Please Don’t Go, I Love You So

The early morning fog settled on James' skin and steam rose from his breath when he panted. He was leading the Gryffindor Quidditch team on an early morning jog around the castle grounds. The sun was yet to break the horizon, and the freezing air helped to soothe their flushed skin. James had a one track mind; crushing the Slytherin team in the Quidditch semi-finals.

Sirius was mindlessly babbling in his ear next to him, prattling away about his new swinging technique. It amazed James how Sirius managed to talk and run at the same time without breaking a sweat or losing his breath. His cardio must have improved once he began his Animagus transformations into Padfoot.

"Are you worried about the Slytherin team? I heard MacNair has a new broom, it could have made him a bit more adept at being a keeper," Sirius said.

"I wouldn't waste my galleons betting on MacNair, our Mackenzie can fly circles around that oaf," James laughed. Mackenzie, the Gryffindor keeper, heard James' comment and let out a throaty laugh.

Minutes later, the sun broke out above the horizon and began to melt the frost-tipped grass. It had been a chilling night, James hoped that frostbite had settled on Regulus Black's fingers overnight so he couldn't catch the snitch in today's match. Given Black's track record, he would be surprised if Regulus even saw the snitch today.

Several hours after the Gryffindor team's morning routine, the match was ready to start. Almost all of Hogwarts lined the Quidditch stands, waving an assortment of red and green banners and whooping chants at the top of their lungs. There was an overwhelming amount of red; Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were keen to see Slytherin lose their chance at winning the House Cup.

James scanned the crowd as the Gryffindor team circled the pitch. A head of smooth, black hair stood out amongst the sea of red. James smiled down at Severus, he was glad he took up Lily's invite to join her and the rest of the Marauders in the stands amongst the Gryffindor supporters. He usually skipped Quidditch games, but James managed to persuade him to attend with a fair amount of kissing and begging.

The commentator's voice rang through James' ears, another chaser threw the Quaffle to him, and he dashed through the air towards the goals.

"Perkins has caught the snitch! Gryffindor win, 210-40!"

James nearly collided with Sirius as he raced over to celebrate. He clapped a hand on Sirius' back before flying over to Perkins to praise him for catching the snitch. The crowd roared as the two teams landed on the pitch. James had his eyes trained on the stands; Remus, Severus, Lily, and Marlene were already starting to make their way down to the pitch.

Once the team landed, they all but jumped on each other, cheering and chanting along with the stands. James lead the team out of the pitch towards the changing rooms, Sirius tried to launch himself up onto James' back but he shook him off. Throngs of people surrounded the team on the grass outside, and the team members' friends followed them into the changing tent. As Sirius' hollering echoed in his ears, James sought out Severus.

James didn't have to look too hard, the foursome from the stands had reunited with them in the tent. Remus ran up to Sirius and threw his arms around his waist. He hoisted Sirius into the air and spun him around before letting him down. James barely noticed, his eyes were trained on the way Severus' mouth quirked up into a small smile.

James lunged towards Severus and tackled him into a hug. James rocked on the spot as he delved his fingers into Severus' velvety tresses, still panting with adrenaline as his hair warmed his fingertips. He tried to will away the thoughts of how sweaty he was, he hoped Severus didn't mind.

His hands made their way down to the small of his back, and Severus pulled his face out of the crook of James' neck. James fought the excitement in his stomach when he realised he could kiss Severus right now if he wanted to. Everyone was too busy celebrating, no one would notice if James suddenly decided to kiss his friend in mirth. James' eyes dropped to his mouth again, he wanted nothing more than to join their lips and collapse in his arms.

James subconsciously brought his hand to Severus' jaw, rubbing a thumb over his smooth bottom lip. Severus startled back, cheeks flushing as a firm scowl marred his features.

"What are you doing?" Severus muttered, eyes frantically sweeping around the tent to see who was paying attention.

"Nothing, I'm-," James' chest heaved, "I'm celebrating."

"I thought we settled this, I don't want to advertise my personal business to the world," Severus said, venom dripping from every word. James frowned and reached out to grab Severus' forearm, but he bat his hand away.

"I'm not trying-"

"I just-," Severus cut him off, "I need some air." He didn't look back as he disappeared through the white fabric of the tent opening.

"Prongs, are you with us?" Sirius asked.

Sirius, Remus, and James were crowded around the Gryffindor fire later that night. The rest of the house were still rowdy with excess excitement, but James gave up trying to feign happiness once the night fell. He felt hollow and confused, and no amount of smuggled alcohol could ease the tightness in his chest.

The conversation between the threesome dwindled after Sirius' question. James felt his face burn as two sets of eyes focused on him. The air grew thick and heavy. He took a swig of his drink.

"I kissed someone," he confessed softly. Sirius' eyebrows shot up, his eyes were suddenly agog and alert. Remus, however, gave James an unperturbed look.

"What? Who?" Sirius questioned, his voice low.

"Does it matter?" James answered in the same low tone.

"Hey, it's good that you've moved on from Mary, but who? You can't half tell us," Sirius pressed.

"Severus," James breathed.

Sirius set his can down on the table next to him. James cautiously met his bewildered gaze.

"No-, what?" Sirius asked incredulously. Remus merely chuckled, catching both of their attention.

"You know, James, I called it when I saw the two of you in the library together," Remus said. Sirius made a noise of confusion in the back of his throat. He picked his can back up and took a swig, grimacing slightly.

