Thirty-Three

I woke up panting on my own bed. I can hardly breathe and I'm all sweaty from my face to my chest. My gray shirt's collar was incredibly wet. My hands were shaking.

I got up from my bed and sat on its edge. I put my hands on my eyes as I try to calm myself. Still breathing heavily, I stood up and opened the door to go to the bathroom.

When I got inside, I went to the sink and opened the faucet. My hands were trembling. I took the running water on my hands and splash it on my face then I gripped both ends of the sink.

Panting, I looked at the mirror and saw my own reflection.

I was looking at my reflection with his face and body slowly turning into dust particles that is being blown away. The background started to crumble and collapse. Everything is becoming dark.

My breathing got even worse as it grew faster and I can barely even feel the air. I bowed my head and shut my eyes closed and tried to stop the thing that is currently happening.

I was breathing heavily until it slowly became normal. My hands weren't trembling anymore.

"Hey, man, you okay?" I heard a voice said.

Just in a split second, everything became normal as I look at the direction from where the voice came and saw Archer at the doorway holding the doorframe and is looking at me.

My mouth parted open as I try to speak. "I-Yeah. I'm fine." I can hear my voice being raspy. He nodded, but I can still see the doubt at his face.

"You need the bathroom?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I need to take my morning shit." he responded. I grinned and let out my grip from the sink and walked passed through him. I went back to the bedroom and fell onto the bed.

I put my hands on my chest as I stare at the ceiling blankly. I can't remember my dream last night. I know I had a dream, but why can't I remember it?

Confusion ran through my mind again. I thought these dreams stopped after I met my younger self, but it seems that it's just getting worst.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it's already 8:00 in the morning. Mom's still asleep by this time. She wakes up between 9:00 AM to 10:00 AM so we always do our breakfast by the weekends.

Archer is already in the kitchen when I got in there. He was looking for something on the fridge then he looked around and saw me.

"Hey, do you know where the eggs are located?" he immediately asked. I pointed at the bottom of the fridge then he took it and brought it to the counter.

I went inside the kitchen and took a pitcher and a glass to drink water. I looked at what Archer is doing and I'm sure I felt my eyebrows rising.

"You can cook?" I curiously asked him while staring at the pan. He faced me and then went his attention back to the foods he's cooking.

"Yep." he answered.

He was handling the pan and cook the bacon and eggs like a pro. While he cooks, I prepared the table and made some juice.

When Archer was done cooking he turned the stove off and placed the dish on the table. "Bon appétit." he stated after placing the dish on the table.

"I'm impressed." I admitted while nodding and glancing at the food then to him.

"What do you mean you're impressed? You don't even cook." he chuckled took a seat.

"A little gratitude would be nice, you know?"

He didn't respond and just laughed at me. I rolled my eyes and went upstairs to check if Alexis and Mom are still sleeping and when I checked their rooms, I saw that they're still sleeping peacefully.

I went back down to go to the kitchen and join Archer. "They're still sleeping like a log." I muttered and took a seat.

"Oh, by the way, Roller had something planned today and he invited us to crash in his place." Archer suddenly spoke. My consciousness got back and I looked at him.

"Again?" I asked, my eyebrows are furrowed.

He nodded and took one last bite to finish his food. "What do you mean 'again'?"

"I don't...actually go outside on weekends."

He looked at me with disbelief and exclaimed. "You boring asshole. Why?" he scoffed and stood up to bring his plate to the sink. I then followed him because I was also done with my food.

"I just watch movies on weekends and read a book in my room. Or probably draw something when I'm in the mood." I explained and then started doing the dishes.

"You need to get a life, man." he responded, he was cleaning the table.

"I do have a life and I hate it. Life just sucks." I complained and continued washing the dishes.

"Well, I cannot argue. Life totally sucks, but at least enjoy it for once in a while."

I nodded at him with an agreement and finished washing the dishes. Just a moment later, Mom and Alexis woke up and we told them that there are already foods prepared at the table. Mom actually thanked Archer for cooking breakfast.

I went to my room and sat on my chair. I took a deep breath as my mind started to flood again.

I was thinking about something dark and also possible. I don't know what to believe or not to believe. My mind is messing up with me since day one and I'm here sitting and my mind is doing it again.

I did what I always do on weekends. Just like what I said, watch Netflix and spend time on my room.

It's quite peaceful today, to be honest.

I only hear birds chirping through my window and the leaves from the trees dancing through the wind. I feel myself at peace at this moment.

There, I decided to close my eyes and take a rest.

Then I was interrupted when I heard the door opened. My eyes quickly opened and glanced at the person who just entered the room. It was Mom who didn't notice that I was trying to sleep until she looked at me and realization hit her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to check your room to see if it's messy and..." she paused and took a sock that is laying on the floor. "..it is messy," she said with disgust and dropped the socks.

I chuckled and shook my head. "Yeah, I'll go and clean that later." I muttered.

She nodded at me with an agreement and is about to leave the room when I suddenly spoke. "Mom." I stopped her. "Can I talk to you?" I asked. She has the curious look when she was facing me, but agreed anyway.

