19

Chapter 19: The Way

The Burrow, December 27th 1996

I wake up, bleary eyed, after tossing and turning for the better part of the night. There were just too many thoughts circling in my head. I must've been awake until two or three in the morning, listening to Ron's faint snoring while I went through the details of last night's discussion with Regulus over and over again.

I spent a large amount of time wondering and worrying over Sirius, how alone he must be there, how afraid he probably is, stuck in the chamber, only voices keeping him company. I know it would be the last thing Sirius will admit to his brother, not wanting to make him more anxious or upset than he already is. And he is, I could see it in his eyes. But there was also hope, and there was relief when I said I believed him. When Regulus realised that he wasn't alone in this.

There's a crash in the staircase and Mrs. Weasley's loud voice, scolding the twins. Ron groans loudly in his bed, pulling the pillow from under his head on top of it, trying to muffle the sounds coming from outside of the room.

I toss my pillow towards him. "Wake up, sleeping beauty," I quip as I roll out of bed and throw a shirt over my head before propping my glasses against the bridge of my nose. "I can smell the breakfast, mate," I continue and walk towards the door as Ron turns on his side, grumbling under his breath.

I leave my friend be and make my way downstairs towards the kitchen, meeting Ginny on the first floor.

"Hey, Harry," She says between a yawn, looking as tired as I feel. "Didn't sleep well, huh?" She asks after giving me a quick glance before we descend the last steps to the hallway.

I shrug. "Well, you know. You brother snores," I say lightly, and she snorts.

"Like a freight train, I know," She says with a smirk. We enter the kitchen and find Fred and George there with their mother, who's in the process of giving her sons an earful. Apparently, the twins had left something in their room that had caused a mild explosion as Mrs. Weasley tried to enter their room to pick up dirty laundry.

Fred winks to us as George continues to soothe their greatly annoyed mother. "Mum, we know Fred and I were inconsiderate. And once again, we apologise," He says with a remorseful smile, his hand resting reassuringly on her shoulder. "And, you know, if there's anything, anything, we can do to make it up to you, just say the word," He continues, and for a moment, I think he might be overselling it, but then Mrs. Weasley's expression actually softens.

"Alright, boys…" She says with a warm smile as she gazes at her sons, who both are dressed impeccably into identical purple set of robes, ready for a day in the office. "Oh, you boys look so handsome!"

Both Fred and George give their mother an identical charming smile. Merlin they're good.

"Come on, let me wrap you a lunch to go with," She continues and turns to pull food from the cabinets.

Ginny rolls her eyes as she takes a seat at the table and proceeds to load her plate from the lavish breakfast selection. I follow her example and sit opposite to her, next to Fred, who is finishing emptying his plate.

"And maybe there's still that cake from last night…?" Fred asks innocently, while Ginny narrows her eyes at her brother.

"You better not take the rest of it," She mutters, while Fred and George chuckle under their breaths.

Molly ends up giving them both hefty pieces of last night's chocolate cake, while Ginny continues to look sour. The twins say their goodbyes and before they leave, Fred turns to me.

"The sleeping beauty still rolling around in his bed?" He asks slyly, and I can't help but wonder was that a coincidence or do they have more of those Extendable Ears lying around in here…?

Making a mental note of the possibility, I give him a light shrug. "Yeah, probably."

Fred and George exchange a mischievous grin before they leave the kitchen. Five minutes later Ron yells and swears loudly as he thumps down the stairs, and before he's reached the ground floor, the last of the green flames from the fireplace have vanished, along with the twins.

"THOSE – BLOODY – "

"Ronald," Mrs. Weasley warns from behind the stove. Ron barges into the kitchen, dripping wet, his hair purple, for some reason, and several inches longer, plastered to his cheeks and reaching easily to his shoulders. Both Ginny and I snort loudly towards our plates, trying not to choke on what we eat.

" – WANKERS!"

"Shame on you, Ronald Weasley!" Molly says sharply and turns to look at her son, and I have to give it to her; she doesn't even flinch. Her mouth stays in a firm line, while I have to bite my lip hard as I try not to laugh, and Ginny can't even do that, as a loud snigger escapes from her.

Ron scowls at us and then he turns on his heels and marches back upstairs.

Mrs. Weasley huffs, and after a short while, she joins us at the table.

