Transmigration

When I said that I blanked out earlier, didn't mean that I lost consciousness in its truest sense. It was an extraordinary moment or a moment of extraordinary feeling which in my memory space remains the only kind.

It was an instant but the abrupt change of state was remarkable as much as it was haunting. Well, between the two realities that moment really stood out as a sore thumb which lasted without any change at the moment of change. For that particular aspect I called it an 'instant'. You will get it once I describe it to you.

Then again it's hard to describe that feeling but what I can tell you now from my conjecture, is that my mind and my body lost connection in a sub-instant then connected back in another sub-instant. There! You have a full instant and in-between was nothing but a lasting taste of eternity.

What I was studying turned pitch black as if the world suddenly lost all its light. The clock's ticking that constantly reminded me of the approaching doom faded into nothingness.

The sense of having a physical form like the heavy eyelids, the heartbeat, the tense nerves, and the whole body slacking from exhaustion from all-nighters I pulled for the sake of escaping reality, and which were my top concerns over my body at the time also blinked out of existence.

But I was conscious, I saw it all. The transition from a physical form to a spirit, which I call it now.

Such change evoked neither the sense of panic nor a least bit of surprise in me. I watched it all like it didn't matter to me, like I was just an ordinary spectator, an unrelated bystander. I believe I had lost ability to 'think' at that moment too, probably having lost connection to my physical mind.

I forgot who I was or what I was doing, past lost all its worth. More than forgetting it's better to call that my psyche just ignored it. I can only relate it to when we watch a very captivating movie and zone out everything else, like what we are holding, where we are, who are sitting beside us and so on.

I kept staring into the pitch black void that was in my vision with a blank mind, but completely focused. I was just waiting for something to happen or something to appear that I had no idea of.

There was no will to think about anything else but there was that constant urge to remember something that might have been forgotten, like an itch but one you could do nothing about.

Maybe my will to stay was not strong enough to remember so I didn't, at that critical moment. Maybe I would have resisted the pull or become a lingering spirit if I remembered, I wonder sometime.

Just a constant moment of expectation it was, an endless longing for something I didn't know. That state might have lasted for an eternity for I didn't have any sense of time either.

Imagine you are watching a favorite show in which your favorite protagonist is about to get beheaded. You are fully concentrated expectant of how the plot armor is going to save his or her neck this time yet again. As the guillotine's blade is released and your eyes open wide as your breathe stops from anticipation in order to not miss a single frame. NOW! Pause that screen and theoretically remove your sense of time simultaneously so that you will never feel the passage of time. Yeah, that can be the example of my state.

I had fallen into a spell, simply unbreakable.

But nothing lasts for eternity, right?

That state came to an abrupt closure, my will having no sway as the pitch blackness in my vision had a change. Like it was a shade lighter, like it was no longer an endless abyss.

Another transition, the polar opposite of the first kind began.

My 'spirit' felt heavy all of a sudden. I felt shackled like being held back from continuing what was an endless instant just a moment ago.

Because the journey of spirit had ended, I imagine.

And the delayed reaction finally came into being.

'What? Wow!! What happened!?'

'What is going on? What was that!?'

My thoughts were a complete mess. A chaos.

Figuring out what had occurred and why I was still in pitch-black were my first concerns.

I remembered with shock.

'Why...….am I...…..not breathing?'

Even if there were a million things different, that would be the first thing I would notice. How could I not find change in the only action I did tirelessly? And the second would be.....

'I cannot feel my heartbeat either.' When every sound outside dulled in volume like it had, I could feel it naturally. How could I forget my most favorite tune, one that I never got jaded of listening? But the single constant of my life had been broken then and there.

And that wasn't the end of it.

'Actually I can't feel anything at all!!!' The conclusion dawned on me when the source of the insufferable discomfort became a discovery.

Yes, nothing. I felt nothing that relate to having a body. My eyes were open yet I didn't feel the eyelids, I couldn't even blink. I already started missing my uncommon ability of ear-twitching and separate eyebrow raises I did to others' amazement.

What was different from the previous state was now I was truly consciousness and I could think except the lost physical awareness and mobility which had not yet returned. I could recall who I was and what I was doing before the change like I had never ever forgotten them. At least I wasn't in a 'blank' dream.

At that time I skipped thinking about that part too hard. My priority still lay over my current state after all.

I was surprised. I was terrified. And I was confused.

After few soul torturing moments passed, a premonition suddenly came over me like the first flash of lightening, one from the very core of my being. I felt like something was about to change, like an ominous intuition, an intense feeling. And I could do nothing but brace for it. That feeling rose from an inkling into overwhelming hair-raising chill in split second.

I felt a surge of energy in me, with a thunderous chill in the spine. It was like my feet were connected to live wires and my head to a neutral line. Or maybe not, that would be a deadly shot-circuit. Anyway when it was over, came the familiar and dearly missed sense of having a physical form.

Everything came back in an instant. The word was becoming my charm.

I could feel them, my head, my arms, my legs. The sense of touch from the whole backside of my body gave me an immediate idea. My body was laid on a dry and hard surface horizontally. And the air was cold and nothing else.

But something was missing. Yes! I had to breathe first!

As the overwhelming surge of senses from every part of my body hit me all together, there was an uncontrollable urge to release that energy too. The release of energy and breathing coincided.

I immediately lurched up by pushing the ground with my hands and pumping strength into my spine while taking in my first breathe in a while.

Or at least I tried to and even succeeded raising my head a bit from the ground. But the sudden vigorous inhalation had to break midway into exhale.

Because *thwack!!!!*