39 Nyka Larkin

_Nyka Larkin_

Nyka watched Ingrid walk off by herself towards the closest town. He could understand her wanting to keep him out of harm's way, but he would have liked to have gone with her to keep her safe. Byrne was wrong, Nyka was sure he didn't need a Doctor, he was fine now and he was only going to get better. Not only that but Ingrid was wrong too, Nyka being able to protect her didn't make him a weapon or anything like that. She was too paranoid.

Ingrid being gone gave him the opportunity that he needed to practice his magic more. He didn't care what Ingrid thought of magic. The stuff was a part of him and ignoring it as if it weren't a part of him was denying who he was. This part of him was why people were after him, and whether or not he used it people always showed up so it was about time that he made use of it. It would be for the better if he could control it not only to keep them safe from the people after him but to keep those around him safe from himself.

He loved his grandmother but he was sure she had been wrong in only trying to stop these abilities. Nyka didn't want to hurt people, but there was people who wanted to hurt him. The boy's fists clenched when he remembered the man he had killed. Nyka was a murderer now, he didn't ever want to kill someone again. If he could control himself then maybe he wouldn't have to do it again if things became dire.

Byrne places a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about her, the woman's got a nasty swing. You should see what she's done to drunk customers after dark when you're in bed," he said with a half grin, but Nyka didn't feel any better.

"I'm not very worried about her." He told Byrne before turning to the woods. "I'm going to walk around by myself."

"I don't know if that's too safe," Byrne advised him.

"It's better than town,"

"I suppose you are right, alright. Don't be long or I'll come looking."

Nyka nodded to him, glad he wasn't so easy to argue like Ingrid was.  The boy whistled for Kori and walked off into the trees with the little dog not far behind him. He walked for a while until he reached the stream again. It was then that he sat down at the bank and stared at the water, his dog exploring around him. Grey eyes found themselves following the little brown and white creature as it sniffeed around the bushes and trees until soon they came to rest at the water drifting calmly along.

Taking off his shoes, the boy dipped his feet into the cold water, flinching at the change in temperature. But it felt nice after a moment so he kept them there as he thought to himself. These past couple of weeks... he felt like he had aged years. No longer did he feel like such a kid... perhaps in his predicament he had never been allowed to be. The boy hadn't ever had any friends either. And he wouldn't ever have any friends, partially because he couldn't trust anyone, but also because it would be dangerous for them. Everyone around him was dying- his entire family was dead now. He frowned at the thought. There was no one left for him now. Ingrid and Byrne were sticking their noses into the chaos that his life was and they were only going to get hurt. He felt a pinch in his chest as his fists curled into tight fists again.

Now there was tears pricking at his eyes but he refused to cry again. Not wanting to think about it any longer he closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself. Soon when he felt his tears dissipate he opened stormy grey eyes once more and looked out at all the glowing Little Rock's that shone all around him. Quartz. He picked one up and studied it in his hand. It was both cool and warm to the touch, quite an odd feeling to him. He held the thing in two fingers away from his face and narrowed his eyes, focusing on it.

Could he make it explode? He didn't like the thought of killing someone like he had that man, but he needed to know what he had done so that he could avoid doing it in the future. He imagined the rock bursting in his hands, like that man's head had. But nothing happened. Next, he glared at it and mentally tried to will it to at least crack a bit, but still there was nothing. He imagined it doing all sorts of things like melting or crumbling into sand, or even catching aflaim but the rock only stayed the same. He groaned in frustration before throwing the rock away from himself before splashing into the water with a plop sound.

It was then, looking up that he saw what it was he had done. Around him and the whole stream was little bits of floating water, hovering in the air like rain drops frozen in time. As soon as he took notice of this they all came splashing down, getting not only him but an unenthusiastic Kori wet too. He blinked before a small smile came to his face. This wasn't so great on the defence or attack side of things but at least it was something. Anything was a start, wasn't it?

He focused now on the water in front of himself, trying to will it to move around, and to his surprise, it rippled in an odd manner. He continued to stare at it but not much was being accomplished so he soon lifted his hand and pointed it at the water, this seemed to better his results, making the water lurch around but that was about as much as he could get it to do. Soon he hummed to himself and leaned closer to the water so that he could dip his fingers in. The boy smiled to himself when the water swirled around his fingers. Nyka slowly lifted his hand until he held an orb of water floating around in his palm.

Lifting his other hand he tried to stretch the water out between his two hands. This proved to be quite the challenge but soon he got it down and had the water stretching from hand to hand. Next he wondered to himself if he could make this ability do any damage. But it was water, he wasn't sure he had the strength to throw it hard enough to hurt someone. Still he aimed at a tree across the stream from him. He brought his arm back before he lurched it forward and threw it. It made contact with the tree but to his dismay it only splashed everywhere, not even injuring the tree a little bit. What had he expected anyway?

He sighed and looked back down at the water. His feet were getting numb from the cold now so he pulled them out and started thinking to himself. What was there that could hurt someone and protect him? Fire. Immediately he cringed. Nyka didn't like fire, he would prefer to stay far away from it at all times. Leaving the south meant going to places where it was colder which meant in turn that you would need a fire at least at night to keep warm and make dinner. He would rather be back in the south where they had been for the past couple of years. It was his home- or it was. There was nothing to go back to now. Grandmother was gone and so was the inn. There was nothing left for him. Where were they going anyway? They were just mindlessly heading north.

This was all for what? Survival? This was no way to live, always on the run, always paranoid and uncomfortable. Ingrid and Byrne were both capable of making lives for themselves without Nyka as such a big hindrance. Maybe things would have been easier for them if Nyka had died in the fire... no it would have been easier for everyone, grandmother... his father... even his mother if he had never been born in the first place. All of these people would still be alive if he wasn't here.