"Mum, are we going to stop by at Diagon any time soon? Preferably before Hogwarts? I need a new broom polish and some Owl treats for Arnold," Ginny says after taking a long sip of tea.

I give her a puzzled look. "Isn't Arnold a Pygmy Puff? I mean, can you feed them Owl treats?" I try to rack my brain to remember what was said about those little creatures in the Care of Magical Creatures, but as I draw a blank, I reckon that the creatures were probably not even mentioned. Which really isn't that surprising, knowing Hagrid and his creatures of choice.

Ginny shrugs. "Yeah, they'll eat almost anything, but Arnold seems to have taken a liking to Owl treats specifically."

"Well, I need to discuss with your father first," Mrs. Weasley says to Ginny, looking hesitant. "I do not think it is safe enough for us to go there without him, or at least…" Her voice trails off as her eyes flicker to me.

"I don't have to go," I say quickly. "I can stay here, really," I continue, trying to give her a reassuring smile. It's not that I don't want to go, but the Weasleys have done and sacrificed already enough for me. I wouldn't want to inconvenience them any further.

"Oh, nonsense, Harry. Of course you can come, dear," She says softly. "I'll ask Arthur if we can go today. He said he'd be only stopping at the office, and would come back before lunch."

Then I remember that I didn't actually say anything to the Weasleys about my plans to meet Regulus today. Woops.

"Oh…actually, er – I've, um, agreed to meet Regulus today," I say hastily, trying not to stumble in my words. Ginny's already looking at me with a curious expression.

Mrs. Weasley lifts her brows in surprise. "Oh. Well, I suppose we could all go then," She says, looking thoughtful.

"No! I mean…It's okay. I'd rather go alone, if that's fine for you?" I say, and force a stricken look on my face. "He…um…promised I could look over more Sirius's stuff today…" I continue, hoping they'd get the message.

Which they do.

Ginny and Mrs. Weasley share a sympathetic look, before Mrs. Weasley speaks. "Of course, dear," she says kindly, a sad glint in her eyes. "What time are you meeting him?"

Shit. Why didn't we talk anything about time? "Um…after breakfast, I suppose," I say tensely and chew the inside of my cheek. Is he even awake at this hour? It's nearly ten, but I know Ron would've been asleep longer than this if his brothers had let him. And if Regulus is awake, would he expect me to come later?

"Alright, dear. You should go and get ready then. And come back for dinner, would you? Regulus is welcome to join us," Mrs. Weasley says as she flicks her wand to send our empty plates towards the sink.

"Yeah, I…okay." I say awkwardly and give them both a tight smile before standing up and walking swiftly upstairs, hoping that Ron's not going to be too bothered by my plans.

Grimmauld Place, December 27th 1996

I stumble into the kitchen in Grimmauld Place twenty minutes later, grimacing as I imagine how annoyed Regulus will be if I'm waking him up.

He's not sleeping. He's there, sitting at the table, reading the morning paper and drinking tea. He looks at me only after a couple of seconds have passed, as if first finishing a sentence he was reading.

"Potter. I was wondering when you would show up," He says, the left corner of his mouth tugging up. "Come on, have a seat," he gestures opposite to him.

"Hey. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't know what time I was expected…" I mutter and sit down at the table.

"Tea?" He asks politely, summoning a cup and a saucer from the cupboard that stop in front of me, hovering slightly in the air.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks," I say and give him a small smile, thankful to have something to do with my hands.

He flicks his wand again to fill my cup and places it on the table, his scrutinising eyes never leaving mine. Shit…memories from last night come crashing into the forefront of my mind, and it is a struggle to keep my breathing steady and my cheeks from blushing.

Nothing goes by him, it seems, as his lips curve into a knowing smile.

"Sleep well?" He asks with a sly glint in his eyes as I take a sip from the cup, and manage to get it in the wrong pipe.

Coughing, I place the cup back on the table, while Regulus lets out a small chuckle.

I clear my throat. "Not really. Too many things on my mind, for some reason…" I say pointedly.

He gives me a nod. "Yeah, same here."

After a short silence, I remember there were a couple of things I wanted to talk to him about, in addition to the reason I came here.

