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Chapter 38 Something to Cry About

Severus was not as excited as Prof. Abstractus was regarding a substitute for hardly used eyeballs.

If Severus felt better, he might be tempted to find more uses for this compound. The augurey was quite magical, but their repellent feathers discouraged many from looking further, except for the genius that found that eyeballs plucked out of the head of a live bird were efficient for weather and mood-altering use.

The draft of the article was correct from his point of view. Severus did none of the hands-on brewing.

Prof. Abstractus attempted to get him hopeful that this would allow him access to some of the school's potions equipment and inexpensive ingredients from the student stores.

Severus sighed in response, the man may be at the school, but he had no clue what went on around here. There were three problems with this idea – Slughorn, Dumbledore, and lack of free time.

At the very least, he would not have to worry about his Arithmancy grade for a while. The lack of Latin sounds in Joe Rue's name did not give Severus hope that this would lead to a potion apprenticeship in Great Britain.

For all her talk of adventure, Lily was not amenable whenever he mentioned finding better opportunities elsewhere. He'd have to wait till for the outcome of her Healer apprenticeship before he broached it again. She interpreted his mad suggestion about Australia as an attempt to get her away from her family, rather than heading to a country settled by criminals who might more lenient about ancestors.

Regulus returned to Hogwarts in a foul mood and let all of Slytherin know it. From the way he was spitting mad, it was not about his father dying. Everything would carry on with the Black family since his father's father, Arcturus, was still alive, in charge of his mental faculties and knew his mother could take care of things in his immediate household.

Slughorn had burrowed deeply under his skin during the days they were absent from school. More than his parasitic nature, Regulus suspected the old duffer fancied his house, food, and his mother, in that order.

And then, if that was not enough, the other parasite reared his ugly head. Sirius had written his mother demanding money as his due from his father dying. Stupid bastard didn't realize when he was disowned by his father that meant he received nothing upon his father's death.

Although Severus would normally be happy to hear of Sirius Black being thwarted, especially when he was being especially dimwitted, there was further discussion and he found out that Sirius received a generous monthly allowance from the Blacks still. A month? Severus could live on an amount like that for years, or purchase someplace to live or set up his own potions laboratory. Every month, Sirius Black got a huge number of galleons because he was Sirius Black.

Severus was baffled by the other Slytherins. Not that they were talking in front of him like he wasn't there, but what they were talking about.

Like Black, they had no intention of supporting their wives and families, other than collecting a monthly stipend from their inexhaustible family vault, with larger withdrawals to cover bigger expenses.

That seemed to be Black's problem. He was not getting larger amounts upon request. The more Sirius Black's finances and holdings were discussed, the sicker Severus felt. He received a generous monetary dowry and a large townhouse in Paris from his wife's French family, along with a small estate in southern France for getting away. The two of them had been seen all over Europe for months now as they continued on their extended honeymoon. The absolute inconceivability of someone being exiled from his own country for killing another and spending his supposed punishment in one long, carefree party was intrinsically Sirius Black. Severus felt gutted.

After things seemed like they were getting back on track for Lily with Severus with Valentine's Day week, he no longer liked their room with the huge divan that had plenty of room for shagging, and was comfortable enough to snuggle and nap on after Sev cast a cushioning charm on it.

He was leery of their other private hideaways too. Casting minutes of spells before he'd give in to Lily. He would no longer completely undress either. He tried to tell her that something happened to Phi to disorient her that day, but since it had not happened once since then, Lily did not what the big deal was. Severus was letting his imagined fears interfere with his life, and hers.

Someone must have complained loud and long, or had a connection at the Ministry because a whole bunch of students were taking their apparition test prior to Easter. Lily had made a face when she saw the list. January birthdays together. Just terrific. What if Severus asked her to marry him again? He may have reached a point where Lily's hesitation could make him do something desperate, or even harm himself. She didn't want his current difficulties to color her decision either.

Lily felt that Severus became worse rather than better. Weeks had passed, and he still would not get completely undressed for her, besides wanting the lighting very dim. He was twitchier than ever and had crossed the border into nervous, anxious, and jumpy. His delusion that something could be watching them at any time within the castle was driving Lily mad. She realized it was his lack of sleep, but he was uninterested in catching up on the weekends with Lily watching over him due to his mysterious voyeur, and would not take any potions that would 'endanger' him in Slytherin.

He still fell asleep with Lily. It was inevitable whenever he lay down quietly, and Lily did nothing to distract him. Although rubbing his shoulders did nothing, she figured out that Severus relaxed when he was looking at her. Lily had known that from the time he dozed off after their first kiss, but she was always interested in doing something new with Sev.

Severus was getting all his schoolwork done and whatever he got up to for Mr. Filch. However, Lily found him less excitable, if that was a way to put it. Severus had no enthusiasm for activities without Lily. Even when one of his crazy arithmancy things got published in The Practical Potioneer.

The hissing and catcalls that came from Gryffindor table when the headmaster made an announcement regarding it were humiliating to Lily. She and Mary were the only two clapping at their table. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were politely encouraging, though Lily did notice Dirk Cresswell looked rather sour, and the Slytherin table was mixed. Even so, they were mature enough not to act like the toerags on her side of the Hall.

Why the hell was Slughorn putting his hands in the air and nodding his head after the headmaster made his announcement? If Severus did not know better, it would almost look like the son of a bitch was trying to take credit for his equation and solution. If Prof. Abstractus had not found such a remote potions brewer, it actually might have had Slughorn's name included, instead of Joe Rue, Atlas Abstractus, and Severus Snape. Or even better, just Horace Slughorn alone. He did not need them to publish in that journal. Only one of the authors needed to belong to the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers. Slughorn was one, and this Joe Rue fellow was another, who was very far away and did not know that Slughorn claimed to know everyone. Rue's photo was even included. Seemed it was a standard practice to include the Potioneer's picture and vita with the article. Severus had looked at it. Rue was better looking than him. His nose was average looking, but his face looked disproportionately wide, and his eyes were small and set a bit too close together. He was young and groomed his beard, rather than the British style of simply letting it grow and not trimming it at all till it became a tripping hazard.

After dinner, Lily was on his case. "You could have been a little more gracious, Sev. You know how most Gryffindors are. Loud, obnoxious and don't care about schoolwork."

He glanced at her and decided not to reply to add 'self-centered' and 'uncaring' to her list of fine Gryffindor traits. Why couldn't Lily have been sorted into Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? If she was in Ravenclaw, he might be able to understand why she downplayed his feelings. Perhaps it was because she knew he had no one else now. Severus had to pay attention to her and try to please Lily, or else she'd get angry, stop talking to him, and spend her time with her other friends. Even though he had tampered with Lily's enjoyment of other men, she could still shag them and go on to marry one of them.

"Well?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"I said, you should take more pride in your accomplishments. A serious contribution to potions."

"It's not that big a deal, Lily. It's not as if I found an alternate to one of the big ones, like a substitute for phoenix tears."

