Alistor

I went to the men's barracks agitated and in a full, raging fury. This was the best thing that had happened to me- to us! We had the king's blessing to get married! He had asked me to be his champion for all his other friends were dead and who better to advise him than his cousin? I had my servant ready a bath while I shaved. I nicked myself well and blood oozed a crooked crimson line down my cheek.

It was the first time I had really looked at myself in the mirror since I had come to my room. My eyes were an intense blue and looked like the eyes of a mad man. I looked down to see my fists clenched and shaking. I had never been so outraged since Maverick had hurt Eveline while we were still in training.

I tried to calm my rapidly beating heart and nerves by drawing slow breaths, letting my rage boil out. I think I was madder at myself than her. I knew she wasn't ready for marriage or to lay down her shield. I was a fool. I knew she loved me, but to ask her to give up the one thing that made her feel complete was a bad move. I swept my bangs out of my face with a heavy sigh. Was there a way, if she allowed, for us to be married, but she wouldn't have to hang up her shield? No. I wouldn't press the subject. I would apologize at dinner. I had acted very immaturely. After being together so long and almost losing her, I wanted to marry her. She was my everything and that was dangerous for a guardian. It was code not to put the love of another before the king for our duty was to him. Not to ourselves. We tiptoed a very fine line around this.

***

At dinner, I found her at our usual spot in the farthest corner. She was hunched over the table looking down and I felt terrible. In my selfishness, I had hurt her. I walked over to her and sat down across from her. She didn't even bother to look up.

"Are we done then?" she asked quietly.

I looked at her. "Eve… no."

She looked up at me, blinking tears. I mentally cursed myself. For the first time I was the reason for her tears.

"Even if I still reject your offer of marriage?" she asked.

She refused to look me in the eye.

"Yes. I was being immature earlier," I whispered. "Very immature."

"How is it immature to want a wife?"

She looked so broken. God, it broke me a little.

"Because I'm being selfish," I said. "I have you. There is no need to marry- that can wait. Aye, it will be a late marriage, but who cares?"

She finally looked up at me, wavering. Oh, Eve! The look she gave me was heartbreaking.

"How is it selfish?"

"Because I would be asking you to give up what you worked so hard for. I know you love it, Eve. I sometimes wonder what you love more."

It was a sore attempt at a joke, but she did smile slightly.

"It is a tight race," she said lightly.

I smiled.

"I'm sorry for being immature," I said again.

"Stop it, Renn. I forgive you."

It had been a long time since she'd called me that. I knew she was still afraid she had hurt me, but I knew we were at least on the mend.

"Take the champion job," she said. "It is a great honor."

"You couldn't be a tracker anymore," I said, confused.

"I will talk to Chris. Perhaps he'll make an exception."

Without meaning to I felt my shoulders slacken. I couldn't stand it if she got hurt and I wasn't there. The weeks of not knowing how she was would kill me, but it would kill her more to be stuck within the city walls.

"Let's talk about this tomorrow."

She nodded.

"Are you going to eat?"

I wasn't hungry.

"Nay. Why don't we go for a walk in the rose maze?"

She smiled slightly. "Aye."