Surprises

He frowned hard at her, squinting. "Changed my mind, slave. Prepare my lunch."

"The hell did you just say to me?" she dared ask me, eyes narrowing in anger.

"I said 'Hello dear, would you like to have lunch before we go?' obviously," he replied, eyes alive with mischief. "Why, what did you think I'd say?"

"I think you called me a slave..."

"Woman's place is in the kitchen!"

"Say it one more time, I freaking /dare/ you!"

"Woman's place is - mmph!" She clamped her hand down over his mouth, pushing him down again and... Well, it was a violent time for our hero and the backpack wasn't going to do amazing things for his back come evening. After a bit more back and forth, the pair found themselves facing each other across from his backpack. He innocently removed an old fashioned MRE... Two 'complete' meals, even. The one he kept was the spaghetti one, pasta seemed rare off hand. For her, well it was labelled as 'Asian beef strips' and it came with rice.

"So," our fearless hero said cheerfully, "How long have you been an S?"

"Wh-what now?"

"I asked how long you've been hiding this place," he said slowly, a bright and cheerful smile on his face.

"I haven't been hiding anything," she replied, sniffing disdainfully. "I'm more interested in what you're doing there? How did you get the water so hot without either using magic nor fire? Look, the water is even boiling! Can we turn it into tea? I have some leaves."

"N-no, no, it's not safe to drink! Basically... Well, it's a chemical reaction and if you drink the water it'll harm humans, elves, dwarves, small animals... Anyway, it's science! And I can't explain it any better than that, sorry. It's not like I studied this specific reaction in school..."

"Eh?" she made a noise but it felt more like a placeholder. She frowned thoughtfully a moment, then stared at our hero. "Look, I won't ask you to give away kingdom secrets or anything... but what do you mean by 'school', exactly?"

"Wh-what? Isn't education wide-spread in this day and age? School it's... school! Argh! It's a place for children, and in some cases adults, to gather and learn from their elders. School should teach arithmetic, history, reading, writing, physical activities... There was a time that schools even taught children the correct way to use weapons. Gun safety and stuff like that."

She stared at him blankly. "Do humans have a lot of these... schools?"

The boy opened his mouth with a retort, then paused, caught with his mouth open. He had the grace to blush. "I... I don't remember," he admitted.

"There's no real point in hiding this things from me," she pointed out, watching him switch the MRE in the water with another one.

Taking one of the bowls she had brought out for them to eat with, he opened the package of rice first, beginning to break it up a little bit and mix it with the salt and pepper packets. "It's not like I'm hiding things, I really don't remember. Anything I did in this world from yesterday onward is a complete blank to me." As he was speaking, he opened up her beef, using the spork to get as much of that out as he could before scooting that meal toward her. He reached into his pack and pulled out two bottles of water, removing a cap and drinking just taking a quick sip.

"More human magic?" the half-elf asked, suspiciously. Ian smirked in turn, not commenting as he removed the packet of instant-lemonade, adding the pack to the bottle, closing the lid, and shaking it vigorously. "That's really looking interesting! And this food actually smells alright..."

"Mine will be better," our hero replied cheerfully. "Maybe if you ask me /real/ nice, I'll let you try it, though."

"As if your weird human food can ever be better than fine Elven Cuisine," she replied with a cheerful smile.

"Well, who knows? Here," the blue-eyed youth added, passing her the lemonade, "Try this. I promise you it'll be good."

"So you say," the young woman replied as she accepted it, "But we'll have to see, won't we?"

"I wouldn't lie to you. We're unionized after all! Though I've never really been a pro-union guy... Do I need to pay membership fees, I wonder?" He rambled a bit as he removed the spaghetti pouch, adding it to his bowl and saying a brief word of thanks. "I never thought I'd see the day I wished I had a proper fork... or chopsticks would work, I suppose... Ah well. This will have to do."

"Not going to change the color of your water?" the woman asked, smiling innocently. She hadn't touched anything of lunch still, which could be a sign of suspicion or it might be courtesy.

