Please, be careful - Part One

With Caro's head resting on my shoulder, in a position far from comfortable, I find myself turning the umpteenth page of a book haphazardly taken on the shelf of the new arrivals. I am reading in the lowest tone that it is possible to keep in the library, even if besides us there is only the old receptionist who, by eye, seems to have gone away for another cup of tea, perhaps forgetting our presence.

My friend, because she can now be officially defined as such, passes her long canary nails on the forearm with which I support the tome, caressing me and at the same time making me understand that she still awake. She listen in silence, passing her eyes on the words that my voice pronounces, kidnapped more than I expected from the narration. Every now and then, the wave motion of her hand stops, making me slow down when she falls behind, then starts again when we find ourselves at the same point again - and it's pleasant. More than the fact of being pampered, her presence here, next to me. At a time of such turmoil as is this first period of going out with Seth, silence with Jace and Charlie's absenteeism, she is a sort of stronghold in which to find comfort from the weather.

There are occasions, like this one, where I would like to confess it. I would like to turn around and say her thank you for the support you are giving me, although she still unaware of most of the issues that revolve around me.

Suddenly her fingers move away from my skin and out of the corner of my eye I see her hand lazily rise upwards. When I stop reading to better look and understand what is distracting her, I notice her lost eyes on the display of the phone she's holding. She examine in detail a message that I struggle to see, as if there are instructions on it to conquer the world and, before I can even identify even half a sentence, she closes the chat and gets composed again.

«We don't have plans for later, do we?» In her expression I can clearly see a sort of anxious excitement, a hurry that until now had left us drowning in the laziness of a very peaceful post-lesson, made of blue carpet, the scent of printed paper and softly whispered words to the neighbor's ears. She almost seems to have suddenly awakened from a slight sleep and, frankly, it worries me.

«Not officially, no» confused, I confirm that she's free from any hypothetical plan with me, which makes appear a huge smile on her her face. Caroline's eyes become bright, the cheeks rosy and, suddenly, she grabs my hand in hers, squeezing it between flesh and various technological components.

«So it's a problem if I go away?»

Oh! This question takes me off guard, stirring up a strange sense of bewilderment. Even if we hadn't organized anything for today, I would have expected to spend the afternoon together. I would have read a few more paragraphs, proposed a snack in some nearby cafes and then a walk to unknown destinations until dinner time - a simple program, nothing too demanding. I would have liked to stay with her for a few more hours, mainly because Seth is busy, Jace is angry and Charlie... well, he has responded with quick bites to any message I sent him until this morning. He does not seem enraged by something, only absent, as if there were dozens of more interesting things and people besides me; in short, Caro has been my only salvation from boredom these days, as well as excellent company - letting her go would leave me at the mercy of a loneliness that almost frightens me.

But I can't force her to stay, especially given the craving in her eyes.

«No, absolutely not» I sketch a smile, pretending not to be saddened by her request, although in reality I would like to pretend that she never asked me. Even after a few weeks I am developing for her something similar to the jealousy I feel for Benton and, the fact of knowing both of them far away, squeezes my heart.

Could it be that I can't deal with myself and loneliness?

«Really?» The smile that appears on her face is immense: «Jay, you would be the best friend in the world!» She says hugging my neck with excessive impetus. She squeezes and rubs her cheek against mine, repeating "thank you" indefinitely - and on the whole, this reaction of hers sweeps away all my doubt, confusing me even more. I think it's from elementary school that another girl didn't hug me with such enthusiasm, but if on that occasion there was a toy bought for a penny, now it's just spontaneous contentment.

I chuckle, suddenly less tense at the idea of seeing her go away: «But at least tell me who's more interesting than your only bestie in London».

«Who do you want it to be?» She snorts ironically, starting to collect all her things. Sometimes Caro looks like a child: she makes faces, then lets herself be overwhelmed by emotions. She surrounds herself with paestries muted between one lesson and the next, hides cigarettes between her boobs so as not to let the mother discover the vice she has for years and, when she wants something, she blinks the long eyelashes by showing off her doe eyes. It is cheerful, a breath of fresh air in these still gray days. «Thursday's person!» Her tone makes the air vibrate, while her cheeks turn even redder. She winks at me with complicity, slipping immediately after her backpack on.

«So are you seeing each other?»

«Of course, it's the third date».

Reluctant to the idea of abandoning the warm carpet, I start to tidy up in turn, abandoning the book on the table next to me: «When did you think you would tell me?» I ask, frowning, unaware of when my friend found time to see this person. Between school, her swimming lessons, volunteering and our outings I find it hard to believe she can carve out time to meet another person, yet here she reveals to me that she did it.

«Won't he be an old man?» I teases her, almost trying to underline how secret she has kept the matter and how suspicious it is.

«In fact, grizzled people have their charm on me...» she keep the joke, ignoring how bad mine are.

«Principal Williams must be in your Pantheon, then!»

Caroline's eyes widen, while her expression turns into a mask of disgust: «Owh! Don't make me think of him! That man is the worst thing that has happened to me since I came here» she says shaking her head, perhaps in a vague attempt to shake off the image of a person who has unfortunately become a shared nightmare. And the more she tries to free her mind from the one I mentioned, the more I struggle to hold back the laughter.