Eugenia

* TRIGGER WARNING: This poem is written about Eugenia Cooney. I wrote this and the other first four poems, for a creative writing course. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU HAVE/HAD AN EATING DISORDER, ARE RECOVERING, OR ARE EASILY TRIGGERED.

Thank you. *

...

I put myself together,

Impressing and shocking all viewers,

Hoping that my body doesn't fail,

And surrender me.

I forced an insincere smile,

And listened, hearing the voice play inside my head,

As Ana took over,

Trapping my latent mind.

.

I was no longer myself,

As death hung over my head,

I turned on the video camera,

Recording my body lensed in full view,

My outfit revealing much more than it should,

Knee caps, ribs, and bones all out,

I hope that this is inspiration for you.

.

No tide can knock me down,

No doctor can change my mind,

Death will not — cross my mind,

As calorie counting haunts my subconscious mind.

.

Ana knows what others think,

Ana is aware of what people will speak;

Those worrisome comments that people leave, encourage her,

Telling her that my fasting is working rather vastly.

.

Look at my bones,

They show through my clothes,

Don't look away, nor tell me that I am unhealthy,

Because every time you suggest I get help,

I'll starve myself more,

Making Ana happy,

As she grows from me.

.

She likes the attention that you give her,

Even though you cannot see her,

Even if I can barely stand on my feet,

It gives her validity,

As Ana pats me on the shoulder and says,

"Good job" to me.