength, until they vomited it all back up. Gross, but funny nevertheless.

"I just want to get to the library."

"Homework on the first day?" Ron and Kiba asked her.

She shrugged and left, running at high speed, once she had finished. "See you at dinner!" she said.

The bell rang. Afternoon lessons. The fourth year Gryffindors stood up and headed for their next class. Harry sighed. Divination with Professor Trelawney next. Next to Potions, Trelawney's class was the worst. If she wasn't a quack, then Harry should have died so many times last year. It was pitiful.

They climbed up the silver stepladder and went through the circular trapdoor in the ceiling to the room where Professor Trelawney lived.

Kiba covered his nose at the scent of too-sweet perfume. How many classes would he have to take with these disgustingly powerful stenches lingering in the air!

"Good day..." a misty voice said.

"HOLY KAGE, A BIG BUG!" Naruto cried when he first saw her. Hinata gasped at his outburst, but couldn't help releasing a tiny giggle. Kiba snorted.

Her oversized glasses made her eyes fill up the whole lenses. She was all...bug-eyed. Kinda like Lee's. Lee with glasses.

"You are preoccupied, my dear," she said. "My inner eye sees past your brave face and Sees within a troubled mind. And I regret to say that your worries are not baseless. I see difficult times for you, alas...difficult times...I fear that the thing you dread will indeed come to pass...and perhaps sooner than you think..." Her voice faded off. Ron rolled his eyes until he realized who she was talking to.

She wasn't directing this comment towards Harry. It was...the table next to them. Hinata? Or maybe Naruto...

"Um...huh?" Naruto looked confused. Professor Trelawney squinted at him in the darkness. Uh oh...wrong kid. Uh...distraction.

"Oh! The Inner Eye sees another vision!" she cried loudly. "Harry…you are in grave danger. I see...death of a companion. A confrontation with two enemies. Snakes...and...other dangerous things..." She paused. What else to say...? "Beware of the...danger of...uh—fire!"

Harry sighed. Ron fell face flat on the table snickering. Lavender Brown and Pavarti Patil were in awe. Two students in grave danger in one year! What unfortunate luck!

"Oh I love this class," Naruto snorted, clutching his stomach laughing. Kiba and Lee messed with their crystal ball, making faces and laughing at the distorted reflections.

"Hey, your nose is big, but your eyebrows are normal," Kiba joked. "You might wanna try looking something like this!"

Naruto peered into the crystal with beady eyes. "I don't see anything. Oh wait, there's something white! Nevermind. It's the cloud in the crystal ball…"

Ino was looking at herself indignantly in the reflection, gaping at her disproportionate image. Chouji, sitting next to her eating his food, was not at all disturbed by the sight of his extra wide frame. It was aaaaaaall in his head. ((AN: keep telling yourself that dear. Denial—a great weight loss solution))

"Ahm...I've got two Neptunes in my sky chart..." Harry said. "I think something's wrong..."

"Ah…" Ron said, imitating Trelawney's airy voice. "Two Neptunes in the sky—a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born." Seamus and Dean, on their other side, laughed loudly, ignoring the disapproving glare that Trelawney gave them. Too many jokes in one class…

"Ah ha! I see…Mercury! I see it I see it!" Naruto said excitedly.

"Ano… That's the moon."

"I knew that!" Naruto said loudly. Kiba laughed.

"Oooh!" Lavender Brown squealed. "I see Uranus!"

"Ooh, can I see Uranus?" Ron asked her in a sweet voice.

And then, Professor Trelawney underwent a complete personality switch.

"A detailed analysis of the way the planetary movements in the coming month will affect you, with reference to your personal chart," she snapped, sounding much more like Professor McGonagall than her usual airy-fairy self. "I want it ready to hand in next Monday, and no excuses!"

Naruto groaned.

"Weasley! Hey Weasley!" Malfoy called, holding up a magazine of the Daily Prophet. "Look, your family is on the front cover!

FURTHER MISTAKES AT THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC

It seems as though the Ministry of Magic's troubles are not yet at an end. Recently under fire for its poor crowd control at the Quidditch World Cup, and still unable to account for the disappearance of one of its witches, the Ministry was plunged into fresh embarrassment yesterday by the antics of Arnold Weasley, of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office."

