Deacon - Chapter 10

Chapter 1:

"Mom?" I ask her in disbelief. "Yes, son?" She asks with the smile slowly wiping away. Soon, I see the struggle she bears to hold a smile up for me. Tears run down her face. As I watch her, my heart sinks of pain. I can't breathe anymore. It feels like my body is sinking to the ocean floor. I can't float up.

"Come in," Says Candice. Mom takes me to her room. When I enter, an accent of sky blue and white surrounds me. The walls, dominated by machines and a small twelve-inch television towards the door. Opposite that, a hospital bed. To the right of the bed is where the sunlight creeps in and lights up the records and books on a shelf.

"You look so much older," She pauses as sadness cracks through the smile, "It's just so good to see you again, son." She then moves her wheelchair to the side of her bed and presses a button, which is followed by a beep from upstairs.

Soon, another nurse runs towards mom. She picks her up like a kid's toy. It hurts to watch. She puts her top half in bed and asks me to slide her legs back into bed. As I do that, I see something strange. On her lower calf, there was a scarred word. It looks like it was done with something blunt and strong. The word reads, "Sorry". When she's in bed, I grab a chair and sit right next to her. "It's so good to see you. I just wish David was here. A couple years ago, we got in a car and drove to the supermarket. Coming back from there, we drove past a railway track on the road. That's when it all happened." Feeling remorse for my mom, I lay my hand on hers and close my eyes.

A couple seconds later, I open my eyes to a punch in the face. I notice that I'm on a pitch-black road in the night while it rains. I can't move, yet I can feel. The person punching me has a black face mask on his face. He punches me once more and takes me into an alley, next to a dumpster. As he dragged me from my collar, I notice that I am in a woman's clothes, very much like the ones that my mom wore during date nights with my dad. Soon, the mysterious man takes his mask off. It's David. In the background I hear my mom's voice speaking about the alleged accident. It sounds muffled, as if I am in an aquarium hearing her voice echo.

David puts me on my face and rips the bottom of my pant up to the back of my left knee. He then grabs a crowbar that was laid next to my face. I turn my head to see what he is up to. As soon as I look, I scream of pain as he stabs the back of the crowbar into my calf. He then slides it across my calf in a particular manner. Then, he takes it out and does the same four more times. Soon, I feel a stronger sting from the crowbar. It grinds into my bone and digs deeper. Then, it is pulled out. I am kicking and struggling to escape while my blood reaches to my chin. All of a sudden, David starts kicking my back repeatedly with his heel and I feel my back snap. It's the last thing I feel. After that, every single part in my body goes numb and I stop moving. David then screams at me, "I'm sorry. But look at yourself. I can't be better than you." He digs into one of the dumpsters and finds himself a cracked mirror. He looks at himself, cries and drops in front of my face as he runs and just stops on the railway tracks. I look at myself in the mirror he dropped. I am currently seeing everything my mom saw that night. I am moving exactly how she moved that night. My right knee is bent backwards and my left leg is up against a bag of trash. The bleeding on my leg reads, "Sorry" as well.

"Deacon?" I hear mom say in the background. Then, I am pulled back into the blindingly bright lights of the blue and white room.

"It's been a great memory being with you, Deacon. In fact, it is so much of a good memory that I want it to play forever." She says. "What are you saying mom?" I ask.

"The room and medical equipment, they've eaten up all of your dad's and my retirement money. Our insurance sucks too. It costs up to just under a million dollars every year." She looks at me and says, "I'm saying, I want to stop the suffering. I want to be free. I want this to be my last memory. All you have to do is turn the IV up to the maximum. I'll just drift away. I won't feel a thing."

I-I can't do that. This is my own mother. "There's got to be another way, mom." I say. "I'd like to believe that, but please, just end my suffering."

She could be free of the pain. If I do it, she'll just drift away with no pain. Maybe she could be set free. Maybe her spirit is crying.

I should do it. I will do it.

"I love you mom," I say as I apply force to twist the IV's knob. It doesn't turn. With a sigh of relief, I look at my mom's eyes and tell her, "It's not working."

"Your dad used to keep a suppressed pistol in that drawer by the window." She says. "I'm not doing that to you." I exclaim. "You don't have to, just give it to me, I will do it myself." With tears beginning to run down my clinched eyes, I slowly walk to the drawer and take the pistol. I can't let her kill herself. "I won't let you kill yourself." I say as I hold up the gun to level with her forehead. "I love you, son. Thank you." She says. Soon, I close my eyes. It feels so wrong holding a gun to my mom's head while she is in a hospital bed. I stop thinking about everything and pull the trigger. I open my eyes to find myself back at the cliff with Kelly and the mysterious man.

Oh... Kelly! I could really use a hug for now. She's got to know about what happened. hug Kelly and sit down on the bench.

I share with her the story. She says, "Who is Candice then?

" She is my sister. And we will look for her next time on."I reply.

I wait for the man to leave. He smiles at us and walks away.

Then, I sing,

"I spoke to God today and she said that she's ashamed

What have I become

What have I done

I spoke to the devil today and he swears he's not to blame

And I understood 'cause I feel the same

Arms wide open

I stand alone

I'm no hero and I'm not made of stone

Right or wrong

I can hardly tell

I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell

The wrong side of heaven and the righteous side

The righteous side of hell

I heard from God today and she sounded just like me

What have I done and who have I become

I saw the devil today and he looked a lot like me

I looked away, I turned away."

Song Credits: Five Finger Death Punch - Wrong Side of Heaven.