Part 40

Justen's POV

Holly and Nathan had just returned to the group when the bell for first hour rang.

"I'll see you guys at lunch?" I asked.

They all agreed and we all walked to our first hours. While I was walking to my first-hour, I was thinking about everything that has gone on in the last few months. Walking into my first hour class, I realized a lot had happened.

First, I met Josh and that's enough of an explanation on its own. Second, my dad has been changing. For some reason, my dad is trying to become a better person. Is he doing it for me? Did someone say something to him to make him want to change who he is as a person? I shook my head and continued to think about everything else. Third, Josh and I did… it. I'm not going to say much about it, but I sure did love that night. Fourth, Josh and I broke up because I was too selfish. Well, at least I thought I was. Apparently it's not selfish to favor your life over your significant other. Fifth, I started…

I sighed and touched my arm. Under my sleeve were lines. All of them red, all of them from pain. I started cutting after Josh and I broke up and didn't stop when he and I got back together. Josh doesn't know but if he did, I don't think he would be very happy about it. I rubbed my arm and winced. The cuts hurt almost as much as the pain in my heart.

Okay, so, six, Josh and I got back together and now are happy again. So, that's good. Seventh, I feel like I'm finally finding friends. Nathan and Carter started to kind of be my friends after Ryan and his group beat me and Josh up. Cameron started to become my friend after his girlfriend, Bridget, started hanging around Holly, who was almost always by Nathan.

I smiled. I wonder when Holly and Nathan are going to get together. Maybe that's what they were talking about when it was just the two of them. They would make a really cute couple.

The teacher started to talk and take attendance but after attendance, I stopped paying attention to the teacher. I looked out the window, I looked at the whiteboard, I doodled, and I wrote random things on a piece of paper. The one thing I absolutely avoided was looking at the teacher because the teachers at my school bore the hell out of everyone. Rolling my eyes, I continued on the drawing of my and Josh's special spot and silently wished I was there instead of the boring classroom.

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At lunch, I met up with Nathan, Cameron, Josh, Holly, and Bridget. They were all talking until Josh saw me.

"Hey Justen, how are you?" Josh asked.

"The teachers here are boring as all hell," I complained.

"That bad, huh?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," I sighed, not really interested in the conversation.

"So," Cameron said, "I saw you two walk away this morning, did you get the guts to ask her, Nate?"

"Yeah," Nathan blushed.

"Awesome, man," Josh said, patting Nathan on the back.

"Took you long enough," Cameron said.

"And of course you said yes, right?" Bridget asked Holly.

"Duh," Holly said, making me roll my eyes.

That's when I figured their conversation wasn't important to me so I decided to zone out. I was zoned out until I heard Josh's voice pulling me back into the real world.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I told him.

"Are you sure?" Josh asked. "You were zoned out for almost all of lunch."

"Wait, lunch is over?" I asked.

"Yeah," Josh said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I sighed. "I don't know anymore," I said.

"Do you want to talk about it tonight?" Josh asked.

"Sure," I said.

I got up to throw my trash away and I was almost all the way up when I felt a hand wrap around my wrist. I winced and saw that Josh was the one who grabbed my wrist.

"Relax," Josh said. "I was telling you to wait so I could walk with you."

I nodded.

"Hey, is your wrist okay?" Josh asked, getting up from where he was sitting.

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"You winced when I grabbed ahold of it," Josh said.

"Oh, I did?" I asked, pretending to not know what Josh was talking about.

"Can I see it?" Josh said as he and I arrived at the trash can.

"No, there's nothing wrong with my wrist," I said, throwing my trash away.

Josh threw his trash away too and grabbed my arm again. I winced once again and Josh pulled the sleeve of my sweatshirt up revealing my cuts.

"Justen, what are these?" Josh asked, concern in his voice and worry on his face.

"It's nothing," I said, tearing my arm out of his grip and beginning to walk away.

"Justen," Josh said, trying to catch up with me.

I ignored Josh and continued walking away. I know he was trying to help, but I don't want his help right now. Everything can wait until tonight at our special spot.