Malfoy looked up from the magazine.

"Imagine them not even getting his name right, Weasley. It's almost as though he's a complete nonentity, isn't it?" he sneered. Everyone was listening now.

Arnold Weasley, who was charged with possession of a flying car two years ago, was testerday involved in a tussle with several Muggle law-keepers ("policemen") over a number of highly aggressive dustbins. Mr. Weasley appears to have rushed to the aid of "Mad-Eye" Mood, the aged ex-Auror who retired from the Ministry when no longer able to tell the difference between a handshake and an attempted murder. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Weasley found, upon arrival at Mr. Moody's heavily guarded house, that Mr. Moody had once again raised a false alarm. Mr. Weasley was forced to modify several memories before he could escape from the policement, but refused to answer the Daily Prophet questions about why he had involved the Ministry in such an undignified and potentially dangerous scene.

"And there's a picture, Weasley!" Malfoy said, flipping the paper over and holding it up. "A picture of your parents outside of their house—if you can call it a house! You mother could do with losing a bit of weight, couldn't she?"

Ron was shaking with fury. Everyone was staring at him.

"Get stuffed, Malfoy," Harry said. "C'mon, Ron…"

"Oh yeah, you were staying with them this summer, weren't you, Potter? Don't really have a family yourself, so I suppose you act like they're your fam—"

All of a sudden, Naruto was in Malfoy's face. He jumped back, only to find another Naruto behind him. What? The first one disappeared. His hands made the sign of the tiger.

"I learned the real one from Jiraiya who taught this to Yondaime who taught this to Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said. "The newly mastered…1000 Years of PAIN!"

And then Naruto gave Malfoy the most painful asspoke in history. The students all around them laughed at Malfoy's loud yelp as he flew ten feet in the air and landed ten feet away.

"Hm...not as effective as Kakashi's..." Naruto muttered.

"That just looks like you stuck a hot poker up his butt," Hermione said. "Just how effective could that be in real life?"

"Just how effective? JUST HOW EFFECTIVE!" Naruto repeated loudly. "I helped save Konoha with that very same jutsu! I destroyed half of the demon Shukaku's body with that technique!"

"And then its body came back as normal as ever," a cool voice said.

"Eh? Oh, hi Gaara!" Naruto said, jumping on his friend only to land on a thick cushion of sand. Wait, a cushion? No, correction: it was more like a wall. A very hard and compact wall.

"How'd you do that?" Fred asked.

"Magic," Gaara said sarcastically. And then he realized the irony in what he said. "Ah, jutsu. Same thing."

"Was that a joke?" Naruto asked.

"No, it was sarcasm, you idiot."

"You made a joke!"

"I did not…!"

"Did too!"

"Did not."

"Did too!"

'Did not."

"Did t—"

"Shut up already!" Sand trickled from the floor and Gaara's eye seemed to be twitching as Naruto ducked for cover. Waah, Angry Gaara's back…!

"Hey, I'm injured here!" Malfoy said.

"Hey, we're talking here!" Naruto called back.

"Shikamaru!" Temari cried, running towards her Shikamaru.

'Oh…' He was encased in a powerful hug that nearly knocked the breath out of his lungs. This girl had too much strength. And energy. But the position he was in was very comfortable.

"Temari, it looks like your boyfriend's getting all woozy," Tenten warned. "I think you're suffocating him."

"Hey…!" Malfoy said.

Shikamaru was turning red. She released him with a laugh. "You need to get stronger," she said.

"Stop ignoring me…!"

He wiped his nose. "You need to stop strangling me, woman," he muttered. Good, no one sees the blood at his nose. Then again, Gaara and Kankurou were shooting very angry stares at him. He shuddered inwardly, not wanting to know what sort of painful death they were thinking up of him not. It wasn't his fault she was... so developed for a fifteen year-old girl.

"I'm huuuungry!" Naruto cried out. "Hurry up!"

"Idiot," Sasuke said. "Let's go." Everyone left for the Great Hall.

They left Malfoy on the floor in the halls.

It was finally dinner time, to Naruto's great relief. "Foooood," he drooled. Vulpes snatched food off his plate playfully. Was it him, or had the conniving fox quit attacking him? It jumped on his head, as if sneering,

'Yeah, right.' It bit his ear.

