Blacklisteeer

The painful thing a person would experience maybe from humiliating and being not accepted. Maybe because you've done something that not good in the eyes of the people, or they're not satisfied of what you've done. 

Pain is part of life but living in the pain makes you insane. Not knowing how to move forward for the future or thinking that maybe I just stuck here. 

But for me, the most painful thing is being fall to the mid of abyss. So deep that I lost count of feet to measure. I'm drowning and the pain stab my heart multiple times. Drowning from the pain because of the man who manage to break my heart that leading me to force myself to forget him. Repressing myself to love him again, that even his name I can't remember.

The Repression (Novel)

Pain stab me multiple times as the tears drop from my eyes. I can't even imagine that whatever I would do just to make them feel that I loved them, it causes me too much pain


I never thought that this day would come. That I think were fine. But then who knows its just a lie to make me feel better right? Just to repay my kindness? Or to stop me from being a desperate?


Right now I don't think I really knew what he feels every time we have each other. Does all of it just for pity? That every time I saw his smile, is that even fake?


My tears drop more as I think that maybe its all fake. That he really can't love me freely or for who I am. Then I think I should end this then.


I harshly wiped the tears in my cheeks as I enter my car. After putting the key and start it, all I thought is to take away the pain I felt. I just want to forget him, I just want to feel numb. I just want to forget everything.


I stepped on the gas and never mind the speed of the car. Every time I remember the pain he caused me I stepped on the gas more. The tears blurred my vision but I never mind it. Caused all I want for now is to forget the only person who causes this excruciating pain I felt right now.


I aggressively turn the steering wheel to the right but my eyes suddenly widen while eyeing the truck that coming for me . A loud beep illuminated but I stared at it blankly, don't know what to do until I hear a loud impact, and I get numb.


I think my prayers answered that I just want to feel numb. My head hit harshly at something then I saw blood dripping from my forehead to my shaking hands on my lap. My vision is blurred but I saw the smoke coming from the front of my car and a man walking towards where I am. He said something but all I heard was a high pitch that I just want to shut my ears so that I wouldn't hear it. I feel dizzy and my eyes is threatening to close. And then I remembered him, the man who hurt me.


I smiled at myself. I hope he feel happy because of my state right now. I hope he feel at peace because of what happened. I just want to sleep and feel numb at everything. I just want to forget. My eyes starting to close until I submit myself to the oblivion.


Prologue