Leah

Chapter One: Leah

"Although I'm breathing borrowed air, I'll breathe as if I own it."

In another life, I will make you stay… That song is so beautiful as I'm scrolling through my playlist and one song caught my attention. The song entitled "the one that got away" really has its unique vibes. I wondered what if in another life I will have healthy lungs? What if I can live like normal people? I often wonder how other people enjoy their lives.

"Good Morning, Leah! What's with that face? It's a new morning for you so smile!"

"Good Morning, Claire. I'm just wondering about something but yeah, I'm happy for this brand new day!"

"Wondering about what? Anything you want to share?"

"Sorry to interrupt your work but Claire, I'm just wondering is there any chance that my lungs will hold on a little bit longer than my doctor stated? A chance like 5%?"

"Leah, I can't tell if there's any single chance but I do believe that there is hope. If there's a single thing that is permanent in this world that is change, everything can change. Wait, why are you suddenly asking me about that?"

"Uhm… nothing. I'm just asking for hope."

I know Claire knows what's going on in my mind. She's my nurse since I live my life in this hospital. She's sweet and she always motivates me to fight everyday. My mind is full of negative thoughts that day. I want to live a normal life. I want to smell the fresh flowers, I want to breathe like how other people used to. I couldn't help but to think what happiness feels like. What does beautiful feel like? Because all I have is a lonely life here in this hospital. I'm just a girl full of scars, breathing borrowed air and anytime soon will expire. All I have is nothing except medicines. I do have a lot of medicines. I don't know why but my life is the messiest life you ever had. Since the day I live here in this hospital is the same day my parents abandoned me. I never see them again; they never call either. All I have is Claire and my best friends here. We all have been fighting the same battles everyday and we do share the same pain.

*PHONE RINGS*

"Hello?"

"Hello, Can I talk to Leah?"

"This is Leah speaking, Who are you?"

"Leah, it's mom. I-"

Before she finished speaking I already hung up the phone. How dare she call after they abandoned me in this hospital? She doesn't even know how I feel. My condition is getting worse and what? She's nowhere to be found. I don't know why she calls herself a mother. No mother can abandon her child because she is sick. I need medication, I need a parent who can support me throughout this journey but no one was there for me when I can't endure the pain.

"So why are you here again? Probably you're sad but why?"

"Shaun, What if your parents came back after they left you for almost 30 years?"

"Then, I will accept them but it depends on the situation and if my parents are like yours I better live my life on my own. Why did you suddenly ask that?"

"My mom called this morning, I don't know why because I quickly hung up the phone without knowing what she said.

I didn't give her a chance to explain herself. I don't know it's like I don't want to talk to her ever again"

"Leah, I understand your reasons. I also do understand that it's not easy for you to just forget what happened but think about this what if she really does care for you? What if she didn't have a choice that's why she abandoned you in this hospital? Everything has its own reasons, Leah. You better give her a chance to explain herself."

"I know, Shaun but what is the purpose of knowing the truth when you already suffered for almost 30 years of your life? I don't want a mom nor dad, I already had you and Claire and you guys are the best persons I ever met."

"Leah, Claire and I are different from your parents, I'm just your best friend and Claire is just our nurse. The love that the parents can give is a unique love that neither your best friend and nurse can't give. They are the ones that give life to us. Leah, our disease doesn't have a cure and we all know that our lives have deadlines. What if we die tomorrow? Or now? But still you didn't let your mom explain what's going on? Leah, it can make a big difference Don't let your anger do the things you will regret soon."

"I know that our lives have deadlines but it can't change the fact that you and I are dying. So what if I know the truth? Does it make any sense at all? Does it extend my life? Does it give a new pair of lungs? No, it doesn't! It will only cause pain in me again and that pain will remain in my heart forever. I don't want to be ruined by someone else again. I don't have parents and I don't care. I already survived fighting alone this disease and now that is getting worse they will come back like nothing happens? Shaun, I'm sick but I'm not dumb."

"Smile though your heart is aching….smile even though it's breaking… remember that song, Leah? When I met you that is the song you're singing here and that time my mom and dad broke up. I asked you what I will do with my life and as a response you sing that song for me. Leah, I know how you feel, I know how hard it is to forgive someone. I've been there. Don't lose that hope inside you. You better take the risk than lose the chance, it's now or never. Leah, we don't know what tomorrow may bring but if I were you I better take this chance, just this once. You'll always have a shoulder to cry on if it still hurts. I'm always here. I know you don't have a normal pair of lungs and it doesn't extend your life but always remember that you're beautiful no matter what lungs you have and your life isn't long like other people but make it meaningful until the end. Do what makes your heart happy, Leah."

"Can please sing that song for me?"

"Smile though your heart is aching… smile even though it's breaking…"