Chapter 5.7

Everyone's eyes turned to me expectedly, and I felt my face flush a little. I tried to ignore their apprehensive stares and concentrated on Shadow.

I closed my eyes and searched for where I felt a connection with Shadow. I found it, and I tugged. I felt him appear behind me, I opened my eyes and glanced at him then at the others in the room. He wasn't visible to them. Their expressions were unchanged and watched on, slightly thrilled. My mind prickled with irritation and I tried again to push out the image of their animated expressions. The first time it happened was just after Alex's death, I was furious, and I was out for murder… The second time, I tried to imagine what it was like to be Shadow. What was the common denominator?

I explored our connection a little, reaching out with my mind and felt what it was like to be linked to another living thing. It was cool and comforting, exciting but calming, elucidating but inarticulate. It was something that couldn't really be put into words- only felt.

I started to feel something, an emotion that wasn't mine… Affection? Loyalty? I opened my eyes, I thought that maybe I understood our connection a little better, expect it wasn't shadow that looked back at me- it was me.

"I see him!"

"He's huge!"

I did it! The spike in my excitement and the focus on my own achievement sent interference through our link and I almost immediately lost it. For a split second my vision reverted to its normal sight, until I refocused on what Shadow was experiencing.

I had to concentrate on Shadow's perspective- both figuratively and physically, which took a lot of mental effort and didn't at all feel like it did the first time it happened. It was tiring, but I remember it feeling strong and exhilarating.

"It doesn't quite feel like it did the first time." I looked around and realised that I was looking entirely through his eyes, everything was red, but before it was like there were two overlapping images- what I was seeing with my eyes, and what he was seeing with his.

"How's it different?" Theo asked, curiously examining me- Shadow- from every angle. She put her hand out to touch him curiously and I flinched away. It didn't feel right to let someone else touch him.

"Stop looking at me like that, I'm not an animal at a zoo." I complained without thinking and went to push her away, only its Shadows arms that reach out. "Okay, that was really weird. It's like… I'm inside his body…" I didn't know how else to describe it, it was hard to explain, but it didn't feel like I was in my body anymore, I felt like Shadow's limbs were my own while my limbs felt so heavy and distant, moving my arms was like trying to navigate through a bog.

"You're right, you guys are much more interesting than an animal at a zoo." She retorted.

"I'm serious, this is really weird." I looked around the room with red eyed vision

"Before you said it was like you were in each other's minds. But now you're just in his?"

"I think so?" I replied slowly.

"Well maybe you need to invite him into your mind a little bit?"

"How do I do that?"

"Well… Maybe… The first time it happened, you felt angry, hurt, and guilty… And a bit vulnerable? Maybe? So... Maybe you have to open yourself up to be vulnerable with him? Trust him with your emotions?" Each statement was posed as a question, and she wore an uncharacteristically timid expression. But what she was saying, made a sort of sense.

I did trust him. I trusted him more than anyone. No-one could understand me quite like he could. He would never tell me not to feel hurt, or guilty, or worried that I might not be able to see my family again. I trust him to understand, because I knew he would. First, I trusted him with my rage and guilt, then, with the love I felt for the people I care about, the love they taught me how to feel and the hurt that inevitably went with that. Suddenly, there was a disorientating shift in vision, after a few blinks it was back. I could see Shadow again and myself through Shadows eyes, but somehow my mind made perfect sense of the overlapping images.

"I've got it."

"How does it feel?" Anna piped up, she'd been restraining herself, but she finally slipped off her stool and glided forward to inspect us.

It felt sort of… Good… Empowering almost. "It feels fine." I shrugged.

"No blinding headaches or anything?" Theo intervened.

We shook our heads. Anna tenderly took hold of my wrist, I felt Shadow defences rise and his body stiffen. 'Its okay.' I thought, although I wasn't sure if he could actually understand my thoughts. Anna checked my pulse, "your pulse is actually a little low compared to normal, but that's not bad."

The door at the other end of the room started rattling, and we all flinched at the loud noise. Through the red vision, I saw Bella poke her head through the door, while in my own vision, the door remained locked.

"Who the hell is that?"

"We're not meant to lock that door." Anna comments.

"Then why is there a latch on it?" Theo shot back critically.

"It's just Bella."

"How do you know?"

My normal vision seemed to catch up to the red one as Theo reach to unlock to latch and Bella slid in from the other side.

"Why did you-" Bella started, but then stopped mid-sentence; her complexion paled and she froze at the slight of the looming figure behind me.

"What's wrong?" Theo asked without taking her eyes off her.

"Huh?" her eyes broke away from Shadow and considered Theo with a confused gaze.

"Are you okay?" Theo asked again as if she couldn't see the seven-foot-tall misty figure that stood behind me. I saw a playful glint in her eye masked by her quasi concern, and knowing Theo, I knew what she was getting at.

I could see Bella silently questioning her sanity; she blinked hard a few times, looking hard at Shadow, then examining us each in turn.

"Theo stop confusing her." I complained.

"What?" Bella blurted nervously.

"Bella you're not going mad, you can see Shadow right now."

We stepped forward in synch and met her across the room; she flinched and stumbled back, but manage to steady herself just out of arm's length. She apprehensively eyed him, her posture taunt and ready to run if need be.

"He's not going to harm you." I assured her.

"What is he?" the words tumbled out of her mouth.

"We don't know where they come from, so we don't actually know. But he wont hurt anyone, you dont have to worry."

"But I thought he was invisible." she still looked as if she couldn't beleive what she was seeing.

"Most of the time he is. I would prefer it if you didn't tell Raven that you've seen him." She nodded slightly, still caught in a faze. "Bella, I mean it. I don't want her to know. I don't trust her." She shook off the disbelief and the vigilance returned to her expression.

"Okay. I won't tell her. But that could have been anyone at that door, you need to be more careful in future."

I knew it was her, but I didn't want to explain away any more of my secrets, so I simply nodded.

"What did you want anyway?" Theo asked.

Bella shrugged, "I was just bored, I thought I could hang out with you guys."

"Sure." I released the connection with Shadow and he disappeared from view. It was starting to get uncomfortable to maintain it, although it wasnt nearly as painful as the first time around. Bella flinched as he disappeared, which I ignored and instead added "what do you want to do?"

She shrugged, "what have you guys been doing to pass the time?"

"Apparently getting destroyed at cards is pretty fun." I answer half heartedly, it wasn't particularly, but it made Theo happy.

"Not that I would know." Theo started shuffling the cards with a grin on her face. I swear she somehow cheated.