"You did not need to sit there with a sneer on your face."

With a growl of exasperation, Severus informed her, "I was not sneering. I was having difficulty breathing because the air in the Great Hall became so thick with envy."

Lily rolled her eyes at Severus. Then she asked him about his homework to plan out how they'd best utilize their time in the library.

All of the sixth year students born in January and February passed their apparition test. There were a couple near misses, but it got sorted on the second or third try.

Although Lily passed on her first attempt, and so did Severus, she was disappointed that Severus had not reminded her how close they were to the paperwork to file for a different license. Not that Lily was about to answer 'yes', but she would like to be asked. Had Severus changed his mind? He would have said something if he did, or would he? If Lily never said she would marry him, he may not feel obligated to say he reconsidered. Lily reached her conclusion that if Severus had changed his mind, it was definitely due to his own current problems, rather than something she did.

As Prof. McGonagall was having them line up to go back to the floos, who should come strutting through the double doors, but James Potter?

Lily hoped those two people following in his wake were his parents because the bum rag was heading right for Severus and her.

The rest of the students were not happy to see him, but were relieved Potter had not shown up in time to stop them from their testing.

James knew as soon as he saw beautifully normal-colored skinned Evans when he came in the doors that today was going to bring big changes. Great changes. "It's my birthday today, Evans. How about a kiss?"

"Never! Get away from me."

Severus was prepared to separate Potter's lips from his face and plant them up Potter's own arsehole, if he got within five feet of Lily.

"Mr. Potter," Prof. McGonagall remanded, with the last 'r' rolling as her temper flared and heightened her brogue. "You are to leave my students in peace."

"Ah, come on, Professor," James replied with a lopsided grin. "Hey Evans, you got some time off soon. Why don't you come with me -"

"Get away from me, and don't come near my house either. It's your birthday and now you are legally responsible for your own actions, even if you still are an immature bum rag."

James laughed it off, "That's a good one, Evans. If you don't have time now, I'll write ..." His demeanor suddenly changed. Snape was standing behind Evans and had his slimy hand on her waist.

Guessing at what distracted Potter, since their eyes had locked, Severus smirked, as only he could smirk, now that his father was dead. Probably due to Potter somehow. He did not feel like smiling, however nothing got Potter to draw his wand faster. Would he fall for it in front of all these witnesses, including Ministry employees, Prof. McGonagall and his own parents with Magical Law Enforcement just a shout away?

YES.

Drawing his wand, James declared, "Get your greasy- His father had grabbed his wand, and James was embarrassed to get into a tug of war with him in front of Evans. "Let go. Can't you see?"

"Let go, James."

"Jamie, stop it!" shouted his mother. What was wrong with him? A girl from school says she doesn't want to kiss him, and he turned into an animal. Drawing his wand in front of these people in the Ministry. She never would have believed it if she hadn't seen it for herself. She so wanted to believe that her Jamie did not jinx all those young ladies, and now he was fighting with his father, rather than coming to his senses.

"Expelliarmus." Minerva McGonagall was not going to stand for Potter having the balls to attack Miss Evans right in front of her. She advised, "You two should face facts. Keep that wand away from him. Your son is an uncaring bully, and he'll end up in Azkaban or worse at this rate."

"What?" yelled James. Why was McGonagall trying to make him look like the bad guy? "It's Snape. Didn't you see what he did?"

"Mr. Snape was standing in line, where I told him to stand. You may not have to take instruction from me any longer, Potter, but I insist you do not attack others as you encounter them on the street or in the Ministry itself."

Mrs. Potter was looking at the students present. There was only one male Slytherin. Why did James obsess over that one? He was ugly, his hair was too long and mostly covering his face, but not enough see that he had horrible pockmarks, and he had terrible posture. He was right next to the girl that James had been bothering. If this Snape had done something to her Jamie, she would have seen it.

James couldn't believe it. His wand kept away from him, and his father saying he couldn't take his apparition test today. He was seventeen, damn it. He was entitled to get his apparatition license today, no matter what his parents said, but these Ministry parchment pushers would not test him when he demanded it. And then, the students from Hogwarts, even Evans too, were laughing at him, and returning to Hogwarts with his name on their snickering lips.

They would not be laughing when he was a famous quidditch player. He needed an apparition license to get to practices. James did not know where yet, but he'd need it. He was still deciding which team's robes looked best on him. He was leaning towards the Falmouth Falcons, but thought the Prides' robes were striking.

Severus did not know what the added excitement was regarding the upcoming Easter break. Lily was doing a great deal of talking about what they could do. He did not know why because with Petunia's wedding in less than two months, Lily should be considering her family needed her for things, other than this gown fitting for maids of honor, whatever those were. He did not understand what Lily was talking about, other than she was one of them. She also felt pink was the wrong color to go with her hair, and Petunia chose it on purpose. Severus considered Petunia capable of many underhanded things, but choosing colors for her own wedding to make her sister looked 'washed out' in the photographs?

Prof. McGonagall also pestered him. He had thought she was asking more questions because Slughorn was away frequently. Upsilon had not been a Hogwarts' student, so his management method of Slytherins with the evening morality tales from different cultures, might get the deputy Headmistress concerned.

Unfortunately, she asked about Severus, rather than Slughorn, so there was little opportunity for him to voice his reasons to sack Slughorn such as not teaching, not doing his head of house duties, and kept claiming he was helping a student, while Regulus Black was at Hogwarts, not home.

He did not bother answering Dumbledore's questions. In a castle as immense as Hogwarts, his candy-clicking mouth could be far away from Severus. Just as it had been for years, and Severus wished it would return to that. It would be best for both of them if they treated each other like strangers, rather than this 'my boy' shit. Severus was not Dumbledore's boy or man or whatever. Never. He wished Dumbledore died alone, choking on a clicking hard candy, and hoped it lodged in his throat to create some very painful choking as no one lifted a finger to help while the old self-centered liar kept holding onto hope that someone could come through the door any second and save him. If he could make a grotesque face while he choked, that would be better to leave an unsightly body. Perhaps soil himself too, at the end.

Severus had his own ideas as to what he'd do. He had never celebrated Easter so there was no call on his time to do whatever Lily was talking about with rabbits, eggs and baskets. Other than that, he would be available for Lily. He could look through the things still in Spinner's End more closely and box up the books. If he could manage it, he could go to Gringotts from King's Cross, and then use this public floo directory he got from the Ministry to get to within safe apparating distance from his home.

His expectations were very low. It was better to keep them that way, rather than get teased to the point of traveling beneath the surface with a goblin, going to a vault so deep it was guarded by more than stomach-heaving, twisting turns, only to open it and find it full of cobwebs and mouse corpses. Severus probably would not even get that far. A goblin would look at the papers, laugh, then call more goblins over and they'd all have a good laugh together, and slap each other on the back while tears streamed out their eyes. Then they'd go back to counting out Sirius Black's monthly allowance in towering stacks of galleons that covered a huge table.

