By the point I woke up, I suddenly had a really bad feeling. I've been so focused on being with Joe that I forgot about everything else completely.
Tomorrow was going to be the last day. For me, for him, for all of us. Nevertheless, I haven't even said goodbye to anyone and left my family, of all people, alone.
Would they be glad about seeing me one more time? Would they be angry with me for bolting? Probably the second option. But I just had to see them. Besides all of the problems we've had, all the arguments, I love them.
It's not their fault either that we've all been blind towards the shortness and uniqueness of our lives. If I'd known what was to come, I probably would have appreciated everything more, even the bad things that happened. They were lessons at last and a continuous part of life that helps us grow and be a better person.
So I made the decision to say goodbye to the people I care about today and to tell them all that I have never said before.
Joe was still sleeping safe and sound next to me. He looked so peaceful and happy whilst his chest rose and sank in a calm rhythm, then I realized how little time we had left together.
I just couldn't bring him along today, no matter how much that hurt me. It was something I had to deal with on my own.
I freed myself from the blanket, got up and put it back softly onto Joe. Then I went to the middle of the room, stood still and placed my palms on the sides of my hip. I searched for something to write with and an empty paper. When I had both, I wrote down a little note:
Good morning, Joe. As you've noticed, you woke up without me today. I have to take care of something, which sadly has to be dealt with alone, but I'll be back tonight.
Love, Charlie
When I was done, I placed the note on his bedside table. I took a last look at Joe, who was still snoring peacefully and a smile crossed my lips. Then I took my bag and a few more things and disappeared into the bathroom as quietly as possible to get ready. The wooden floor creaked with each of my steps, but I was at the door quickly.
I left the house without food because I was not hungry anyway and did not want to wake up Joe's mother with the noise I was making. So I quietly pulled the big white door behind me closed and walked to the bus stop.
The sun was shining in a cloudless sky, just like the past days. It almost seemed like a normal day. Except for this little thing. What was it again? Oh yes. The end of the world.
Nobody really knew what it would look like. I mean, we were told that an underground, huge volcano would erupt tomorrow, but otherwise we did not know anything. When would it happen? That's probably the most important question.
The bus did not come, I waited quite a while. Well, did I really think someone was going to do his job now? So I got up and made my way to my parents.
I heard the door unlock as I turned the key and reluctantly entered. As I closed them behind me, I heard my father's voice from the top of the stairs. "CHARLOTTE" he shouted and immediately rushed towards me along with my mother. They stared at me incredulously for a moment, as if they could not realize that I was really standing in front of them. "Where have you been?" my mother asked in a shaky voice before hugging me tightly.
When we broke the hug, I told them. "I was with Joe, we ... are together now... I'm sorry, I just ran away, I was torn and you quarreled, and I could not stand it anymore," I blurted out.
Meine Mutter riss die Augen auf, als sie den Grund meines Verschwindens erfuhr. "Liebling, es tut uns so leid, dass wir dich dazu veranlasst haben zu gehen... Du weißt doch aber, wir lieben uns, egal wie oft wir uns streiten!"
My mother's eyes widened as she learned the reason for my disappearance. "Darling, we are so sorry that we have triggered you to leave ... But you know that we love each other, no matter how many times we argue!"
"No, I do not know that, but it's fine now. I just overreacted and I'm really sorry for that, I came here today because I want to tell you something and I want you to understand it and not to interrupt me."
They exchanged curious looks before they nodded. "Honey, we love you, no matter what it is." they assured me and I took a deep breath.
"Okay, this isn't easy. I know you are my parents, my family, but I have not always told you everything. Although you have always said that I could confide in you without you judging me, I was often afraid of your reaction and kept a lot to myself. Well, maybe that was better in most cases, but in the end I should have just told it."
"I wanted to get away from here for the longest time. Sometimes my friends were more of a family to me than you, and even so, I did not dare change anything about our relationship. I did not have the guts to rebel against you, so I let it all go through without saying a back word. You have determined my future and made decisions for me while I secretly had something completely different in mind for a long time."
"I would like to make one thing clear, you were able to determine my life's path earlier and change its direction, but not now, it's my life. I'm no longer your little girl and I want to make my own decisions. I know tomorrow everything is gone and that's why I'm here, you deserve the truth and though my words may hurt you, I've always loved you and will never stop. I hope I did not hurt you too much with what I said, just understand that I'm going my own way and you have to let that happen. "
When I finished, I looked into their eyes and surprisingly, I found no anger in them. Their eyes were gentle and regretful in a way. But what did they regret?