"YOOOWWW HOOLY FU—"

"Don't you dare hit that fox, Naruto!" Ino cried, landing a punch in Naruto's face as he began to toss it down onto the table. Did Vulpes just snicker at him? Naruto clutched his head and frowned at the fox.

"Hey..." Sakura said, going over to the Gryffindor table. She had already finished eating. "What's with all of Gaara's owls?"

"Huh?" Naruto turned around and saw Gaara sitting crossly, glaring as dozens of owls flew to his table. Some perched on his gourd, some on the table, and one was even bold enough to land on his head. But that didn't seem to be what he was all angry about. He coughed up his drink when he read the first letter.

"Idiots!" they heard him growl as he finished another note.

"What's that?" Temari asked.

"The Makotos! They destroyed the onsen! And their shop is down for maintenence! And Baki breathed in their rat scent! He thinks he's a rodent! He'll...be stuck like that for a week! And all of these damage reports... billed to me! I'LL MURDER THEM AND HANG THEIR CARCASSES IN MY OFFICE!" he growled.

"Wow," a boy said.

"Yeah," Naruto muttered. "Gaara... he's like that."

"No, not what I meant," the boy said, shaking his head.

"What?" Harry said.

"Moody, man. Professor Moody," he said.

"He's awesome," Fred (or George) said.

"Beyond awesome," the other twin said. "He knows."

"Knows what?" Ron asked, irritated by their vagueness.

"What it's like to fight the Dark Arts," Fred said excitedly. Ron flipped in his schedule excitedly and found that he didn't have Defense Against Dark Arts until Friday. He groaned.

"Who are you?" Naruto asked the other boy.

"Lee. Lee Jordan. Announcer for the quidditch matches," he said with a little bow.

"Wow! Rock Lee and Lee Jordan!" Naruto said. "How cool!"

"What's so cool about that?" Kiba retorted. "It's a bit common like that."

"Well I never met anyone named Naruto!" Naruto said.

"Well duh," Kiba sneered. "What kind of crackpot parents would name their kid fishcake?"

"The Sandaime named me himself, mutt." Naruto glared. Unlike his usual happy-go-lucky sense of humor and his usual playful glares, this was a sensitive subject. Kiba tried to match Naruto's glower and found himself unable to maintain eye contact for too long.

Hinata looked away too. Naruto left.

"Naruto doesn't have parents," she told Kiba. "He doesn't like to think about it or to talk about it with anyone."

"Who's Sandaime?" Lee said.

"Ano…I suppose the right word would be…president? Ah...he is the leader of the Fire Country."

Fire Country?

"He was killed a little over three years ago."

"Oh…" Awkward silence.

"Yeah," she said. "I think I'll go after hi—" She turned around and Kakashi appeared out of nowhere. Great timing. He went 'poof' and appeared right when she turned around. She bumped into him.

"Ah, gomenasai, Kakashi-sensei," she said with a bow.

"No worries, I came here at the wrong time. Where's Naruto?"

"Ano…I think he went back to the common room in our House."

"Oh, missed him then," he said. "Alright I'll—"

"Do you need something, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Oh, it's just that the Chuunin exams are coming up in a month and I thought he'd probably want to know about it so he can train a bit. And this package came for him. The owl couldn't find him, so it gave it to me instead. Anyway, so Naruto is in the common room? I…don't know where that is. I guess I'll just tell him to—"

"We'll tell him!" Hinata said.

"Okay." He gave her a large box (where did it come from!) and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Hinata, you just set yourself up for that one!" Kiba cried. "Now you're doing errands for him? What's next, cleaning his office?"

"Ano… I-I just wanted to give it to Naruto," she said to Kiba. "D-d-don't you want to come? I'm sure he'd be happy with this."

Kiba sighed. "Come on, Akamaru," he said. "You're finished eating, right?"

Akamaru barked.

Naruto was supposed to be doing his work. Divination. Bleh. He was doodling little swirls on his parchment, realized that he was wondering off task, and crumpled up the paper.

The picture frame door swung open, admitting Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Seconds later, Ino, Hinata, Kiba, Lee, and Chouji came running in.

"Need help?" Harry said.

"Eh…" Naruto shrugged.

"Just write down something bad happening for every day of the week. It'll work. Trust me."

