9

Chapter 9: Into the Fire

Grimmauld Place, January 3rd 1996

"What is the matter with you?" Hermione asks with an exasperated tone as we slip into the bedroom Ron and I share. "You've been in a foul mood since New Year's, Harry…are you still worrying over being possessed? I thought we went through that already?" She continues, a hint of worry edged on her face.

"It's not that…" I say wearily and sit on my bed.

She sits down next to me, eyeing me carefully. "Is it because of Sirius?"

I know I'm not the only one who has withdrawn from the company of others. My godfather's mood has been darkening drastically during the past couple of days. I suspect that it has something to do with the date of our departure back to Hogwarts drawing nearer.

I shrug. "Yeah, I guess so." I mutter.

At least, my godfather is partly the reason for my gloominess. I am sad to leave this place. For the first time ever, I don't wish to go back to Hogwarts. Because of Umbridge, because of the Ministry. They've taken almost everything from me. The one place I have ever felt like home doesn't feel like that anymore. I've lost the right to play Quidditch, and even lost some of my friends. I don't want to leave Sirius behind, and if I didn't have DA waiting for me at Hogwarts – the only thing that now brings me light in there – I would've quit school and begged my godfather to let me stay with him.

Of course, there is something else bothering me as well.

For the past two days I have tried to figure out what happened in the library on Sunday night with Regulus. But I don't have a clue. Why did it feel like…like I was drawn to him? And why I wanted – oh god, I can't even believe I'm thinking about this – to kiss him? I've tried to think about Cho, the way she felt in my arms, how it felt to kiss her, but I just can't. Every time I try to bring up the memories of her, of my first kiss, I can only think of the library two days ago.

Hermione gives me a sympathetic look. "Harry…" She starts uneasily, and even though my mind has been elsewhere, I have a fair idea of what she's about to say. "It's not your job to take care of him. He's an adult and you're a child," She says prudently.

"Oh, you know what I mean, Harry," She continues with exasperation after seeing the scowl on my face. She knows how much I detest being called a child after all I've been through. After all we've been through.

I shake my head in disagreement. "Hermione…I know you might not get it, but he's the only family I've got." I say tightly. "Of course I worry for him."

Her eyes widen a bit. "Of course," She says quickly. "But that doesn't mean you should be taking care of him. It should be the other way around." She says with a small smile.

I know that she's right. But I also know my godfather is not well enough to take care of anyone but himself at the moment. Not that anyone has to take care of me. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself.

"He'll be all right," Hermione says reassuringly, squeezing my hand gently. "I mean, at least he has his brother here. I'm sure whatever it is between them, they will solve their problems eventually."

Apparently, I'm not the only one who has taken notice the situation between the brothers. I don't have time to reply to her before Ron barges into our room, complaining loudly about his mother and how he can't wait to be back in Hogwarts. His eyes linger on our clasped hands before he clears his throat and informs us that we're leaving in a moment to see his father and then for a quick stop at Diagon Alley.

As Ron walks stiffly out, I give Hermione a puzzled look. What was that? Hermione replies with a roll of her eyes and stands up to follow Ron downstairs. It's obvious I have missed something.

As we come back to Grimmauld Place from our outing, Mrs. Weasley hands me a parcel.

"Harry dear, would you be so kind to take this to Sirius? I have to start preparing dinner, it's getting late already," She rambles and disappears into the basement, ordering the others to help her.

Glad to escape the dinner duties, I start to make my way upstairs while everyone else grudgingly follows Mrs. Weasley downstairs to the kitchen. I'm almost on my way to the second floor when I hear my godfather's bark-like laughter echoing from the drawing room on the first floor.

I stop in my tracks and frown at the closed drawing room door. He has to be there with his brother since everyone else is in the kitchen, and by the sound of it, they are actually enjoying each other's company. After a moment's consideration I turn back towards downstairs, deciding not to interrupt them.

"Is it you Harry?" Sirius's voice carries into the landing.

How the hell does he know I'm outside the room? …Must be the canine sense of smell. I walk into the drawing room and find Sirius and Regulus, sitting on opposite couches in the seating area with two tumblers of Firewhiskey on the coffee table between them.