Regulus knew Kreacher was sworn to secrecy, but he knew the house elf his whole life. Kreacher still expressed an opinion whether something was a secret or not.

Kreacher was friendly to Regulus so he called him to Hogwarts for a chat.

Kreacher had plenty to say about Slughorn.

Even though Kreacher was only a house elf, Regulus commiserated with it, agreeing that Slughorn was not worthy to even set one of his filthy, shabbily shod, sweating toes in number twelve Grimmauld Place. Foul libertine taking advantage of his mother's grief. That Kreacher could understand. This overstuffed philanderer was going to break his mistress's heart after he preyed upon her good nature, and then would cruelly use and discard her. The cad! Reprobate! Vile seducer!

After Kreacher popped away reassured that Regulus loved his mother and was very concerned for her happiness and well-being, as any good son of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black should do, Regulus sighed knowing a surly house elf was not going to be enough to dissuade Horace Slughorn. He barely noticed the little things, unless it was sprinkled on food.

Regulus had to go home for Easter because Barty was staying at Hogwarts to study. He was not going to follow his brother's example of mouthing off, slamming doors, and hurling insults at everyone to get himself tossed out on his ear.

If he played his cards right, Regulus stood to inherit everything. He was the only male Black of this generation because Cygnus only had girls, and only Narcissa remained.

Cygnus was his mother's brother. He could get rid of Slughorn, or stand back and allow his mother to do something foolish to elevate his family above Regulus's in the family hierarchy.

He could not discuss the situation with his fellow Slytherins any more because it had gone beyond the amusing stage. His brother, Sirius, was already one of the top-ranked witless buffoons of this century, but now his mother might join him. Letting Slughorn take a student under his wing to elevate them so they in return could shower their bloated mentor with gifts was acceptable. The preteens and teens of Slytherin were appalled to consider that their Head of House could be laying wand to one of their recently widowed mothers. Walburga Black's only chance of retaining her good reputation was for the rumor to be put about that Slughorn slipped her a potion.

Severus sat on the Hogwarts Express with Lily and Mary MacDonald. Although Lily had told him for months that things were not well between the two girls, he never doubted that Lily would not remain MacDonald's friend. Likewise, Lily would have to do something pretty horrible to have MacDonald give her up since she needed assistance. MacDonald's spellwork with her left hand was terrible, and her fake hand was klutzy.

The train had already departed the Hogsmeade Station when their compartment door opened. Regulus Black appeared displeased. He asked, "Snape, is there room in here?"

Severus knew with only three of them that left seats, but looked at Lily. She shrugged in response so Severus replied, "If you want to join us, Black, you can."

"Hmmm," was Regulus's only response as he threw himself into the seat next to MacDonald and opposite Evans. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked out the inner compartment window to the passageway. Without Barty, this trip was unbearable. The other Slytherins were making jest of his mother and Slughorn. At least he could count on Snape not to tell mother jokes.

Mary and Lily saw Regulus as fresh meat to entertain them. Lily knew Severus was tired so she was trying to leave him alone in the corner, besides she would either be rubbing Mary's nose in the fact that Sev would talk to her, or inspire Mary to start chatting with Sev.

Lily left to join the other prefects and then took one walk the length of the train before returning to their compartment.

Regulus was reading, and Mary watched Severus doze. Lily did not think he was truly sleeping because there was no snoring or drooling, just occasional twitching while Phi was alert on the seat behind him.

After making a face at Mary, Lily tried to look at Regulus while pretending she was reading too. He looked too much like Sirius for Lily to think he appeared handsome. Not that the Black boys were not handsome in their own way, but Lily had seen Sirius pointing and laughing so many times, she knew how ugly he could be. Why was Regulus in Slytherin, and Sirius sorted into Gryffindor?

Eventually they reached King's Cross and the students were disgorged onto Platform 9 ¾ to find their families after they each bid their traveling companions a good holiday. Unlike the others, Severus nodded at MacDonald and grunted likewise to Regulus.

When Lily found her mother and Petunia, Severus said, "I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

"Where are you going?"

"I was going to go to Diagon Alley before I apparated home."

"What for?"

Reluctant to admit he had slight hopes that were about to be mangled and trampled by goblins, he replied, "Phi. I don't think Cheeri Owls are the best diet for her. I can also save by not paying train fare."

Mrs. Evans exclaimed, "Severus! I didn't know you'd be here. How are you?"

"Fine, Mrs. Evans."

He certainly did not look fine to her. His face was pitted with pockmarks. Lily had written about hers and that they were fading. Although her daughter's beautiful skin was marred, Severus's face was ruined.

Frowning at Lily, she explained, "If I had known you'd be home for Easter … oh darn. Vernon's staying in our guest room till Monday, but … maybe you can camp out on the sofa? Or better yet, the girls can share, and you can stay in Lily's room."

Petunia let out a horrified shriek at that idea. She didn't want her freak sister at home meeting Vernon, but her parents insisted. Vernon did not know about Lily's freakishness, and now filthy Snape was around too? Even if Lily could act normal for a couple minutes at a time, Severus Snape would not. She was also regretting her mother pressuring her into letting Lily into the bridal party. That was not a couple spots that concealer could handle. Her photos were going to be ruined.

"Stay? Did something happen to the house in Spinner's End?"

"You can't stay there alone overnight, Severus."

"I'm capable of staying on my own."

"He is seventeen, mother," Petunia said, forced to agree with her nemesis. She might even have enough money to give him plane fare to Transylvania, or wherever these freaks went for fun. Petunia did understand her mother's feelings due to both of his parents dying so it was a bit hard for her to unleash her full displeasure at him. His cratered face would probably bring tears to her mum's eyes too, and Petunia did not want to be in the line of fire when that started.

"I'm not saying you are incapable, but I'd feel better knowing you were all right, Severus."

"Doesn't that thing have a cage?" Petunia asked. Lily's owl stank, but at least it was decently confined.

"She doesn't need one because I'm not taking the train. I've got some things to do in London, and then I'll apparate, or make myself disappear here and reappear somewhere else."

Petunia liked the sound of the disappear part.

"Will you be back in time for dinner, Severus?"

Petunia audibly growled.

"I might, but I wouldn't want to intrude on Lily's first meal back. Also, the first time she's meeting Petunia's intended?"

"You can meet Vernon too, Severus."

"Maybe I should wait till any explanations are made, or does he already know?"

"Of course not," Petunia snapped.

"He'll have to be told someday," her mother speculated.

"We can see how it goes first," Lily suggested. She did not want to turn dinner into a magic show.

"I suppose I'll have to mention your friend too, if he's coming over," Petunia grumbled.

"Keep the explanation simple. He'll probably fill in the details for us," Severus proposed. "Also, don't make us sound too good at school because we study such different things."

Lily snorted. Petunia make them sound smart? What had Tunie told this Vernon about her already?

