10. Meaning of life

«She's missing.» Fera repeated.

The fog was rising, the Dia's figure was not visible.

Name felt terribly guilty.

«I'm going to look for her. You go down, don't worry.»

Something had happened to her and she hadn't even noticed it.

«I'm coming with you, I organized this thing, I should have paid more attention to everyone.» Fera stopped her.

«I can do it.» Name replied, forming a cloud of steam, her nose dripping a little.

Fera seemed excited to go to that village, as did Sky, Estelle and Leo.

«I'll go with her, I rather do this, than to hear your nonsense.» Kein said, holding up a hand.

«Why did you come, then?» Fera rubbed her temples.

«Boredom. Let's go, before the snow covers the tracks.» Kein took Name badly by the wrist and the two slowly walked away.

Name turned to greet the four.

Going up the mountain, the only thing you could hear, besides Name's labored breathing, were the footsteps in the snow.

Kein didn't speak, sometimes yawned, looked bored.

Name still didn't understand.

He had killed people, then he had saved them.

He said he hated her, then comforted her after her recent nightmare.

She didn't quite understand which side he was on, even though he was her teammate.

Most of the time he seemed to be angry with her for some reason, sometimes he seemed completely normal, in fact, friendly.

He wasn't like Name.

Name was simple, very simple, after all, she had no memories: it was difficult even to feel emotions or cry. It was black or white with her.

Kein, on the other hand, was the opposite, it was a set of many shades.

Like Estelle, he was intriguing.

I wish he were a little friendlier.

The more nuances she discovered, the closer she felt to those people around her.

«Here.» he said, pointing to boot tracks leading off into the woods.

It's...

«It's off track. She violated a rule, now it's her business. Mistery solved.» Kein already began to retreat.

«W-wait! What are you doing? He could be in danger!» Name retorted, but the boy continued to descend the mountain.

«She went there with her feet, she was well aware of the risks.»

Name had no words.

He's really...

«No!» Name shouted, pulling the boy by the arm.

He whirled around gritting his teeth, trying to shake her off, but Name yanked him again.

Eventually they both fell to the ground.

«You're-» he began.

«Unbearable!» they both screamed at each other.

It was the second time Name had gotten so angry, maybe she should have punched Kein too.

«You came to help me! And now you go? Why? What's your problem?!» Name screamed so loud that not only was there a slight echo, but her throat went dry.

«I do what needs to be done. Without taking risks. Without intruding too much. Remaining neutral and objective. Other's problems are not my problems.»

He said, in the snow.

He sounded tired and aggressive.

«Thats enough.» he got up first, then dragged Name to his feet.

It's not right.

What if Dia is in danger?

«We shouldn't take risks for another person's life, then?» Name planted her feet on the ground.

«To remain neutral-» he began again.

«We shouldn't be happy or sad, then? Should we simply delete everything as if it didn't exist?!» a cry and then a wave of light that spread from Name to Kein.

The boy tumbled for a couple of meters.

Name saw red.

«You don't even know her! You're not doing this for her! You are doing it for your ego! You don't really care about others, only about yourself!» he retorted, raising his voice higher and higher with each sentence.

Name started to argue, but Kein stopped her, standing up.

«The truth is that you are so empty that you do nothing but cling to other people, trusting them blindly! It's hateful and stupid! Learn how to live in this world!» he screamed too, until he ran out of breath.

Name was tired.

«Maybe you're right.» she confirmed in a low voice. «I want the people next to me to be safe and happy, that way, I'm happy too. I don't care about clinging to the happiness of others ... I don't want to be empty.»

Name, biting her lip, about to cry, stared at Kein, petrified in front of her.

She didn't even know what to say anymore, in truth she didn't even know what she had said: it was an involuntary flow of thoughts. She was out of breath, she was shaken and had to follow Dia's footsteps.

«I'm going alone.» Name also broke the rule and silently plunged into the woods.

-

Twenty minutes ago, Dia was still coming down the mountain.

They were all talking in front of her, she didn't quite know how to enter the conversation, so she remained silent.