Sirius's face breaks into a bright grin as his eyes meet mine. "Harry! How was your trip? Everything okay with Arthur? Come on, sit with us," he says lightly, seemingly in a good mood.

My eyes flicker towards Regulus for a moment, who stares somewhere over my left shoulder, an unreadable look in his eyes. I give my godfather a noncommittal shrug and walk towards them. "Er…yeah. I suppose the trip was okay. Got everything I need for school," I say half-heartedly, not exactly enjoying speaking about returning to Hogwarts. To Umbridge. "Arthur seems to be healing nicely. He'll be released from Mungo's in a matter of days," I continue with a bit more enthusiasm in my voice as I stop next to Sirius's couch.

He gives me an understanding smile and nods. "Yeah." he mutters, the sparkle of joy slowly disappearing from his eyes. He becomes slightly pensive, as if remembering that once Arthur is released from the hospital, the Weasleys don't need to stay at Grimmauld Place anymore, since the reason Molly decided to stay here was to be closer to St. Mungo's and her husband. I decide to interrupt Sirius's thoughts before his good mood fades altogether.

"Um," I say and gesture to the parcel in my hands, "Molly said to give you this."

Sirius eyes me and the parcel, and I can almost see gratitude in his look. He clears his throat. "Ah, my order has arrived," he says and stands up from the couch, a thin smile on his lips.

"Cheers, Harry." He says when I hand him the parcel.

I lift my brows in question and Sirius merely winks at me. "I'll tell you later," he says with a hint of secrecy in his voice as he pats me on the shoulder. "I'll be upstairs for a bit, if you don't mind?"

"Yeah, of course," I say and glance at Regulus, who is staring at us thoughtfully.

"Reggie?" Sirius says and gives his brother a meaningful look.

Regulus shrugs indifferently. "By all means, brother."

And the next moment, Sirius has slipped away from the room, and I'm wondering why am I still here.

"Er…" I mutter and turn to leave, but Regulus stops me after two steps.

"A word, Potter."

Brilliant.

I turn back to face him. He's standing now, leaning against the end of the couch, watching me carefully. It's not the first time I've seen him after the incident on New Year's Eve, but we haven't spoken to each other after that. Before now, at least.

"Um. Yes?" I ask and try to find a spot to look at. My eyes roam over the brightly coloured oriental rug, over the half empty cabinets that previously held a vast collection of cursed articles, over the dark patterned walls, and then stop at him. As our eyes meet, I feel my face heating up.

Regulus frowns at me. "What happened at the library?" He asks with an expressionless voice. His eyes are inquisitive and accusing, and making me feel very anxious.

I cough awkwardly and move my gaze away from him. What happened, indeed? I have no explanation.

"Well?" He drawls, still leaning against the couch and looking so…casual.

I wish I could be so indifferent, so casual. Instead, I rub my neck awkwardly. "I-I…I don't know," I say with frustration and give him a helpless look. I really can't explain it. I can't explain what came over me. Why did it feel like I wanted to…to kiss him? A bloke. I didn't even know I liked blokes. I mean, I kissed Cho, right? Or, she kissed me, but either way, she was a she, you know?

"…And I don't…you know," I continue and wave my hand at him, trying to express my thoughts.

His brows lift slightly and he walks towards me. "Me neither." He says slowly, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

I nod at him. "Great. Brilliant. Well, I'm glad we established that," I say to him, feeling quite uncomfortable. I swallow nervously when he stops right in front of me.

"Then what was that?" he asks curiously, a scrutinising look in his eyes.

I grit my teeth. "I dunno." I mutter as my eyes dart around the room again. I'm slightly intimidated to stare at him in the eye.

He huffs and my eyes are drawn into his face. To his lips. No, no, no…Not his lips. I stare into his eyes and his grey ones are staring back straight into mine. Why did I have to look at him?

"You are doing it again." He says mutedly after a small moment.

Shit. I let out a nervous breath. What does this mean? "I'm…I…I don't…" I stammer. FUCK! What the hell is wrong with me?! My cheeks are burning with embarrassment, and my body actually shakes with anxiety. He's probably going to throw a punch at me soon. Or perhaps he'll laugh at my face and tell everyone about my crazed behaviour.