"I can. Oh! We can split them! If I add..." he trailed off, removing an instant 'peach' tea packet, taking a sip of his water, and mixing it the same as hers. He took a drink of /that/ afterwards, then recapped it and stole her lemonade. "Want me to eat some of your food too? Or I could feed it to you, if you're feeling shy... Wait, do elves even use silverware? I feel like you lot are barbarians, eating everything with your hands."

"How dare you! I'll have you know that even human kings eat like animals compared to my kin!"

"Yeah, yeah, so do you want me to chew it for you and feed it to you in like a kiss? It sounds gross, but if you can't manage on your own..."

"HEY! What exactly are you implying about elves with a statement like that? I can chew my own food, THANKS!"

"It's not that I'm doubting you," the boy replied doubting her, "But you haven't touched yours yet. You know these are made in a factory, right? In a Terran country, no less. Nobody else on this planet has had one of these yet. Well, probably."

"You... are a very weird human."

"Thank you! One does so try..."

"That wasn't a compliment, you twit!"

"No? Then Mister Tree, I'd like to file for a de-unionization on account of spousal abuse!"

"What did you say?"

"ABUSE!"

"I don't think it works like that... He also seems to be ignoring you."

"I wonder why that is... back to the point, you are far too reluctant to trust me, your beloved... union, oi, are you my wife?"

"I don't believe it works like that... Elven Magic is in play here, which is weird. I've never heard of a single instance where a human and half-elf have formed a bond-pair in the old way. You're the first human in this world to do so."

"I wonder if it's because I'm not from this world," the boy mused, thoughtfully.

"You, are you messing around again?"

"Absolutely. I am one hundred percent out of this world, love, and I'm going to take you back to my home planet to make millions of quarter elves!"

"Millions... someone is full of himself."

He snorted, "Hardly, but I know there's a market for sexy elves..."

"Did you just... NO! Hey, I'm not that kind of elf! Do you want to spend the rest of your life in a prison somewhere?"

He smirked, eyes twinkling as he replied, "Only if you'll keep me company."

"What are you playing at...?"

Casually, he made a point of mixing a little rice and beef, then stole a big bite of her lunch. "Mmmm," he said theatrically, "I'm completely looking forward to how much it's going to hurt when this comes out."

"What?" she asked in a deadpan voice, spork halfway to her lips.

"You do know why they're called MREs, right?"

"No... why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well, I thought it stood for 'Meals Ready to Eat' but that's a lie. It really means 'Meal Refusing to Extract' because... well... it uhm... stays in you longer?"

They stared at each other for quite a time before she finally spoke, "You're making it up, aren't you?"

"Yes. I'm rather funny, you can laugh now."

"Hmph." She ignored him for the time being, trying the food. An MRE isn't the most amazing tasting thing on the planet, but if you've never had the original... it's not bad, really. She looked impressed enough, at any rate. "H-hey... What is this, exactly?"

"Lunch," he replied, then, "Here, try some of mine. This one is much better, well... I think so."

She frowned at his non answer, but tried it... "That is better. Hey, trade me!"

"No way, I might never get spaghetti ever again! I'm not surrendering here! H-hey, what are you looking at me like that for? L-lets talk about this!"

To summarize, a battle ensued that ended with our Hero being 'mercilessly bullied' by an 'older woman' who stole his lunch. They split the drinks, at least, and soon found themselves outside of the tree once more, though she kept hold of the trash for some reason. Weird elf.

"Right," she said at last, the smug look of victory marring her otherwise beautiful visage, "Shall we find your companions and get you home?"

"I mean... if you insist, we can find them first."

"I do. I do insist. It's safe that way and... I can't risk your life now that it likely means I die with you."

"Let's... not tell anyone that tiny detail, huh?"

She snorted, taking his hand and leading him away from the tree. And that was when she heard the sound of branches breaking in the distance behind them. Frowning, she quickened her step, silently insisting that they move right along.