Chapter 4.1

A week after we returned to Garlantia, the squad received word that Louis Grey's body had been found and Paela had been blamed for his death. The alliance was put on hold. Probably indefinitely. With Louis Grey and Jason Smart, I had two new painful marks on my back.

On the first day back, Captain was on a mission, her office was empty and locked from the outside. A little disappointed, I left the Captains quarters and continued to do the stinking washing mostly comprising of the clothes the squad wore for the week we'd been away (I decided extra detergent was desperately needed). Along with this I cleaned the floors in the living quarters and its conjoining hallway.

Once again, the men were off doing whatever they were doing, and the quarters were empty. It was too early for dinner, so I took out the revision cards Captain gave me, that I hid in the worn gap in the bricks below Rickon's bed. The cement was old and crumbly so it was easy to dig a gap big enough to fit a few pages of folded paper in them. One side had the Garlantian alphabet on, and the other had simple vocabulary. I'd mastered most of the alphabet, so I concentrated on the words on the reverse side.

Only a few minutes passed when I heard a thump in the hallway followed by a train of curses. The door flew open and I heard Leon's growling voice from the doorway "Where's that damn brat?" he yells, searching the room. I sink into the wall and make myself as small as possible. Thankfully, he leaves quickly, after huffing and swearing. I watch him from under Rickon's bed, his trousers are damp at the backside- he must have fallen in the wet corridor.

It takes a few minutes for my heart to calm, and my eyes to be released from the spot of bricks they'd fixated on in fear. Although I'd barely looked at them, I folded the paper and put it back in its place in the wall and went to find a better hiding place.

Although I knew I couldn't hide forever, and at dinner time I reluctantly re-joined the squad, hoping that Leon had forgotten about his, squatting at the far end of the table, Leon, who was the last to sit, loomed over me where I sat, even though there was enough space the opposite side. "Brats don't sit up here." Inwardly, I sighed, but not to provoke him further, I rose, ready to sit on the floor, but tripped backward on his outstretched foot.

I fell back, food flying from the plate as I brace myself for the fall. Gravy dripped down my hair, and I felt slices of potato slide off my head and slop onto the floor at my feet. Thankfully the food was mostly cold, so it didn't singe my skin but I'm sure that wasn't by design. Leon sneered, spitting in my face in spite "You gonna cry?". He looked back to Rickon, but his expression was stone and without saying a word, he left. The squad followed behind him. Maybe he was disheartened that Rickon didn't approve of his abuse, but he silently trailed after him with a sour look on his face.

At that point any dignity I had left, abandoned me. I'd missed breakfast and lunch, and Captain wasn't there to give me food when I was starved. So I began licking the gravy off the side of my face, and catching the chunks of potato before they slid off my shoulders. Most of it was already on the floor, and for a moment I contemplated scooping that up and shovelling it in my mouth as well but I knew how often these floors were cleaned.

To my delight, the next day I found the Captains office occupied.

It was evening so I noticed the light leaking from behind the door when I passed it during my evening chores. I skipped for joy and was about to knock when I heard voices from the other side- and they didn't seem pleasant.

"Captain pull yourself together! The death of your child is tragic but they wont excuse failure! It was your first mission back and you've destroyed months' worth of work in five days!

"how dare you talk to me about Jamie! You have no right! No right!"

"I understand-"

"no, you do NOT! You do not understand! You are not a mother!"

"you are a captain first, mother second. If that was not the case then maybe you shouldn't have entered this line of work!"

Her next reply is too muffled to make out. The light flickers behind the door; I feel a little guilty listening in, and I was about to leave when the door swings open with tremendous force, bouncing off the wall, the crashing sound echoing through the corridor.

I look up at the silhouette of a tall man wearing a brisk uniform, his expression is hidden in the shadow, but I got all I needed from the tone of his voice. I could feel a glare bore down on me before he swiftly takes his leave.

I peer in the room; Captain is sitting at her desk, her head resting on her hands, her fingertips ran through her hair. She looked tired and defeated, as if she could cry any minuet.

"Hello little one, glad to see you still alive." She gave a small smile.

"It's good to see you captain, when you were gone, I thought you were gone for good."

"Not quite yet." She replied meekly.

"I can come back tomorrow if you want." I offer.

She shakes her head gently "no," her voice barely a whisper, then she cleared her throat and finished, "close the door and come here."

I did as I was told, and stood the other side of the desk, but she gestured for me to come round the back. I did, and she lifts me by the underarms onto her lap. I resist the urge to struggle, I didn't like being this close to someone, it made me uneasy. But the Captain relaxed and rested her chin on the top of my head, her arms wrapped around me in a loose embrace. I suppose, facing away from her, she could pretend I was her son. I didn't care that I was being used like that, she was kinder than anyone else.

"You smell." She stated, her chin still resting on my head, "go and have a bath." She ordered. But the lines on my back weren't healed yet, I didn't want to know how hot water would feel on them when even fabric irritated.

"I'm ok, I'll have a bath next time." I answered.

"Don't be ridiculous! You smell so have a bath, I bet you haven't washed since the last time you were here."

I hadn't, there was almost two weeks' worth of sweat and grime on my body so I couldn't argue there.

Reluctantly, I climbed off her lap and went to run a bath in her en-suite; I ran it shallow so that the marks on my back wouldn't be touched by the water. The water stung the scrapes on my legs but soothed my bruises, but I didn't relax. I quickly washed the dirt off, being extra careful of the new lines on my back, and the water rapidly turned a milky brown.

"You forgot your towel!" I flinched when I heard her voice behind me, and I swivelled in the bath, spilling water over the edge, then sat deadly still, heart leaping out of my chest. I felt like I'd done something wrong, but I didn't know what.

Captain's expression turned dark, she crept over and knelt at the side of the bath. Her hands held me by my shoulders as she inspects the marks on my back. "What is this?" she asks, her voice is strange, I didn't know if she was angry, sad, or confused.

"The marks Rickon leaves for a life." I answer, I struggle against her grip to see her expression, but her grasp is too strong, and I stare helplessly at the bathroom tiles as I wait for a response.

By that time, the water was turning cold, "get dressed." She ordered, finally handing me the towel.