Chapter 23: Swing and Miss

This felt... wrong. The blurring warmth in Mom's arms. Her narrowing tears as they fell. It was strange. Ever since I've known her, she's been so distant. For her to burst into tears. No matter how much I racked my head. I couldn't make sense of it.

Turning around, I meet Jishi's eyes. Which shook, maybe he's worried. He said no words, instead he averted his gaze. Littering the room with further silence. Still, he clenched his fist as his lips mimicked the words.

"Bet on it" Even in silence, he pushes me forward. My lips lifted into a weak smile before turning to Yata.

His eyes glowed from behind his bangs as they met mine. He trembled as he darted around his hands. It's cute how nervous he is. Just like that time he dragged me out of the baseball court.

The warm sensation of his small arms around me. It was reassuring. My mind drifted to that feeling as I tightened my arms around Mom. Even with nothing but silence, he stands beside me, doesn't he?

I felt Mom tremble suddenly in my arms. I can't remember the last time we hugged, much less like this.

"Ray" she whispered softly. As opposed to the impersonal voice she wore ever since I can remember. This voice was fragile and warm. I couldn't help the tears as they came. The artic relation I've had with Mom, it's melting.

"Mom, let's fix this; let's fix us."

***

After drying our tears, I helped Mom to a nearby table. Then noticing their gazes, I turn to see Jishi and Yata. Jishi's eyes shook in a worried light. While Yata's glowed in a nervous quaking. I appreciate them being here for me, but this I need to face alone. So holding back the still fresh tears, I force a smile and say:

"You guys should- go ahead, I'll be fine." My voice breaking midway only made them worry further. Yata's eyes seem to yell "are you sure" as he flailed nervously.

"Even if your not, we'll always be here," Jishi's words struck like an eager breeze. His lips rested in a reassuring smile as he dragged Yata closer to him. Yata gave me a wobbly smile before being dragged out of the room by Jishi. Before I noticed I had already been smiling. Mom softly chuckled behind me as I sat in front of her.

"You have good friends, don't you," Mom's words dragged a jokingly gentle tone with them.

"Could we just move on, please" A heavy sigh tagged along my burning cheeks. Getting worse with Mom's chuckling.

"You two are so alike, you and your Dad." I could feel the air tense as she took deep breaths before continuing.

"From the smile to your eyes. So alike. He would do anything to play baseball. Much like you. The day he died you were about 2 years old. It was a stormy day. He had a match scheduled." Tears started piercing through Mom's eyes. Her hand tapped at the table shakily. I placed my hand over hers. Wrapping it around hers, calming her down.

"I argued with him that day. I told him not to go, that they might cancel it. He didn't care, as long as he gets to swing a bat for 3 seconds nothing else mattered. I was so mad at him. He neglected our family, and it hurt, it pained me. So I- I told him to never come back and locked him out of the house. I- I regret it so much, and I took it out on you. I am sorry for everything." Mom reached her limit. Tears stormed down, just like the rain the day she regrets the most.

I've hated on Mom so much because of her detached attitude. So much so, I didn't see she her pain. I thought she hated me for the longest time. I became pest for her out of spite. But now I can't even hold my tears back. What I always wanted was this. To know Mom better, to talk to her and say...

"I'm sorry, so sorry, for everything. For worrying you; for being a pest, I am sorry," My voice shattered as I wrapped my arms around her. Our sobbing hearts followed by the dim lights of the center. That swing and miss the tears we hid from ourselves.