Ron snickered.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata said excitedly. Vulpes wagged his tail. Was it a fox or a dog?

"Kakashi-sensei has a package for you," she said.

"Chuunin exams come in a week," Kiba muttered. Naruto grinned, surprising Kiba. Wasn't he angry?

"Chuunin exams! I'm gonna pass this one! Yeah!" Naruto pumped his fists up in the air.

"What's that?" Neville asked.

"It's a test that we take back at home every six months to become chuunins!" Lee said. "Two years ago, Shikamaru was the only one to pass! The next one, Neji, Kiba, Hinata, Shino, and the Sand siblings all passed. The six months after that, I recovered and passed—through the power of hard work—and Sakura-chan, and Tenten-chan passed. After that, Chouji and Ino finally participated, and they passed! Only Naruto and Sasuke have not passed!"

"Why not?" Ron said. He wasn't so sure about Naruto, but Sasuke had that essence of…strength around him.

"We had a two year absence from Konoha," Naruto said simply, although the look in his eyes told them that that was all he was going to say about it.

"Hey, do you think Sasuke-kun got one of these?" Ino asked them.

"Maybe," Kiba said. "Everyone's still wary of him. If not this one, maybe the next?"

Vulpes sniffed the box curiously.

"Oh! Yeah," Naruto said. "Almost forgot. I wonder what's in here…?" He looked at the signature on the box and shuddered. It was signed THE GREAT JIRAIYA-SAMA in big bold letters.

"He sent you a present!" Lee said excitedly. Naruto frowned. This had better not be another volume of Icha Icha Paradise… A bribe to use the Orioke no Jutsu as his...inspiration. training outfit...

He opened the box. Inside that was a letter and another box. He ignored the letter and opened that box to find another one. And inside that box was ANOTHER box. This went on for a while until Naruto just went ahead and dumped it all out on the floor. A small scroll fell out.

"No…way," Naruto whispered. He hadn't told his old friend that he had left Fire Country for an extended amount of time. Oops. Kurogane's probably really annoyed right now.

"Munch munch…what is that…?"

"I gotta go!" Naruto said. He ran into the bedroom, where Kiba and Akamaru followed him.

"Yo, don't lock the door! It's my room too!" Kiba said.

"Just hold on a minute!" Naruto said, storing the scroll somewhere safe where no one could see. He opened the door and came back out.

"What is that?" Ino asked impatiently. She received a sneaky foxlike grin in response.

"It's a seecreeet!"

"Dammit, Naruto, I wanna know!" Ino cried.

"Nyahahaha!" Naruto cackled, backing away.

"Oh no you don't!" Ino whipped out her wand and had a malicious glint in her eye… "Locomotor Mortis!" Naruto tripped and found his legs stuck together.

"What the hell?" He struggled in the common room to pull himself up as everyone watched in worry and/or amusement. "Help, I've fallen and I can't—ooh, nice carpet…"

"I learned that from Lavender," she said smugly. Ino sat herself on his back, looking at her nails casually. "I won't let you up until you spill the beans even if it kills me."

"Oh yeah…?" Unfortunately for her, Naruto's arms were not immobilized. "I taught Vulpes a new trick! Now!"

All of a sudden, a smoke bomb went off in the Gryffindor common room and everyone scattered.

"Now where do you suppose Naruto's gotten that smoke bomb, Fred?" George said jokingly. "Dumbledore always confiscates ours before we even step inside."

"I don't know," George said. "But I want some of his…"

"Eeeeeek!" someone cried. It was the cry of a panicked pig!

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto's cackling could be heard somewhere in the room.

"Na-Naruto-kun…have you really been teaching Vulpes to do…that?"

Oops, he had forgotten that Hinata had her Byakugan.

"Ah…haha," he scratched his head. "Well, not really. He learned it on his own and did it to me, yeah?"

"Get it out of my robes NOW Naruto! I'm going to kill you, chop you up, and feed you to those skrewts."

"But they don't have any mou—argh!"

Hands appeared out of the smoke and grabbed Naruto.

"Egads! I've been caught!" But Naruto himself had become a cloud of smoke.

He and Vulpes, both laughing (the fox laughs!), ran out with Ino following close behind.

