Chapter 4

"Try again," Hide said sternly as we were in the training room. 

I breathed heavily. "H-how many times must I keep this up?" 

"Until you get it right," he responded. 

I groaned. "I'm going to pass out," I mumbled underneath my breath. After trying to do the stance over and over again, I was about to give up. "I-I can't." 

"Akira, our representation is in two days and this has to be-" 

"Perfect", I interrupted him, "I know. The thing is Hide that I'm not perfect. I'm never what anyone expects me to be." I looked down. "No matter how hard I try, I can never live up to everyone's expectations." 

I sensed Hide staring at me. "How so?" 

Tears began to form when I got memories of when I was in the demon realm. "I don't want to talk about it." 

Hide sighed and sat beside me. "I suppose we could take a small break." After what seemed like a long silence of me trying to hold back my tears, he finally spoke. "I-I know exactly how you feel. I'm the son of a great general who could upgrade to admiral soon and they expect me as charming as him, as gentleman-like as him. I try my best to be polite and hold up his reputation, but I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of putting this facade on my face and not being able to show people the real me." 

I looked at him in amazement that he shared his feelings with me. Has he ever done that with other people? "Hide..." 

Suddenly, he looked at me in embarrassment. "Haha, sorry I, um, over-" 

"You know", I began, "I ran away from home about 3 years ago." 

"Is that so?" 

"Yeah. My father, he's a douche. My mother died when I was really young. Not from some illness, but a couple of people murdered her."  

"Akira, I'm so sorry," he said, his apology sounding empathic. "My mom died too." 

"I'm sorry about that." 

"It's okay. My dad told me that she died from having me so..." 

"I-I see." 

Both of us stayed quiet for a while, both of us deep in our thoughts. Hide began to speak again. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened the day your mother died?" I stayed quiet for a while, trying to process the painful memory. "Y-you don't have to-" 

"It's fine. It was a lovely day and we were heading home. I remember seeing her smile at the flowers as we were passing by. We both fell asleep and we crashed into something. We heard men yelling and I saw the fear for my safety on my mother's face. She told me to run and I wanted her to come with me, but she told me this wasn't the time for that. She told me to get my father. So, I ran and I never looked back. I heard screaming and-" I began to tear up. "It was her screaming."

"I-I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You don't have to tell me anything else if you don't want to." 

"It's fine, Hide, and thank you. Anyway, it felt like I was running away for hours. I was tired and confused. When I thought I was safe, the men caught up to me and I was shot in my shoulder with an arrow. It hurt like hell. It was almost as if the men were hunting me like I was prey. I managed to escape, however, because of the one thing my father taught me. It was a spell, considering my dad was, um, a warlock," I said. "I believe it was a fire spell and I shot it at one of the men and he, um, burned to death."

"Oh." 

"It was disturbing. I tried to put on an act of being tough by threatening the rest and it worked. After that, I passed out." 

"Wow, it must've been a lot for you to process as a young child." 

"It was. I woke up with my father by my side. He called me weak. A disgrace for not protecting my mother and being scared. What was I supposed to do?  Because of that, I've carried this guilt for so long. I still feel like it's my fault that she died." I hugged my knees. 

"No, it's not." 

"Huh?" 

"It's not your fault that she died," Hide said. "What could you have done? You were only a child and didn't understand what was going on at the moment. She told you to run and you did exactly as she told you to do. She knew that you would be safe if you run, otherwise you both would've been dead." 

"I'd rather it be that way," I said in a sad voice. 

"Everything happens for a reason. This is life trying to make you a stronger person." 

"How could this have made me stronger?" I said in anger. "Look at me! I-I'm a mess." 

"Even if that is the case, Akira, you can still move past this." 

"I can't!" I cried. 

"You can, but from the looks of it now, you want to stay in the past. Looking back won't do anything. It'll only make that sadness, that anger, your guilt worse. If you want to keep wallowing like this forever, fine, but if you want to move forward, you need to heal yourself." I gazed at Hide. "Accept what happened, forgive yourself and the people involved, and move on." 

He has a point. "Aki," I said. 

"Huh?" 

"You can just call me Aki, it's what my friends call me." 

Hide stared at me for a few seconds and then said, "Okay." 

"Thank you", I said, smiling at him, "for, you know, making me feel better." 

He blushed. "I-it was nothing." 

"Now, um, can you demonstrate the stance again for me, Hide?" 

He smiled at me and this time, his smile seemed genuine. 

"Of course."