Expressing Feelings

"Where's Kevin?" I asked Jasmine as I sat down with her in French class. Kevin had French with us, but I haven't seen him since morning.

"He's not here. Today is the band club's trip, remember?" She asked.

"Oh yeah." I said, nodding my head. I had forgotten that Kevin and the rest of his band club mates were going on a trip today.

"So how's it going at Carson's house?" Jasmine asked as she take out her books and pen for class.

I sigh. "It was going great, but yesterday Mr. Knight told me that I can't stay there any longer." I related.

She frowned and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why not?" She asked.

"He's afraid that my stepfather will file a report and the police would come down on him, tarnishing his reputation." I explained.

"Oh wow. I'm really sorry." She said, looking at me regretfully. She then turned towards me fully and look at me seriously. "So, aren't you going to report him to the police? They can do something about it. I'm sure they will."

"I've thought about it, but what if they don't believe me? I don't want to stir the pot to get my stepfather angry. He warns me not to tell anybody." I replied.

"Isn't the bruises and scars proof enough?" Jasmine asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"They'll probably think that I caused them on myself because I don't want to go home. Jaz, you don't know my stepfather. He's evil and malicious as well as a good liar. He'd come up with a story to make me look like the bad person. A rebellious girl." I explained as I thought about it. Everyone would believe him, because he was well known to be a nice and good natured guy. Everyone respects him. Well, that's what the people who knew him thought. They were so wrong.

I've thought about going to the police thousands of times, but stops myself in the end. My stepfather would make it look like I ran away from home because of minor parental issues, hurt myself and go to the police. They would have no substantial evidence to go on. I also know that after the police visit him with questions and he convinces them with his sweet lies, he would definitely hunt me down and kill me, because I told them. He would say that it was suicide and that I've always been having problems. He was good like that. I didn't want to take that risk.

"Oh, I didn't think about that." She look at me, her eyes filled with worry. "But Kayla, you have to at least try telling the police. Who knows? Maybe they'll believe you. You just can't go back there. He'll hurt you again or worst. He needs to be stopped."

"I know Jasmine, but I'm scared. I'm really scared. I know it's a possibility for them to believe me, but what if they don't? I'll be in deep trouble then." I shared my fear and concern with Jasmine.

Jasmine sighed. "I know. I'm scared too." She looked down at her book on the desk and fiddled with her pen. She then look at me again. "Don't worry girl, I'll think of something."

I smile. "Thanks." We both turn back around in our seat, waiting for the teacher.

After a while, Jasmine looked around at me with excitement in her eyes. "Hey, guess what?" She asked. I looked at her, so she could continue. "Eli asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday."

I perked up with excitement, glad for something else to take my mind off my situation. "He did?" I asked. She nodded her head, her facing lighting up with her bright smile. "Jasmine, that's great. I'm so happy for you."

"Yes, I was so happy when he asked me. I like him, Kayla. I really like him." She said. I could see that she did like him and that made me very happy. She has been down for these couple of days, so I was glad that my best friend finally found someone who makes her happy. "Anyway, he asked me on a date tomorrow and I need you to go shopping with me to pick out a nice outfit."

"Of course I will go with you." I replied.

"Of course you will. You don't have a choice." She said teasingly.

I laugh lightly. "Oh Jasmine, I know you too well. You will drag me kicking and screaming if I said no."

She smiled. "You know it."

"You're a big goof, you know that right?"

She was just about to answer when the teacher entered the classroom. Jasmine closed her mouth quickly stopping her words. We both looked up at the teacher and then to each other with secret grins.

******

I was sitting in my science class with Carson in front of me. He was sitting back way on the chair and leaning his hands on my desk. He didn't have science with me, but since he had walked me to class he has been here. Why? I don't know. I've been trying to get him to go to his class, but he won't budge. It was a good thing the teacher was not here as yet.

"If you don't leave soon, you'll be late for class." I said to Carson. I then sneaked a peek to some of the students who were giving us curious looks. "People are starting to stare." I added.

He lifted his eyebrows casually. "So?" He asked, not bothered at all. "There's nothing wrong with sitting here in a classroom with my girlfriend."

I felt my cheeks heat up at his comment. I hate that he can make me blush so easily. However, I rolled my eyes at his comment.

Carson grinned. "You're blushing." He teased.

I gave him a look. "Wow, thank you, Captain Obvious." I said dryly.

"You're welcome, Sergeant Sarcastic." He countered smirking.

"You're despicable." I said, shaking my head. He laughed at that. Just then the shrill sound of the warning bell cut anymore conversation. "You better go, before Ms. Bates walks in and see you in here. You know she doesn't like guest in her classroom. You don't want to piss her off."

Carson still look like he didn't care, but he got up anyway. His foot was still on both sides of the chair, when he leaned towards me, connecting our lips in a kiss. He then pulled away after a short while and give me his boyish grin. He winked before walking towards the door.