Mrs. Evans said, "If you get home and find it's a bit too much, Severus, please come over."

He considered once he got crushed at Gringotts and found out he was killing Phi with Cheeri Owls, he may feel bad enough that he'd want to join the Evans.

Reminding them of the time, Petunia warned, "We should hurry, or we'll have to wait for the next train."

They said their farewells with Mrs. Evans pestering Severus a bit more before they left.

Resolved that he might as well go to Gringotts, Severus was heartened that if it was abominably dismal, he could visit Lily this evening.

Severus apparated and after he took a short walk to the bank, was asked to wait by a goblin. When one of them finally got to him, he handed over the dozen sheets of parchment and allowed the goblin to read them over. After about ten minutes of studying them, the goblin asked Severus to follow him into an office.

Other goblins hovered about and pulled out books. Severus presented what keys he had, his mother's one, the one they recently mailed to him, and all the ones he found with the gobstones. They appeared to be looking at things. They were wasting a lot of time if they were going to laugh at them. Goblins would not care about hurting his feelings. If he was entitled to nothing, they should come right out and say it.

He was invited to take a seat, and a goblin presented him with a quill and ink to sign documents. They had revised the ones his mother had received.

Before signing, Severus asked, "What are the penalties for me assuming ownership of these vaults?"

"There are no penalties for inheriting a vault, Mr. Snape."

The goblin said his name in an odd manner, but Severus had never had someone address him with deference so he did not recognize it.

"Fees, taxes, some charge by the Ministry? And I assume Gringotts itself generates revenue from managing these vaults? Obviously from the lengthy amount of research here," Severus referred to the topmost document, "that Rufus Lestrange's younger sister, Elizabeth, married Uther Prince in 1806 and then had children, took time and effort on your part."

The goblins around him broke into wide grins. It was rare that a wizard acknowledged that they performed a service and should expect adequate compensation. The head clerk informed Severus, "We do accept tips, Mr. Snape. If you are pleased with our service, you may reward us with what you feel is fair. We are duty-bound to protect your assets as part of the bank's policy set forth by Gringott himself. It's only when the Ministry interferes and the bank is managed by wizards that mandatory minimum charges are incurred even for the smallest or simplest transaction."

Severus was skeptical, so asked, "So if these vaults are as empty as my mother's, I pay absolutely nothing?"

Although this wizard was overly cautious and seemed intelligent enough to realize that there is nothing absolutely free, the goblins were puzzled by how dim-witted he was at the same time. He and his mother were heirs to substantially sized vaults, and now inherited the Lestrange fortune.

"Although we do not pry into wizards' affairs and have no accounting of what is contained in these vaults, I hope you will be pleasantly surprised, Mr. Snape. If not, Gringotts would accept no money for troubling you with these matters."

"Could something to that effect be included in these documents? There is no clause regarding fees, either way."

The goblins revised both copies of each vault transfer document with wording stating there was no fee due to the bank. Then Severus signed them all, and received his copy of each.

Confident that their new client, Severus Snape, would be very pleased, the head clerk personally offered to take him to his vaults to inspect them. All the goblins in this room desired to impress upon Mr. Snape their names, in case he had any further needs, do not hesitate to ask for any of them.

Severus could not reconcile the behavior of these goblins to Prof. Binns's bloodthirsty goblins fighting for their rights against oppressive wizards. If they carried on in this subservient manner at the bank, it was little wonder that wizards got the wrong impression of them. Prof. Flitwick was part goblin, and Severus considered him to be one of the good staff members at Hogwarts. He was never belligerent.

He shrugged and allowed the goblin to lead him to the vaults in a cart. Severus did not know when this would all come crashing down around him, but the goblins at least did not stand around smirking, winking, and jabbing each other with their elbows.

At the first vault, which the goblin described as 'modestly sized', it had only money in it. The head clerk started to believe this young wizard was mental. He kept repeating nonsensical questions about whether it was his to do with as he liked, and if he could touch or take any of it now. When he was a junior clerk, and was charged to bring inheritors of much lesser sums to vaults, the greedy witches and wizards would do bizarre things like strip off their robes and dive into a pitifully small pile of galleons.

This was not making sense to Severus. If his mother had a choice between eating an owl and accepting a large amount of money, she chose to eat an owl? She could have bought a whole farm of real chickens, or an owlery, if she preferred the taste of them.

It was then that Severus struck upon the true test as to whether this was his money. He took a double handful of coins and handed it to the goblin. If it was not his to give, the goblin would be bound not to accept it.

Perhaps this young man was a nutter, but he was the right kind of nutter for this goblin. Tipping a goblin before taking any for himself. It was a pity that this clerk could not remember his mother at all. She must have been an extraordinary witch to raise a wizard in this day and age with such impeccable manners.

Only at the first vault did Mr. Snape take any money for himself, but he tipped the clerk at each vault they inspected. The clerk began to discern the boy's derangement better. He was interested in the books, and asked numerous questions regarding how often he could come, and if it would be all right to consolidate the different vaults, rather than keeping them separate.

When they returned upstairs to outside of Gringotts' vaults, the wizard still asked questions. The bank was very discrete about who their clients were and the contents of their vaults. He seemed worried about his change of status. Understandable since the three Lestranges and his own mother died within a week of each other. Four heirs to a fortune snuffed out in seven days. The goblins were very busy between He Who Must Not Be Named and all the wizards who were taking advantage of using him as a convenient excuse to eliminate their rivals. There were lots of tips to be made.

Considering that this wizard only expressed an interest in books, there was also the possibility he could become one of their very best customers. There were goblin-made artifacts in his vaults. Perhaps he would not mind giving them back to their rightful owners? The head clerk would have to broach the idea with his superiors. However, he did perform the extra service of letting the young man know he should engage a solicitor. If anything happened to him, all the contents of these vaults would need to be assigned to the next heir, and make a lot of unnecessary work for the bank. If Mr. Snape would draw up a will, if anything unfortunate occurred, the individuals or institutions of his choosing would benefit. The head clerk already happened to have a short list handy of solicitors he recommended.

Although Petunia's current worry was Vernon and the possibility of him running like hell as soon as he met her freak sister, her mother and Lily did bring her round to talking about everything that had been planned, in case Vernon stuck around. There were also the many lovely things Petunia had bought earlier in the day in London since she was forced to travel down to pick up Lily.

Lily thought they could play by ear the explanation of what she did at boarding school. Since her muggle education ended at such a young age, she had to concede that perhaps a learning disability would be believable. Though if the subject never came up, Lily saw no reason why they should have to volunteer that.

As they got closer to home, Petunia's nerves frayed even more. Perfect Lily was home. Her parents would overlook her face. Why couldn't she spend the holiday at that freak school of hers? Knowing how much Lily liked to be the center of attention and ruin everything, that's probably why that Snape boy was with her. Lily might behave herself in front of their parents, but her mum was going to be fawning over him because his parents had died, and he was more hideous now than he had ever been before. She had heard more than enough conjecture about Severus Snape in the past two months to last a lifetime. This was supposed to be a time leading up to the happiest day of her life.

