REGRET

"So, how was the coffee date?" Elaine asked a zoned out Autumn. "What?" he asked unsurely. "How was the coffee date with your friend?" she asked more clearly. Autumn, Elaine, and his father sat at the dinner table. Another rule in the house since Elaine moved in. "It was okay." He answered. Elaine was the only one talking. She's used to it by now, and also her work revolves around talking. She is a hospital psychologist. "I'm proud of you for deciding to spend a day outside. It's progress." Autumn felt like she has been treating him like one of her patients since she came there. "Yeah." He said, scratching around in his plate with his fork. "Are you going out tomorrow again?" She asked. Autumn could feel himself getting irritated by her. "Yes. I'm going out tomorrow again." He said as convincing as he could be. His father has not said a single word since they sat down. "That's good. That's good." Elaine said, and the conversation died out. Autumn helped with the dishes and tried to keep the conversation as minimal with Elaine. He headed upstairs and took a shower. He climbed into his bed and fell asleep instantly for the first time in many nights.

Autumn sat in the diner as he tried to spot the guy who helped him the previous day. "Back again." The guy said when he saw Autumn looking for him. "I might be becoming a regular." Autumn joked. "Well, as long as you tip well." He replied. "I am sure I will do that. Can I get a coffee too please" Autumn requested. "Don't you want anything else?" The guy took out his notepad and his pen. "I would take breakfast special if you tell me your name." Autumn teased. "My name is Walter." He said and started writing on his notepad. "Nice to meet you again, Walter." Autumn said. "Nice to meet you again, to the guy I met yesterday and whom I also do not know." Walter said, keeping out his hand. "It's Autumn. My name is Autumn." He shook Walter's hand and laughed. "I'm going to go get your breakfast. Just give me a sec." Walter said and disappeared behind the counter. Autumn took out his phone when a message came through. 'I need to see you,' a text from Zia appeared. He quickly put his phone away when Walter put down a plate of waffles with honey, chocolate syrup, and bacon. "You call this a breakfast special." Autumn said, moving the plate to make room for his coffee. "It's off the menu." Walter sat down and moved the plate to the middle of the table. "Aren't you supposed to be working?" Autumn asked, grabbing a piece of bacon. "Being the son of the owner has his perks." He said and took a sip of his coffee. "So Autumn. Tell me about your life. What should I know about you? What are your hobbies?" Autumn knew he could never really speak about his life. About who and what he is. "Well, I'm 19 years old. I live with my dad and his annoying girlfriend, who he met this year. My mother died four years ago if I'm correct. I'm just a messed up cliché average teen who uses sleep as a hobby." Walter chuckled continue eating the bacon. "What's so funny?" Autumn asked. Walter stared at Autumn for a few seconds before he spoke, "You are not a normal teenager Autumn. Neither are you a cliché. You might be messed up, yes, but not normal." Autumn rolled his eyes in disbelief. "How are you so sure?" Walter put down the small piece of bacon he was nibbling on. "I read people. It's a gift actually, and I know I'm right because you sat in your car for almost an hour before you came into the diner yesterday. Means you have shit bottled up inside you. You ordered a coffee; people who just order a coffee and sit by a window table is not just normal. They carry secrets and maybe regret or sometimes pain. I also know that you are not a natural blond because the way you dyed your hair sucks, no offense." Autumn sat in awe with a smile on his face; he can barely shake off. "You want me to continue?" Walter asked. "No." Autumn said, shaking his head, still having the smile stuck to his face. "That's the reason I came over to your table. I thought you might need a friend." Walter picked up the knife and fork on the table and cut a piece of the waffles. "Well, I'm glad my gloomy appearance sends out a signal of help towards you." Autumn said. "No problem." Walter said with food in his mouth. "So what about you? Tell me about your life and who you are and what your hobbies are." Autumn pulled the plate to his side and started cutting into the waffles. Walter waited until he was done chewing before he spoke, "Well, I'm a year older than you. I am a normal teenager, and I think I should stop calling myself that. Uhm, I'm openly gay. My dad and I moved here for a fresh start. My mother didn't die, but she ran away when I was young. My hobbies are reading, music and I like dancing a lot. What am I missing? Oh yeah, I was in a terrible relationship a while back, and I'm still kind of dealing with it. I love the meaning of things. The depth of things and I see life for what it is. Just life." Autumn didn't notice that he was staring at Walter the whole time. "Are you going to say something, or are you just going to stare at me?" Walter asked. "Sorry, it's just I've never met anyone who spoke with so much depth." Autumn said. "Read a few books, and after that, you'll see the world differently." Walter took Autumn's cup of coffee and drank from it. "Would you like to go somewhere someday besides just meeting here in your father's diner?" The words slid out of Autumn's mouth before he evens heard himself say it. "You asking me out on a date?" Walter asked surprisingly. "Yes, I guess I am." He said, and they both started laughing about it. "Eat your waffles." Walter said, standing up. "Sure." Autumn felt his laughter dying out, but he could still feel the happiness. "Also, this is your last breakfast on the house. Don't tell anyone." Walter said. "I promise I won't." Autumn was so distracted that he didn't notice people walking up to his table. "Would it kill you to answer your phone?" It was Zia. He would always recognize her voice. Every bit of happiness he felt died away. Zia and Xavier stood before him. "I'll see you again." Walter said and left when he felt the tension between them. "What the fuck are you guys doing here?" He whispered as soft as he could. "I tried to phone you, and you bailed on Xavier. So here we are." Zia said, and they sat down opposite Autumn. He could feel anger rising in him.

