Memories of Her

[FUTURE]

There was a commotion in the Hokage's office when he came back home after a two weeks long mission to Suna. Naruto's angry voice was unmistakable, muffled as it is. The hallway was deserted aside from the man standing guard outside the office door. His father, Nara Shikaku, looked weary and burdened by something as he saw his son approaching his position.

"What's going on?" Shikamaru asked as soon as he neared his father's position by the door. Naruto's words are still unclear but Shikamaru understood that there was probably a silencing barrier activated inside. This, in itself, is concerning considering the volume Naruto might be speaking inside to have his voice escape the barrier.

His father sighed as he stared at him in contemplation, finally, he spoke. "A mission just came in." Shikamaru waited in confusion as his father watched him even closer. "The landlord wants Zen-san's place cleared out"

Shikamaru understood. It was expected. It had been a year and a half since Zen was declared dead. It was high time that her things be cleared away. Shikamaru understood that, he did. But it didn't mean he has to like it.

To Team 7, clearing her apartment might as well mean that they're giving up on her. Taking away her place to return to and all. Even Naruto's apartment wasn't taken from him when he left to train for 2 and a half years.

It set a heavy feeling in his heart. Well, heavier. As if the weight that resided in it in the last year and a half was a joke.

"I-I see" Shikamaru choked out.

"The clean-up would be tomorrow" his father informed before he looked back to the door leading to the Hokage's office. He sighed and left, patting his son's shoulder as he passed by him.

For a moment, Shikamaru only stood there, lost in his thoughts. By the time he shook himself out of it, he found himself in front of a door in the tower with a familiar sign that says:

["WORKING ON SOMETHING DANGEROUS, DO NOT STARTLE"]

Though it brought a small smile on his face, Shikamaru couldn't help but feel saddened. He doesn't have much memories here aside from watching her work from the open door. Never really coming inside unless necessary. Like when he asked for her written report after their mission and she went straight here to work on an idea.

A snort left him as he remembered that memory. He stood by the discarded open door for two hours watching her sort out her thoughts, draft and discard a multitude of seal arrays until she remembered that he was there and she had to write a mission report.

He remembered her haunched by a desk, a brush in hand and ready to draw a new seal draft. He didn't even have to use his Shadow Possession Jutsu and still, she froze in her tracks. Slowly and mechanically, she turned to where he was waiting and smiled sheepishly. She invited him in, gestured at a vacant chair and told him, "This will be done in a jiffy"

And it did. The report only took a few minutes to finish and she was apologizing for the wait. Honestly, Shikamaru didn't mind. When she's immersed in work, he sees a different side of her. A side with no masks to keep in place.

Reaching for the doorknob, Shikamaru took a steadying breath before twisting it. And then his heart sunk at what he saw inside. Instead of a messy room filled with scrolls, books and parchments, the room was practically bare aside from a few. Through the darkness, he could see four boxes stacked up in two columns on the floor and the tables that used to be scattered with papers are now cleared and was pushed back to the wall.

This can't be...

Immediately hitting the light switch, the first thing he noticed was the thick dust that gathered everywhere. Evidence that no one had been here for months. None of their friends had mentioned that they had been here or that the Hokage (both the previous and the current) had ordered for this room to be cleared. No one dared to come in here, not only because it's Zen's room, but also because her works are too delicate to be handled by others.

He could clearly remember seeing a nosy group of chuunin coming in here when she was out on a mission and they accidentally activated a seal draft that was meant to be triggered by touch. Pandemonium broke out as storage seals containing jutsus and weapons activated. For three months Zen wasn't able to use this room and the ones who snuck in here were demoted back to Genin. Ever since that incident, no one barged in this room anymore. It's a hazard for anyone who is under Jounin status or anyone who doesn't know Zen personally. And as friendly as she may be, he hadn't heard about her being overly friendly with anyone aside from their group of friends.

The only ones capable of handling this are the 5th Hokage, Shizune, Sakura, Ino, members of the Hyuga Clan, and Team 7. But Team 7 barely stays in Konoha anymore ever since the War. He didn't hear anything from Ino either; whether both she and Sakura cleared this room or if either of their friends did. He's sure that he wouldn't miss it and Ino wouldn't keep it to herself. The Hyuga might help but they respect the attachment they had with her. It was probably Shizune but last he checked, both her and the 5th Hokage weren't in Konoha ever since the 6th was inaugurated. The 6th Hokage could've done it too, but Shikamaru knew how busy he had been ever since taking the hat.

The last conclusion he could think of is that Zen did this herself. But that would mean that she was prepared to not return from the war.

["Everyone here is prepared to die, Shikamaru" she whispered, "Even you"]

His heart sunk lower if that was even possible. Because it was true. He was prepared to die, and no doubt so was she. And if she cleared this room herself, then that would mean that she also cleared out her apartment already.

He stood there by the door, silently staring at nothing. Lost in thoughts and memories until someone placed a hand on his shoulder, startling him. Glancing back, he saw his father, looking at him worriedly. He didn't know he was crying until his father wiped them away with a calloused hand.

"Have you reported in yet?" His father asked and Shikamaru shook his head in reply as he felt his throat constrict. His father said no more as he was led out of the tower and towards home.

When they got home, his mother only looked at him sadly and in sympathy. He didn't like that look. Ever since the war ended, all people ever did was look at him like that. That's why he didn't want to leave his room or even stay in Konoha for too long. Because when he's home, Ino and Choji would drag him out to hang out. And hanging out would bring up memories he rather not remember. Because wherever he looks, he sees her memory.

