I Am Not Him
"What?"
"Nothing..."
Caleb answers as he takes a bite of his red apple. His mouth waters when the juicy fruit finds his taste buds. It's sweet but not as sweet as the sight before him. She is sitting right across from him with a folk in hand looking lost in thought with each passing second.
They are seated by his kitchen island having what should have been their breakfast this morning. He was about to prepare something fresh but she insisted on not wasting food.
Her hair is all combed up now and in a high bun. There are a few rogue locks falling over her face and everytime she pushes them back he finds himself following the action of her hands with longing.
The traces of her crying are barely visible now and he is glad. He couldn't stomach thinking about all that suffering everytime he looked at her and found that reminder.
She has never looked better than now with her putting on his sweat pants and top. They are definitely not her size but he thinks she still looks cute in them and it kind of makes him feel proud and all manly having her in them.
She looks uncomfortable a bit and nervous too with her eyes going everywhere but him and yet it makes the sight even sweeter to him. Her shy self makes her look even more attractive to him.
He looks at her thoughtfully. He doesn't understand how she does not know just how beautiful she is, when he can barely keep himself away from her.
Everything about her is natural but he finds that even more alluring and fresh. With his usual days being filled with women that are always in heavy make up trying to look a certain way, having her in all her natural beauty is a huge contrast and something to enjoy. She definitely makes spending time looking at a woman worthwhile.
He smiles to himself. If only his friends could take a peek in his head right now they would tease him for an entire lifetime. And it's a good thing he never agreed to any of those bets they proposed otherwise he would be losing big to all of them because of the angel before him.
"Stop staring." Her voice is barely a whisper making him chuckle.
"Make me."
Her face goes bright red instantly and Caleb chuckles and bites his lips. He didn't realise what his simple statement could mean when he uttered it, but by the look on her face he has a pretty good idea of what must have popped up in her head.
"Aren't you working today?"
"Nope. But come to think of it I am." He wiggles his eyebrows at her with a smile but she just frowns.
"Am doing nurse duties."
She laughs at that and the sound of her laughter is like music to his ears.
"And just so you know you have an appointment with your doctor after this meal so better finish up quickly."
She makes a cute pout before she breaks out in laughter again and he joins in when her laughter ends up making him laugh too.
"You are funny."
"My mother would strongly disagree with you." He manages to say after his laughter dies down.
"Really?"
"Uh...yeah." He rubs his neck nervously. Funny how he brought up his mother so easily with her when he could barely bring her up in his own thoughts when he is alone.
"What is she like?"
He can see a hint of excitement in her eyes as she waits for his answer.
"She's alright. I hope you can meet her one day."
He looks away from her to his plate. This is not something he wants to get into just yet even though he is surprised that he doesn't feel so guarded with her on the subject.
"So, mind telling me about yesterday?"
Her smile disappears immediately and she goes back to focussing on her plate.
"Hey."
He reaches over and lifts her face by her chin.
"It's ok if you don't want to talk about it."
She looks at him and he is glad when he doesn't see any signs of tears or sadness in her eyes.
"There is really nothing to talk about."
He is about to sit back when she finally speaks and his eyes meet hers. Different emotions are swirling in them and he just squeezes her hand when he sees her open her mouth to say something.
"I just found out that I meant nothing to someone that's all."
His heart goes out to her. She is looking away from him with her eyes focussed outside his open kitchen window. He wants to go round and give her a hug but he is afraid that will only make her tears that he doesn't want to see fall.
"It's his loss."
He takes both her hands and squeezes them while he looks at her.
"Doesn't feel like it." A bitter smile crosses her lips.
He looks at her and he can't help think back on his own experiences. Getting your heart broken no matter by who is the worst pain anyone can go through and he knows just how she is feeling.
"It sucks."
They both laugh at his statement.
"But it also gets better." He rubs the back of her hands and she smiles.
"Thanks...And Please don't say I should not mention it because we both know I would be a mess right now if it wasn't for you."
"You are welcome then." He smiles her way and they stay like that for a moment before he sees her sigh visibly.
"What is it?"
"Nothing."
"It's never nothing when you have that look on your face."
"And how would you know hmmmm?"
"Let's just say I have had more than 3 months of practice and getting to know you." He grins at her.
"Is that right?"
"Yep, so spill it woman."
Her laughter fills his entire kitchen and he is happy to get such beautiful sounds from her. She looks like a whole different person when she laughs and he can't help but be mesmerized. It's a lovely sight to see her be happy at anything.
"I was just wondering what am going to do now."
"What about?"
"My life." She looks up to him.
"Everything is tied to him. God! it was so stupid of me to do it." She rubs her temple in frustration.
"You were just in love, nothing stupid about that. You can't blame yourself for the jerk's selfishness."
"But still..."
"But nothing." He cuts her off.
"You don't have to give excuses for him."
She remains quiet after his words and he worries that he may have upset her but he couldn't just sit by while she blames herself for something she shouldn't.
"You maybe right..."
"I am right."
"Ok, so you are right but that doesn't change the fact that I need to start over and I can't do it without him."
"I practically handed my life over to him when we got engaged and no matter how much I despise having to go back there is nothing I can do at least for now. "
She turns to him looking defeated.
"Move in with me." The words leave his mouth without a second thought.
"What!"
He has never made such an offer to anyone else except one other woman who turned him down with a beautiful smile that had graced his entire life. It just never felt right until now and he is praying she says yes.
"You yourself said everything is tied to him, being here can give you time to reclaim them."
"I...I don't know, isn't it the same thing?"
"I am not him."
He snaps at her. It wasn't his intention but it stings to be compared to her jerk of a fiancèe.
"I didn't mean it like that." Her hand on his calms him down and he sighs.
"Let me think about it okay?"
"What's there to think about hmmm?" He can't believe how impatient he feels right now. He goes round to where she is, stalking her like she were his prey.
"I...I can't just move in with you just like that."
He moves closer when she backs away from him in protest.
"And why not?"
He swings her chair round and makes her face him as he traps her with his hands resting on the counter top on either side of her. This position places him right next to her ear and he whispers to her.
"Well?"