Chapter 5.5

When we were hungry, Theo collected enough food for the three of us, and Tommy stayed in the medical wing. Despite claiming he was fine, he didn't want to leave the medical ward and looked uncomfortable every time Theo and I mentioned leaving. We didn't want to pry when it was clear he didn't want to tell us what happened, so we tried to get him to feel comfortable and get used to Anna.

I slowly got used to eating again and spent less time throwing up the food I ate. After a week, I was trying to convince Anna and Dr. Rusholme that I was fine to leave the ward. Dr Rusholme watched me eat an entire egg sandwich without throwing up and made me walk laps around the room until she was satisfied I was fit enough to leave. She insisted I return every evening to receive medicine and monitor my condition.

Tommy was quiet during our exchange with Dr Rusholme, and when I'd finally got permission to leave, I was a little overzealous. Theo was vibrantly talking about all the cool things I should see and people she'd met that she wanted me to meet, I got swept away and we almost left without him.

He lightly pulled on my sleeve to grab my attention; his nervous expression was sobering. He awkwardly stumbled over his words "I… Are you er, going out there?" he timidly looked at the door.

I nodded, "I'm sorry Tommy, if you don't feel up to it, you can stay here with Anna." He'd slowly warmed up to Anna to the point that I thought he was comfortable with her.

He shook his head and his grip tightened on my loose sleeve. "don't leave me." His eyes watered.

Theo smiled apologetically, "we won't leave you again if you don't want us to. Do you maybe want to take a walk with us? I swear we won't leave you. We can stay close for today, and maybe a little bit further tomorrow, if you feel like it?" She held out her hand. He pondered for a moment before taking it. We slowly left the medical ward, I kept one eye on Tommy, and the other soaking up the strange and peculiar sights that made up the FDD. Once we'd left the dim corridor and into the brightly lit crux of the compound that we saw on our first day, I noticed that Tommy's grip was so tight that his knuckles had turned white. Theo didn't react even though it must have been painful or at least uncomfortable and went on to tell us about a lab she'd seen that tests new technology "When I went in their last they were prototyping the dexterity of a new drone and they got it to serve coffee. It was quite amusing, and I even got a coffee." She grinned.

"How did you get in there anyway? I doubt they let you just wander in."

"I'm just that charismatic." She shrugged smugly. Theo is one of the few people I could name that could talk their way into a restricted lab.

"I bet you are."

We past under a walk way, and from its shadow Bella appeared from one of the doors on either side, designed to blend into the wall so unless it was open, or you knew it was there, you wouldn't know any different.

"Ezra, I'm glad I caught you. You look better than last time, I'm glad." It wasn't really what she wanted to say, and in the next breath she added "Raven wants to see you."

"Does it have to be now?"

She nodded vigorously, "Its about Sean. I don't know the details yet, but he's alive."

Tommy was desperate pulling at her arm, his eyes pleaded that we would go back but the only thing I heard was that Sean was alive. A multitude of emotions flooded my senses; relief, longing, guilt, shame, anxiety. Without looking away Theo added "You go on ahead, I'll meet you back at the ward. I was getting tired anyway." She lied. Tommy looked a little less desperate, but still clung to both her hand and her clothes.

"Okay." I managed to say.

Bella nodded impatiently, and added, "you need to come now." She held open the door with the door, half disappearing into the doorway, she beaconed me in.

I followed her absent-mindedly, trying to navigate the tangle of thoughts and emotions that I was suddenly confronted with.

I was happy that Sean was alive. I was so glad that my family hadn't completely vanished, there was hope that Elliana was alive too. But… there wasn't for Alex. I saw it with my own eyes and there was no hope from that. Would they blame me? They would say they wouldn't, but deep down, would they? How do I tell them? What do I say? How can I-

"Ezra, we're here." Bella brings me back to reality, and somehow, I've made it to a control room. There were about twenty people working their own screens desperately typing away and at the front was the largest screen of all, And Raven Harrington seemed to be commanding it.

"Bella said Sean's alive." I stated.

"Ezra is that you?" It wasn't Raven who answered, there's static and the voice wasn't totally clear, but it was undoubtedly Sean's voice at the other end.

"Yeah, its me." My throat tightens, but I manage to form the words. Why was it so hard to speak? My mind goes blank, and there's a few seconds of silence.

Now I was confronted with the man who raised me for six years as a member of his family I was consumed with emotion. My throat was blocked by a swollen lump and I couldn't make any sound. My eyes watered and I felt so ashamed. How could I tell him that Alex was dead? That I couldn't protect my brother? My best friend? His son? How could I face him knowing I survived and made it to sanctuary and he didn't?

"I'm so glad. You got my message. I'm so proud of you both." He was relieved. Happy. Almost overflowing was emotion.

The word both sent a dagger to my chest and twisted it there. "Dad it's just me… Alex, he… He didn't make it… he didn't make it out of the school…" my voice didn't sound like my own, it broken and full of hurt.

Why does it hurt so much? I couldn't say anything more. I felt tears blur my vision and run down my cheeks, leaving them hot and itchy.

There was a moment of silence, it felt like a lifetime. Even though I couldn't say the words, Sean knew. He knew what I'd done. I wanted him to shout at me. To blame me. I needed someone to say it other than the voice in my head telling me it was true.

"Ezra… Alex's safety was not your responsibility. Whatever happened to him wasn't your fault, it Garlantia's." he obscured the hurt in his voice with conviction.

For some reason that hurt more. I didn't feel relieved. "If I'd just been a moment earlier, I could have got there in time. I was so close. I could have saved him. I was so close."

"Ezra I am glad you are alive. Do not blame yourself, this was not your doing."

"I hate to break this touching reunion up, but I'd like to get back to our conversation." Raven intervened.

I imagined Sean sighing, but it wasn't distinguishable through the static. "I have set up a new frequency to communicate on, hence our current conversation. Garlantia shouldn't be able to pick it up, it should be safe to use for a while. Hiaslean base is already set up to receive it, but our other bases don't currently have the capacity."

"So we can't communicate with anyone else?" despite the small victory she was given, Raven didn't seem happy. She wasn't someone to look on the bright side.

"With your permission, I'm planning to travel to the next nearest base to set up their communications to receive this frequency and work my way around until we have a network."

"How will you know they aren't already taken over by Garlantia?" I asked.

"I won't until I get there."

Without a second hesitation Raven agreed "you have my permission. Anderson don't get yourself killed, you're the only person that can do this."

"I'll set off in the morning. It'll take at least a few days to get there and then a few more to get everything set up. If all goes well, I'll contact you again in about a week."

Then, the conversation was over, and my mind was left reeling. Bella escorted back to the medical ward but I almost didn't notice at all.