The Disappointment

Genres: Fiction, Narrative

Since the day I was born I always had trouble with people. I could never speak to them, or even tell them that my name is Dave. I spent years just trying to cope with my shyness, and always liked spending time alone more than anything. My parents pushed me to go outside though. When I turned 6 years old, me and my 4 year old brother were playing outside. Our parents always told us to never play in the streets but we hardly listened. I threw our basket ball and it went rolling into the street. My little brother ran right after it not looking left or right like our parents had taught us. Unfortunately just as he ran out, a car happened to be driving down the road. This is a neighborhood so it wasn't going very fast, but was going fast enough to damage a 4 year old. I remember that day perfectly. I remember how I blamed myself. I remember how the paramedics came. I remember asking myself why my parents let 2 kids as young as us to play alone in the front yard.

I was relieved after finding out that my little brother was okay, and he would return 3 days later. I was so happy. After that I got inspired to be a doctor. One that would help people. I wanted to be the one to stand in front of a kid like myself and tell them that their little brother is going to be okay. I wanted people to be happy, I always have.

As I grew however, the feelings started to change. Through out elementary school I never really had any friends because I was the "weird kid."

They told me I was stupid, that I was a boy so I shouldn't be a doctor because only girls are doctors. I needed to be a fireman or policeman. They did all the dangerous stuff. I was laughed at by the kids in my class, but even so I kept standing up and kept learning every bit of information I could. I would as my mom to go to the library because I wanted a new medical book. Maybe I was the weird kid...

Middle school came along. Everybody was starting dating, while I had my nose in the text books. I never paid attention to any of it because it didn't interest me in the slightest. I was a good looking kid, and girls apparently liked a smart boy so they started falling for me but I brushed them off.

When I got to high-school everything changed. I had a best friend but he betrayed me. He hurt me. Then I met someone else. She was beautiful, the first time I actually started to crush on someone. I spent hours with her on the phone just talking. I spent most of the day at school with her. We had so much fun, or at least I thought. It was months later that I found out that this girl was the girlfriend of my former best friend. She was talking behind my back, insulting me and telling students the things I said. After that I said I'd never open up again.

I started hiding in my books again. Started reading and trying to forget the mocking and bullying I received. Soon rumors started to spread. Since I had no friends, and everyone seemed to be against me I hid away. I decided I should make friends since I did miss talking with someone even though they turned out to be who they were. I made a profile online and found people nearby that I didn't recognize or have never seen.

They were good people and I enjoyed talking to them. I learned so much about how they were home schooled and how they wanted to be doctors or lawyers or just wanted to go to the military. I spoke with them a lot, and learned from them as well. We even started trying to figure who amongst us was the smartest. I a math wiz and a lot of knowledge on medical science was proclaimed the winner. When we took IQ tests I came out with the lowest score but we never figured out if they were legit or not, we had a good laugh though.

The day came when it all would end. When everything I had built with those good people would crash and burn. See one of the kids from my school found my account. She told her friend, who told hers until it reached my former best friend's girlfriend. She started looking into my friends and then started private messaging them. Telling them all the awful rumors about me. Telling them how I was so terrible. My new friends never spoke to me again. They never told me why they wouldn't answer or why they blocked me in the first place. I had to figure it all out on my own.

The day I found out, I went to the kitchen took a knife, the sharpest one in the kitchen. I went to my room, locked the door and cried. I had been thinking of taking my own life since the day the rumors surfaced. I found comfort in new friends but they turned their backs on me without even hearing my side of the story. I didn't want to live. I was done. I put the blade to my wrist and put pressure. Blood started spilling out, but I couldn't go through with it. I cried for hours with no end. I wanted it to end.

The next few weeks I went to school people didnt change but I had. I walked into class late for the first time in my school history. I threw my bag on the floor causing everyone to look at me. The teacher asked if I was okay and I flipped her the finger. She was shocked but more concerned by the gesture. She told me to go to the principals office, he suspended me in school for 3 days. Once the suspension and school was out for the weekend, I walked home people following. They regular bullies that did every time i would walk home. They came up to me and did the usual, started making fun of the fact that I had books in my back pack. The thing is I left them at home. What I really had were 2 bricks, the things I intended to do with them were horrible. I knew what the bullies would do so I beat one of them. I was 17 and arrested for assault. Was in juvenile detention for a year. When I was released I went back to school. There were only 4 months left of my senior year. I walked into class and people have forgotten all about me. I was put right next to the kid I beat with those bricks. His face broken and misshapen, I could stop laughing at what I did. I was told to leave class and people started to remember who I was. I was that doctor kid who turned out to be a psychopath.

I didn't care, my life was already over. 19 years old never graduated. Jobs didn't want me, finally got one but was fired since the managers daughter was a one of the girls that hated me. I started feeling really empty, really depressed, and was feeling really tense.

I watched as my parents bought my little brother a car. I watched as he started dating one of my bullies little sister. I watched as he got a license, something I was never able to eve get. I watched how he got a job and was paying for the car and getting rid of his girlfriends debt.

I couldn't take it. I walked put my house and never looked back. I traveled south into another state. A place nobody I knew could ever find me. I slept on the streets, and watched the days go by. I went dumpster diving for food and water when ever I could. I pulled around a shopping cart full of trash i found to be useful. I dirty smelly milk jug full of rain water but the sent of spoiled milk is just as strong as ever.

At 24 years old I sat on the edge of a road. Same old thing, been doing it for 5 years now. I watched the cars pass by, the people pass by and everything else pass by, nothing paying any attention to me. I sat there in the hot sun, shoes off and torn pants. A couple walks by holding hands and a child in between them. The man stops right in front of me.

"I messed up my life so bad, and am the only one to blame. Just need a little help, $1 dollar will do." He read my sign.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty. He extended his hand towards me.

I looked up at him and with them best smile i could muster I said "thank you."

He looked at me for a moment, it was hard for him to recognize me. I knew from just his footsteps as he came towards me. His eyes widened and he kneeled down to hug me. My beard and long hair made him not able to recognize me, but my brother did.

"I can't believe this is where you have been. I can't believe you just left. Its crazy that we are even meeting again." Tears ran down his cheeks.

My eyes flooded with tears and went down my cheeks like streams into my bushy beard. He helped me up and took me to his home. He'd been married since 19 years old and has a daughter now and job. He told me how happy he is. First thing he did was call my parents but I made him hang up. When he asked why I didn't want them to know.

I told him its because "I'm the disappointment so they wouldn't even care."