Meet Pickles

I think about her question for a minute and shake my head.

"I can't think of anything."

"That's ok. We have time to figure it out. I know this week has had a lot of changes to it and that can be stressful. Have you had any panic attacks this week?"

"I had a few. I tried the techniques you gave me, but they didn't work. I couldn't remember the 5,4,3,2,1, technique and the balloons didn't really help."

"Damn, I was really hoping one of those would work. That's ok though, there are still hundreds of techniques to try. Can I give you another one to try?"

"Of course, I'll try just about anything."

"We're going to try an anchoring phrase. It will go like this. 'My name is Astra Briana Cyrene. I am 23 years old. I live in Big Bear, California. I'm sitting in the office at my therapists. There is one other person in the room. I am safe.' I want you to keep building on it until you feel calm. Can you do that for me?"

"I can try."

"Ok. We're out of time for today, but I will see you again; same time next week. Let me print this out for you in case you forget how to do it. You can keep it in your purse."

"Thank you so much, Amethyst. Have a good week."

After leaving, I feel tired. I just want to curl up and take a nap, but if I go home mom will pester me about what happened at therapy. I'm too tired to deal with that, and I don't want her knowing anyways. All that matters is I'm trying to get better. I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken self and super glue me back together. It may not be the same. There may be cracks and chips, but as long as I'm together what does that matter. Having a craving for something sweet, I stop and get a chocolate fudge milkshake. I have a big sweet tooth and I know it.

It doesn't take long to get to the beach. Once I'm there, I find a spot away from most of the people and plop down in the sand. Looking around, I make sure that there aren't any threats. I just see some kids playing and a couple girls around my age taking selfies. I miss Ella. I wish I lived near her and I could see her everyday. Speak of the devil, there she is calling me. I let it go to voicemail. Not feeling at my best, I don't want her to have to shoulder my burden along with me. I'd hate for my negativity to spread to such a happy soul. I realize that she could think I'm ignoring her, so I send a quick text.

"Hey, Chicky. I'm not feeling well today. Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Sure. Hope you feel better soon!"

I put my phone on my lap and check again for threats. When I see that I am still safe, I close my eyes and listen to all the different sounds. The crash of the waves and the song of the seagulls is calming. After listening to it for a while, I put my headphones in and play "As If It's Your Last" by BLACKPINK on repeat. Sometimes I like to listen to the same song fifty times in a row, but I only do it when other people aren't listening. I lose track of time listening to the same song while watching the waves and the people on the beach. Before I know it a couple of hours has passed by. I still feel tired but a little more relaxed.

As I'm getting ready to leave, a cat walks up to me. If that isn't strange enough, it's wearing a harness and a leash. Oh my goodness where is this cat's owner? I walk over to where the cat is, and grab it's leash before it can wander off anywhere else. Now what? I guess I'll stay where we are and hope someone comes and finds it. I coax it onto my lap, and pet the poor creature while we wait. Surprisingly enough he's not scared. I guess he's used to the beach. I look at the name on the collar and it says "Pickles." Pickles is an adorable Maine Coon. The back of the tag has a number.

"If lost call Dillon xxx-xxx-xxxx"

Wouldn't it be funny if it was Dillon Baldwin? If anyone would bring a cat to the beach, it would be Dillon. Dialing the number I realize it's Dillon's number. Of course he brought a cat to the beach. It takes five phone calls before he finally picks up.

"Hey Astra, I can't talk right now I-"

"You lost your cat at the beach and haven't been able to find it."

"How did you know?"

"Pickles is adorable by the way. Maine Coons are my favorite cat you know."

He gasps in shock.

"You kidnapped Pickles? Don't hurt her! I'll give you whatever you want!"

"You idiot! I didn't kidnap Pickles. Pickles came and found me. Who knows what would have happened to her if she hadn't. You're lucky she's a smart girl."

"I'll come and pick her up right now!"

After saying this, he abruptly hangs up before I can say where I'm at. I look down at Pickles and she looks right up at me.

"How long do you think it'll take him to realize he doesn't know where we're at?"

About fifteen minutes pass and I get the call I've been waiting for.

"Hello Dillon, did you forget something?"

"I get it. I lost Pickles but I didn't think she knew how to untie knots!"

"I wasn't referring to, wait, she can untie knots? Smart girl!"

"Oh right, where are you?"

"I'm at the beach across the street from the coffee shop. Pickles and I will be waiting."