Chapter 19

My head is spinning. My mother, the one who almost allowed a doctor to kill me, the one that aided in the brainwash of an entire generation, is helping me? This is... I don't even know what to say. Is she really as bad as the people outside the Fence say she is? I guess everyone has a bit of light and dark inside of them; what matters in life is what you do with it. She started out using the dark for all those science experiments. Maybe now she's had a change of heart, took the good part of her and decided to do something with it. What about me? Am I being a good person by destroying the people that ruined a generation, or am I a horrible person that is just blinded to reality?

It's like I'm acting without guidance from my brain when I go downstairs and open the canister, grabbing my bag and running out of the house that became my home over the years. Tears sting my eyes as I run to Hawthorne Park. A day ago, I would have prayed for that helicopter to soar over the fence and rescue me, but now I'm not so sure. Do I deserve to die? Maybe, I don't know.

My life was changed forever. That's all I know. And I think it was changed for the better. This is all one step closer to having a good life, one without those people who try to drag me down. Because I can't rise above and unlock my full potential with those people weighing me down. I got people in my life that I love, ones that love me back and make me happy. Thomas. I gotta live for him. By now, I've realized that's all I've ever wanted. To belong somewhere, with someone. Sure, I've had friends over the years, but I never really had my own confidante until now. As I'm starting to feel like I belong, I'm starting to realize that before this, I never belonged. Now that I know what it really feels like, I know I was lying to myself all those years. I was always the replaceable one, the one that was just there. Now I don't feel like that anymore. I'm smiling again. I'm laughing again. And this time, they aren't hollow; they actually mean something again. I think I could actually be happy. It's an amazing feeling, really. To be happy. I don't remember the last time I was truly happy. Hawthorne ruined me and took away the innocent little girl that I once was. This is a time for Thomas and I to find ourselves, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to start to unlock my full potential. All these big dreams I have, I know that I can accomplish them. Don't ask me why, but somewhere in the back of my head, no matter what, it keeps saying to me, "Quinn, don't give up. You're going to do amazing things one day and you want to be able to live to see them happen." Maybe one day there will be another girl like me, one who's scared of the past, the present, and the future. One who prefers books to reality because fictional characters have been there for her more than anyone else. If I keep working, I could help that girl one day, and go up to her saying, "I was like you, I felt broken. But then people helped to put me back together and I found myself again. You can do that, too." I want to help those people all around the world who feel like that. That's why I have to keep going. Because it will be okay, and I need to survive to tell the tale. If that happens, I can let other people know. This place I'm in right now... two days ago, it was pitch black, but now, I see a little light shining through at the seams. Maybe that light is a metaphor for hope. Sure, I lost hope for a while, but I need to get it back. I was once a sassy, energetic girl full of spunk that knew she would change the world someday. I'm going to get that back.

As I look up at the sky, I see the helicopter soar over the Fence and hover above me, a ladder being tossed down. After a moment's hesitation, I take a deep breath and climb the ladder to my new life.