Chapter 21 - Guilt gnawed her

The three of them entered the kitchen to see Aunt Lan setting up the dishes. Tang Li Mei sat her little bun on his high chair while Han Zhixin helped the woman set up the rest of the dishes. Aunt Lan nodded her head in appreciation for the young man.

Once done, she left the kitchen. Tang Li Mei sat beside her baby as Han Zhixin took the seat across from her.

He still had a confused look as he picked up his chopsticks. Throughout their dinner, he glanced at her from time to time to initiate a conversation but always stopped himself at the end.

Tang Li Mei, who was completely focused on feeding her little one, ignored his stares. She knew he had questions, but she couldn't just tell him that she heard everything and was not surprised.

"Mama, will Papa stay with us here??" the little bun asked. Tang Li Mei stiffened as she took a quick glance at the man across from her.

"This..... Xun'er..." She looked troubled since she didn't have a clue how to answer him. Knowing how uncomfortable she felt, Han Zhixin decided to step in.

"Xun'er, Papa's hospital is far from here, so I have to stay there to help people," he explained with a sad smile. The little boy looked disappointed as he stared at his small hands.

Han Zhixin felt bad for lying to a child like this, but he didn't have any other choice.

He stroked his soft hair and asked,

"Xun'er is a big boy now, right?? And Papa can count on you to take care of yourself and Mama??"

The little one nodded his head.

"Then let's do it like this!!! From now on, I'll leave it to you to protect your mama. And when Xun'er misses Papa, you can call me; I'll come and meet you right away."

The little boy's eyes lit up when he heard that.

"Yes, Xun'er is a big boy now and will protect Mama!!" he answered quickly as a wide smile spread on his face. Tang Li Mei glared at the man for lying to her baby like that, but somewhere in her heart, she felt a warm feeling grow. After all, whenever she was in trouble, he always stepped up to help her, no matter the consequences.

…....

As Tang Li Mei adjusted the blanket on him, she thought about what happened during dinner and felt how selfish she was for letting him step in. She kissed the little one's cheeks and whispered good night.

"Mama, are you angry at Papa??" the little bun asked her. Tang Li Mei felt like today she was asked questions that were rather difficult to answer. But she wanted to make things right instead of running away from her problems. And she couldn't bring herself to burden Han Zhixin with her problems anymore; he had already done more than enough for her.

"Xun'er, how did you know he was your papa??" She asked, trying not to sound so obvious. Han Zhixin, who was passing by the hallway after answering a call, heard their conversation and stopped in his tracks. The little bun was confused but soon understood her question.

"Qinqin says that her mama and papa always hold hands to show... Uhmmm... that they love each other. And Xun'er knows that Mama doesn't like to hold anyone's hand; it was only Papa who did it." He explained slowly with an innocent expression.

Tang Li Mei's cheeks heated up when she remembered the incident at the hospital.

"Xun'er, when people hold hands, that doesn't always mean they are together. It can also mean that they are friends or something else," she explained slowly. The little bun looked down as a thoughtful look appeared on his face.

"So Mama and Papa don't love each other??" he asked her with tear-filled eyes. Tang Li Mei felt her heart prick with needles seeing him like this, but she had to do this. She couldn't just trouble Han Zhixin; he had his own life, and in the future, when he finds someone to spend his life with, this issue would stand in between him and his happiness. She could never do that to him.

"Xun'er, he is not your papa," she whispered as sadness and guilt filled her heart.

"uhhhh??? But..... " The little bun struggled to speak as his heart filled with sadness. Tang Li Mei looked away, unable to face her child.

The little bun looked at her with tear-filled eyes. Just a moment ago, he was feeling so happy and was excited to share how cool his father was with his friends. And now...

He wanted to ask her more questions, but looking at his mother, who had a sad look on her face, he quietly nodded and laid down to sleep. He never liked it when she was sad; it made him sad too.

"Okay!!" he answered. Tang Li Mei caressed his cheeks and nodded.

"Good night, baby!! Mama loves you a lot," she whispered.

"Good night, Mama! Xun'er loves Mama too," he replied. As she walked away, he quietly wiped his tears and closed his eyes.

Han Zhixin stared at the door with a heavy heart. He wanted to rush in and hold them tightly in his arms, but he knew it was not the right time. He sighed and quietly walked off towards the guest room.

Tang Li Mei walked out of the room, looking completely exhausted. God had given her two children who were both sweet and understanding. But in the end, she let them down.

In her past life, she couldn't keep her promise to her child and lost him. And in this life, the child that was given to her had already lost his parents, and she was only hurting him more. Tears ran down her face. Guilt gnawed at her, but she didn't know how to console herself that whatever she did was the right thing.

....

Inside a dark cell, four people sat with their hands and legs chained. The rags that covered their bodies looked old and dirty, but they couldn't hide the pride and arrogance that surrounded them.

Out of the four, there were three men and one woman. The woman was in her mid-forties, and even at that age, she looked beautiful. She had a pure and gentle aura surrounding her, but her pale grey eyes looked cold and fierce.

The man sitting next to her looked very handsome and seemed approachable even with his muscular build, but if one took a look at his auburn eyes, they would run for the mountains as they screamed danger.