Sky occasionally glanced at her, as if he wanted to ask her something, but he too was strangely taciturn.

It's a secret that no one can reveal how the Key Holders obtain their magic item. Has something happened?

Dia hadn't had time to ask him ... in truth, she had prepared herself an encouraging speech, but in the end she couldn't say anything.

"Don't talk"

Sometimes Dia could still hear her whispered voice, as if Father was still alive repeating those two words.

Sometimes she still smelled blood.

No...

There is a smell of blood here.

Dia's nose was never wrong.

To her left, she smelled of blood.

An animal?

Dia stopped, gradually losing the chatter in front of her.

No, it was impossible for there to be wild animals this close to a regime mansion.

It was human blood, the smell intensified every second: more blood, more smell.

Dia stood still for a long time, they didn't seem to notice that she had remained a few meters behind.

She would just have to check, no one would have noticed she wasn't there.

I need to check that there are no injuries.

Dia advanced to the left, she knew she was breaking a rule, but she would suffer all the consequences.

"Being able to protect the weakest"

Mother...

The snow was deeper in the forest, the smell of blood frozen to the same intensity.

Dia stepped forward until her pants began to get wet at his knees.

Maybe I should...

«M-mel!» various birds flew in her direction, running away from the scream.

Dia advanced, without having a plan in mind or a prepared speech.

Sometimes her body acted before her mind, it was something she loathed about herself.

Not far away, Dia found two boys in the snow.

One was ... badly injured, coughing up blood.

Dia could not speak but approached quickly.

«Mel ...» the dark moaned as he shook the other lying on the ground.

He looked at her for help.

He had a knife stuck just under his shoulder, he seemed small, if he was still breathing he must not have hit some vital point.

There is no time to take it to safety, the knife could move.

I need to take out the knife and stop the bleeding.

Dia started tearing off pieces of shirt to make provisional bandages.

I have lightning magic. It cannot be used to heal wounds or relieve pain.

"You are made to kill"

That voice would come back in the most terrible moments.

The snow was turning red.

The knife shouldn't have ended up in too dangerous a position.

«C-calm down.» Dia tried to calm the injured boy, who was crying.

It was strange: his hands were still, but his mouth continued to tremble, like the words that came out of it.

She grabbed the knife and with a snap, pulled it out, starting to press hard with the various pieces of bandage.

His friend also started tearing his clothes.

«N-no. They need to be clean.» Dia stopped him.

Her hands were full of blood, there seemed to be only that.

Red.

Red.

She pressed and pressed.

One boy was crying and the other was struggling to breathe.

«Please ...» warm tears began to fall on Dia's flushed face.

Not again.

«Away ...» the wounded boy raised a bloody arm, which grabbed his.

He shouldn't have spoken!

«Go... away.» the blond boy on the ground gritted his teeth, staring at her with his greenish eyes. It was a look of hate.

«Melchior!» shouted the other.

Why are you looking at me that way?

Why...

«Dia!»

That voice was Name's.

What are you doing here?

Dia turned, seeing the girl, out of breath, run up to her.

It was her bad mistake: getting distracted.

The boy on the ground, Melchior, pushed Dia away and scrambled to his feet, kicking the other boy.

He pulled off the pieces of shirt and picked up the knife from the ground.

Then he pointed it to his chest.

No...

«Why don't they even let me die in peace?» he was crying, the tears making their way into his bloody face.

«Don't do it.» it was Name who spoke, not far from Dia, she tried to take a step forward.

«Don't get close!» Melchior cried, his voice hoarse and broken.

Dia wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn't speak.

Once again she remained silent against her will.

«Please ... Let's talk ...» Name seemed to be looking for the right words to say.

At least she's doing something.

«You're from the regime, I can see it from the uniforms.» Melchior grinned.

«I was there two years ago too ... I didn't make it. I lost everyone. Everyone and everything.»

Name tried to say something, but the boy continued, sobbing.

«My friends, the person I loved ... I can't go on anymore. I'm stuck here until I die. I can't even go back.»

