Let's forget about it...or not?

I am slowly stepping inside the house, which Carmen told me and Ethan to take. Ethan walks close behind me, and I directly sit down on a chair in the living room the moment I see it. In this 'house' is apparently already everything you would need for a good living. I mean, there is a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room, bedrooms and even the fridge is already filled with food.

Okay there isn't a TV. I take that one back.

''This is weird,'' I mutter to myself as soon as I sit down, looking at Ethan who just stands at one place in the middle of the living room, without moving at all.

''Aren't you gonna sit down or something?'' I ask and Ethan suddenly winces, like he was in some kind of trance before.

''O-oh- right. Yeah- of course.'' He stutters and sits down on the sofa in front of me fastly.

I know Ethan better than I know myself. His face expressions show that he is either confused, maybe even scared, or 'just' short before exploding all his inner emotions out.

He is like a ticking time bomb, if too much pressure is on him, he blows up.

''Do you think we will ever.. see our family's again..?'' Ethan asks and I look at him, trying to think of a good answer but can't find one.

''I don't know, don't think so.'' I shrug it off, and Ethan stares at the ground again.

Wow, Will. You are so clever.

''Sorry.'' Ethan sighs quietly and I have to suppress a groan.

''For what?''

''For being annoying.''

I raise an eyebrow, while trying to figure out the reason for that. Of course there is none.

There is never one. Okay, mostly, there is never one. That is probably the only thing I don't understand about him, his apologies at all time don't make sense. Ethan couldn't even kill a fly, so what is he always sorry about?

''You're not annoying.'' I shake my head and grab after a random book, which lies on the table infront of me.

Before I am able to read the title, Ethan speaks up again in a quiet tone.

''I am. That's why I don't have any other friends.'' He exclaims with a shaky voice and I fastly look back up at him, scoffing.

''You have no other friends, because you have issues.'' It slips out of me and I would like to slap myself right now, but I have to avoid it.

''What..?'' Ethan looks back at me. Expressions of confusion and sadness in his eyes.

''You have issues. Trust issues, anxiety issues, loneliness, inability to let people come closer to you because you push everyone away, phobias, depression, eating disorder, stressed, sleeping disorder, talk issues, etcetera.'' I say without even stuttering.

Or any pause between all of this.

What the hell did I just do-? I ask myself and have to stop myself from walking over to him again and pull him into a hug.

He just seems so lost, like a small puppy you have to take of.

''I- How do you- what?'' Ethan stutteres and looks at me hurtful, and my heart sinks a little.

''I what?'' I glance back at him.

''How do you know all that?'' He shakes his head slowly and looks away at the ground.

An awkward silence is created and I scratch my neck for at least doing something 'productive'.

''We grew up together. You notice a few things after a bit of time.'' I shrug and fake focus on the book in my hands again.

''You don't even read, so why do you pretend to doit I mean if you don't want to talk to me I completely understand that-!'' He almost stumbles over his own words and I glance back up again, shocked about that my plan didn't work out.

''Are you dumb?'' I ask seriously and he stops, before gasping after air.

''No- yes- I don't know.'' Ethan gasps after air again and I finally facepalm.

''I li- , don't have a problem with talking to you and maybe I do read now. I mean why not.'' I laugh awkwardly, but put the book aside.

''Okay..?''

''I actually gotta go, uhm, talk to, eh, Finn- Yeah!'' I stand up insecure, not looking into Ethan's face when I leave the house.

Where was Finn's house again? Shit.

I walk around confused, searching after someone who could know.

After around five minutes I finally find someone who will definitely know.

Aidan.

''Hey dude,'' I begin and the boy turns around.

''Do you know where Finn is?'' I ask and he sighs, before screaming loudly.

''FINNEGAN!'' He screams and I wince at the loud noise.

''WHAT?!'' A scream is audible from the other side and the shorter boy comes to us while running.

''He searched after you.'' Aidan shrugged and focused on Kaitlyn again, who I didn't even see at first.

''What's up?'' Finn beams ar me and I forget why I am actually here for a moment.

