Jaspen

Cael had almost come up with a remedy that night when she came back. I hoped she had figured out what she needed to. I hadn't meant to confuse Sasha. I forgot how loyal her kind were and how much they respected that loyalty. I had put her in a rough position. She was still with Sebastian and I was making her break her loyalty to him.

"I'll be right back," I told Cael and walked over to her.

She was looking down at her boots so I grabbed her chin, making her look up at me. "I'm sorry," I whispered sliding my hand so that I could move her hair out of her face. She looked at me with that same lost expression she had earlier. I was trying so hard not to slip into her thoughts.

"For?" she asked quietly.

"Making you go against your loyalty to Sebastian."

She blinked twice as if trying to process that name. Oh Sasha.

"We're not a good match," she whispered. "I… I plan on telling him when we get back."

"If it's for me, Sasha…"

"No. I just have known for a while that we wouldn't work… I just didn't have the heart to tell him. He's left so much for me…"

I held her and she relaxed into my embrace.

"It shouldn't hurt this much," I whispered "to let him go if you love him."

"I love him," she whispered back. "I'm not in love with him. There is a difference, Jaspen."

I knew the choice was killing her. She was unsure of me. In truth, I was unsure of how this would go.

"And what of me?"

"I just… I want to know you better for now," she stumbled.

That was fair.

"As you wish."

She smiled slightly.

"For a barbarian, you can be rather civilized."

I laughed. "You've been giving me some lessons." She laughed too.

"I'll be right back. Just finishing things up with Cael."

****

We began riding back towards Reytor by mid-day. Sasha was quiet and beside herself. "Sasha?" I finally asked.

Her arms tightened around my waist.

"Aye?"

���You aren't leaving Sebastian for me are you?"

"No."

"Would you have left him if I hadn't been around?" I asked.

I felt her shift uneasily behind me.

"It would have eventually happened," she whispered. "Not everything bad that happens is because of you, Jaspen."

"Is it bad that you are leaving Sebastian?"

She sighed. "No."

With that, I let her fall back into silence and rode on. I had a lot to think about. The remedy Cael gave me was enough for a full moon circle, but after that I would have to come back. It would hold Rowan in check, but it would also hold all my demonic powers in check too. No mind reading, fire, and it would possibly make me age faster. I would feel weaker. Was it really worth it? Was it really worth it to banish Rowan?

Ander, what have you gotten me into now?