3

Eight months. Eight months of pure torture. How the hell do I keep going on.

I am lying on my bed, dreading the fact that the sun is going to shine, dreading the day ahead already and it hasn't even started. My days just all seem to blend together, the manotony of it all. I reak of stale alcahol and smoke.

Next to no sleep, more booze than is legally possible, more smoking than I think my lungs are willing to handle. This is how I have been coping lately. I am kind of hoping and praying for a premature death but I guess life will show me a f**k you, once again. The demons of my past are relentless, forever plaguing my mind.

Every time my eyes close I have the same vision that relentlessly plays on repeat. My life is dangerously close to falling apart. I just wish for it all to end. I am just so tired of it all.

I haven't as much as had another woman lay a finger on me, in the past eight months. I can't seem to stomach another woman's touch.

I still miss Blair so much, she was my whole world until we had Pascal. My life revolved around the club and my two girls. Blair got sick and I tried to hold my world together until one day I just couldn't anymore. That's the day my world fell apart.

That's the day that plays on repeat, every second of the day. It rips me to shreds every single time.

My brothers try to keep my mind occupied as much as they can during the day, the club skanks still persue me at night, hoping that I will grace one of them with just a touch, a piece of me, i just can't do it. It will never happen though. I will never grace a club skank with any part of me.

The sun isn't up yet so decide on a trip to the indoor gym for a sparing session with the punching bag. I need to release some of this pent up aggression then a warm shower.

After the gym session and still not any clearer as before I went in there, I make my way past a few of my brothers already sitting in the club bar, grunting my greeting before making my way to my room for a quick shower.

The hot water easing my tense muscles as the gym session did nothing to ease my already stressed mind. I got out the shower get dressed and then head off to work. That at least in its own, keeps me really busy and my mind occupied.

Chris' cousin will be coming in today, I just need a few pictures then a further two days tops, she will be someone completely new. I have no idea what her story is, or even what she looks like. I am just happy to help out a fellow brother in need.

My walls are always up. I have sworn off woman, I won't let them in. I won't let myself go through this shit again.

Until her, right now, with her hands planted on my chest. The heat that radiates from her palms. The sensations blazing through my chest.

I am staring dazed into this goddesses eyes. A mesmerising blue. Her wavy dark hair cascading down her back, like a waterfall. She is a magnificent creature and all in leather. Most definitely the hottest biker babe I have set my eyes upon. I could gladly rip that leather right off of her perfect body.

Who the hell is this girl and why is she in my shop? Not that I mind. I can see this girl on a poster standing in leather, flaunting her deliciousness over a bike. A gorgeous poster against my wall that I can jack off to. Or better yet just feel the warmth of her body.

Wait .... What the hell am I thinking. I have sworn off woman. Since Blair f***ed with my mind in a psychotic rage and did something I would never forget. I haven't as much as touched another woman. I have no intentions of starting now.

Her fragrance is erotic, tantalising my taste buds and messing with my brain. I almost swallowed my tongue when she asked for me. What business would this young thing want with me.

"Oh hey Hammer, I see you met my cousin Melissa-Rose?" Chris saunters in clearing his throat. His hand rubbing the hairs behind his neck, looking very uncomfortable.

Oh seriously, you have got to be shitting me. This is the woman I have been doing a secret identity for. My mind is reeling with possibilities as to why? She should be cherished and put in a glass case and protected. Who the hell would hurt her. She looks way to perfect.

I am battling to find my equilibrium around this girl. I feel completely out of my depth. I need to just get done what needs doing and get her the hell away from me. I need a f**king drink.

"Well angel, welcome, let's get those photos of yours taken, shall we?" It's pretty hard trying to act nanchalant while breathing the same air that she is right now. She is truly, without even trying, f**king with my senses.

It's dark out already I am a bottle of Jacks down and heading for the second. Drowning my sorrows or at least trying to.

Pixie still ties her luck even after six months, she still doesn't give up. Everyone has warned her that I am strictly off limits and yet here she is still trying her luck.

Slade is sitting at a table with Chris and Angel and seeing Slade fawn all over her is just grating my ass. Why do I even care, but listening to her laugh at Slade, the way she touches his arm, the flirtatious way she moves her hair from shoulder to shoulder. It is seriously driving me insane.

I get up rather hastily, my chair falling over. All eyes turn to look at what the commotion is. I look straight into Angels eyes. Pick up the bottle of Jack and storm off outside to drink in peace.

I can't sit there watching her being all happy and carefree, aching for just one more touch from her.

I am not supposed to feel this way, I am clouded in confusion and want. I am not supposed to feel this. I have sworn off woman, but I felt something this afternoon. Something I haven't felt in such a long time. I want her, I need to have her.