It Started From This

You shouldn't be out this late. It's only mid-autumn and already, the wind is bitingly cold to the unprepared. The only form of protection you have on is the layers upon layers of medicated bandages, slung from waist to shoulder, a pair of billowy pants and slippers that are a size too small for your feet. The silence would be more poignant if you could stop shivering every five seconds.

Despite the cool air, sweats beads on your forehead. You wipe it off in resignation. Nightmares are something you should be capable of shrugging off, a familiar companion through these years of demon slaying. That you're still physically affected shows how little you've grown.

You contemplate on sitting, but last night's drizzle means the ground should still be wet. You squat to run your hand through blades of grass to confirm. It's as you thought. You really want to sit… but you don't want to catch a cold. Getting sick and staying in the Butterfly Estate for longer than you already have runs contrary to your plan to stay away from her.

"You should be resting in bed." Shinobu manifests before your very eyes. "Your injuries were quite severe when they brought you in."

She watches you rub your chest in soothing motions, then cocks her head in a playful manner. "Goodness. I'm flattered my presence is capable of affecting you so deeply."

"Please warn me if you ever plan on doing that again." The combination of her sudden appearance and her proximity nearly stops your heart. You desperately gulp air, trying to coax your breath back into your body.

"It can't be helped." Shinobu's enigmatic smile is infuriating and alluring all at once. "I will do as you say since I want you to live for a very long time."

You can feel her gaze searching you, and it's a struggle not to react. You're too vulnerable right now. Still dizzy from shock, your emotions in turmoil because of the nightmare. Frankly, your heart could outpace even the swiftest demon with how hard it was beating.

"Hello? Hellooo?" Shinobu steps even closer. "Are you ignoring me Tsuchinoto-san?"

"…I am not." You can't do this. You need to leave. You wonder if she's trying to goad you on purpose. "I'm getting cold, so I'll go back inside. Have a pleasant night, Shinobu-san."

You don't hear even a rustle of cloth when she moves, closing the distance in a blur of pink. Her hand finds itself on your clenched fist, and her whisper rings loud.

"Are you trying to escape?" she asks.

You freeze, partially out of guilt, the other out of stunned surprise at her bluntness. "I…" You don't want to lie, but you don't want to tell the truth, either. "I don't know." A half-truth, in the end.

Shinobu deftly pries your fist open. You can feel the roughness of her hands, the callouses and scars on her skin. A swordswoman's hands. You idly wonder how many demons she's ended with the poisons she mixes and the blade she wields.

Her unnervingly sharp eyes bore into you. Meanwhile, for some unfathomable reason, she has threaded her fingers through yours. "Goodness, your palm is drenched in sweat. I hope you aren't running a fever."

"Whose fault is that, do you think?"

You know it's the wrong thing to say when her smile curves into something dangerous. Her tone is soft as she says, "Might I have done something to offend you?"

You're not daft enough to miss the question beneath the question.

"Of course not!" Your answer is too quick, too emotional. You catch a gleam in her eye that tells you she's garnered the reaction she's intended. "Sorry, I think my wounds are just acting up. It must be because of the weather, so I ought to err to the side of caution and return to bed."

"How extraordinarily lucky you are," Shinobu says, not budging an inch when you try to wrench your hand away. "I'll check your wounds thoroughly, since I am if you can recall, a doctor."

Ahh. You can't win this crafty woman.

You hang your head. "If you insist."

"I do." Shinobu begins to pull you toward the building. "Now, come."

---

More than just your palms are sweating. Your neck is slightly sticky, and so are your legs. You try to chalk it up to the stuffiness of her windowless room, but your lies don't stick. The night chill can still be felt, cold seeps through wooden floorboards and hidden crevices, enough to lower the temperature of the room. As a result, the air here is cool and pleasant.

Shinobu prompts you to lift your arm as she winds the bandages round and round your bicep. "Your bandages are almost soaked through. You should have called for someone," she admonishes.