He was almost at the door, when the teacher walks in. She looked at him with raised eyebrows as he left the classroom. She just shake her head, then turned towards the class. I held my head down, trying to hide the small smile that had appeared on my lips. I also wanted to avoid the looks that the students were giving me. Some held amusement, some held jealousy, some just merely interested and some just gave blank looks.

******

I had finished shopping with Jasmine and was now heading home. Well Carson's parents home. Carson had wanted to pick me up when we were finished, but I told him that I would take the bus.

I soon reached the house and opened the door with the key that Carson had given me. It was the first I was using it, because I normally come home with Carson. I stepped into the living room to see Carson and his mother talking. The scene was similar to this morning, the only difference was that they were in the living room.

Marilyn greeted me and then left Carson and I alone, saying that she had to get ready to go out. I walked over to where Carson was sitting. "What did she say? Did she talked to your father?" I asked anxiously. He rubbed his hands over his face and nodded. "What did she say?" I prodded, although by the look on Carson's face, I knew it wasn't good news.

"He said that he can't extend your stay than the week that you suggested, unless he talks to your stepfather." He relates. "He wants to, but he won't risk it."

I didn't think I could stand on my feet any longer, so I took a seat on the couch adjacent Carson, who sat in the recliner. "I can't do that Carson." I said quietly. "You know I can't."

Carson sat up straighter on the recliner and looked towards me. "I think you should tell them what he did and tell the police as well." He replied.

I shake my head at his suggestion. "I can't. What if they don't believe me? Why would they believe me? No one expects my stepfather to do that." I said.

"My mother will. Heck, even my father will. When he was talking to Mom, he told her that he thinks that there is something going on, but he's not sure." Carson said. "Mom even asked me, but I didn't tell her anything. You should tell her. She will understand. She will help you."

I know that what he was saying made sense, but I didn't want to hear it. I was too scared. I felt a cold shiver ran through my spine at the mere thought of sharing this with the police. I shake my head vehemently. "I don't think it's a good idea." I said stubbornly.

Frustrated, Carson got up from the seat and began pacing the floor. "You have to think about it, Kayla. I know you're scared, but you have to."

There was nothing to think about. He wasn't the one who will face the repercussions. I was. I was getting tired of this argument, so I sighed. "One outcome that will come by doing that is angering my stepfather. He won't be too pleased and will come for me." I tried to make him understand.

"He won't find you here and I told you I'll protect you." Carson said.

"I know what he's capable of." I said in a whisper. If he wants to find me, he will.

Carson turned to face me. "He can't get away with what he did to you, Kayla." He said, his voice rising a bit with anger. "Because of him, you weren't eating. Because of him you're having nightmares. Do you know how I felt seeing you have nightmares? It hurts me to see you like that."

"I know Carson, but-" I said, but Carson interrupted me.

"He's a heartless person and he is living without any penalties. He doesn't get to continue living his life not paying for what he has done. I'm not going to let him get away with hurting you physically and emotionally." He sigh, taking a breath from his rampant. He then continued in the same tone of voice. "No, I'm not going to let him harm the person who I'm falling in love with!"

I froze on the couch after hearing the last part of his sentence. I was surprised by his proclamation. I didn't expect it at all. I slowly look up at Carson and I could tell by the look on his face, he surprised himself too.

I got up from the couch and slowly walk to him. His eyes were focused on the floor, not looking at me. "Do you mean it?" I asked quietly. I wanted to know if he meant what he said or he was just throwing words because he was angry.

He finally look up, his eyes meeting mine. I looked back at him unwavering. He nodded. "Yes, I meant every word." He said softly, but firmly. I didn't say anything, so he continued. "There is no doubt in my mind about the way I feel about you, Kayla. I just couldn't put a word to it before." He brought his hand to my cheek and rubbed it lightly. I saw the raw emotion in his eyes. "I love you, which is why it hurts me so much to see you hurting."

I looked down at my hands and fiddled with them. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but everything was jumbled in my mind. "Carson, I..." I began, but trailed off.

"You don't have to say anything." He replied. But I did. There was no doubt about how I feel about him. I love him. I don't know when I figured it out, but it is definitely there and it grows stronger everyday.

A smile form on my lips and I looked up at him. I looked into his amazing eyes, which shows his love. This wonderful guy who would do anything for me and who has made me happy despite what I've been through. This boy who didn't judge me because of my past, bruises and scars. The boy who is trying to protect me from my stepfather. This boy who makes me smile, without even trying. All my feelings for this boy in front of me can be explained in so many words and emotions that I could burst from the intensity of it. However, it can be summed up by three words.

"I love you." I said.

He smiled brightly and pulled me to him. He then brought his lips to mine and gave me a soft kiss. Our previous disagreement flew from my mind as we kissed. All I could focus on was the two of us. With the trust that I have for him, I knew that anything was possible.