My mother started to speak: "Charlie, we understand that. When we were young, about the same age as you, we felt the same way. I guess that's part of growing up, you just don't tell everything to your parents. You have your own plans, it's all right, love, you're underestimating how much we love you, we'll be with you on all the paths you take. Please do not run away from home anymore, we were worried sick!"
Incredulous, I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I was surprised at how well they had taken it. Instead of saying something, I suddenly started grinning broadly and hugged my parents. My family. The most important thing ever. I started to cry, everything broke over me. The end of the world, now that everything had gotten better, just now it had to happen.
Under tears of regret were just a few tears of joy. Joy that my parents understood me and that Joe loved me and that I finally understood what 'life' really meant.
My parents started to cry like me and for a while we just stood there sobbing into each other in the corridor of our modest home where we spent a large part of our life with lows as well as highlights.
When we had calmed down, we were still talking about many things and what was going on in the world right now. My dad told me that the news anchors were working at full speed, spread all over the world, and that the phones in the newsrooms had been running hot ever since the grand announcement.
Everyone wanted answers, parents wanted to somehow calm their children, who did not understand it all, and to put it briefly, the whole world was ecstatic.
I stayed for lunch and then set off again to fulfill my task today. I would definitely go back, but that had to wait for now.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I knocked on the to me very well-known oak wood door, at which no matter what season a flower wreath hung and stared at the house wall, from which the plain yellow threatened to slowly peel off.
My best friend Hailey opened the door after a while and when she looked at me, she smiled slightly. "Hey, Charlie, are you alright?" she greeted me and made a short gesture with her hand that I could come in. "So far, yeah." We hugged and went inside.
For a while we sat at the kitchen table to talk, their parents had not returned from vacation, as no more planes started and they were therefore stuck. I felt deeply sorry for them and Hailey.
Hailey's brother Patrick just came home because of whom I was mainly here. "Yo Hailey, I'm back," he shouted insouciantly into the room and I heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs. I gave Hailey a meaningful look, to which she responded with a sympathetic nod.
Then I got up from the small corner seat to go upstairs. I did not even bother to knock, but went into the untidy room without being invited in. Patrick lay on his bed, glancing at me before rolling his eyes.
"Are not you happy to see me, Patrick?" I asked provocatively. "What do you want, horse face?" he replied, amusement in his voice. His attempt to break me failed. "Thank you for the compliment," I said sarcastically. "Something like that leaves me cold for a long time now, let's think of something better, Patty."
He gave me a forced smile and returned to stare at his wall stubbornly. "Any idea why I'm here?" I asked him. He knew the reason, but remained silent and continued to stare.
Patrick may be the brother of my best friend, but that did not mean he wouldn't be able to hate me. No matter how many times I tried to be nice to him, to give him a reason to leave me alone, he never did. He had gone to kindergarten with me and two years to school. At first he was nice to me, yet he annoyed me quite often.
Later, when I and Hailey became friends, something came out. Patrick had been full on in love with me. I was with Hailey almost every day and it annoyed him to death because I had given him a rebuff. Since then he has hated me.
Anyway, he made me look like a monkey at any opportunity that came along. I hardly had any friends other than Hailey, thanks to him, because he always started rumors that no one liked me. That was the point where I stopped liking myself. I was too young and naive, I simply believed when someone told me that nobody wants me.
That was my reason to hate Patrick. He had managed to take away my friends and my confidence. At some point, however, I realized that I was the only one who could bring it back to me. It took time, but in the end I stopped being interested in what others said or thought about me.
I am unique. And yes, I'm different from the others. I'm an outsider. But that's fine, because who wants to be just like someone else already is? That would be totally boring. So many people pretend to be someone they are not, just to please others. That's wrong. Personally, I find it much nicer to be able to be yourself. If the others don't like that, it's their problem, their loss.
With this attitude, I became a lot happier, happier with myself and the Patricks of this world couldn't do me any harm anymore.
"I'm here because you have something to tell me." He looked up, confused. "Me? Talking? To you?" He pointed to me, then to himself. "You're dreaming."
"No, Patrick, I certainly do not, you have something to tell me." "And what would that be?" he asked snappishly, getting up and building himself up in front of me. "Quite simply, the truth."