"Sure, honey, what is it?" she worryingly said and sat onto the couch where Archer sleeps.

I took a deep breath before facing her firmly and cleared my throat. "This is a very weird impossible question, but, uh...is Alex-" I stopped myself from talking.

I realized that my question will also confuse my mom so I decided to rephrase it. I cleared my throat again and looked at my mom.

"About Alexander. How did he die?" I fully said with determination. The look on my mom's face changed from worrying to an uncomfortable look.

"We talked about this, Asher. I told you-"

"I think I'm old enough to know what really happened to my brother." I firmly stated and looking at my mom with full of seriousness.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath then looked at me. "You really wanna know?" she asked again to confirm. I nodded at her fully determined. "Okay."

"Your father took your brother on a road trip. He said that since Alexander is an adventurous boy, he wanted to make him experience adventures and make the best out of it." she told. I can see the happiness and at the same time, the sadness in her eyes. "But while on the road, this aggressive truck ran on them." her voice started breaking as tears come dropping from her eyes.

"The truck hit their car and ran away. He tried to reach out to Alexander, but it was too late. Your brother was lying there like a damaged angel. It was so heartbreaking for me just hearing that coming out from your father's mouth. But, I know it is more heartbreaking when we're the one that is on your father's shoes."

I was silent. Not bothered to speak for a moment. But, I wanted to. I wanted to answer but I can't. A tear dropped from my eye. My fists clenched and I was holding my anger mixed with different emotions.

Why does my brother need to experience that kind of pain in a very young age?

I wiped my single tear that came from my eye and sniffed. "Mom, I think Alexander.." I paused. My mom looked at me out of curiosity. "I think Alexander is still alive." I stated.

My mom had her eyes squinted and her eyebrows are furrowed. "What?" she asked me with disbelief.

"Mom, I've been feeling his presence lately. I think that he's still alive and breathing." I believed.

"Asher-"

"I've been having these dreams again, Mom. I had signs of him."

"Asher, stop." she ordered. "Your brother is dead. He's not here anymore. He's long gone."

"But-" I stopped myself from talking and bowed my head out of disagreement. A pause occurred. "Yeah, you're right. He's dead." I confirmed.

She rubbed my hair and stood up then went outside my room. I still have the feels of not believing my mom because I knew that I felt him. I knew that his around here in this town. And the necklace that my younger self was holding, It clicked my mind that it was actually Alexander's.

But on the other side, I know my mom is right. They all went to the funeral of my brother. All of my relatives. I should stop believing that my brother is still alive. It's ridiculous. And it's impossible anyway.

I woke up because of a loud sound that dominated my ears. My eyes opened and glanced at the window. It is raining.

The thunders have been striking and shouting. The weather must be pissed today. I checked the clock to see if it's already night then I realized that I took a sleep.

5:57 PM at the clock. I checked at my brother, Alexis, to see if he's fine. As I open the door of his bedroom, I saw him in his bed crumpled and is looking at the window.

"You're scared of thunders?" I grinned and he immediately saw me. He fixed his position from holding his knees to sitting properly like a grown man.

"No." he responded, but I can see the fear in his eyes and hear the fear in his voice. I chuckled softly and went inside his room. I closed the door behind me and sat beside him.

"Why the hell are you looking at me like that?" he asked, uncomfortably looking at me.

I chuckled again and teased him. "You're scared." I grinned. He glared at me like a killer and looked away. I laughed and shook my head as I see him being uncomfortable. "Don't deny it."

"I'm not scared, Asher. I'm a boy, I shouldn't be scared." he defended. I had my eyebrows furrowed when I look at him.

"Dude, it's okay if you're scared. It's normal." I stated with my calm tone to help him calm down. He slowly turned to look at me and I gave him a small smile.

"Are you scared?" he then asked me.

"About the thunder?"

He shook his head. "About everything."

It took a moment for me to answer that. I looked at him seriously as I remember every single detail about the things that I'm scared of.

"Yeah." I whispered while nodding. I grabbed the chair from his desk and placed it in front of him. I sat there and looked at him directly.

"Listen. Being scared doesn't make us less of a person. It doesn't make us weak and vulnerable. It makes us stronger, we learn from our fears and we tend to cease them until we conquer it and stand on our own. And the last time I checked, boys can be scared too. You can be scared, I can be scared, everyone can be scared. Because it's normal and you'll grow on it until you defeat it." I explained.

"You know you sound like grandma, right?"

I let out a laugh. "Maybe. Let's go downstairs and just watch a movie." I offered him. He agreed to me immediately and went out of the room to go to the living room. I followed him outside.

On my way to the living room, the front door opened and Archer entered. "Hey, how's the hangout?" I greeted him as soon as he enters the house.

"It's fantastic." he joyfully answered. "You know you should've come, the whole team expected you."

"Really? I'll tell them I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's fine. I told them already."

I pouted and nodded at him. He then headed upstairs to go to the room. I joined my brother and just like what I said, we watched a movie.

The thunders weren't loud now, so that calmed the atmosphere at least.