a week later

"How do you see life?"

It was one of Charish's questions that gave me a hard time to contemplate. Back then, I'd not come up with an optimal answer; I couldn't think of the best way to describe my view of life.

"You look familiar," was the first thing I said when I saw her coming down the stairs.

She was not wearing the pajamas with a printed bear head all over it. Neither she was wearing cutoff shorts nor a yellow jacket; she was in her most comfortable attire, a light blue summer dress that complimented her skin complexion.

Standing on the foot of the staircase, she asked, "Like the girl from the lost and found again?"

"No, not that girl. The girl in my dreams last night."

I was smiling at her while waiting for a response. It was true, she was part of my dreams last night, and the night before that, but those dreams were not about us. She was with Isabel. They were conversing and I couldn't seem to discern what they were talking about; they were having a good time while Charish was teaching Isabel how to paint the world flags.

"Just to make this clear, we're not going on a date," she warned.

"Nope, not a date," I said to add on her statement, and continued, "not today."

For some people, life is a maze and it would take them an eternity to find the way out, to escape and be free.

It could also be a dance, full of fun. You can jive in different kinds of music on your own or join the crowd of maneuvers to look for a partner. What we don't realize is the simplicity of life, there may be pressures and challenges, and we are the ones who keep making it complicated.

After everything that I'd been through, I've realized that life is like a test. I've failed a lot of times at it; wondering if I could ever get an A, to be worthy of praise, and to make my loved ones proud. But life's value isn't about passing the test with a perfect score. Every day we commit mistakes, we are fallible, and we often struggle to see through ourselves. Life teaches us that we are capable of being loved and accepted in this society even though we are full of flaws.

Charish death has a reason just as the existence of everything, it has a purpose. At first, I considered it as a loss, misfortune. I'd blamed myself; I never should have let her drive. If I had picked her up that day, maybe there was no accident and she was still with me. If only I'd insisted.

Since the day she was gone, I'd kept my eyes closed, not willing to witness the lessons life has been offering.

I've been deceived by the idea that the persons we value most shouldn't be taken away from us, because along with their absence, we feel less valuable without them. But I've come to understand, it is not like that. Our love for them remains absolute as their feelings toward us.

Little by little, I've come to accept that life is enigmatic. As a person, as hard as I want to think of the answers to all my why's, there is no possibility to fathom the impenetrable reason why Charish was removed from my life. Maybe she had already served her purpose. And now it is time for me to turn to another chapter of my story to reveal what's been waiting ahead.

We were in the car when Isabel asked, "Who's this person that you'd like me to meet?"

Meet Virginia was playing in the background. I'd learned that Isabel was a fan of Train's songs too. Coincidence? I was not sure. Perhaps this was also a scheme fate had made for me.

She thought I'd introduced her to one of my friends. And she had no idea which way we were headed. After reflecting on the events that happened in my life recently, I had decided to visit Charish's grave. It had been a long time since I went there and talked to her. She loved to hear stories and news from me. Yet I'd not shared things concerning Isabel.

"I'd like you to meet Charish."

Maybe Charish was already aware of it. Perhaps she was up there, watching us as we headed into her resting place.

I glanced at Isabel to see how she would react; she knew who Charish was in my life, I told her the whole story about her including her death. Isabel was looking out the passenger seat window; it was one of the things she liked, she preferred to travel with the car windows rolled down.

She turned to look at me, "Shall we buy flowers?"

That wasn't the answer I'd expected to hear.

We both smiled at each other.

A bunch of tulips will suffice. I said to myself.

Life is also a journey, an adventure we love to discover and unfold. We keep on choosing the path which we think is safe and right. Most of us would pick the well-travel road than the less paved one. In doing that, we often get lost. It takes time to get back on the right track. In life, you're traveling without a map, that is the tricky part. For you to reach the destination, how are you going to explore life without having gone astray?

I chose not to take control of the journey. I let Him handle the steering wheel of my life because after all, He knows what the desires of my heart are, and He knows where to lead me without getting lost. He knows me more than I know myself.

I'd been lost in my journey to discovering life when my only map was taken from me. Now that the north star has come to guide the right way, and with the help of new people I've known along the way, I've chosen to continue the journey and turn over a new leaf. This time I chose not to do it alone.

Charish's favorite bible verse will always have a great impact on my life.

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

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