"I never thanked you," I blurt out, and as his brows twitch slightly in confusion, I quickly continue, "For the photographs. So…thank you. It means a lot, you know…" I say earnestly, not really able to say more since I'm not so good with words. I hope he will get the point though.

His brows lift up a bit in surprise, and he licks his lips thoughtfully. I'm forcing my gaze to stay at his eyes.

"Yeah, I figured…" He says, looking uncertain as he looks briefly away.

"Oh?"

He looks at me, a wistful look in his eyes, the look he seems to have when he's thinking about his brother.

"Sirius…" He says with a sigh. "He told me about your parents, what happened to them. And, well, he told me about the people you live with when you're not in school, how they don't even speak about your parents. And how miserable it must be for you…"

Wow. I wasn't expecting that. Sirius had obviously been worrying over me, even though I did wonder, the whole fifth year…Why couldn't I live with him? This is the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. I know there is ancient magic protecting me at the Dursleys, but still, this place is the safest place after that, I'd reckon.

Regulus seems to understand my train of thought, as he studies my expression before continuing. "He wanted to have you here, living with him. At times, it was the only thing he spoke of," He finishes with a wry smile.

I swallow hard. God, I cannot even think about it, what it would've been like. I shake the thoughts away and take a deep breath.

"I wanted to ask about the house…" I say carefully, changing the subject.

Regulus gives me an inscrutable look. "What of it?"

My fingers toy with the cup as I contemplate how to approach the subject. "Um…it feels…wrong. To own Sirius's house. Your house," I say, chewing the corner of my mouth as I try to gauge his reaction.

Regulus shakes his head. "There's nothing to do about it. At least not until…until my brother's back," he says, the last words coming out more tensely.

I nod slowly, still feeling bothered by the fact that I own this house, and a House Elf, while Regulus is the one who lives here, whose home this place is. Regulus is Kreacher's master, not me.

"Look, Potter. I don't care. I assume you'll continue to let me stay here, and let the Order use the place for their meetings – "

"Of course I will!" I hastily say, horrified by the possibility that he might have had any doubts about the assumption.

Regulus smirks at me. "All is well, then." He says simply and stands up. "Will you join me in the library?" He asks, his voice softer now.

My throat suddenly feels too dry to form words, so I give him a curt not instead and stand up hastily and follow him upstairs.

We walk into the seating area in the library, and as soon as we've sat down next to each other on the couch, Potter speaks.

"Tell me everything," he says, and with an apologetic look, he adds, "Again."

I give him a wry smile and nod slowly, contemplating where to start. Contemplating how much should I tell him. How much I want to reveal to him.

"It started after the Ministry. I was…not in a good place back then," I start, and try to shrug the uneasiness I start to feel as I recall last summer.

"You were…drinking?" Potter asks quietly, a searching look in his eyes.

I give him another nod. I wasn't actually expecting him to not know. "Yeah. The first time, after Sirius…" I say and wince. "…I got wasted. I wanted to forget. I wanted to feel nothing. Because I had nothing," I say, my voice rough, and I can't look at him anymore, I can't see the pity in his eyes and talk about this at the same time.

"Shit…" Potter mutters, but stays still, doesn't say anything else as he waits for me to continue.

I swallow hard and focus on what happened after that. "I saw him then. Sirius…In the Death Chamber in the Ministry. I was there with him, and we could talk through the archway," I say, my voice steadier now.

"At first I thought I was dreaming. After I woke up, with the worst hangover in the century, I went to see the tapestry. I don't know, I must've felt there was something different. And there was. The date of his death, flickering. Disappearing. And I knew just then, that I hadn't been dreaming," I continue and move my gaze back to him.

Potter's looking at me with a mix of wonder and pain in his eyes – eyes that are bright with tears.

I curse inwardly and look away again, swallowing down the feelings of grief and loss. But then his hand curls over mine, giving comfort, distracting me from the sullen thoughts.

Potter clears his throat. "What happened then?" He whispers.

I take a deep breath before I continue, my eyes fixated on the coffee table. "I kept drinking. And we kept meeting. Sometimes we'd meet when I was sober, but then everything was always blurrier and fleeting. He told me that even though he's alone in there, there are voices, voices that are calling for him, urging him to move on…"

Potter's hand twitches briefly on top of mine.

"He told me about the fight in the Ministry. He told me what he said to you. And, well, he told me to get my head out of my arse and talk to you," I say and give him a dry smirk.