"That bastard I'll kill him!" Ino cried out in anger. Hinata was still in shock. This Naruto was as bad as the great prankster of Konoha three years ago…

In the middle of the night, while Kiba, Lee, and Chouji were sleeping, Naruto opened the envelope that he had received. Vulpes watched with wary eyes. While everyone was trying to wonder what the scroll was, Naruto was able to take the more important item. It was a letter from a friend. And an enemy.

Chuunin exams will be held in Hidden Village of the Sand. Be prepared for a fight. Forming a team will not be necessary. Accommodations have been made. Your mission at Hogwarts, however, is just as important. Bring your companions with you. And avoid traveling alone, whether you are home or at Hogwarts.

Jiraiya-sensei, super pervert

In the envelope was an eraser, like the one he had seen while shopping for school supplies. He rubbed it all over the paper and counted down from thirty. Finally.

On October 10, Kyubi was sealed. The last demon lord fought Yondaime for his freedom. Honor Kyubi-sama's struggle for life and don't die. Your siblings wish for your well being. Warn Gaara, too. The Sound are gathering together as the Akatsuki approach. I have kept my ears close to the floor and hear rumors circulating of another enemy. One who calls himself the Dark Lord. He does not fight with normal jutsu. Like Orochimaru-sama, he has an affinity for snakes and hopes to achieve immortality. He can not die by normal means. He has developed a technique in which he hides his soul in pieces, virtually unkillable. Should you encounter an enemy like him, flee. I have not spoken to Orochimaru-sama for some time now, for I am traveling abroad on information gathering business. However, I believe that my master and this dark lord are temporarily allying themselves to target certain beings. Who, I am not sure.

Ironically, the day this message was sent to your little hut of an apartment in Konoha, you had already left to some game in the West. Thanks to you, I had to track to track down every 'wizard' game until I finally realized you actually were stupid enough to got to the biggest one in the West. Do you not realize that you are hunted by Akatsuki? By the time I sent another message there, you left to a Leaky Cauldron. And after that, you went to some wizard school! My bats are all exhausted because of you! Idiot of a ninja. At least tell your allies, public and hidden, where you go, you fool! And what the hell is Quidditch and Leaky Cauldron?

In any case, I have gathered very little news of Haruka and Hakoi. The cat Nekomata and the khoi Isonade have been missing for three months now. Fortunately, rumors circulating in the Sound speak something of an escape. The hosts may have died, but the Akatsuki have not completely obtained the two demon lords. Kisame, Isonade's abductor, has most definitely gained a large amount of chakra from Isonade, but it is questionable whether he has obtained all of it. The kidnapper of Nekomata and her host is unknown, however, I am hoping that like Isonade, they are safe.

The information you have read prior to this message is true. The chuunin exams are in October first to October tenth. There will be no long tasks, such as traveling through the desert of some other forest of death. Be prepared for a small competition. Should you lose a battle against mere human genin, you will have lost the little respect you have gained from me, Kyubi host. And because you are on a mission, you are most likely to bring your companions with you. At times like these in both worlds, it would be a folly to separate from your team and your subject.

And beware of the Akatsuki. Do not underestimate their connections. If I know where you are currently residing they certainly do too. Your traitorous friend could probably bolt and go after his brother again.

Kurogane, host of Koumori, jounin of Sound

Know this: should the body of Kyuubi vessel be injured during battle, you are truly a worthless fool who calls himself a shinobi. Don't let me overestimate your abilities. Should you lose to anyone before me in real battle, I will kill you myself.

And also know that the scroll I have sent you is a summoning scroll. Open it and my quickest companion will come out to send me your response if any. If you do not respond, I will assume you to be dead.

Naruto grinned at the note. One year ago, he and Kurogane had crossed each other's path while he and Jiraiya had been training. He had ditched Jiraiya somewhere on a mountain when he encountered three Sound nins and what appeared to be daimyo, or at least some very richly dressed individual. To Naruto, it looked like he was some captive. He easily wiped them out when the 'prince' himself attacked.

Kurogane was the host of Koumori, the demon bat. Koumori was never one of the nine demon lords. He wasn't even a century old. But there was no doubt that had he reached his fifth century, he would have definitely had the talent to challenge the status of one of the Tails.