What he does is the exact opposite. He takes a step towards me and I freeze in place. Our bodies are almost touching, and I can feel the warmth of his body and the energy of his magic buzzing between us. I only now notice that he's about five inches taller than me. His gaze is fixed downwards, at my mouth. Shit. My breathing quickens, my heart pounding in my chest, and I can swear he's leaning closer to me. Or, perhaps I'm reaching towards him?

Is this one of my freakish dreams?

Then the drawing room door opens.

"Hey, Harry, are you –" Hermione starts but her voice trails off as Regulus and I jump away from each other. Hermione gives us both a long, strange look before she collects her thoughts. "Um. Dinner's ready," she says with a hint of bewilderment still in her eyes.

I swallow hard. "Yeah. Yeah. Sure." I say quickly and rush past her towards the kitchen, not daring to look back.

Grimmauld Place, January 6th 1996

I've been spending most of my time with Ron, Hermione, and occasionally with my godfather – at least, whenever he's not sulking in his room. We're returning to Hogwarts tomorrow and it seems like these two weeks have flown past so quickly that I haven't had the time to enjoy them as much as I would've wanted to.

During the past few days, I've decided to forget about the undefined interactions with Regulus, since I'm not further finding out the reasons for my unusual feelings now than I was a week ago. Even if I was into blokes, which I'm fairly certain that I'm not, I wouldn't act on it and most definitely would keep it to myself, because, well, I reckon people discuss about my life enough as it is.

In the middle of my wizard's chess game against Ron, Molly steps into our room and asks me to go downstairs to meet Snape. Brilliant. It isn't enough that I get to see his greasy black hair at school tomorrow, but he has to come ruin my last night in here.

Grudgingly, I walk down to the kitchen, where I find Snape, Sirius and Regulus sitting at the long kitchen table. My godfather and Snape are glaring at each other while Regulus cleans up the scattering of parchments, quills and scrolls from the table with a couple flicks of his wand. The room is rather clean; the high sideboards bordering the walls where plates, cups, saucers and old silverware used to be in a muddle, seem to be now polished and organised. Kreacher's been busy.

"Er…What is it?" I ask from the doorway and look at the group unsurely.

Snape orders me to sit down and Sirius trades a couple of heated words with him until Regulus interrupts the men and glances at the seat next to Sirius, requesting me to sit there. Our eyes lock for a couple of seconds, and I swallow deeply before we both look away and I move towards the table.

As I take my seat, the school rivals throw in a few more jabs until Snape informs me that Dumbledore wants me to study Occlumency. Whatever the hell it is.

When Snape tells me he's the one who's going to give me private lessons once a week in order to learn how to shield my mind from outside penetration, starting on Monday, I turn to look at my godfather for help. Sirius starts to argue with Snape, while Regulus merely shakes his head with exasperation.

A few moments later Snape starts to leave, but my godfather stops him.

"Wait a moment," Sirius says with a tight voice. I glance at him and almost flinch at the menacing look he has trained at Snape.

Snape turns around slowly, the familiar sneer plastered on his face. "I am in rather a hurry, Black. Unlike you, I do not have unlimited leisure time."

Sirius's fingers convulsively clench into fists before he forces them to relax. "I'll get to the point, then," he says and stands up.

I glance at Snape, who obviously has reached to his wand under his robes, and then Regulus, who is still sitting, looking relaxed, even though his eyes are watching carefully at the two men.

"If I hear you're using these Occlumency lessons to give Harry a hard time, you'll have me to answer to," Sirius says, the threat as evident in his voice as in his words.

Snape lifts a bored eyebrow at my godfather. "How touching. But surely you have noticed that Potter is very like his father?" He asks silkily.

I bristle and scowl at Snape. Regulus gives me a studious glance before his focus is back on his brother and Snape.

Sirius gives Snape a gleeful look. "Of course, I have," he says proudly.

Snape eyes my godfather with a triumphant look. "Well then, you'll know he's so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him," he says simply.

That fucking wanker.

As I'm glaring at Snape, barely keeping my mouth shut, Sirius launches up and sends his chair clattering to the floor as he marches to Snape, his wand trained at his former school rival. Snape has his wand at the ready, and then the two men are keeping each other at wand point, both looking enraged and bitter.