Severus stepped out of Gringotts with more money on him then was in his mother's vault when he first saw it on their trip to Diagon Alley years ago to get him ready for Hogwarts. The bank even exchanged some of it for muggle money.

He expected to be pursued as a thief. People, even by accident, would not leave or give him money. When the goblins realized they made a huge mistake, would they ask him for this money back? It was after all their error that caused him to think it was his.

Perhaps one of these solicitors would write a document for him, clarifying he was not at fault for the bank's mistakes? Though if a goblin gave him these names, they would probably never participate in any actions against Gringotts, even if they were at fault.

At least he could afford things for Phi so he took her to the Magical Menagerie for a physical and to get a few things that were healthier than Cheeri Owls. Nothing ridiculous. The only extravagance he got for her was a small metal mirror. She was quite keen to possess it.

There was no heavy hand on his shoulder as he made the purchase, nor any Magical Law Enforcement waiting to pounce on him as he exited the store after spending that money.

Severus could buy new clothes. One of Slughorn's mottoes was that the clothes make the wizard. He could not imagine himself in silk pajamas and an embroidered dressing gown, wearing a waistcoat, tweed or pinstripes. Besides, wouldn't it be more efficient to mix up gallons of Gregory's Unctuous Unction? No one would care what he wore then. There was little he could do about his physical appearance so he'd still be his same ugly self, no matter what he wore. He could also make friends if he started throwing galleons around like Potter. Hmmm, like Potter … should he get a racing broom? What did he need a broom for? He could apparate, and had better things to do than chase after balls.

He passed the bookstore and was tempted, however there were so many new books in those vaults for him to read now.

The wizarding jeweler's did catch his eye, and Severus entered. He knew Lily did not want anything detracting from Petunia's big wedding, but it would not hurt to look. Besides, there appeared to be so much variety that whatever he chose would be all wrong. The singing and talking engagement rings were really annoying. Severus wouldn't want that chirping in his ear while he was trying to sleep. The salesman lost interest when he realized he was not going to make a purchase today. Without Lily to say what she liked? That would be a huge mistake.

Still thinking that a solicitor may be a good idea, Severus apparated to the Minsitry to see if there was a department where he could inquire for a list of wizards that practiced law. He could write a few to see if they'd be interested in what little business he had to offer them, and post them when he returned to Diagon Alley to trade his mother's books for other ones, after he looked through them and boxed them up.

Mrs. Evans was happy to see Severus the next morning, and let him in as soon as he reached their back porch.

"I'll have tea ready for you in a moment, Severus. Please sit down."

"Thank you, Mrs. Evans."

"Was everything alright last night?"

"Fine."

"Do you need any help over there?"

He paused then replied, "I'd rather do it myself, if you don't mind. It's not bad, and I would rather not miss anything, if there's something to find."

"Well, you come over here if it gets too lonely. If you have any trouble figuring out how to clean something, I can help. Lily told me you can do all the magic you two want now, but some things could take a little elbow grease."

Severus made a face as she turned to pour from the kettle. What was elbow grease? Sometimes the inside crease of his elbows got a little sweaty. He wouldn't clean anything with that. A clean house? Maybe it was too early to make such a radical change at Spinner's End. He could live with gradually cleaner.

She brought him tea and a bowl of porridge. "There's different ways to tackle a big job. I prefer to work from the top down so all the dust and dirt that falls gets swept up off the floor."

What dust and dirt? There was none of that at the Evans.

"There's also working your way around a room, if it's over cluttered and such. Start at the door, and then choose a direction to head in and then you will circle around until you come back to the door."

Seeing as how she was waiting for him to say something, Severus replied, "I'm picking through things, rather than being organized and efficient. Maybe over the summer."

She was not happy with how things were being handled with Severus. Admittedly, Mrs. Evans was overenthusiastic over keeping things sorted and clean. Lily's comment over Mrs. Snape being a poor housekeeper had her wondering what he had on his hands over there. There was also undoubtedly a feeling of being crushed beneath it since the school made so little of such a tragedy, leaving Severus to sort it on his own. Their lot kills a bunch of her kind, including his father, and from Lily said in her letter, by the time they bothered to tell Severus, his mother's obituary was already magically published in their bloody newspaper. They gave him a morning off of school, and since he had nowhere else to go, resumed classes after lunch. If she had known, Severus certainly would have been welcome here. A whole lot sooner too, since he missed his own father's funeral. Even if his father was not one of their kind, he was a decorated war veteran and deserved to have his son informed and allowed to come home.

Since it was in no way Severus's fault, and Mrs. Evans did not want to upset him, she changed the subject. "I mentioned yesterday that Petunia's fiancé is staying a couple days. He's on vacation till Tuesday, so he'll be leaving on Monday. Lily finally met Vernon last night. He's aware that Lily attends a boarding school. Same as you."

"Me?"

"Well, you are Lily's friend, and we do expect you to come over while you are home too."

Severus nodded. That probably was not Petunia's idea. He suspected that she'd rather he stay far away, or if he did not live in Spinner's End, Lily hide out with him till this Vernon was gone.

"Vernon has not asked us why Petunia went to a different school than Lily, but it may come up."

"Has Petunia told him anything? We shouldn't contradict her."

"You wouldn't?"

"If one of us is not telling the truth, he'd probably believe Petunia. His first impression of Lily should not be that she's a liar."

"Petunia led Vernon to believe that Lily is not academically gifted."

"All right. That might be best since Lily and I are not similarly inclined to show off non-magical knowledge."

"Like what?"

"Um, well I can understand a lot of old languages. Mostly written, but Lily does not take that course, or have a curiosity for original spell composition. The courses we have in common are off-limits subjects … for those outside of immediate family."

"Well, I'm sure you can guess Lily's not happy."

"Is it possible to hint that after he's part of the family that he can be let in on the secret, or he's the type that will worry over it incessantly?"

"I'm not sure."

"Does he get angry? There is the converse situation where once he does know, he might not like it, and hold Petunia accountable for not telling him in advance."

"It's possible he may be upset. I'll see what Petunia thinks."

"What about Petunia?" asked Lily as she came in, giving Severus a smile where he sat at the counter.

"Nothing, Lily. We were only talking."

"How's Phi?"

"Fine. I bought her some different food and a small mirror."

"A mirror?"

"She wanted it."

"Does your bird talk, Severus?" Mrs. Evans asked. There was a Vincent Price movie with a talking raven.

"No, but I can tell when she likes something."

"Lily mentioned you received her as a gift. Is she working out?"

"I guess," Severus said with a shrug. He still did not want a familiar, but Phi was all right.

"Is she inside your house now?" Mrs. Evans queried.

"No, she's out right now. I can call her when I head home."