Shinobu is leaning close enough that you can count her individual eyelashes. They're as beautiful as the rest of her. You struggle with reason, indecisive whether to bring up that she's leaning closer than propriety dictates.

"How could I have known?" Your injuries throb as you heave a sigh. "It's not as if I could open them to check. Aoi would throw a fit."

"You should have felt them bleeding, you silly thing."

Shinobu puts the finishing touches to your new bandages. Your previous ones were actually more bloody than you'd anticipated, likely due to your tossing amidst the nightmare.

"I can't complain. Not when the rest of the squad were injured even more severely. I heard the rescue team ran out of anaesthetic after the fifth patient."

Shinobu grimaces. "We decided against overburdening ourselves with medical supplies due to the nature of the situation." They didn't expect there would be that many survivors. A fair assessment. It was already a miracle the Pillars arrived in time to save you from being ripped into pieces.

You recall the utter hopelessness of the situation and your final attempt at delaying the lower moon. You think about the men and women you failed to save, feeling absolutely wretched by your incompetence.

"I should have been one of them." Your fists clench in a futile effort to relieve the guilt churning inside you. "I was the one who baited the demon into seeing it as a game to give us a better chance of staying alive. But all I did was allow him to torture them before they died."

"But it was your effort which allowed you to save the rest."

"I saved ten men out of the forty who went in." Your laugh is devoid of emotion. "Truly praiseworthy."

Shinobu shakes her head. "I disagree. There remains plenty of demons running amok in this country and not enough slayers to eradicate them. You and ten other lives are still able to swing your blades, living to see another day. That should be reason enough to be satisfied."

"How can I, knowing I'm only here because of the people I sacrificed?"

That blasted young master will call you a coward the next time you see him. This time, you think he is right. You're dragged from your thoughts when Shinobu lays her hand on your wrist, catching you off guard.

"That is a question to which there is no easy answer," she says. "Here is another. Will you despise me for being happy at your safe return?"

Your usual reflex to reject her words don't come. It is shameful how much comfort you are craving. You try to smile. "Of course not. But you're probably the only one who feels that way."

"Shouldn't it be enough? Don't you think all anyone needs is a single person who awaits their safe return?"

Your throat clams up. Her opinion is also one of the few that matters. You want to embrace her, to show how much you appreciate her words, even if she said them out of pity. But you don't. Because you've already made up your mind.

"I should leave," you say. "It won't be good for your reputation if someone knows I'm here."

Shinobu does not back down. "I can recall a particularly dangerous period in my career when every room had a body to match a bed. Most of them male. This is nothing, and in your current state, I am duty bound to nurse you back to health," she reasons.

"My injuries aren't that severe."

"Are you trying to argue the one with actual medical expertise?" she lobs back, her genteel demeanour never wavering.

Shinobu shifts even closer. Her scent drifts into your nose, cloying but suffused with gentleness. It is the familiar scent of blooming wisteria, but ten times more intense, befitting the poison master herself. You refocus on the conversation after much difficulty.

"I feel well enough to return to the ward," you argue.

"Is that so? Your pulse seems abnormally fast for someone who claims to feel better." Shinobu seems to delight in your misery as you try and fail to come up with an excuse. "I will need to keep you here for further observation."

You want to claw your face in exasperation. "You can still observe me when I'm at the ward."

Shinobu laughs lightly. "But it wouldn't be as fun."

The way she says it scrapes at your pride. She is definitely aware of her effect on you. You suspect she might even know about your… feelings for her.

Has anyone approached her like this, wearing feelings on their sleeve in hopes she would notice them? Does she always tease them like this? To dangle what they cannot have in front of them and watch as they dance to her tune? And at what point does she lose interest?

You shake your head. You know Shinobu is not capable of such maliciousness to her allies, but you need to every reason you can think of to force yourself to leave. If not, you will be further intoxicated by her slope of her cheekbones, the attractive curve to her mouth, and stay rooted here until you do something you will regret.

"Is this a joke to you? If you're going to make light of me, I don't care if you allow it or not. I'm leaving."