The corners of Potter's lips curve momentarily upwards, but then he looks thoughtful. I have a faint idea of what is going on in his head.

I sigh wearily. "It was more of a pride matter, than anything else, really. I knew what I said to you was impulsive and unreasonable. I knew as soon as I'd said the words."

"Don't worry about it," Potter says quickly, his thoughtful expression clearing as he waves a hand in dismissal. "So…do you still see him?" He asks curiously.

I shrug. "Not as frequently as I did when I was cracking a bottle."

"So you stopped?" Potter asks tentatively.

"Didn't really have a choice. Lupin cut my supply and even without him meddling in my business, it wasn't so much fun in the end when my brother would only give me shit about my lifestyle," I say dryly.

Potter lets out a light snort. "Well, I'm with them on that one," He mutters quietly.

After a short silence, I continue. "I started to research the place, tried to find even a bit of information about it, but there really isn't anything. Even Dumbledore told me that literature regarding the Death Chamber might not even exist. The only people who have any knowledge about the place are the ones who work there and study it. The Unspeakables."

Potter lets out a huff of breath. "Dumbledore knows Sirius is trapped in there?" He asks with confusion and irritation written all over his face.

My eyes move over his features and he must see the resign in my eyes as he scoffs. "He didn't believe you?"

I hum in agreement. "Well, neither did Lupin. And I admit that the subject might be a bit too unbelievable, especially when coming from a man who's been on a bender for the past several months. I mean, you probably would have been the same, had I not found a way to prove it to you." I say simply, and Potter gapes at me.

"I…I dunno what to say…" Potter says, looking disturbed.

I shake my head slowly. "You don't have to say anything."

Potter looks at me with those troubled, saddened eyes, and all I want is to make him smile again.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry I didn't believe you at first. I know it took some time to get my head wrapped around the thought, but you don't have to worry. I'm not backing out on this," he says determinedly, his fingers entwining slowly with mine, making my stomach jolt with joy and anxiety in equal measure.

"I know," I say thickly, not trusting long sentences anymore. "Thanks," I add, fighting the urge to stare at our joined hands.

We both jump slightly as Kreacher apparates with a loud crack to announce that lunch is ready, and asks where do we want to have it served.

"Here's fine," I say roughly, quickly extracting my hand from Potter's grip and moving to sit closer to the edge of the couch as Kreacher flicks its fingers and arranges our lunch on the coffee table.

Potter too moves closer to the table, and we start to eat in silence.

After lunch, Potter asks if we can go to Sirius's room again, and once we get there, we spend a long time in silence, staring at my brother's photographs and posters, and only after a small hesitance, go over his belongings.

I know brother would kill me if he knew that I was rifling through his bedside table, chuckling at the various items and magazines he keeps there.

But it is Potter who finds the jackpot.

"Hey, look at this." Potter says distractedly, his focus on a photograph he has fished out from the bottom of Sirius's writing desk drawer. He walks to me and hands me the picture, an inscrutable look in his eyes.

It's a picture of my parents, and…baby Sirius. Mother's holding him in her arms, and father's arm is curled protectively over her shoulders, his other hand playing with Sirius's foot.

I don't know when the picture was taken, but it must have been before I was born. And I'm not really surprised that he'd kept it, even after everything. This is probably how my brother wants to remember them. Mother actually smiles at the camera, and father at Sirius.

They look so different, so happy. They look like a family, and I suppose they really were a family. Until they weren't.

I thread my fingers through my hair as I tear my eyes from the picture. "Let's…let's put it back," I say as I hold the photograph out for him, my voice a bit tighter than I thought it would be.

Potter proceeds to put it where he found it, and as he straightens up and turns to me, he looks uncertain.

"Can you, um…can you tell him something? From me?" He asks, and I know he means my brother.

"Yeah, sure," I say and I back away to sit down on Sirius's bed.

Potter chews the inside of his cheek in thought until he speaks, still standing next to the writing desk.

"Tell him…that I miss him," he says quietly. "And that I'll be alright. Tell him that his brother's not alone anymore. That we'll get him out, together, even if it takes time, even if it'll be hard. We'll get him out," He says and fixes me an intense look.