Petunia ran into the kitchen, and hissed, "He's coming." She then glared at Severus.

Severus quirked an eyebrow at her and said, "Good morning, Petunia." What made her think that he'd interfere with this nonsense? Once Petunia was married, she was moving far away. That was good. Besides, she was moving away under favorable circumstances, so Lily would be pleased.

The fellow that entered the kitchen was not what Severus imagined. He expected someone rather Petunia-like. He was wide, muscular and had no neck.

Petunia showed the large fellow to a seat that would keep his back to Severus at the counter, and said, "My father should be down shortly, but we can start breakfast without him. Lily will be going out with her friend after she's done."

"Hmm?" Vernon looked questioningly at the distasteful looking young adult with long hair, huge nose and a badly pockmarked face at the counter. He looked out of place in the Evans' orderly kitchen.

"That's Lily's friend from school that I mentioned."

"Severus," Lily added.

"What kind of name is that?" Vernon asked.

"A Roman emperor," Mrs. Evans answered to the surprise of all. "What?" she asked, "I looked it up. Might come in handy if I'm ever a contestant on a game show."

Severus nodded. He did not want to spark Petunia's temper.

"May I sit on the other side?" Vernon asked. Petunia said her mother had taken an interest in this fellow years ago. Abused in some way, and her sister brought him home for a hot meal. He was poorly dressed so his fortunes obviously had not improved. His Petunia said he ate here frequently during school holidays because her mother felt sorry for him, in a good Christian way.

Lily still stared daggers at Petunia. She had no plans to go out. She guessed they could go to Spinner's End, but Lily had not confirmed she was allowed there with her mum yet. Although now that she was seventeen she could go where she liked, but it would be polite to inform her mum. "Mum, um, what time did you want me home?"

"Can you two come back for lunch? We can take you for your fitting this afternoon, Lily, and maybe do something after that."

"All right," Lily agreed.

Severus was distracted by Vernon. He could eat more than Lily. Luckily, Petunia liked to cook. Was that their mutual attraction?

He was disheartened by why Lily could be attracted to him. Black and Potter undressed him publicly, and within a couple months she's offering him a toothbrush. They were going to Spinner's End to shag next, weren't they?

They were. A short walk to Spinner's End, and then up the stairs to Severus's bedroom.

Lily was relieved that Severus did not fuss over taking every stitch of clothing off. Did he even realize how well lit his bedroom was in the morning? It could be better if the window wasn't so dirty, but Lily could take care of that later. She was going to be around here for a little over a week.

Rather than repeatedly demanding more, Lily took the opportunity to lay next to Severus and touched him before she went exploring. His fingers were still crawling lightly over her skin, but not in a sexual manner, even though Lily had returned to reexamine Severus there. The warmer weather did make his bollocks look like the illustrations. He also had small burn scars down there. She looked at his face. His eyes were closed. How could she ask?

She then noticed that Severus had pink and blue toothbrushes on the washstand along with the almost full tube of toothpaste. If she hadn't been in such a hurry to get their clothes off, Lily may have noticed them before now. It would have been nice to brush their teeth together again. To start things, like they did … what felt like an eternity ago to Lily. Before dragonpox, a werewolf, Helen's murder, Christmas with Sev, and his parents also being murdered. As time went on, Lily grew more incensed over his mum. In her heart, Lily knew Sev would have taken care of his mother. She remembered those horrible weeks when it was likely Lily was a werewolf. Severus did not complain about it, he planned to help her and stay with her, unlike Mary's beau.

Sometimes it was simply better not to pay attention to what Lily was doing. Even though a large range of emotions played across her face when she played doctor with his cock, none of them was reassuring. Severus wanted to relax. He had gotten a surprisingly good night of sleep last night, and he felt much improved. Now Lily was with him, they were alone, and he was tracing the incredible way her skin felt.

Severus opened his eyes as Lily slid up his body. She hadn't bothered to get him hard. Was something wrong? She was looking at him. What had she not asked him about his anatomy now?

"Would you like to do anything in particular, Sev?"

"With you?"

"Yes."

"Whatever you want is fine, Lily," Severus replied.

"Surely there's something you'd like to do," Lily suggested, rubbing the front of his shoulders.

"Are you talking about shagging or something else?"

"Uh, how about something naked and together for this morning, and something else for either later today or tomorrow?"

"All right. For this morning, do you mean you want me on top, or something new?"

"There's something new?"

"There's always something new. Use your imagination, Lily."

"How about I let you do the imagining this time?"

"Well, we can start with something different if you turn around." He then amended, "No, not on your back, turn so you are facing my feet."

"Your feet?" Lily asked. That sounded intriguing. Severus grabbed her hips and pulled her backwards. She was about to tell him that she could not reach his feet like this, when she felt him doing something with his fingers, then his tongue. She grabbed his thighs and wriggled her hips. Eventually, her knees weakened and slid out from under her. He stopped.

Severus rolled out from under Lily, and suggested, "If you are going to fall on me, we can try side by side, or me over you."

"I don't think that position was very good to start with."

"It's not if you have no intention of reciprocating. You don't have to, I can do it like I've done it before."

"What do you mean?"

"Roll on your side. Now bend your leg like this, and I'll do the same."

"Oh!" Lily said in revelation as she realized what had been right in front of her. "I was looking at your feet."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Yes, if I say it, you're to believe it."

"I believe I am not in the mood to keep doing this. Can we try it again later in the week?"

"All right," Lily agreed, feeling a little foolish that she ignored Sev's naked thing inches from her face to look at his feet.

They resumed their regular face to face position and were content to look at each other's eyes till Severus suddenly thought of something. "Did you choose a different spell out of that book?"

"What book?"

"The one with the contraception spells?"

Lily gasped which was the only answer Severus needed as he cast the one-time spell at her.

"Will it work? Could I be pregnant right now?"

"The charm will probably still work since it's only been a short while. You do know that the chance for pregnancy overall is not likely? If we forgot the entire holiday week to cast a spell, the risk would be higher."

What if Petunia was as gifted at Divination as Lily? Oh no.

Severus saw the look of horror on Lily's face. "You were more likely to be a werewolf, Lily."

"What if I used up all my luck on that?"

"There's a book downstairs," he muttered. "Did you want to see it now, or wait till you think you really are pregnant? I won't pack it up with the others."

"You are packing up your books?"

"I've read them all, or at least looked at them. I did not study and commit the one I'm thinking of to memory."

"What's in it?"

"Different things. If I remember correctly it was a book of general knowledge regarding pregnancy. How to, and also keeping, saving, or getting rid of babies."

"Huh?"

"If you are, you don't necessarily have to have a baby in nine months. It can be put off."

"How do I get rid of it?"

"Rid of it for good? There's potions," Severus informed her. It was hurtful how quickly Lily could come to that decision, before she even determined if she was pregnant, without even looking at different options to delay a pregnancy. She wanted any possible child with him chucked out of her body. She'd naturally want beautiful children, like her.