Loyal to the Sound, Kurogane had fought Naruto valiantly, and lost. Demanding to know the identity of the mere child who had managed to defeat a vessel without any difficulty. Hearing the title 'Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha!' he realized that he had finally found a fellow demon host. Not only that, but the host of the Demon Lord Kyuubi.

But…he didn't bother to hide his disappointment. No, not disappointed. He was downright horrified. A loud, foulmouthed blond brat showing talent only near the end of the battle? He had expected the container of the great Kyuubi to be much more… mature. Serious. Disciplined. And most importantly…

Taller.

This boy didn't even reach his shoulder! Kurogane was horrified beyond words. He was the proud illustrious shinobi of the Sound, yet he had been defeated by a boy four years younger than him.

Nevertheless, being who he was, Naruto managed to "charm" the older vessel into helping a fellow, younger host into secretly allying themselves against the Akatsuki. Kurogane's newest dream, replacing being Orochimaru's right hand henchman, was to unite all the demon lords and their hosts and to control the world. He had given up on winning Orochimaru's favor. Now that he had his Uchiha, he was perfectly satisfied, and Kurogane was left out of the plans for world domination. If he couldn't be in on Orochimaru-sama's Team World Domination, he would just have to create his own.

Naruto reread the letter, feeling quite amused. And, apparently, Orochimaru's fetish for Sasuke had given Kurogane a feeling of resentment. After all, he had gone from one of the most cherished and feared shinobi in the Sound to an ordinary jounin. He always knew that Sasuke would come back to Konoha. Kurogane seemed also annoyed how Sasuke was continuously changing allies, unlike shinobi loyal to their own people. After all, he, from Konoha, ran to Orochimaru for power to go after Itachi. Once finding that Naruto's team was equally as powerful as he and Orochimaru and also outnumbered them, he returned to their side. Naruto himself had been annoyed by Sasuke's urge to become stronger at any cost, but this was his friend, and Sasuke was slowly becoming the Sasuke that he always knew and despised. A pleasant change, compared to the Sasuke he never knew and hated from the bottom of his heart—the Sasuke-gone-Avenger mode.

Apparently, Sasuke and Gaara were not the only ones changing after prolonged exposure to Naruto. Over the past months he and Kurogane had been talking, it seemed that he was falling for Naruto's foxlike charm, just like most of the other shinobi that Naruto had beaten the living crap out of (Neji, Sasuke, Konohamaru (eh…), Kiba, etc.). And was it him, or was Kurogane worried about him? He told him repeatedly not to get hurt, since he was the body of the Kyuubi. But…why send him information for the chuunin exams? And stay in a group? And at least he had some respect for Naruto now. A bonus person who respected him. Now for everyone ELSE in HIS village.

Hm…Naruto would have to remember to warn Gaara of the Akatsuki. Dark Lord? Snakes-but-not-Orochimaru? Sounded familiar. Haruka and Taka were still missing… Naruto frowned thinking of what to say in response to Kurogane's detached, overly formal letter. He grinned.

On August 20, 2005, the Great Uzumaki Naruto writes a response to his stiff-ass goon, Kinuta Kurogane, host of Koumori, known as Ninja-With-Sunglasses-And-Moves-Like-He's-Got-A-Stick-Up-His-Ass. And in this famous letter, he wrote, 'HI KUROGANE! Wasssuuuuup! The most awesome demon lord and vessel tells his lowly henchman-vessel-of-a-nontail not to worry because any enemy who approaches me—erm, him, will be punished with 99 wedgies and death by butter knife! Muahahaha! He is now in possession two stupid foxes. One in his belly, and another that won't stop biting his leg ever since he attacked the Great Uzumaki Naruto at the Magical Menagerie.' He also said, "I can not and will not die! Because I am the future Hokage of Konoha!" And should I almost fall, my beloved demonic siblings—who are either assumed dead, countries apart, or not even knowing of my existence—will avenge my injuries, for I am too strong to be killed in battle. I am not worried. I'd warn Gaara, but he may kill me. Yes, my beloved demon brother. I'm scared of him.

