Chapter 1: Tyler

Dear Diary,

I don't even know why I'm bothering with this but I suppose there's nothing better to do what with my parents never seeming to TRY and talk to me. But instead, because they think I'm a typical teen who can take care of themselves - they leave me to my own devices. Well, enough of me waffling - let's get on with this thing.

My day has been quite normal today, well... for me anyway – I went to hang out with my friends in school with girls staring after me wherever I go: in lessons, in the lunch hall... you get the gist. Living the dream right! Well… not really. Everyone always thinks that I'm having the best life ever and they would all KILL to be me (not being egotistical here). But something weird is DEFINITELY going on. I thought I was just imagining it but I'm not joking.

Whenever I'm on my own and leave everyone…a wave of doom and dread comes over me…and it's like I start thinking about things I don't want to think about. I start feeling smoke and the cold screams in my brain. I know it seems hard to understand but; I just start beating myself up purely because I just feel that sudden HATE for myself and I just want to…. Let's not finish that sentence or this …thing will really start kicking up again. Your first thought would probably be… GET HELP. And believe me, I really WANT to. We have a school counsellor who's right opposite my form class which normally would be fate. But in my case, there's no hope for me. If I say one single word about it…Reputation gone. I have a feeling it's probably me stressing myself out as usual just because of a stupid match I have to play. Normally I would much rather go for a walk and just immerse myself in what the wonderful world of nature has to offer. But yup, you guessed it - PARENTS.

I know I probably won't do well with the match; I'm just useless at everything I do. I couldn't even talk to a girl properly without just switching onto the one thing my brain knows how to talk about: how cool my life is instead of all the deep stuff everyone likes. See? It's happening again. It's like some sort of darkness is taking over my body and I don't know what's happening to me. I really don't want to be broken but in this current moment, anything could happen. Why am I feeling like this – with my life… I'm literally on top of the world where I can do what I like and be who I want. Yet despite this, I honestly wish I could be normal – I know I know weird right? But why don't YOU try being in my shoes for once instead of assuming that I have the best of everything. I doubt anyone understands me though; everyone just thinks that I'm an awesome person who has the King Midas gold touch. I've not had ONE person ask how I'm actually feeling or if I'm okay. Instead they just ask if I can sit next to them and all that other materialistic stuff they'd want from Mr Popular.

Well little do they know…. Something big is definitely coming for me. And I don't know if I'll be ready for that…