"Can you go get it now?"

"All right," he said, rising quickly since he needed to leave the room before he started crying like a simpleton. He didn't want to have children now, but Lily's first response that any child of his should be gotten rid of hurt him.

Downstairs, he dawdled as he sniffed and wiped his nose and eyes on the back of his arm. He couldn't believe how stupid he was about Lily after all this time, and like an idiot he was looking at engagement rings yesterday. And now, his fucking clothes were all upstairs so he had to go back up there and in the room, rather than just lobbing the book through the door in at her.

Severus was in agreement that now was not an ideal time for this to possibly occur, but sometimes things happened for a reason. It was not prudent to immediately judge something as a disaster, unless lives were endangered. Like years ago when Severus was heart-broken over Lily getting sorted into Gryffindor, and the hat not listening to his pleas to be sorted with her. Lily in Slytherin? Severus in Gryffindor? Either one would have been the real disaster.

Lily impatiently waited upstairs. What was taking Sev so long? They could read it together. How could she have forgotten to cast that spell? She had even thought about it on the train yesterday. Lily had one picked out that would last a whole month or four weeks, whatever it was between periods. She could have cast it any time before she came over here. If Severus hadn't thought of it, she could have been in for a terrible surprise. When would she have even noticed? By the end of the school year, or over the summer holiday?

He came back in, and Lily could not help but giggle. She sent Sev running downstairs naked. He held out the book with both hands for her to take it. It was big.

"Did you find anything in it?" she asked as she took it.

"I did not look."

"What took you?"

"I was um, barefoot and the floor's dirty," Severus replied as pulled his clothes back on.

Lily rolled her eyes. Severus had some sort of hang-up regarding his feet.

She got comfortable and opened the book to the table of contents. There were sections on preventing, assuring and determining pregnancy, before it went into the being pregnant chapters. She flipped to the section on getting pregnant and then advanced quickly through the pages to charms to determine success. Scanning quickly there were a lot of ways to increase fertility. Ah, here it was. "Found a charm for finding out if I'm pregnant."

Severus took the book when she thrust it at him to hold while Lily got her wand. She reviewed the spell, mouthed the incantation silently, then practiced the wand movement twice, before actually casting it at her midsection.

Lily squealed in delight, "Nope, nothing. Yippee!"

"I told you the chance was very slight," he groused, upset further by her jubilation. "I'll cast the charm on you from now on so we know it's done."

"But I found a better one that's good for a whole month."

"Did you cast it on yourself already?"

"No, I forgot. Sorry, Sev."

He closed the book. "Let me put this back. Maybe I'll stay downstairs and get back to what I was doing."

"We still have time," Lily suggested.

For another quick shag? Severus did not want another worthless, quick shag with Lily so he left. Making Lily happy was not working.

Eventually Lily came downstairs. She had not seen the parlor in its entirety before since it had always been dark. Severus had opened the curtain, however Lily noticed he had not cleaned the windowsill. He had a half dozen open wooden crates about him, and two shut against the wall, which was also another bookcase. There were hundreds, maybe thousands, of books in here.

"Why are you packing up your books?"

"Why not?" he responded lowly as he flipped the pages of his current book. So far, he had found nothing from his mother.

Lily frowned at him. Severus loved books. Was it because they reminded him of his mother? "Can I help?" she asked, hoping he'd give her some insight into why he was doing this.

"I'd rather not."

"Can I clean the floor and the rest of the room?"

"You shouldn't bother yourself with it."

"It's no bother, and it'll give me something to do. Petunia won't want us back early. Hey, do you think she shags Vernon already?"

"I hadn't noticed. Was she flatter?"

"Sev!"

"Does it matter if they are? They will soon enough, if they haven't."

"You got me thinking. He's so much bigger than her. What do you think that's like?"

"Eat more, and then I'll let you know."

"Come on, I'm trying to be serious."

"You want me to imagine Petunia and her fiancé?"

"Not specifically them, but what it's like with a big fellow."

"I'm sure they manage it somehow."

"But what about a big belly?"

"You aren't that high up on my body," Severus responded. This was such a pointless conversation, unless Lily hinted at she wanted to gain sexual experiences with others.

Lily curled her lip. Would it be all doughy and mushy when she put her hands on it? Jiggle like crazy when she moved? Ugh. Lean men had to be better. Even in the dark, Lily bet she could feel the wobble. Shagging would make her sea sick.

She got rid of the dead flies. Sev should have at least done that. Sighing, she went behind him to see what book he was going through.

He was turning the pages too fast so she said, "Could you slow down, Sev?"

He closed it and held it up to her. "Why don't you take it, and read it at your pace?"

"Is something wrong?" she asked, not taking the book.

"Maybe I'll come back here after lunch to get a better start on this."

"Was it because I didn't realize you wanted me to use my mouth earlier?"

"No, that has nothing to do with it, Lily."

"Well, something's wrong with you."

"There's a lot to do here. If I don't get as much done now, it'll all be waiting for me when the summer holiday begins. Since you have things planned with your mother and Petunia, it would be a good time for me to make a dent in this."

"Why are you bothering to look through the books, if you've already read them? It'd be a lot faster to box them without paging through them."

Severus opened his mouth to reply and stopped. Lily would not care if he was wasting his time to find anything from his mother. He himself doubted there was anything, but he'd rather confirm it now, rather than keep wondering for years. He was a feeble- minded blockhead that expected people to care for him so he was a complete buffoon searching for proof of that. Severus would continue to foolishly hope even after he had looked at every book here, and start looking under the tables and chairs, and perhaps rip open the worn, upholstered furniture.

Lily had thought her idea was sensible and efficient.

However, Severus looked around at the books forlornly and tears formed in his eyes before he started crying. W

ithout giving a thought for how dirty the floor was, Lily joined him on it. She took his hand and pleaded, "Take all the time you want, Sev. I didn't understand how you were going about this."

She had a sudden thought. There was the right amount of storage here for the books, why would he be packing them? Either the books or the house were going. If Severus was going to sell the house, the books would still be his. If he was selling the books, he was taking his time saying farewell to them. Besides the house though, they may be the only asset he had.

Severus removed his hand from Lily's. He didn't want her pity. Sitting on the floor pathetically crying … if his father was here, he'd give him something to cry about. This room was full of those kind of memories. He wiped his face on the sleeve of his jumper and took a deep breath.

"Oh Sev," Lily exclaimed, and threw her arms around him.

He tried to get his arms between them to pry her off, but Lily had followed with the rest of her body. "Lily," he protested, "I'm not in the mood for this right now."

Rather than removing herself from him, Lily kissed him repeatedly while holding his head to fight him twisting his face away. "I'll help you, Sev. You don't have to do everything alone."

