Farm house

Ramsha and Bilal noticed that I was unusually quiet but didn't ask. I was relieved because I really didn't want to lie, and of course I couldn't tell them the truth. I told them I had a searing headache, and Ramsha immediately provided me with a tablet even though I had them with myself too. I took it, and spent the entire way looking out of the coaster window, the incomprehensible babble of everyone talking excitedly around me streaming into my ears. 

At one point I realised, Adil was trying to manipulate me again. The relation between Father and Uncle wasn't that big of a deal, it didn't change anything. And my oblivion to the issue didn't really matter, because it wasn't something that should've been blared on loud speakers for everyone to know, because not knowing didn't bring harm to anyone.

What was that dingwall trying to prove?

"Hey," I heard his soft voice beside me and turned to face him. He had exchanged places with Ramsha. "Something up?"

"No." I stretched up a smile. "Everything's fine."

"You can always count on me, you know that, don't you?"

"You're being sickly sweet, you know that don't you?" I said with a breathy laugh. 

He grinned. "No, it's just, since that episode with you, you're off. I mean you seem to be lost. Did they do something to you? Is your father okay?"

I sighed. "Yes, Bilal everyone's okay. I'm okay.I just think I just need a little time to leave all of it behind."

"Sure." He gave a nod and covered my hand with his. "Ramsha and I, we're both here okay?"

"I know." I smiled faintly. 

---

The farmhouse was somewhere far in the outskirts of the city, so we made a stop at a dhaba where not many people were around. Somebody put a Rahat Fateh Ali Khan song on the radio they had brought at a low voice, and we settled around wherever we could. Some sat on the few chairs already set outside the open shop for the customers, others perched down on the road. Ramsha took me to the rocks by the trees, and Bilal after a little chat with his guys followed us. He stayed pretty close to me, and I was sure everybody noticed. To my surprise, I wasn't ill at ease or even the slightest bit uncomfortable, in fact I really liked his close proximity, his warmth. The lack of certainty of my mind was driving me crazy. I couldn't understand why I wasn't satisfied with the idea of going out with him. Was it because I feared it might eventually lead to marriage? Was I not really ready to get along with the prospect of freaking marrying Bilal? 

God! Allah, what is holding me back?! I really wanted to cry out. 

"They are nuts." Ramsha muttered, and her voice pulled me out of my reverie. I looked at her, decided that I'd talk to her regarding it when we'd be alone, and then followed her gaze. Only to find the other guys pulling up random breakdance moves in the middle of the street. 

The fresh morning breeze felt like a velvet blanket wrapped around me, soft and silken. Somewhere up in the trees the birds chirped and the cuckoos sang. If Adil hadn't stepped into my life like that, I would have remembered these moments as pure bliss. 

---

We reached the farmhouse at almost half past eleven. Exiting the bus and subsequently walking through the front gates, everybody wondered aloud if the fifth year party was already there. Needless to say, we could only find out once inside. 

The sides of the cobbled path were lined with rose plants and trees, and I saw a black butterfly flutter past us, towards the garden patch on the right. The path ran almost about a yard and ended directly at the foot of the bungalow. As everyone debated if it was locked, the front mahogany door opened and a guy stepped out. His head cocked to a side. We had visibly taken him by surprise. 

"Aren't you guys early?" 

"No. We have always gone to such places in the early morning all throughout school years for field trips." Bilal provided with a shrug. "Come on Shariq get us in."

"Okay, listen up everybody," he clapped once to gather everyone's attention and then continued, "We have ten rooms in there, and we too are ten. So you all may camp out in the lawn." 

Protests and grumbles of course immediately arose, nobody had any patience at all. Of course the guy was kidding around. 

"Okay, hold up. I was joking, but . . . Now I'm not a mathematician but I think since you guys are twenty and we are ten, that makes up thirty. And thirty divided by ten gives you 3. So 3 people in each room. Boys and girls mix, or seperate, that's totally up to you to decide. See you later." Flicking a smile in our direction, he sauntered to the left where I assumed was a path that led to the back of the bungalow. Our group immediately delved into chatter, and at the end - of course - it was decided that it would be better separate. No surprise there at all.

---

Once everybody had taken the rooms and unloaded their stuff, everyone scattered around in groups. I debated wearing my scarf I had for sure brought with me, as Ramsha waited outside the room, and ended up deciding against it. 

"How's your headache?" She asked as we stepped out the front doors. 

"Better." I responded wearily.

We were still on the porch when Bilal appeared from the path on the left. "Hey, Ramsha we're back there by the golf course. Go wait for us there, would you?"

"There's a golf course here?" She arched her eyebrows in amazement. 

This surely was a quite large farmhouse. I wondered how incredibly rich that person's uncle would be. 

"Yeah, now get out." Bilal waved his hand at her. 

Pulling a face, Ramsha turned and trudged away on the cobbled path.

I waited with some nervousness as he turned to me and took a step closer. "Look, Mahsal," he began, his voice soft, "I know you're not really well and everything, and I know it will take you time, and I really want to help you through it. But what would be the point of this vacation, this time out from the studies, when you won't feel any better?" 

I sighed. I thought he was here to confess. "Bilal, I am trying-"

He peered at me, his eyes reflecting warmth. "No, Mashal, you don't have to try. Just lose yourself for some days, forget everything: home, college and everything else. You've got to give yourself some time. You owe this to yourself, don't you? Don't you, Mashal?"

I met his gaze, and gave a small nod. 

He brought his hands to my shoulder and looked into my eyes as if wanting some sincerity in them. "Enjoy?"

I had to bring my mind to wash away everything else from it to lose myself to these moments, as he had said. I heaved in a long breath, glanced away, but then froze, for a second forgetting to breathe. 

He was there, coming along on the cobbled path with another guy, grinning as if he had no worries whatsoever in his life. I burned at his sight. 

He might have sensed me staring at him because he immediately looked in my direction, our eyes barely skirted and he averted his gaze, appearing not the least bit surprised to see me. Which could only mean that he knew I would be here. 

"Mashal?" Bilal called.

I blinked and looked at him. 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I-okay." I nodded and brought a smile to my face. "Let's have fun." Liar. My mind hissed. For how could I enjoy when Adil was, by some miracle of God, there, right freaking there, to remind me every minute how messed up my life had become?