"After disappearing on me, you think I would just take a fucking phone call of you or invite you into my house." Zia rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You wanted out, and we couldn't give that to you, Autumn. Things are fucked up now." Xavier took out his phone and placed it on the table. "That's what I tried to tell him, but as always, he does what he always does." Xavier said. "Fuck you." Autumn barked back. "Word got out that Evan Stone is still alive Autumn." Zia confessed. Autumn felt his chest closing up. "So we denied it because we were there when you killed him. They took Annalee and killed her because you fucked up and betrayed us yet again for some fucking guy." Autumn could see the rage in Zia's eyes. She's still the same, but something inside her is different. "So tell us, Autumn. Why the living hell did you let Evan Stone live? And don't even fucking lie." Xavier said. Autumn couldn't speak. He had no answer for them. "So, can I get you guys anything?" Walter appeared standing at their table. "No, sweetie, we fine." Zia answered, smiling as brightly as she could. "Okay, but If you need anything, just call me, I'll be around." Walter said and turned to Autumn. "You okay?" Autumn exhaled. "I'm okay." Walter nodded okay and left. "So, are you going to explain, or should we just make a sense to get it out of you?" Zia asked. Autumn looked back and forth at both of them. He barely evens recognized them. "If I tell you, you need to promise me you'll answer my questions too." Autumn knew it was the best way to get the answers he needed out of them. The only thing was, should he lie or not. "Evan is my way out of the cult." So truth it was, he decided. "How?" Xavier asked. "After Evan and I got together, I found a loophole out. I found a way that I can undo the curse by using him, but I had to be with him for that part. Once the cult orders us to take him out, I knew that they found out what I was planning. Then you guys went and fucked it up and killed him. So I had to improvise. So I made us all forget him so that my plan would work out, but it didn't. He got too deep into things, and he forgot what he had to do." Zia slowly started smiling. "He had to make you remember and left us in the dark. So that you could finish your plan." Xavier looked confused and lost. "I don't follow." Zia turned to him and rolled her eyes. "He would have erased himself from existence using Evan. He wouldn't be alive nor dead. The perfect way to live in plain sight." They all went quiet. "So, who did we kill in the house?" Xavier finally asked. "I killed his brother." Autumn confessed. "You sneaky son of a bitch." Zia laughed. "Because of you, we are being sentenced, and Annalee was killed. Because of you, we are fucked." Autumn didn't feel one bit of regret. He would do it all over again if he could. "I told you the truth, so now it's your turn to answer me. What the hell have you been up to?" Zia and Xavier exchanged looks as if they deciding whom should speak. "For the past year and so we were ordered to track down Evan. We never found him. They wanted to execute us, but we gave them a better offer. Something simpler." Zia said. Autumn knew what they meant. His palms started sweating, and his heartbeat increased. "We offered them you Autumn." Xavier said. Autumn got up and stormed out of the diner. He walked past his car and kept walking. "Leave me the fuck alone!" Autumn shouted as he tried to avoid Xavier, who rushed after him. "Autumn, you have to hear us out." Xavier said, trying to keep up. "If you want to give me up fine. Like I told you, I'll rather die trying." Autumn stood face to face with Xavier again. "We offered you them to saves ourselves. I know that, but Evan is still out there. Help us find him and let us do what we were supposed to do in the first place." Autumn release Xavier's hand was on his arm. "You mean what you all were supposed to do. I'm not going to hunt down Evan and trade him like you want to do with me. I'm not that shallow. I don't regret doing what I did. Not a single bit. So get your fucking hand off me, or I'll smash your head in like I did before." Xavier carefully took his hand off Autumn. "I tried to warn you, Autumn. It is bigger than us. Zia is losing her mind. There is no escaping this." Xavier said. Autumn slightly laughed. "There's always a way to escape this. So good luck trying to trade me in. I'm fucking done with both of you." Autumn turned around and continue walking. "I know where Evan is." Xavier shouted. Autumn immediately stopped. "Meet Zia and me tonight at my place if you want to a chance to see him. She doesn't know of his whereabouts, but she soon will if you don't show up tonight. You got to make a choice, Autumn. So think about it." Autumn stood with his back faced to Xavier. He knew Xavier wasn't lying. He could hear it in his voice. He shook his head and walked on without turning to look back.