"Sirius!" I yell after realising how bad the situation is. Of course, I've seen them trade insults before, but this is the first time I've witnessed my godfather lose his temper – well, if we're not counting Pettigrew, and let's face it; he was entitled to it then. I stand up and approach the men slowly.

Sirius continues, as if he has not heard me at all. "I've warned you, Snivellus. I don't care if Dumbledore thinks you've reformed, I know better –"

"Oh, but why don't you tell him so?" Snape asks tauntingly, his wand pressing onto Sirius's stomach. "Or are you afraid he might not take very seriously the advice of a man who has been hiding inside his mother's house for six months?" He continues and lets out a small hiss of pain as the tip of Sirius's wand heats against his neck.

Sirius gives Snape a dark look. "Tell me, how is Lucius Malfoy these days? I expect he's delighted his lapdog's working at Hogwarts, isn't he?"

Snape's lips curl into a sneer. "Speaking of dogs…Did you know that Lucius Malfoy recognised you last time you risked a little jaunt outside? Clever idea, Black, getting yourself seen on a safe station platform… gave you a cast-iron excuse not to leave your hidey-hole in future, didn't it?"

Sirius snarls at Snape, the tip of his wand heating more by the sounds Snape is making.

"Sirius. Don't!" Regulus yells sharply from the table where he's still sitting at, far from relaxed at this point. He's looking furious. Frightened.

After a moment, both Snape and Sirius seem to regain control of their emotions.

Sirius's jaw tightens as he lowers his wand and takes a couple of steps back, his eyes cold, glaring at Snape's sneering face for a moment before he rushes out of the room.

Snape puts his own wand away and arches a brow at Regulus, who looks back with a disappointed look in his eyes.

"May I speak with you for a moment?" Regulus asks mutedly from Snape after glancing at me quickly.

Snape gives him an expressionless nod and I take my cue and hastily leave the room, feeling their eyes on my back.

After Potter takes his leave, I throw a couple of spells to the door for privacy. Severus takes his seat again at the table, opposite to me.

I don't even bother to comment on his little spat with my brother. "Does the Dark Lord know that Potter saw the attack?" I ask simply, studying his features. A flicker of mirth flashes in his black eyes, as if he had been expecting the question.

Severus nods grimly. "Naturally. And as I suspected some time ago, he will try to use it on his behalf." He says silkily.

I give him a curt nod. "Are you apt to teach Potter?" I ask, a small hesitation gnawing inside me. I know Severus and James Potter hated each other back in school, probably even more than my brother and Severus did. I've also learned that my Slytherin friend isn't exactly fond of Potter. I assume it has something to do with his hatred towards Potter's father.

Severus's lips curl into a sneer. "Believe me, I did not sign in for the task," he says bitterly.

I give him a light smirk. "I gathered," I say and wonder how fast will he read me. "To whom are you reporting to?" I ask discreetly.

His brows lift slightly, and I know he's already suspecting something. "What makes you ask that?" He questions, eyeing me with a calculative look.

I shrug indifferently. "You will know soon enough." I only say. Because of course he will. I can already picture my friend quivering with elation when he finds out about the incidents between Potter and me.

Fucking Severus.

Grimmauld Place, January 8th 1996

I'm standing in my room, staring at my outstretched fingers, reaching towards the bedside table. They are barely touching the surface. The surroundings are blurred, but somehow, that doesn't bother me. I feel…light. I feel at ease. It feels like something's there. Calling for me. If I blink, I think I might see it. See him. See his soul. But I don't want to. I don't want to see it. Everything will be more terrifying if I do.

My left arm prickles, first lightly, then disturbingly. Then it starts to ache. I turn the arm slightly, my forearm up, and let out a soundless gasp. The Mark is glowing with heat. Burning like a hot coal. I hear a cold voice, hissing inside my head.

A sharp pain sizzles through my spine…

"AAAAH!" I scream with surprise and pain, tumbling to the floor from the library couch.

"FUCK!" I curse, and grip my left forearm. What the hell is happening? My arm is on fire. FUCK. It hurts.

Sirius bolts into the library. "What is it?" He asks hurriedly, running towards me, wand at the ready.

