Druids? More like dirty hippies

"Aristotle affirms that philosophy did not pass from Greece to Gaul, that is to the Druids, but was received from them." - John Daniel

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*Sob* *Sob*

Hades went from rage to sadness in a second. He was bawling his eyes out now.

'This guy is so emo and bipolar. How did anyone call you the Lord of the Underworld? Retire, b*tch.' Alex looked at this disgrace. "Why're you crying?"

*Sniffle* "I miss him..." Hades muttered.

"Who?"

"My dog Cerberus...he ran off years ago. My minion Charon was taking him for a walk, but Cerberus was in heat and ran off when he saw a female werewolf!" *Sniffle* "He was such a good boy..."

"Really? Cause from your story it sounds like he went to go rape someone," Alex said.

"That's just what Gods did...you should've seen Zeus and Poseidon, they had a competition going," Hades replied.

'...All these Gods are going to get Bill Cosby'd.' Alex shook his head. "Ok, meeting over. I need to get some sleep."

As he prepared to sleep, Alex felt a nagging sensation in the back of his mind, like he had forgotten something important. After a while, he shook his head and let it go. That's how Kate Beckinsale missed out on meeting her second ex-husband.

***

Leena was standing on a mountain top, gazing at a beautiful sunrise in the distance. Not far from her, Alex was also there, lucid dreaming, watching what he felt was the most beautiful thing in Cardopolis. The sunrise couldn't even steal a moment of his attention.

'I need to speak with her.' Alex had visited Leena while he slept several times already, and he couldn't hold back anymore. He wanted to hear her voice and to speak with her. He made a decision that he would talk to his Generals and figure out some pretext to make this happen.

In this magical world, Leena admired the beauty of nature. She marveled at how magnificent and powerful God must be to create all of this, having no idea that this omnipotent God was perving and creeping on her.

***

In the dark night of a moonlit forest, fires burned to the sky, illuminating the destruction occurring below. There were explosions and screams of battle. The grass and trees were dyed with blood. Over 100 ferocious wolf-like beasts attacked a settlement of humans in strange attire. The humans seemed to have two distinct types.

The first type wore green or earth colored clothes and jewelry, seemingly made from plants. They held wooden staffs or clubs, using them as melee weapons to beat back the beasts, or occasionally creating flashes of green light as they fired spells into their enemies. In a few instances, one morphed into an animal and fought against the giant wolves. These were druids.

The second type wore robes of varied colors, also carrying staffs but with gemstones laid in them. They were all women. Taking cover behind barricades, they tried to fight from a distance, casting all manners of spells. These were witches.

The werewolves were attacking the druids and witches and they were winning. Vastly outnumbered and under a surprise attack, the humans could only do their best to defend. Flames danced among the surrounding houses, as the humans tried to organize and regroup.

Suddenly, in the center of the village, a bright light bloomed and the largest house exploded into pieces that flew in all directions. Soon, a gigantic menacing werewolf, almost twice the size of the others, appeared from the ruins. He ran out from the center of the camp carrying someone on his shoulder. When the humans saw this, they desperately tried to approach him but he was simply too fast and strong.

Once out of the village, the giant werewolf released a dreadful howl and the other werewolves quickly retreated, leaving only desolation and corpses in their wake.

***

Alex was drinking his morning coffee in the Captain's Deck. He applauded the engineers for designing not only a high level AI but a top quality coffee machine. In front of him stood his loving wife Coco, with her blonde hair and silver dress. Alex felt slightly guilty about Leena, but he knew just how to deal with it, rationalize it away. 'It's not cheating if it's dreaming.'

Coco awaited her instructions, but no instructions were coming. Alex only asked her to come out to admire the "Miracle of technology."

"Sir, our next destination is Stanton Moor Forest, or as some refer to it, Druid Forest," Scott said.

"Druids? Why do we need to deal with those dirty hippies?" Alex asked.

"Sir, they have some items that we need."

"You trying to buy weed?"

"...No Sir, I don't buy weed...Only if it happens to be around."

Alex squinted his eyes as he drank his coffee. 'So Scott's a freeloading bogart.' He would have to be careful from now on if he didn't want to get mooched off of.

As Alex leaned towards the right of his Captain's console to get comfortable, he accidentally pressed a button. In the middle of the Paris sky, a giant chrome UFO became visible in the middle of the city.

"Husband, you have deactivated Coco's stealth."

"What?!? Reactivate it!" Alex had goofed. Quickly Coco turned on her stealth but it had been long enough for many people to notice the strange craft. Alex didn't want to stay here and attract an alien fan club so he ordered Coco to fly toward Stanton Moor Forest in Northern England.

Later in the day, a French news channel reported sightings of methane gas reflecting off weather balloons, creating illusions in the middle of Paris.