''I- uh, need your help.'' I say insecure and the boy in front of me laughs. Apparently not believing me a single word.

''With what?''

''Can we walk? I don't wanna discuss that here-.'' I look around nervously and Finn nods.

We fastly go down to the road we already found around an hour ago, which will bring us, after a bit of time, to the fields where was already something growing. I don't really care about that detail, to be honest.

''What's wrong?'' Finnegan asks again, and I sigh. Feeling awkward to talk about that.

''So E-.'' I begin but he already interrupts me.

''If it's about your boyfriend, I'm prepared.''

What?

''Wha- he's not my boyfriend!'' My cheeks flush a little and Finn laughs.

''Yeah, sure. What is it?'' He mumbles with a cheeky smirk, and I look at the ground for a moment.

''Okay you're right, it's about Ethan, but that doesn't make him my boyfriend. I'm not even gay.'' The last part comes really quiet out of my mouth and I feel weird for saying it.

I lied. Again. Why is it such a big deal for me to talk about my sexuality? I mean, I know no one would judge me based on that, but still. I don't know.

''Of course you're not gay. That's totally why you and your 'friend' were lying in each others arms. That makes you totally straight.'' He says in a sarcastic voice and crosses his arms. Frowning.

''I'm not gay.'' I say a bit louder but the boy in front of me just sighs and looks at me serious.

''How many times do you tell that yourself a day?''

I'm not gay! I'm not gay! Hey, Finn? I'm not gay can't you see that?

Shit. He's right.

''Wha-?'' I start, but he interrupts me.

''You know I'm right. Deep down you know it and well, you said in the Van you were gay, so?'' Finn turns around and is already walking back the way we came, when I hurry after him.

''No, no, no, wait-!'' I groan and Finnegan stops. Grinning, like he is knowing that he is actually right.

''Hm?''

I look at the ground once again and bite my lip nervously, before letting out what I actually want to say.

''You might be right, but that's not why I am here-!'' I talk fast and he frowns.

I should stop talking so fast, not healthy. Also, not helpful.

''I think I got that, but you don't look like you're gonna start talking about it.'' He just shrugs again and I breathe out heavily.

''I- What would you do if you, eh. Accidentally kissed someone and they still didn't say anything so you just left the theme out and it's kinds awkward now?'' It slips out of me and Finn raises his eyebrows before bursting out in laughing.

Why is he laughing? Isn't it bad enough that it even happened? Seriously? What. Is. His. Problem?

''I thought you said only 'friends'?'' He carries on laughing and my cheeks flush again.

''You don't even know who I'm talking about!'' I hiss angrily, but he just rolls his eyes and looks at me.

''Just begin to talk about it already.'' Finn sighs and I look around, because I feel weird or watched or..whatever.

''Do you have any experience, or how do you know it won't turn out as bad as it is now?'' I ask carefully.

The boy slowly nods, probably thinking about it, but I don't know. I'm not his brain.

''Let's say, I have experience.'' He finally let's out in one breath and I raise an eyebrow.

''Who?''

''Won't tell, now go and do it already.'' He gesticulates me to walk down the path, back to the houses and beams.

''Hmpf, fine.'' I groan and begin to walk back when Jaden suddenly appears next to me and lays one arm around my shoulder.

What is that now?

''Hi?'' I greet him confused, because his weird grinning is freaking me out.

''Hey ho, I heard what you saaaid.'' He laughs and I stay still.

''Did you stalk the entire conversation?'' I ask and Jaden laughs even more, if that's possible. It is probably already a wheezing.

''Nah it was more or less accidentally.'' He stops laughing and goes back to his grinning.

''Mhm, sure.'' I say quietly and Jaden puts his arm off my shoulder.

''Anyways, go now.'' With that words, he walks back from where he comes from. Strange.

That was weird. I don't want to go. Jaden seems kind of off today. Not that we have a lot of contact, no, definitely not. But, he isn't as 'quirky' than before. Kind of...insecure? Is it that?