One of his eyebrows twitched and he stepped back a bit. He briefly opened his mouth and then closed it again, visibly overwhelmed by my words. Nevertheless, he seemed to understand what I was talking about.
He regained his composure and looked determinedly into my eyes. His eyes suddenly became unusually gentle, as I had never seen him before.
"Charlotte - I mean Charlie - I'm sorry I treated you so badly for years, insulting and demonstrating you secretly, I secretly despised myself for the things I did but I just could not stop, it ... I only did it because I love you, I was so selfish - seeing you with others, I couldn't stand it anymore, that's why I talked bad of you, so that they would leave you alone.
"I had to somehow persuade myself that I did not love you, I mean, you were here every day, but never because of me, which was my fault entirely, but I was still saddened by it. I had gambled the only thing I wanted away and I am truly sorry, please believe me, Charlotte. I expect no understanding and no niceness from you, so you can just go, if you want to... "
He pointed to the door, while his other hand moved up to his hair. He scratched his head and did not dare to look me in the eye. I took advantage of his open stance and took a step forward to hug him. He was surprised and only after a few seconds of wondering he put his arms around me. He hardly wanted to let me go, now that he was holding me for the first time in his arms, his embrace was strong and I wouldn't just bolt now.
"I forgive you, Patrick."
He let out a sigh of relief as he squeezed me closer, before finally releasing me. I looked at him and in his eyes was almost joy to be seen. "Thank you, thank you so much." he said happily, these were probably the words he had not yet decided to say to himself, but it was obviously a liberating feeling. The first step to recovery was to admit that you're not okay, and that's exactly what happened with Patrick today.
He told me the truth, I forgave him and in the face of the fact that we'd stop existing tomorrow, we were pretty happy that I'd stopped by today. We went down to Hailey and talked a little bit more. They said they would go to their grandparents place tonight and stay with them because their parents would not be able to make it back.
Patrick went upstairs at some point to pack a few things, so I was alone with Hailey again. She gave me a questioning look. "How did you do it, that he is no longer a grudge?"
"We were just talking, Hailey," I said and she nodded. "Okay, well, thanks for you coming by once more, Charlie." We smiled. That's what she used to call me, I was glad of it, because I really did not like my name and Charlie at least sounded a little better.
She accompanied me to the door. "Bye, Patrick!" I shouted up the stairs and shortly afterwards he was already standing next to me. I hugged both of them one last time before I left with a heavy heart. That was the last time I saw them and it was like saying goodbye to my life since I spent a lot of time with them.
I closed the door behind me and I squinted, blinded by the sun. It was still warm, almost humid. Maybe there would be a thunderstorm. I headed back home as it was not far away.
I had dinner with my parents and then went up to my room after helping my mother with the dishes. When I was upstairs, I looked around. I threw myself on the bed one last time and lay for a while, staring at the blanket. In the air, which looked like the sun's rays were being divided into stripes, small white particles floated. I sighed.
In this room, I've had countless nights where I simply couldn't fall asleep. I often cried here alone when something bad happened. I spent my life in here. Good and bad moments, my first slap, my first kiss... I got up and looked around again, slowly turning in a circle. Then I packed my bag, took a quick shower and changed my clothes.
I went down the stairs, ready to say goodbye to the rest of the house and family. Unfortunately, my grandparents had already died, but I was with them in my thoughts. I had no siblings. So I went to my parents, who sat in the living room and watched the news.
I remained standing in the doorway, shouldering the bag. They noticed me and got up. "Mom, dad, I'm gonna go back to Joe," I announced, my voice shaky.
They came to me and we hugged each other again for a long time, as if time stopped and the world stopped turning while we did. We didn't want to let go, but we felt that we had to. It was time to say goodbye.
I had tears in my eyes for the second time today, but my dad wiped them away. "It's okay darling, it's okay," he repeated a few times, until I calmed down. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, I love you so much!" I sobbed and they smiled slightly.
"We love you too, darling," now tears welled in their eyes as well, but they mostly held them back. We finally said our goodbyes and I made my way to Joe. It hurt when I looked back at the house that I called my home one last time, and at my parents who were waving good-bye to me.
It was like hearing every farewell that was ever taken again, every single farewell at once. Every last hug, every desperate "goodbye" in the knowledge that there would be no meeting again. Every farewell pain at once.