Sighing, he knew Lily did not understand the difference between together and alone. Shagging, even though they were together, did not mean they were together. Even with ensuring that he'd be the lover she always enjoyed and craved, Lily was still interested in trying other lovers, marrying someone else and having that man's children. To him, that defined being left alone, no matter how many times this week, or until they graduated, she screamed his name in ecstasy. It was unfathomable that he could find someone else to love the way he loved Lily. She was the one. By that very definition, there could be no other for him.

After leaving Lily after lunch, Severus stopped at the market to buy some fresh food for him and Phi to eat later. He declined Mrs. Evans' invitation to dinner. He would have turned down lunch too, but she had an egg and cress sandwich already prepared for him. Severus could not be that churlish. The others were having roast beef with horseradish. She had a big, electric meat slicer with a fast-moving circular blade to cut the roast extremely thin. Mrs. Evans had all sorts of muggle gadgets.

Rather than going back to sorting through books, Severus spent time cleaning the parlor. The window was too clean now so he cast a charm that filmed up the glass so anyone outside could not see in, besides adjusting to the sun's brightness.

He also tried the 'top down' way that Mrs. Evans mentioned. So much debris and residual dregs fell and drifted to the floor, that Severus chose to vanish a section at a time since it was over an inch deep in places. The furniture shed more detritus, in addition to what fell on it from above. Severus scourgifyed the entire floor multiple times because he did not believe once, twice or even three times would be enough. The rug was thin, faded, and seemed to actually become dust-colored, if there was such a hue. The wood boards underneath were also the same shade. The furniture had also absorbed the colorless tint. He could still make out the pattern in the area carpet and the leaf-like pattern that was printed on this chair so they had not completed absorbing the lifelessness of the room, or would the lifelessness of the room draw the color out of objects?

The parlor had not seemed this bad when he was a child. The curtain would be closed, and he and his mother would sit in here, with the kerosene lamp making it seem like there was no one other than the two of them. She'd teach him through stories or take out a book when he was older and understood more.

They also sat in the kitchen, at the table. The light was better for reading out there, and he could write at the table. As he got older, he needed less supervision during his lessons, so his mother preferred they were in the kitchen, since that is where she kept her Pimms. More convenient if she did not have to get up and try to walk.

Mother let him read whatever book he wanted, even the Dark Arts books. He looked at them fondly. They were his favorites. No one understood. There was using the Dark Arts, mastering the Dark Arts, and defeating those who thought they mastered the Dark Arts. The Dark Arts were powerful, deadly, and fascinating since it was constantly mutating as dark wizards tried to outdo each other with crueler atrocities. They wanted to create fear. Severus understood and compared the Dark Arts to fighting a many-headed monster. Defeat one head only to find that fiercer head has grown back in its place, or perhaps two heads instead of one. Indestructible.

If Severus wanted to protect himself against something seemingly indestructible and feared by most, he'd have to understand it. He spent a lot of time trying to understand what endangered him, and how to preserve himself.

In most circumstances, he only had himself to rely on, but he was able to identify allies at times. Such as Potter in the Ministry. He was going to attack Severus simply because he was there. It was nothing new. Severus had evolved a defense against that threat over time. At first he would fight back, even ambush an opponent to try to instill fear in them, but when that proved fruitless, Severus would cast only benign things such as shields. He then gained Prof. McGonagall as a possible ally. Although it was true she held no real power at Hogwarts or any at the Ministry, if Severus was not mortally wounded by Potter and Black, there would be possible repercussions that he could benefit from. McGonagall was quite good at shaming those in authority to see Potter for the monstrous bully he was. After six years, Potter was expelled, and even his parents were doubting James Potter was absolutely the most perfect wizarding boy of all time who was maligned by all those jealous of him.

Other than McGonagall, Severus could only count a handful of others at Hogwarts as allies. Not steadfast allies through thick and thin, but ones who were able to accept the truth rather than lying and covering arses. Unfortunately the school was run by Dumbledore with Slughorn at his side. Without Slughorn, the headmaster seemed purposeless with his absent wanderings about the school. Nonetheless, Dumbledore was no friend of his. Dumbledore was also chummy with the Ministry, which was a bloated bureaucracy filled with those more interested in serving themselves than the people who paid their salaries. Severus saw what kind of students Slughorn handpicked to move into Ministry positions. If Severus told them altruism was a muggle religion, they'd believe him.

There was also a third quasi-organization, the Death Eaters and He Who Must Not Be Named. Even if one could neglect the rumor that his parents were a muggle and a squib, two of his most infamous followers were recently killed by Severus's father and his drinking buddies, followed shortly by Bellatrix Lestrange, who may have suffered grave injuries in that attack. Dark wizards killed by muggles with broken beer bottles? Not the finest moment for pureblood supremacy.

Whichever way he looked at it, Severus could make no sense out of them attacking the pub. They were too far away from London and proper wizarding families for the The Daily Prophet to even report on it. Spreading fear only works if word gets out. Severus was sure it had something to do with Potter, Black, and Pettigrew there last summer, but he could not imagine any of those three having the influence to convince He Who Must Not Be Named that it was a worthwhile target. Pettigrew was dead. Sirius Black was screwing his way across Europe. So that only left James Potter. The coincidence of him being at the Ministry to take his apparition test, conveniently scheduled for Lily and Severus on Potter's seventeenth birthday, might mean something. However, the dunderhead only bothered Lily for a kiss, and said nothing to him at all about his muggle father.

The bizarre thing about it was that he was given access to the family vault of his father's killers. Their vault was huge and full. Was it anything like the Black or Potter vaults? There were a few vaults that were guarded by that imprisoned dragon in the deepest level of Gringotts.

Severus could only conclude he had more enemies than he could imagine, and no idea what most of their reasons would be to harm him, except the old standby that Severus deserved it because he exists.

He could use the Dark Arts to make others fear him so the bulk of them might leave him alone to find easier targets. These books did not contain the perfect plan to accomplish that. Bringing someone back from the dead as a mindless zombie slave? Would anyone notice a difference in Potter's or Black's behavior if he did that? Splitting his soul into pieces to live forever? Severus would like to live, but forever would get tedious. If Lily was not living forever, he could not see the point, especially the warnings about the damaged soul making the wizard inhumane. Lily was not attracted to inhumane. Though if Lily was going to find her husband soon, Severus might want to consider the benefits of delving deeper into the Dark Arts. He would no longer care. Obviously caring that Lily loved him and wanted to be with him was a huge problem from the amount of sniveling he did earlier today. Not caring was better than the pain Lily was going to cause him.

Not just any spell would do. It would have to be significant and symbolic. He had the vial of blood he collected from Lily when he took her virginity. With her confunded, it seemed a pity to let it go to waste, even though he had no idea what he'd use it for. He needed to look at more books. His mother had very little on the blood magic branch of the Dark Arts. When Lily looked at him with that happy grin and her eyes shining brightly to blithely tell him of the perfect wizard she intended to marry, he would be ready to prevent his suffering. He was weary of constantly being in pain.