"Yeah, thanks for that Moony, I think you traumatised the both of us," James chuckled, leaving a faint smile on his face. Sirius, however, was not amused.

"Does someone want to tell me what the bloody hell is going on?" Sirius finally snapped, his lips curled into a snarl that somehow didn't spoil his handsome features.

"A few weeks ago, McGonagall sent me to find James for her. I found him in the library with Severus, and I interrupted some vulnerable, relationship-defining moment. That much was evident from how guilty they both looked," Remus supplied. James reddened at the memory of that day, he wouldn't be forgetting that moment any time soon.

Sirius nodded slowly, mulling over the words. "You kissed Snape, and I'm going to take an educated guess and say that it's happened more than once, so what's the problem? He's already proved himself to be an alright man, seeing that he reconnected with Lily and how you've taken such a liking to him, so it's got to be something else. What are you sulking about?"

James sighed and slumped further into the fabric of the armchair. He took another swing.

"Severus is himself around me, but once we're around other people, he acts completely different. It's almost like he's ashamed of me, or like he's scared of something. He won't tell me what's wrong and I don't know what to do," James let out a groan as he cradled his head in his free hand. He mumbled, "I'm pining after a hot and cold mess of a person."

Remus spared a sidelong glance at Sirius, then cleared his throat. "It sounds like it's something he needs to work through by himself. If he only recently realised he's into guys, he probably has a lot of shit to work through while he tries to come to terms with his feelings for you. Give him time, he'll sort his emotions out soon enough."

James doubted it, Severus wasn't renowned for being adept and in touch with his emotions.

"And how would you know this, Moony? Seems awfully specific," Sirius mused. Remus suddenly became very interested in finishing off his drink, before rising from his chair to find another one.

In Remus' absence, Sirius asked, "What do you think that was about?"

James groaned, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose for the umpteenth time that night. "Sirius, I'm only going to say it once; You're in love with Remus, and you need to tell him. It's overkill at this point."

It was Sirius' turn to finish the rest of his drink. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Hogwarts was warm and uncharacteristically peaceful, James didn't see Severus all Sunday. James had time to mull over Remus' insightful albeit self-reflective speech. It was Monday when James saw Severus next.

The Head Boy was at the base of the Grand Staircase early Monday morning. Transfiguration was up first and James had no intention on being late, unlike Sirius who was still lazing about in the Great Hall. James figured Sirius was avoiding Remus, but when James mentioned this, Sirius merely scowled in silence.

James spotted Severus first, leaning against the base of the staircase with a familiar aloof expression. Once the Slytherin spotted him, he walked over to James with his back straight, weaving through the clumps of people. He eyes darted around, a dark black contrasting against his ivory skin. Even when James was mad at him, he couldn't help but admire Severus' striking features.

"Can we talk?" For the first time ever, James witnessed Severus Snape looking as close to remorseful and guilt-ridden as possible. James steeled himself, he couldn't back down from what he wanted to say just because he had fallen weak for those piercing eyes and high cheekbones. Even his soothing baritone brought goosebumps to his arms and sent pleasant chills down his spine.

James brushed away the sensation and focused on the issue at hand.

"No, but I need to say this," he inhaled shakily, "I like you Severus. I really like you, it's not a secret. But this has to stop. You clearly have something you need to work through, and that's fine. Merlin, it's more than fine, but you can't keep jerking me around like this."

James ran a hand through his hair, the other resting on his hip. Severus was stunned into silence, lips parted slightly. James struggled to rip his eyes away from the tempting sight.

"One minute, you act like you're into me, and the next you're acting like you don't want to be seen near me. I can't keep doing this, Severus. You need to decide what you want," James said. He hoped that Severus still wanted to associate himself with him if he decided this was all too much. Cutting Severus completely out of his life would be too painful.

James hoisted his book bag strap higher onto his shoulder and made his way towards the staircase. His stomach clenched when Severus didn't respond. As selfish as it was, James wanted Severus with every fibre in his body. He didn't want to hide their affections, he didn't care what anyone thought of them. Sirius, Remus, and Lily already knew, that's all he cared about.

Just as James reached the bottom of the staircase, already resigning himself to a horrible day, that deep voice sounded from behind him.

"Potter!" Severus called. James stopped in his tracks. He winced, the last thing he wanted to do was to revert back to a last-name basis with Severus. James tensed as he turned around, preparing himself for Severus' wrath.

Severus strode over to James, face set with a look of determination. The last thing he expected Severus to do was to grab James' tie and pull him forward into a fervent kiss. Yet that is exactly what he did, almost knocking James into a sixth year Hufflepuff girl in the process. They didn't care.

The kiss was like coming home after being away for a long time and James couldn't get enough. Severus was the first one to pull away. He met James' eyes, scanning for a hint of emotion. James remained passive for a moment longer, chest rising and falling in time with Severus'.

"I'm done being strange, James," Severus said. James grinned down at him.

"That was pretty strange." He couldn't keep the amusement from his voice if he tried.

"Do you forgive me?"

James considered the man before him; Pale cheeks flushed a rosy hue, eyes wide as they ran over James' lips several times, and hand still wrapped around his Gryffindor tie.

James adjusted his glasses and rolled his eyes overzealously as he grinned once more. He threw an arm around Severus' thin shoulders, pulling him in close, before they ascended the stairs to transfiguration.