I'm still rolling on the floor, shuddering in pain. "The Mark," I pant out. "I burns," I hiss.

Sirius stares at me with wide eyes before his gaze shifts down to my arm. "Shit," he grumbles and aims a numbing spell to my arm.

The pain decreases considerably, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Cheers," I wheeze and pull my sleeve up. The Dark Mark is darker and more raised than it was the last time I looked at it. The skin surrounding it is thin and red.

Sirius grimaces. "That's fucking appalling," He mutters as he stares at my arm.

I sneer at him. "Trust me, it fucking feels appalling," I grind through my teeth and try to stand up.

My brother quickly takes a step towards me and helps me back to the couch, while my arm keeps throbbing painfully.

"Something's happening. He's summoning us." I say to him after a short silence. From the weary and grim look in his eyes I assume he had already figured it out.

My brother lets out a long sigh and rubs his face, supposedly thinking what to do next. He then nods and makes his way out of the library.

Hours later, well after midnight, I'm in the basement with several Order members, all of us gathered around the table.

Something has happened indeed. Something dreadful.

"There's been a mass breakout from Azkaban," Moody starts with a dark voice. "I only have a half an hour before I'm needed in the field again," He says gruffly, taking a large gulp of coffee.

Anxious murmuring echoes in the room. Frightened and shocked gazes are exchanged. Moody is the only Auror taking part in the meeting, as every other Auror has been called to work after the news had reached the Ministry.

"Who?" Lupin asks blankly.

"Ten Death Eaters," Moody grunts, and smacks a paper on the table. It's filled with black-and-white photographs of nine wizards and of one witch. I recognise my cousin. This can't be good.

There are gasps and troubled chattering along the table. I see a headline above the pictures and assume the paper is a drawing of tomorrows paper. When I read the headline, I curse inwardly.

I glance at my brother, whose nostrils are flaring. There is no mistake he hasn't seen it as well.

Moody clears his throat and points at the paper. "Tomorrow's paper." He says simply. "Ministry's view is that Black is behind the breakout, and is aiding the escapees." He says, and my brother scoffs loudly and crosses his arms over his chest.

"You can't be serious!" Molly Weasley exclaims at Moony. Many others argue around the table as well.

Moody slaps his palm against the table. "Quiet everyone!" He takes a deep breath and continues, "The fact that they're putting the blame on Black shouldn't come as a surprise to us." He says wearily. "Now. I recommend each and every one of you stays in constant vigilance, and that you take care of your safety precautions. We will regroup later this week when Dumbledore is able to join us, to go over our plan. Until that we continue our shifts as normal, but cease any additional assignments." Moody concludes and many of the members nod in agreement, while others shake their heads in bewilderment, still stunned from the news.

It's almost two in the morning when the rest of the members leave. Lupin has already retreated to the guest room he often stays in, and I'm about to drag myself into my room, into my bed, when Sirius stops me in the entrance hall.

"You okay, Reggie?" He asks quietly. I take in his appearance. He looks worried. He's worried about my wellbeing.

I swallow. "Yeah, I suppose." I say, and then on an impulse I add, "And you?" I ask.

He threads his fingers through his hair, making it even shaggier than it was. I always thought the gesture was only an act for the ladies, because, well, I'm fairly sure they loved it. But now I see it as a stress sign.

"I dunno," He mutters finally, and I nod.

I know how he feels. I'm worried as fuck, and I reckon he is too. And the unpleasant part is, we can't really do much. We're both stuck in this house, hiding from everyone. It is somewhat frustrating.

We start walking up the stairs. "You want to have a go at duelling tomorrow?" I ask, surprised at my own words. I don't even know what made me ask him. Perhaps it is the only thing I can think of after finding out the events that occurred last night. Training our skills is beneficial, especially when the Dark Lord's forces have increased with ten more followers.

My brother glances at me from the corner of his eye, giving me a quizzical look. "Why?" He asks suspiciously.

I give him an incoherent shrug. "You suck at it."

He chuckles. I think he knows why I'm asking. I think he gets that I want to do something. That I want him to do something as well.

My brother gives me a long look before he speaks. "I suppose we shall see then." He says shrewdly before we step onto the topmost landing and head towards our respective rooms.