Autumn laid on his bed, staring at his window. Unsure if he should leave. If he should just give himself in and just stop the suffering. He doesn't want Evan to go down for something he did. For a plan that barely worked. "Autumn?" Elaine came in knocking first. "There is a boy downstairs in your car. He said that you forgot it at the diner." Autumn jumped up from his bed. "Shit!" he cussed and ran past Elaine downstairs and out the front door. He found Walter casually leaning against his car. "Do you know how easily you could be robbed?" He said and threw Autumn his car keys.

"Luckily for you, I am a good person who does not steal and return cars that do not belong to me." He said as Autumn made his way near to him. "How do you know where I live?" was the first thing that came to Autumn's mind. "Not even a thank you?" Walter asked, with his arms open. "After you ran out of the diner, I went over to your table and found your car keys there. I asked the girl if she knew where you live, and she gave me your address. I thought you would come back, but you didn't. So I brought your car to you." Autumn stood next to him and leaned against the car as well. "Thanks." He said, putting the keys into his pocket. "Anything for a friend." Walter casually said, smiling. He looked at Autumn as if he could see his mind inside. "Old friends?" He rather asked. "Yeah, friends I haven't seen in a while," Autumn replied. "The way you took off is as if they told you they about to kill you or something." Walter joked. "If only life is that colorful." Autumn laughed. "Guess what," Walter said, changing the mood.

"What?"

Autumn asked as bluntly as he could. "We are speaking, leaning against a car in your parking lot." He stated. "So, what about it?" Autumn asked. "We are spending time together outside of the diner. Isn't that what you wanted?" Autumn couldn't help but smile. "You are right." Walter started laughing. "You are the first person ever since I moved here that I know who does not suck." He said. "And you, the only person I know that I feel normal around," Autumn said, staring up to the clouded sky. They both stood in silence, looking up at the sky. "Did you ever do something that fucked up everything and everyone so badly, but still, you don't regret doing it at all" Autumn spoke to the sky, his voice shallow and sincere. "No. But if you are not regretting it, I guess it's not that bad after all." Walter responded. "We all do shit that fucks up everyone and everything. We all just trying to bend shit our way." Autumn stepped back from the car. "We sound depressed as fuck." Walter agreed. "I would love to do this all night with you, but I have to get home. Also, did I mention you need to take me home." Autumn took out his keys from his pocket.

"I have to be somewhere anyways." He said, and unlocked his car. They both climbed inside and drove off. The conversation was minimum as Walter knew something was bugging Autumn. "This is me," Walter said when the pulled up to an apartment building. "Thanks again for dropping off my car," Autumn said as Walter got out of the car. He closed the door and leaned into the car's window. "Don't let your friends bully you. You want to change, and they can't see that. Don't ever feel crap about something you know that was supposed to be good. Fuck regret." He said and greeted Autumn goodbye. Autumn waited until he was inside of the apartment building before he took off. "Fuck regret," he whispered underneath his breath and stepped harder on the accelerator.