Chapter 10 The End?

"Whatcha doin there Red?" James asked me on a cold rainy Saturday.

"I'm putting away my hood." I said folding it into a square.

"What? Why?" He said surprised.

"Because…"

"Is it about what happened?"

"Sort of… it's just… I don't want to be 'Red' anymore." I said looking at him. He came into my room and locked his hands around my waist. I continued, "I just want to be…. Sydney. I want to be Sydney. I don't want to be Red."

"Alright you can do whatever you want. I'll still love you."

"Love me? Since when did we ever get that far." I turned in his arms to face him gripping his neck.

"I mean it in a sincere way." He smiled.

"Well, no matter where I go from here I'm not Red." I paused staring into his pretty colorful eyes thinking hard. "And I also didn't need to know that werewolves existed."

"You and me both, at least therapy and community service are helping."

"Oh?" I unhooked myself.

"Yeah. Let's just hope I can sell the photos I took on the trip, if we sell them at a good price I can pay your Grandmother back for the bail."

"You know she'll never take it, not after how you saved me. You want to pay her back, make her a great grandmother." I winked.

"Now that's a step Re-" he stopped himself.

"It's going to be hard to get that name to go away huh?"

"Probably… Sydney."

I laughed and pushed his face away, I walked to the balcony and leaned on the railing. "I hope I can forget all this." I closed my eyes feeling the soft wind and rain hit my face.

Would I forget? I'm sure I could one day but now I can't forget so I write. I write and pour my red ink into the story in order to get the images to leave my mind. Why did I go near him? Why did I play into his game? If it wasn't for James, would I be here?

Why does the wolf howl at the moon? Why…? Is it to celebrate hunting? Is it because of the light? I feel confused. As confused as that dumb question I never look up because I don't use the internet for good purposes.

I can't stress enough that all I was ever made in this world was to be eaten. By wolfs or by worms I am just an atom made molecule. With which this world knows more than my own wit. With real things such as Werewolves! How do I forget that magic like that exists in the world? Not only forget magic but a person I thought was my friend. Friend… what is a friend? Have I ever had any? I'm kidding myself. I've had friends. I've had friends…

This has got me fucked up. I'm losing my mind and I'm wondering if I should have died like Mason. Should have just died in the belly of that beast. Should have ended it. I should not be here… I should have died… but will I? Eventually.

I have to keep going though even if everyday I'm losing a piece of me. I'm losing who I was and I just want to get on. If it wasn't for James I'd fall into complete insanity. My mind is slipping, I can't sleep at night and all I want is closure. It felt too empty too big for what I was faced with. What do I do now? Where do I go?

Who am I now? No one. Just a girl without a Red Hood. Just a girl with a tragic story. Am I nothing? No I'm more than just a girl without a red hood. I'm just a girl with… life. Just a girl with a baking gift. Just a girl with a loving man by her side. Just a girl with a healthy Grandmother. Just a girl with a home. Just a girl with a future…

I'm not dead. I'm still living, why? I don't know? I just want to get on with my life. I want to put this behind me and start over. It's going to be hard. I'll be reminded of that name Red for the rest of my life but I can't remember this forever. I can only learn from it. Yes, I can learn from all that I've experienced. I want to change, I'm going to change.

If this is life then let's fix a new one. Make my world the way I want it. I just have to move on… and with that I write my last sentence as a gift, tucking this book far away.

Life is what you make it, trust yourself.

THE END.