Hanky

CHAPTER XIX: Hanky

"What are you thinking?"

Someone pinched me and that made me go back to my senses.

"Ouch. What's your problem?" I hissed at Sapphire who is continuously pinching me.

We're here sitting below a tree near the field.

I cut my classes today because I'm not in the mood. Even if I try to listen to my lecturers, nothing will remain on my mind. I'm having a lot of thoughts. Maybe, that's why I can't focus inside the classroom.

Saph and I bumped into each other earlier that is why I invited her to accompany me for a while. I'm the only one who cut classes. Sapphire have one right now but their teacher did not attend their class so instead of just sitting around their classroom, she agreed to be with me.

"Care to share your thoughts?" Saph pouted.

"Nah. I can still handle my problems." I gave her a reassuring smile.

I have been feeling a little bit off since the incident between me and Olivia at Cameron's building. Also, the conversation Cameron and I had that time made me feel less. Do you know what I mean?

It's been a months but in my heart, it's still fresh.

-FLASHBACK-

"What happened back there?" Cameron asked.

He's interested, huh? I wonder if it is because of me or Olivia.

"We just had a little problem." I tried to smile but I can't hide the uneasiness that I'm feeling because of what Olivia said earlier.

The words 'I'm planning to take him back' has been lingering inside my head up until now. I don't know but when I heard those words come out from her mouth, I felt her eagerness to take Cameron back.

"That's what you call a little problem? Blaire, it's all over the media! You should have backed out in the first place because you knew that things like this might happen when you have a fight with an international model!" he pinched the bridge of his nose as a sign of disappointment.

"And you are angry because?" I creased my forehead.

"Because I don't want you being inside a fight but look what you did! I'm just being concerned." he shouted.

"Concerned for who?" I smirked. Bitterness was visible from the tone of my voice.

"What are you talking about? Of course it's for you! You are my girlfriend and I don't want my girlfriend to be in any mess." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"For me or for Olivia? She's your ex right? That's why you are acting like that in front of me" I hissed.

His eyes widened. Probably because he never thought that I know the look of his ex.

"No! Why would I?" he sounded defensive. I just rolled my eyes heavenwards.

"Uh, maybe because you still love her? I don't know." I shrugged not taking my eyes off of him.

"Blaire, you are the one that I love, okay? You are my girlfriend for Pete's sake!"

"Okay, okay. So what about it? What's your problem with it?" I surrendered.

"Why do you have to do it?" he looks at me with concerned eye.

I don't know what he's talking about. What did I do this time?

"Do what?" I asked.

"Attack Olivia."

What? Did I even attacked her?

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"Why did you attack he-" I cut him off

"Do you think that I'm the one who attached first?" I said with my fist closed.

"Blaire, it was seen clearly at the video." He massaged his forehead.

"You could have asked me first before blaming it all on me! Is that what you think of me, huh? Am I some kind of girl who picks up a fight just because that's her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend? Do you really think of me that low?" I said through my gritted teeth.

"No. I don't think of you that way but I know Olivia okay? I have known her for years. She isn't the type who really picks up a fight. She just really likes triggering someone." He sighed.

Yeah, right. He knows Olivia for years. Of course! She is his ex-girlfriend!

So what about me? I'm his girlfriend but he chose to think that I am the one who's at fault. He didn't even asked me if I was okay or what really happened!

I am filled with so much anger right now.

I can't believe it. Looks like the person who I'm expecting to understand me more than anyone thinks differently of me.

"And me? What about me?" I asked trying to stop my tears from falling.

"I know that you can be impulsive sometimes so… yeah." He shook his head.

"I didn't do it, Cameron." My lips were trembling because I know anytime, I won't be able to hold back my tears anymore.

"Why not, Blaire? Just admit it so we don't have to argue anymore. I'll still accept you despite the faults that you have made." He said with a stern voice.

That's my cue.

Tears started streaming down my face. His words pierced through my heart. I can't believe what's happening right now. He refused to believe the words that I have said.

"Really now? Do you even know what you are saying? You know what? Nevermind. Maybe you don't know me that's why you can easily put the blame on me like that." I said as I stood up and marched to the door and tried to wipe my tears away but it's no use. I guess my tears became endless just now.

He tried to stop me by pulling my hand but I moved his hand away from mine then continued to walk away.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

A week after that incident, we made amends with each other. I'm not really okay about what happened before that but I have no other choice than to be fine.

_____

The cold breeze hits my skin.

It's still noon but it's unusually cold out here at the park, sitting beneath a tree. I wished to watch the sunset but unfortunately, the thick clouds covered up mister sun.

The nature gives me peace of mind. Everything that has connection with nature makes me feel at ease. Makes me feel that everything will be okay.

I wonder why I am so attached with nature.

Every time that I'm sad or down, I'll go here or anywhere as long that there's a huge presence of nature. I prefer a place where there's many trees. The sound of the wind scraping through the tree's leaves are music to my ears.

Well, I just came here to think.

I feel sad knowing that I don't have anyone to always cheer me up except for myself. Cameron is my boyfriend but… I don't feel that we are in a relationship anymore. He stopped texting me. He stopped calling me.

We only see each other at school. We are talking like we are civil but I can't help but to feel that he is intentionally avoiding me. He's avoiding everything about me. My texts, my calls, my stares, my waves. Everything.

I thought that love would make you feel alive but why is this making me feel empty. I love Cameron so much but he's hurting me without him knowing it.

I just want this pain to go away. I want everything that I'm feeling go away.

Once again, tears started to burst out.

Which part am I wrong?

Or I was wrong all along.

Nothing seems right with me. Everything feels wrong.

I can't even stand up for myself. I can't even defend myself.

I was crying with my head down on my knees while I was hugging it when I heard the branches shaking then felt the ground stumbled a little like something jumped from the tree.

Or someone.

"You're loud." Said a voice beside me.

The voice gave me chills. Most probably because it is cold as ice.

I don't know why my heart is beating fast. What is happening to me? Is it because the voice is cold? Ugh.

I tilted my head to see who it was and there I saw a tall man with long jet black hair just above his broad shoulders. His eyes were dark grey. He has a slightly thick brows. His nose are pointed and his lips is pinkish... so seductive.

I shook my head. What am I thinking?

"I'm sorry." I quickly looked away and wipe my tears when he arched his brows at me. He probably noticed that I just surveyed him just now. It's embarrassing!

I heard him sighed.

"Don't think too much. It's bad for you."

I felt something on my knees. Did he just tossed something at me?

I was about to ask him but when I looked up, he's already walking away. I moved my gaze to my knees.

Oh.

He just gave me a hanky.