Have I ever mentioned how cool your superhearing ears are? Yeah…anyway, I'll be more serious now. The person who is a dark lord or whatever sounds familiar, but I can't be all too sure. I'd ask my friend Shikamaru, but he'll probably tell me to think it myself or that he would end up finding out everything about everyone (yes, including the awesome demon hosts, you and I). Anyway, if I find any information regarding this dark lord, I'll relay it to you. Lucky you, having your messenger bats fly everywhere for you. All I have are toads, and the only one that's really REALLY strong thinks of me as an underling. Send me another messenger, please? You can't see it, but I'm giving you an innocently foxy grin and flashing my beautifully clear blue eyes at you. How can you resist? Haha, and don't act all high and mighty. I know you're worried about Taka and Haruka too, yeah? Or…I hope you are. Anyway, as for spare hosts, I think I have a good clue of one or two here at Hogwarts. Giving them a demon might make things easier for me a bit. Still…I doubt they'd like it. AAANNNDDD, I'm also wondering: do you even know how to seal a demon into a body? Because I don't…

It's a good thing they escaped. I'm glad. Thanks for telling me. I knew you cared! And thanks for the heads up for the chuunin exams. Don't worry. I won't loose to anyone. Our promise still stands. If I lose to anyone, it will be you. Of course, with the Akatsuki swarming about, you ought to get stronger fast, or else you'll have to wait in a looong line. And I think Sasuke might beat you to it if the Akatsuki come too. You can't see it, but I comically shudder. Yosh, he might even go into Angsty Avenger Mode. Anyway, once I've got your respect, I'm going to keep it, no matter how much you want it back, to ha ha! I, the Great Uzumaki Naruto, will lose to no one!

Anyway, the headmaster at this school is the strongest 'wizard' in the wizarding world. Well, except I think he's tied with someone…I can't remember… Oh well, but he's got a few centuries worth of spells and hexes and chrams and curses and junk like that on this castle place. And he's also the most powerful wizard in the world. Oh wait, I just wrote that down. I am EMPHASIZING his awesomeness then. Anyway, he's probably added a security measure or two during his 2495704857329745 years here anyway. Yeah, he's oooold! I hope your messenger bat doesn't pass out and die on your side. I've gotten pretty attached to Kou. Anyway, watch your own back, Batman (he's a muggle superhero that doesn't really have anything super about him except for his money and his gadgets, by the way, but he IS pretty cool). So if the Akatsuki kill you, you'll lose my respect too.

G.U.N. (THE GREAT UZUMAKI NARUTO), THE GUY HOLDING THE KYUUBI CAPTIVE,

GENIN (SOON TO BE CHUUNIN

AND THEN JOUNIN

AND THEN ANBU

AND THEN HOKAGE

OF KONOHA)

By the way, I got this little fox thing at some pet store. It likes sitting on my head and chewing my leg off. Got any anti-fox sprays? Because I've got two really annoying furballs everywhere I go, haha. And I think it can read because it's been watching what I've been writing (right now too) the whole time. And the moment I wrote 'anti-fox spray' and 'annoying furballs', it attacked (is attacking) me (right now).

I think it might be smart.

Naruto rolled open the scroll and winced then a small cloud of smoke (and a ring of a chime) went off in his bed. Looking at Kiba, Akamaru, Lee, and Chouji, he found that, surprisingly, no one else had woken up. A tiny bat watched him. It tilted his head and nodded—his way of saying 'Yo'.

"Hey, Kouha," Naruto whispered. "I've got a message to send to Kuro."

It flicked its ears and held out its leg for Naruto for to tie the small envelop to.

It stared at him pointedly. "No, I've got no food," Naruto said. It snorted. "No, I'm not giving you my blood, Kouha. Just give the message to Kurogane."

"Loser," it muttered. Naruto opened the window and let it flap away.

Hinata, several rooms away, closed her eyes. Was Naruto a traitor?

(1) Oyasuminasai: Good night.

(2) Kinda like a cat, right? Just don't get too used to the name. It's going to change. I was going to keep it Vulpes, but if it doesn't really really belong to him, then wouldn't it have it's own name? Well it doesn't really, but 'Vulpes' doesn't like it and refers to itself by another name before it finally acknowledges Naruto. Also, note that Vulpes doesn't have a gender. You'll find out why soon, and then you'll get a more detailed explanation way later. I'll re-edit this post again once that chapter comes out too. Stick it in here. Or something.

(3) No one seems to know that Naruto is the Kyubi's host.

(4) Shut up!