I let out a stunned puff of breath, all kinds of fucking emotions rising up inside me. "Fuck. You just aim straight and throw true, huh?" I ask incredulously, and Potter huffs a laughter before he becomes sombre.

"Tell him?" He insists.

I roll my eyes exasperatedly. "Yes, I'll tell him," I grumble.

We eventually move back to the library and I show him the only references I have found from our library that even hint that there is a place between the living and the dead.

The day goes quickly by, and soon it is dark outside.

"I have to leave soon," Potter says after glancing at the timepiece on the wall. "Uh…come to dinner?" He asks tentatively, chewing his bottom lip as he gives me a searching look.

And fuck, if his words from earlier, or the light touch of his fingers against mine didn't distract me enough, this will. My eyes drop involuntarily down to his lips, and I swallow hard. And I know I'm not in any state to be in anyone's company. At least anyone other than Potter's, that is.

"Another time," I say as I move my eyes up and give him a strained smile. I can't really do much better right now.

We walk downstairs into the kitchen, and there's a tense silence when Potter turns towards me.

There's something in his eyes and the way he looks at me, something that makes my insides squirm with the need to touch him. With the need to feel him against me.

Potter surprises me by taking a step towards me. He takes my hand, laces our fingers together and tugs me closer. And I can't do anything but follow him blindly, too stunned by his initiative. Too worked up about the possibilities that could result from this.

He's looking nervous, hesitant as our bodies are nearly touching.

"Okay?" He asks quietly, his eyes nervously running over my face as he licks his lips.

Oh, fuck…I'm ruined.

I give him a curt nod, and swallow audibly. "Okay."

Potter leans closer to me, slowly, almost frustratingly so. Until our lips touch. Then it feels like my head is made of liquid, like every coherent thought has dribbled out of my ears. The only thing I can feel, or think of, is him. His mouth, his scent, the way he is warm and soft and equally hard at the same time. The way he clutches my hand, and the way his lips press against mine, so confidently, so effortlessly, the nervousness long gone.

His nose brushes mine as he moves slightly, tilting his head for better access, sending shivers down my spine. My heart is hammering in my chest, and the need to touch him, to taste him grows inside me, making every inch of me awake and alive and eager for more.

Knowing that I can't let this…craving inside of me take over, I pull away, only so much that our lips are not touching, but our breaths still mingling. Potter leans his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, his body trembling, and I try to steady my hands and my rapidly beating heart, before I speak.

"Wow, that was…" I say quietly, finding myself at a loss for words. That was, wasn't it. Fuck…I can't even think straight.

"Yeah, wow…" Potter breathes, a light chuckle escaping from him. "Can we just…can we do that again?" He whispers unsteadily.

I suppress a grin and nod faintly. "I think we might be able to," I say steadily.

As Potter lets out an amused huff, I touch the line of his jaw and his lips part slightly, his eyes opening and fixating on mine. I gently pull him towards me and close the distance between our lips again.

Potter shudders from the contact and places a hand against my chest as he kisses me back, tentatively, slow at first, but then more firmly.

And Salazar, it feels like nothing I've felt before.

Minutes go by, hell, it might as well be hours, but the kiss still ends too soon. Potter leans back this time, a dazed look in his eyes, his cheeks glowing, and his lips…his lips soft and red and so fucking delectable.

I swear the image of him right now is already imprinted somewhere into my brain, and I'm never going to get rid of it. Not that I'd even want to.

"I should go," Potter says reluctantly, gives our joined hands a sad smile before letting go of me.

I manage to collect myself together and trail a hand though my hair as I lick the taste of him from my lips.

"Yeah. They'll worry if you won't show up soon…" I mutter distractedly.

I push away the thoughts of frustration and unhappiness I suddenly feel, into a dark corner of my mind. But that doesn't help with the fact that I don't want him to leave.

Potter frowns as he studies my features. "Could we…maybe…see each other? Before I go back to Hogwarts?" He asks, his voice mixed with uncertainness and anticipation.

With a jolt of relief, I give him a small smile before I speak. "Yes."

Potter's lips twist into a lopsided grin. "Okay. I'll, um…I'll let you know when I can come, yeah?"

I nod at him and then he turns towards the fireplace. He grabs a handful of floo powder and throws it into the fire, yelling the name of the Weasley home. With one last, lingering glance towards me, he walks into the green flames and disappears.