Nyka turned grim eyes to the dirt below him. A dog nudging at his side made him look up and pet the little creature. He smiled softly. If he wasn't born then who would have saved the little guy from those ants? At least he helped at least someone... even if they were only a dog. He pet the canine fondly before it went off to explore once more. It was then that Nyka made his decision. He would soon carry on with it when the time came.

_________

Ingrid had returned rather late but Byrne had already started dinner, though he was not as good at it as Ingrid was but he managed, besides she saved them all from disaster at the last second which they were all grateful for. As usual Nyka stayed as far as he could from the fire and struggled to choke down the food but it was getting easier to eat.

Ingrid had returned with more food and medicine supplies. She had also bought some new clothes and even a couple weapons for them all. She had gotten them all daggers, even Nyka. But she hadn't handed it over before giving him a stern talk about it.

"Ye never use this unless ye absolutely have no choice, got it?"

He nodded, and she continued. "It is sharp so do not cut yerself. Ya hold it like this, see? Away from yerself." She instructed, showing him and moving his hands to the right spot on the handle. "Aim for the vitals if you have to use it," She told him next which made him falter, his hands lowering the blade.

"That means they could die," He pointed out with concern. "I do not want to murder people,"

Ingrid shook her head. "I do not want anyone to die either but come it be yew or the robed people I would much rather it be them. It is not murder if yew are only trying to protect yerself. No one has the right to steal someone else's life. It is only fair this way that they lose theirs. Remember that, Nyka,"

The boy had swallowed and nodded, unsure what to say to her next. Soon a question came to him. "Have... Have you ever... Killed someone?"

Ingrid paused, her eyes going to the ground for what felt like a long time before they came back and met his. Her lips were thinned out and she seemed to be stressed by the memory. "Once," was all she said before walking away from him to take care of supplies.

Nyka met confused eyes with Byrnes who only shrugged to him and gave him an 'I don't know anything about that' look. Soon it was time for bed and as usual Nyka went and laid down far from the fire. The stars were out tonight but for once he did not gaze up at them. Instead he rolled onto his side for the longest time, facing away from camp and the two adults that took care of things before they too laid down for rest. He laid for hours and hours, staring off into the ominous dark with Kori resting at his side.

At some point Nyka rolled over towards camp and inspected things from his spot. When all seemed to be clear he sat up and looked at the scene some more. The both of them seemed to be asleep. There were a few times one would stay up to keep watch for anyone that might approach camp but being this far out into the wilds, they had all soon relaxed and didn't bother with the stress of that at the moment.

The boy slowly stood and walked over to the campfire and all their stuff. All that was left of the fire was a couple glowing embers and lots of black and grey ash. It was not so scary this way, but the fact that it had been a fire made him uncomfortable. Soon he turned away from it, and with the low light of the embers and the stars in the sky, there was just enough light to grab a bag of supplies he had gathered up earlier and silently pick through some of the new supplies that Ingrid had gotten today.

Nyka took only what he would need to survive, trying to leave these two with more than enough to keep on living. When he was done with this he set a piece of paper down, weighting it with a rock next to Ingrid's head. He felt tears prick his vision but quickly wiped them away. He had written this letter earlier today. Though Ingrid wasn't the best reader she still knew enough. She suddenly stirred in her sleep, making Nyka flinch and tense up but nothing else came after that. She had not woken up.

He stepped away from her with silent relief before walking off into the forest- but he stopped once more when he noticed the little dog at his feet. Now the tears flowed freely from his eyes. He would not be able to take care of Kori along with himself. Nyka silently walked back over to camp and grabbed a rope. He brought it up and wrapped it around Kori's neck just enough that he couldn't easily slip out of it. Next he tied it to a tree. The little dog was too dumb to know what was going on and only wagged its tail at all of this.

Tears streamed from Nykas eyes as he pet his only friend. "You're a good boy Kori. My best friend." He smiled sadly, sniffing through his tears. "I'll be right back," he lied to the dog. "I just need you to stay, okay? Be quiet for me, okay?" He asked the dog while he pet him.

Nyka stood up and the dog let out quiet little cries. Nyka lifted a finger to his mouth and shushed him before walking off. Soon he was running, not paying attention which way he was going- because it didn't matter. As long as he wasn't making life harder for Ingrid and Byrne this would be okay. He would find a way to live through the robed people, and he would get strong enough to protect himself and everyone around himself. It was better this way for everyone.

So why did it hurt so badly?

_______

I'm afraid grandmother never taught me how to open a letter. Or to write one for that matter. She had not gotten to teaching me how to before she... well before she died.

    I hope you don't hate me for all of this, because I do. I hate myself for not being able to save grandmother, for being the reason that all of this has happened. Ingrid I know you hate my magic but it is an important part of who I am. I will learn how to use it properly and I will never have to hurt anyone ever again. I know you would not want me to leave, so that is why I left without saying anything. This hurts so badly to write and even more so to follow through with. Ingrid you were the mother I had never had, even if you were strict and tough I know it was only because you cared. And Byrne, you were a brother and a father to me. I loved singing and playing the lute with you, and I am deeply sorry that I am the reason your hands will be forever scarred and unable to play like you once did. One day I will learn how to heal them so that they are better than they were before. I promise you.

    Both of you are very dear to me, and I will always remember you both. Maybe someday we can all be together, in a world that doesn't hate me. But until then this is goodbye. Many things are hurting me and weighing me down, but I won't let this. You two were very kind to throw away your lives for me but I have to decline that generous offer. Go back to the south, and stay far away from me. That is the only way you two will be safe. I couldn't go on if you two were to be hurt or killed because of me, because you two are all that I have left.

    And please, take care of Kori.