The biting wind grew colder, sending shivers down my spine. I wrapped the thin robes tightly around my frail body, a sharp ache in my head reminding me of the prolonged exposure to the frigid air. Mei Xiang, my ever-present companion, emerged before me, her footsteps as quiet as a mouse.
"Young master." she called out softly. "The cold is unbearable this morning. Shall we retreat indoors? I can bring you a cup of warm tea."
She had become my sole confidant in this desolate place. Loneliness had enveloped me within this perfect prison. The once burning determination to fight for what was bestowed upon me had faded. It was difficult to muster the strength to resist when the adversary himself was absent. What was the point anymore? Mu qin's words echoed in my mind.
"When your fate is sealed, it becomes etched in stone, unalterable until rebirth."
In moments like these, surrounded by solitude, I yearned for Mu Yang's presence. My thoughts were abruptly interrupted as Mei Xiang returned, announcing the arrival of my uncle's personal aide and my audacious cousin, En Lai, at the garden entrance. I positioned myself a little farther away by the pond, yet close enough to observe and overhear them clearly. Though absent, he had a way of making his intentions known. My cousin bowed slightly, his gaze shifting to Mei Xiang, who stood beside him.
"Leave us." I commanded.
"Young master, wouldn't it be more appropriate to receive your guest indoors?" she inquired.
However, the cool air was a necessary respite if I were to endure my uncle's new directives and my tormentor's presence. Raising my hand, I silenced her. Her concerns were valid, but now was not the time for her to question me in their presence. My uncle detested any association with those he deemed beneath our status.
"Very well, I shall bring refreshments." she acquiesced, departing, leaving us amidst the morning chill and the fragrant scent of flowers. En Lai and Bai Mo Ping made their way towards me, settling into the seats opposite mine. These visits were becoming increasingly burdensome, the weight of expectations too heavy to bear. Those who sought to exploit me for personal gain and those who simply wished to eliminate me. I massaged my temples, attempting to alleviate the throbbing headache threatening to overwhelm me.
"Speak." I commanded.
"Oh, big brother Cai, there's no need for anger. Father is only concerned for your well-being," En Lai remarked, his tone laced with false sincerity.
"And what about you?" I questioned, my eyes still shut. "What is it that concerns you, little brother Lei?"
"Please, big brother, do not be angry with me anymore. Is it not because of me that we have been blessed with this good fortune?" He gestured grandly, waving his hand about.
I couldn't help but question the words that often escaped his mouth.
"Good fortune bestowed upon us?" I scoffed .
"Ah, my dear little brother, isn't it fortunate for the Zho family to have the emperor's favor?"
I sigh, my frustration evident. "But while our family enjoys this good fortune, I alone had to endure the consequences of the emperor's actions in his bedchambers. Do tell me, little brother, where is the good fortune for me that you speak so fondly of?"
En Lai smirks, amusement shining in his eyes. "Ah, dear brother, you are indeed correct." He leans closer, as if sharing a secret. "But I must inform you that being at the end of the emperor's desires can be quite an enjoyable experience." He whispers, then leans back, observing the distress and embarrassment his words cause me.
I can't help but blush at his audacity. "Well, if you're so well-informed about the emperor's affairs, perhaps you can take my place," I retort, crossing my arms defiantly. But as the words leave my lips, a bitter taste lingers, reminding me of the shame and humiliation I endure.
"But dear brother, it is only you that he desires, and it's only fair given how beautifully you present yourself." En Lai says dismissively, waving a hand in the air.
I haven't encountered En Lai often since that ordeal, but when I do, his words never fail to infuriate me.
"Little bother, I left my mother's house to live with our uncle, to be trained in the arts of war and marry a woman, not to be subjected to this disgrace," I tell him, frustration seeping into my voice. He scoffs, brushing off my words.
"Let us not dwell on the past, big brother. I bring news about your husband, the emperor." En Lai says, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
I can hardly believe that my own brother would dare to disgrace me like this, speaking of the supposed good fortune his schemes have brought him. If it weren't for him, I would be free to roam the capital as a young master should. I feel as though my fate is being cruelly twisted.
"What is it this time? What does our father desire of me?" I ask, my patience wearing thin. "Just deliver the message, En Lai, so we can be done with each other's presence."
En Lai turns to his father's advisor. "Proceed, Bo Ping," he orders, dismissing my impatience.
"I have a message from the general. The emperor is gravely ill." Bo Ping announces. A sharp pain pierces my chest, and I dig my nails into my legs to distract myself from the tightening sensation, not wanting to give En Lai anything else to gossip about.
"The general has requested that you seek the aid of Minister Xui An. It is time for the Zho name to ascend the throne." Bo Ping finishes reading the message before tearing it up.
"Is he dying?" I manage to ask once I regain control over my voice.
"Well, dear brother, the message was quite clear. We may not have an emperor for much longer," En Lai replies, his voice dripping with sickly sweetness.
"Get out! I want you gone this instant!" I erupt, pushing past them and storming towards my chambers. I throw myself onto the bed, allowing the fond memories to wash over me. If I'm being honest, the emperor can be overbearing, but he has never treated me poorly. It's only fair that I have opened my heart to the man I am already wedded to. I know what I must do; I will go and meet the emperor myself.
Those healers they brought from the capital are of no use, just like the ones left here. I was taught about herbs from a young age, and I can counter anything given enough time. Rising from the bed, determination fills me. I know what I want to do, but I will need supplies.