He went to his room mechanically, shut the door, and laid down on his bed. His mind wandered back to that day when Asuma died. He didn't remember much but he knew that Zen had been on a different mission and had come back at the same time as them. He could remember her asking what was wrong and Ino rushed and cried in her arms. He couldn't remember what happened next and just found himself at home, locked in his room. She came by the compound after Asuma's funeral (which he didn't attend), wanting to speak with him but he didn't want to see her then, so he had ignored his parents' calls to come out. It made him feel bad, but he has a strategy to set up.

When the Godaime stopped them from leaving for their revenge, she was there with Kakashi and was ready to assist them. But the Hokage stopped her, saying that she had another mission for her. She was ready to protest but Kakashi had reassured her that they would be fine. She didn't look convinced but stepped back nonetheless. Instead, she handed them a set of seals each.

["This will suit your technique better," She said to him as she handed him his set first. "Stick this to a regular weapon and it'll work just the same in a chakra blade"]

It was scary how she figured out his strategy when he didn't even talk to her the whole time.

[She turned to Kakashi. "Stick this to your abdomen, above your chakra core" She instructed. "It's a chakra storage seal that you could activate once you feel like you're running low."

Then she turned to Choji next. "I hope you don't resort to your family's three pills on this mission," She said to him, "But if ever you did, stick this above your chakra core. When activated, it will marginally slow down the spread of the poison." Then she looked at him sternly. "It will only slow it down, not remove it. Understood?"

Choji had nodded nervously in reply.

Then, at last, she turned to Ino.

"This is a seal for a quick shield. It can withstand Air Bullets and a blast of Lightning Strike" She had said as she handed the said seal and another. "And this one is the same as Kakashi-sensei's" She wasn't even done explaining and Ino already had her in her arms, hugging the other in gratitude.

"All seals don't need hand-signs" Zen added as she returned Ino's hug. "Just a touch of chakra would activate it"]

And before they left, she said one last information that made things a tiny bit easier and gave him a headstart on how to adjust his strategies.

["Kakuzu has five hearts," She said. "One for each nature transformation and the last one is his real heart"

"Five hearts...?" They were stunned at the new information. Even the Hokage was taken by surprise.

She nodded in confirmation. "What I know is only based on the rumors I gathered." Kakashi nodded for her to continue. "Rumors has it that Kakuzu takes the heart of his opponents to replace whatever heart that was destroyed. And whatever Nature Affinity this heart belongs to would transfer to Kakuzu; making him capable of wielding it as his own."]

Even with that information in mind, they still had a hard time dealing with him. They were immensely grateful to the seals she gave them, they helped a lot. Especially when they've spent too much chakra in too little time.

It was with great surprise to find her waiting outside the Nara forest when he came out. It turned out that she was part of the back-up that was sent to assist them. She didn't say anything else aside from asking if he's injured. He silently watched her examine him with clinical precision. Asuma's last words about her rang in his head.

["She's nice, you know" Asuma rasped, lips curling into a bloodied smile. "You wouldn't find anyone better than her who likes a lazy bum like you..."]

He wasn't really injured. Just a few scrapes and bruises but she diligently checked them all. Carefully checking for possible poison or damages in his chakra system.

["Do you like dango?" he had asked after finally having enough of the silence. He knows that she's refraining from asking anything out of respect. Because that's how she is.

She blinked, frowned at him in confusion at the seemingly random question before slowly shaking her head.

"Seriously?" He asked in surprise. "Why?"

"Because they taste bland...?" She had replied, sounding unsure.

"No, they don't" He argued. "Where did you had it?"

"Anko took me to her favorite dango shop a few months ago" She replied, and then went back to concentrating with checking him up.

"What do you like then?" He had insisted.

"Anmitsu" She replied.]

The next day, he took her to the tea shop in 7th street where he knew served delicious anmitsu. In the middle of their comfortable meal, they sensed multiple people spying on them. Their mutterings were a dead giveaway to who they were. When Zen had glanced at the source, the gang immediately ducked out for cover.

["What's wrong with them?" She had asked, completely confused.

"They're being idiots" He replied in exasperation.

When they were done eating, Zen had gone straight towards where their friends were hiding. And lo and behold, all of their friends were in complete attendance (with the exception of Naruto who was still in the hospital and Sai who wasn't close with everyone yet).

"What are you doing?" She asked them and the bastards had the decency to look sheepish. But Ino bulldozed through.

"We didn't want to interrupt your date" She teased.

"Huh?" Zen frowned in honest confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Ino paused for a minute and then laughed, thinking the other was joking. "Don't deny it, Zen! You two are obviously out on a date!"

"Huh? We're n--"

Before she could finish her reply, he pulled her by the waist and shunshin-ed them both out of there. For a moment, the world stood still and the only thing Shikamaru knew was that his heart was beating like crazy... and that Zen was in his arms, looking up at him with a cute blush on her face]

And just like that, the moment ended when an ANBU dropped down beside them. They immediately separated as if they were burned and swallowed the embarrassment they both felt. The Hokage had needed Zen. So she left with the ANBU and he was left there in his favorite field, pondering about his feelings.

That was the day he found out he liked her.

He didn't know when it started but just that he does. He had felt lucky that he knew that the woman he liked would return his feelings. He didn't know how much she liked him but just that she did. Confessing his feelings went out the window as soon as the news reached them that Sasuke killed Orochimaru. She and her team had worked overtime to reach their wayward teammate.

And now, he forever lost his chance.

.

.

.

Because she's gone.