You make to stand. Before you knees can get off the ground, her hands winds around your neck, dragging you forward. Shinobu's face is getting dangerously close, and you throw an arm out to brace on the shelf behind her.

Your noses are close enough you can feel the shadow of her warmth. Despite the apparent upper hand of your position, the top of your body bent over Shinobu's and your arm boxing her in, what you feel is completely opposite.

Both of your lips are almost touching. You can feel Shinobu's move when she speaks. "Won't you ask me for a kiss?"

"Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"

"Alright, then kiss me."

"That's not a question." You try to move back, but your head is locked firmly in place. "Shinobu!"

"Give me a suitable reason or I won't let go even if you decide to bite a finger off."

"You can be so overbearing sometimes…" You whisper back. "Shinobu, I'm weak. I'll only drag you down."

Shinobu lets out a huff of laughter, her violet eyes darkening. "I'm the Insect Pillar of the Demon Slayer Corps. I am strong enough for the both of us."

And then she kisses you.

And you let go. You return the kiss with all the emotions you kept bottled up, letting the firmness of her mouth sweep away your lingering nightmares. Her hands reach up to caress your cheeks, and you're startled to find out you're crying.

"I'm flattered to be capable of affecting you so deeply," she mumbles against your mouth.

Your next words are lost when she kisses you again. You can tell she's going to employ this method often. Somehow, you can't bring yourself to care.

Forget it… you can deal with the fallout from this tomorrow.

---

You wake up to Shinobu carding her fingers through your hair. The sensation is so pleasurable that you shut your eyes again. You reopen them when you realize the absurdity of it.

"Shi–"

"Calm down," she instructs. "You shouldn't overthink before breakfast."

You are somewhat offended until you realize how you almost further complicated this mess by losing your mind. You shut your flapping mouth and will yourself to sink deeper into the mattress. Hopefully, there's a demon inside it that will swallow you whole.

Shinobu smiles and continues her ministrations. "I've never met a person so prone to assuming the worst of a situation. You and Tomioka-san would be fast friends if he isn't always brooding in a corner somewhere."

You decide being reduced to a jelly-like substance on the bed of the woman you head over heels for is not the worst way to spend your morning. You succumb to her head scratches, nearly dozing off if not for the sounds of the Butterfly Estate breezing in through the open door.

The open door?

You must be imagining it. Because how in heaven's name could Shinobu be so careless? It's preposterous. You think about saying something, anyone could walk past and come to all the wrong conclusions, when her fingers move down to the base of your neck and oh that feels nice–

"Nee-san, someone's missing from the ward!" Aoi bursts into the room, panting. "I've checked everywhere and there's still no sign of–" She stares blankly. You stare back, wondering what you can say to a possibly traumatised child.

Aoi doesn't run or scream her head off. She frowns. "Tch. I can't believe I'll have to do Kanao's laundry through winter…"

When she leaves the room, grumbling under her breath, you tilt your head to look at Shinobu. Even without her butterfly pin, she looks stunningly immaculate.

"You let them bet on it?"

"It's harmless fun. It'll even teach them to recognize a losing battle when they see one."

You roll over to let the pillow suffocate you. At least in death, you'll be able to unravel the secrets of a woman's mind.

And it's only when you sullenly roll back onto your back that you get a glimpse of what Shinobu is wearing. "I thought you wore your uniform to bed."

"I got up to change when you fell asleep."

"But why did you choose to wear a…" You struggle to come up a polite description of the sheer nightgown Shinobu is wearing. "I don't want Aoi and the girls to think of me as a pervert."

You have some difficulty in dragging your eyes away from the sight, but you do it to preserve your sanity lest you begin to doubt what happened last night. You and Shinobu didn't go any further than kissing, you're absolutely sure. But the way she's dressed threatens the very fact itself.

"Don't worry. I'll clear up any misconceptions later." She won't. Shinobu thrives on sowing (mild) chaos. You should probably say something, maybe get her to be a little more mindful of what she's teaching the children.

Shinobu leans up to press a kiss against your mouth, and you lose your ability to think.

Eh. You can deal with it next time