Even though he was tired, he didn't let it show and sat there like a mountain that could survive through wind and storm.

The other two men were like a younger version of the bulky man; anyone could tell the two were brothers. While the elder brother had an ominous aura surrounding him, the younger one looked lazy, but his pale grey eyes seemed more dark and sinister than the other.

As they heard the cell open, they hurriedly stood up, only to be met by a person covered in a black cloak. The three men quickly formed a human barricade and surrounded the middle-aged woman. There was a frighteningly dangerous aura surrounding them; the man who opened the cell door had chills running down his spine as he quietly backed away in terror.

When the person took off the hood, a beautiful porcelain face with stormy grey eyes came into their view. The woman looked tired and completely worn out, as if she had come back from the battlefield. The four people inside the cell stood stunned.

"Father, mother!!" Xie Mei called out as her eyes filled with tears as she looked at them.

This group of people once used to be the most powerful and respected members of the General's family, but because of her stubbornness, they have been turned into nothing. Her heart couldn't bear this guilt.

The middle-aged man finally came out of his shock as his lips curled up into a gentle smile. This man who used to be a general, whose one look would make the enemies run and scream for their lives, would only smile like this for his dearest daughter. If his enemies saw him like this, they would definitely kidnap this woman just to safeguard their lives.

"Mei'er what are you doing here??" he questioned.

Xie Mei stared at her family as her heart twisted in pain. These people, who always held their heads with pride, were covered in rags and chains, all because she decided to marry someone who hated her to the core.

Her heart was filled with guilt when she remembered how her family stood by her side in her decision, even when they knew this would only make the emperor doubt their loyalty. All they cared about was her happiness.

Looking at her daughter's tired and guilt-filled face, the woman walked towards her and held her hands.

"Mei'er don't blame yourself; it's not your fault." Fang Yi consoled her daughter, but Xie Mei shook her head.

"No!!! This is all my fault!!! If I had listened to Father and had not requested the emperor, for the fifth prince's hand in marriage, this wouldn't have happened. At least at a time like this, the emperor would believe in your loyalty." she whispered, looking away, unable to face them.

Xie Chen's eyes turned gentle when he heard her. How could he ever be angry at her? This daughter of his was his pride and strength. She was the daughter any father would be fortunate to have.

"It's not your fault that you fell in love. So what if he was the prince?? My daughter can marry anyone she wants!!!" Xie Chen spoke in a gruff voice.

The other two young men walked towards her and held her gently.

"Mei'er stop blaming yourself. You never knew what kind of monster he was until you got married. This is not your fault." Xie Ling stated.

"Ling'er!!!" Fang Yi scolded him.

"What??? Mother, I'm not lying, and you know that. We're here because that bastard wants his concubine to take my sister's place. If I make it out alive, I'll tear his throat out and feed him to the wolves for doing this to her." He sneered as his pale grey eyes filled with a dangerous glint.

"Younger sister, don't worry about us; we're fine. You should take care of yourself, and look at how thin you have become. Are you running around to find evidence?? Is that why you are this tired?? Now that we are not around you, are those people giving you a hard time?? Especially that woman, Qiao Lin." Xie Jianyu questioned her as his auburn eyes turned cold and murderous.

"No, I have been busy these days; that's why, Elder Brother, your marriage to Shu'er is just a few days away!!! You both have been waiting for this for the past two years. Elder brother.... she's not herself since the time she learned this news." she whispered. Guilt filled her heart when she realized that she had ruined her brother's life.

Xie Jianyu felt his heart twist in pain as his eyes filled with sadness. But he hid it well with a smile and squeezed his sister's shoulder in assurance.

Xie Mei couldn't stop the tears when she stared at her two brothers, whom she thought would be angry at her for her reckless decision, but they didn't even scold her a little bit. Instead, they were consoling her, which only made the guilt inside her increase by leaps and bounds.

"Mother, Father, Elder Brother, Ling'er, don't worry, I'll definitely find a way to get you out of here!! I'll find a way; please trust me!!" She said it with determination in her eyes. Her father shook his head at his daughter. How could he not realize what she was planning?? She has always been like this, disregarding her own safety to protect others, and that's what made him want to pamper her more.

"Don't worry about us; we are fine here. Take care of yourself and Yu'er." Fang Yi whispered, caressing her cheeks, as a warm smile appeared on her face.

Xie Mei hugged her mother tightly; this was the woman who supported her at every turn of her life to reach her goal. While other mothers prepared their daughters to be married to a rich household, her mother encouraged her to become a warrior.

As she was about to leave, her father took her to the side.

"Father??"

"Mei'er I couldn't say this in front of your mother. Remember to keep Yu'er beside you at all times; your enemies will take advantage of this since he is the only weakness you have. Trust no one!!" He whispered in a grave tone. Xie Mei felt her heart beat wildly when she heard her child's name. She nodded and quickly left.

"You did a good thing, dear. With all the things going on, it's better for her to not know." Fang Yi said this with a warm smile as their two sons nodded in agreement.

Xie Chen gave them a small nod, but his heart was filled with guilt. To save his daughter and grandchild, he gave up on the only way to save the rest of the family. How could he ever face them??? He quietly sat in the corner as sadness filled his heart.

'Mei'er, I hope you can forgive Father for keeping this from you.'