The last time

~Reid~

I took a deep breath after settling into the passenger's seat of Nolan's van. The last time I sat here, things were so different. At the time I was just feeling surprised I met the cute boy who rode his skateboard through my neighborhood. Now, he's the guy I really like... and who I messed things up with. I want to fix things with Nolan, but every time I see his face I'm met with so much guilt and embarrassment I can't get a proper sentence out. Seeing him and not knowing if things will ever get better between us was agonizing. I knew I needed to take action, but that's easier said than done. I've never been in a situation like this before, I've never felt for someone in the way I do for Nolan. Until I met him, I'd never known one person could feel so safe. If I could just get over myself and say something rather than tormenting myself with him right in front of me...

After putting his things in the back, Nolan opened the driver's door and sat down. My eyes immediately shot down to my lap.

I was instantly reminded how enclosed a space vehicles could be. He was close enough that I could smell his shampoo, the same one I used back in the suite. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I'm such a coward.

This ride is gonna hurt.

Once we were on our way I was hoping Nolan would turn on the music, sing, and resume being his upbeat, bubbly self. Instead my ears were met with nothing but the low hum of the van's engine mixed with the quiet rush of the blowing AC.

Nolan was focused, and noticeably serious. I wish he'd hum, or at least smile in my direction again; but I was painfully aware that due to my actions, those were nothing but lost hopes. 

I pulled my hood over my head and shifted to look out the window.

Please fall asleep.

~Nolan~

It wasn't long until I noticed my knuckles had turned white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. I couldn't help it, I was anxious, and being this close to Reid only fueled that anxiety. 

We were over halfway through our drive when I stole yet another glance of Reid. How many did that make it already, 20? His head was against the window, I could see his long eyelashes creating a shadow under his closed eyes in reflection in the glass. His lips were slightly parted as he slowly inhaled and exhaled his soft breath.

I turned my eyes back to the road quickly, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

How can someone look so beautiful in their sleep? It doesn't make sense!

Every now and then, Reid would shift a little or sigh in his sleep. 

Was he dreaming?

I frowned. What I wouldn't give to know what was going on inside of  this guy's head.

 Since meeting Reid, I learned how it felt to get flustered by someone else's words, to feel nervous and self conscious around another person. Those feelings were all new to me, I'd always been outgoing and confident around other people without a single worry, but with Reid I found myself caring about how he thought of me, the way he'd say his words would make my face burn up and I'd get overwhelmingly embarrassed. As annoying as new-found feelings can be, I don't want them to stop. Not if it means I don't get to stay with him.

Pretty soon we had pulled into the hotel's parking lot. I checked the name of the hotel first, just to be safe this time.

'North Oceanfront Beach Hotel'  the side of the building read.

Even though the hotel we ended up at was very nice. this ones was far more elegant and expensive looking. Sometimes, I forget how really not-poor Griffin is.

"So this is where we were supposed to be..." I mumble to myself.

I parked the van and turned off the engine before looking at peacefully sleeping Reid beside me.

When he's awake, Reid tends to look stoic and cold seemingly effortlessly; but with his eyes shut and shoulders relaxed he looked cute, and almost vulnerable in a way. Though he was bigger than me, I felt the the urge to protect him.

I noticed a fallen curl covered his eye. Without thinking, I brushed it away, my finger grazing his cheek.

I checked to see if he'd woken up, but he remained still.

Reid began to chew in his sleep and I kept myself from chuckling, I could tease him about this later.

Slowly, my smile had fallen. Would I ever be able to tease him again? All the time we had left with each other was tonight. I'm terrified of that becoming true.

My finger brushed lightly against Reid's skin over his jaw, which stopped chewing. Though unconsciously, Reid just barely began to lean into my touch. I held back a gasp and withdrew my hand.

I leaned back in my seat, squeezing my eyes shut.

I like him so much it hurts.

I heard a knock on my window and turned to see Griffin waving for us to get out.

I looked over at Reid as he lifted his head and rubbed his eye groggily.

"Hey, we're here," I managed a small smile.

Reid turned, but the second his eyes met mine, he diverted his gaze. I found myself lowering my own.

Why do things have to be so awkward?

 I missed the easy flow of our conversations and our intoxicating laughs. I wish I could go back and change things. I wish I wasn't so scared.

Reid unbuckled and headed to the back of the van without a word. I winced.

I grabbed my bag, side by side with Reid. Hoping to avoid the awkward tension, I rushed ahead of him, but was met with my toe jamming into the corner of the sidewalk, tripping me.

The air caught in my throat and I dropped my bags, ready to brace for the fall, but it never came. Instead an arm wrapped around me from behind, catching me. Reid.

It wasn't until I was pulled back into his chest that I allowed myself to breathe.

Neither of us moved a muscle.

I didn't know how long the moment would last, but I wanted to savor every second

The feeling of Reid's arm holding me while I leaned back into his warm chest, his heart racing - maybe it was my heart, actually. I closed my eyes, wishing with every bone in my body...

...please don't let this be the last time.

Reid's hold on me loosened, and my eyes slowly opened, accompanied by a pain in my chest.

My head lowered, realizing the moment had ended.

Reid bent down, and picked up my bag by my foot. I was about to tell him he didn't need to do that when I was met by the familiar sensation of Reid's hand in my hair.

He hesitated, then proceeded to lightly ruffle the waves in my hair.

I was unable to suppress my smile.

"...Be careful." 

And with that, he went ahead of me, carrying both of our bags.

I followed behind with a skip in my step.

We ended up meeting Griffin and Claire in the lobby and followed them up to the room. It felt like less of a hotel room and more like a large apartment. The kitchen was relatively small, but had a large open living room with 2 couches, a balcony, and there were 4 bedrooms - one for each of us.

The thought of being alone in my own room felt lonely after spending the past week sharing one together with Reid.

Yet here I was, laying down on the bed in the room I had to myself. It was quiet without Reid's playful banter and teasing remarks.

I closed my eyes, thinking of a time when that would be the usual for us once again.

Except when I opened them again, the sunset was pouring through my window, and the clock showed it was 4 hours later - I had fallen asleep.

What I noticed first however was the sound of loud music coming from the living room.

I sat up, sighed, and opened the door only to be shoved back in by a guy riding what looked like my longboard.

"What the-" 

I turned into the living room to see it was packed full of people, and I could feel the boom of the bass in my chest.

It was one of Griffin's parties.

I noticed Claire in the corner, looking around frantically with a phone pressed to her ear.

I walked up to her and nudged her shoulder, she looked relieved to see me. I had to yell over the music.

"What's wrong?"

"Have you seen Reid!?"

"No, I just woke up. Why?"

"Griffin said he was bringing people over for our last night here, but I didn't know he was throwing a whole party! Reid can't handle this level of people! It's been an hour and I still can't find him and he won't answer his phone!"