I arrive a few minutes later back at the house. Recognizing how I must have forgotten the keys when I left, I decide to shout after my 'room mate'.

''Ethan?'' I shout but don't get an answer.

The other way inside would be the kitchen window. But to be honest, I don't think I should go through that. So, I just grab after a sharp thing I found on the ground before I left, and put it into the lock.

I'm doing this now since a few moments, when I suddenly feel one hand on my shoulder and I jump up. My heart beating fastly from the scare and I turn around, seeing Ethan who is holding the keys in his hands.

''Hi.'' He says and unlocks the door, before we walk inside together.

''Hey.'' I greet him back and sit down at the sofa again, Ethan sitting down next to me.

''Parker wanted to talk to me.'' He suddenly starts and I look at him confused.

''Why?'' I ask alarmed and Ethan starts to look down.

What did he say?! Hello?

''Oh it's-, it's nothing.'' He laughs awkwardly and I am short before running outside right to Parker. Asking him, what the hell he told him.

''Uhm okay...well, I talked with Finn.'' I try to begin but Ethan just sighs and nods.

''I know, you said it before you went away.''

Shit.

''Oh well uh-.'' I suddenly feel kind of nervous, while Ethan seems deep in thoughts. What I can recognize on his hands, which are once in a while not moving anywhere. That is quite untypical for him.

''About what did you talk to him? I mean you don't have to answer but,...what?'' Ethan speaks nearly wheezingly and I have to concentrate on his words for understanding him.

''That's hard to explain...actually, eh-.'' I gulp but Ethan keeps looking at me and it just kind of slips out.

Word vomit.

''We- uh, talked aboutt hat Ikissed you right before all of this happened and that now everything is awkward and I have no idea what to do about it- so, yeah--!'' I talk as fast as ever and gasp after air as soon as I finish.

Damnnit!

''What?'' Ethan asks quietly, and I sigh because I apparently have to repeat it.

''I said-.'' I begin but Ethan shakes his head.

''I know what you said, just-- I'm sorry.'' He sighs and looks away.

''For what?''

''For not... reacting?''

My cheeks flush a little, once again, and I don't know what to say any longer.

''Oh.''

''Yeah, sorry.'' Ethan starts fumbling on the fabric of his shirt and I press my lips toghtly together.

''Stop apologizing, please.'' I say pressed and my eyes try to find his view.

''Sorry.''

''I'm-.'' I try to start, but Ethan's head suddenly lifts up fastly and he interrupts me.

''SORRY!'' He is now nearly yelling and I flinch, backing off a tiny bit.

''ETHAN!'' I shout back and feel the rage coming up again.

''WHAT?''

''SHUT UP WITH YOUR FUCKING SORRYS!'' I breathe out and groan about myself.

I shouldn't yell at him. It isn't the right thing.

''Sorry.'' Ethan exclaims quietly and I huff.

''I swear to god-.''

''I'm sorry, for not reacting to you even though I didn't really have had anything against it-!'' Before he is able to finish his sentence, I lean forward again and repeat my same mistake again. Kissing him like before.

Like I want to die because of myself. I'm stupid. Shit.

But instead of pulling away, how I think he would do at first, Ethan presses his lips back on mine and I can't avoid a small smile.

After a few seconds the kiss breaks and we stare at each other, not knowing what to say. Again.

''I-.'' I begin but Ethan shakes his head, because of what I raise both my eyebrows, but then his eyes suddenly fill with tears and he stands up.

''I will lose you when we are more than friends, I- I'm sorry.'' He speaks with a shaking voice and walks around, but I stop him on holding his shoulders.

''You will never lose me.'' I smile weakly, but Ethan just looks at the ground. My sudden amount of confidence slowly disappearing.

''We should wait un-until this life gets more normal for e-everyone.'' He stutters and walks backwards into the direction of the door.

''Ethan, I-.'' I try again with a bit of a shaking in my voice, but he just shakes his head again.

''Sorry.'' With that words. He leaves and I am getting more or less abandoned.

Again.