His hand was shaking, the knife moving closer and closer to the center of his chest.

«Please Lind ... let me die this time.»

The dark-haired boy, Lind, just looked at him: begging him.

Dia had to do something. Everything!

«I know that-» Nome began.

«You don't know anything! What can you know about having nothing?!» he growled at her.

Name took another step.

Melchior regressed, limping.

He's losing too much blood ... by this point ...

«I'm so sad, so tired, so empty ...»

He stopped giggling and looked up at Name.

«What's the point ... continuing to live like this?»

Dia jumped to her feet.

«No!» she shouted.

Too late.

Two steps ahead of her, the helpless body fell to the ground.

Name fell to her knees, trembling from head to toe.

Dia, once again, was unable to do anything.

«No! No! No!» his friend shook him, shouting, but the boy no longer moved, no longer breathed. He hugged him and shook him, but nothing: just a lonely cry full of pain.

-

Name felt the pressure of that gaze at every stone she set.

She was helping Lind bury his friend.

"What's the point ... to continue living like this?"

The look he had given her, however, was not one of tiredness, sadness or anger.

It was a look that was asking for help.

He wasn't empty, he had some hope, he had some hold: like the friend who was mourning his death at this moment.

And he knew it.

Why do this ... if you know you have a little hope?

Name didn't understand.

Could I have ... done something?

She rose from the grave, looking at her hands full of dirt.

That unknown power of hers, could she have done something? Push the knife away as she pushed Kein away?

But ... I can't control it.

She bit her lip, each time she did, the same wound reopened.

Soon after, Lind, Dia and Name all descended the mountain in silence.

«Thank you. To both.» Lind said once he reached the bottom of the mountain, the village had to be close.

Name just wanted to see Fera at that moment.

«I-I ... I didn't do anything.» Dia stared at the ground, her eyes red with tears.

Me neither.

«No. You've done a lot. When I found him ... It was an accident, we were arguing. You saved him.»

Lind took Dia's hand, squeezing it in his own.

«I didn't even know he had certain thoughts ... and I was his best friend ...»

Lind wept.

«At least ... he died by his own choice, not by fate.»

Fate...

Lind and the girls separated, saying goodbye one last time.

Those three leaves of fate, what did they mean?

Soon, Dia and Name found themselves facing an immense frozen lake.

It was beautiful.

The sun was shining at times, a few snowflakes were falling: everything seemed to sparkle.

What is my destiny?

Why am I here?

Despite the sun, the fog rose in the distance and the cold wind hit them.

Am I too, empty like he was?

Name wished she had her memories back like never before.

In that case ... it doesn't make sense to live for me either?

For the first time, a few tears fell from Name's eyes.

She didn't move and she didn't sob.

She cried briefly, Dia stared at her. She was crying too.

Dia...

She had done all that for Dia and still hadn't spoken to her.

Yet, both unknown, they embraced on the shores of that sparkling lake.

The sins and the pain of both took on themselves, crying and trembling, carrying that emptiness on their shoulders.

However, like a mirage, Name saw an image across the lake ... no, a person.

It had been for a moment, but she had seen her.

She was that girl in the white dress again, she had seen her in her liar mirror.

So she's real.

Name broke away from the embrace, enchanted by the image of that girl.

«N-Name?»

She didn't listen to her, she started running towards the lake.

«Wait!»

Name was already running on the ice, strangely she wasn't sliding.

A crack.

And then another.

The girl was still there, she had no face, she was too far away: yet she was looking at Name.

Who are you?!

Another step and the ice beneath her broke.

The water was freezing, Name didn't even know if she could swim.

She didn't even try.

It all seemed to come back to her: her and her memories, the pink lady, Miki's betrayal, the mirror, the guardian, Aldien's cruelty, her new power, not belonging anywhere, her dreams and her nightmare. And now the death of a person she didn't even know before her eyes.

She sank slowly into the water, someone called her name.

The light...

She reached out to the sun above her before he passed out.

... It's so far away.