~18~

To anyone, his problem didn't seem that complex, he was cursed to leave because he didn't want to end up leaving the people he claimed to love and to do that meant he still left, just sooner.

It was a vicious cycle that he was honestly tired of but being drained by his issues didn't mean they stopped bothering him and went away.

Bryan stiffened, his eyes going wide in surprise when Kieran pulled him flush against his chest.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this." Kieran murmured with sincerity in his voice.

Bryan frowned, he was still in the dark about everything so although he had decided to let it go if it would keep Kieran around, he found himself asking…

"Why did you leave that night?" He asked in a quiet voice, making no move to leave Kieran's hold.

Kieran was comforted by this somewhat but they couldn't remain in the ground. 

He had to answer Bryan's question, he owed him that much.

"Come." He offered calmly, helping Bryan up as he straightened up.

As much as he wanted to hold Bryan for the rest of the day, he drew out a chair for the other werewolf,  going around to settle on his chair.

He still very much wanted to leave before making promises that he wouldn't probably end up breaking.

"Up for a little story?" He asked, taking out a candy stick from a pack of cigarettes. 

He hadn't smoked or drank for the rest of the week, it didn't get better, if anything it was harder to remain sane without his coping mechanisms. 

Bryan was a little lost with all that was happening but he was always down to learn something new about Kieran. 

"Yeah." He cleared his throat to say, finding his voice.

"You must know that my family was the previous Alpha family…" He started dismissively like he would prefer not to mention that fact at all.

It wasn't new news anyway and it was somewhat relevant to his tale so he had to say it. He hadn't been expecting Bryan's reaction though.

Bryan gaped, a loud gasp leaving him. "Wait, really?"

Kieran frowned. "You didn't know?" 

Bryan scratched his head sheepishly. "Not really." Somehow it didn't come off as much of a shock to him anymore.

"It's not important anymore, I have no wish to drag for the title." He said casually.

Bryan already knew that, he didn't see Kieran doing that in a million years, he didn't tell him that though.

"It was a long time ago too, there's hardly any need to keep passing the information on." He muttered, biting down on another stick.

He had gone through so many of the minty candies by then that Bryan was almost concerned, he wouldn't die from his lungs kicking out again, this time, it would be from diabetes.

Bryan remained quiet though, listening intently.

"My mom was a great believer in true love, she was a hopeless romantic and lived her life like the main lead in a slow paced, aesthetic movie."

Honestly, Kieran's mom sounded like an absolute sweetheart, Bryan wouldn't have minded meeting her.

A cynical chuckle left Kieran, "She wasn't the main lead in a movie though, her lover got her pregnant, mated her and then got up and left her." He pushed a hand through his hair, upsetting the coiffed hair.

"She never got over it, waiting and pining over a man who couldn't care less about her." He said shortly, bitterness and anger seeping through his words.

"I watched her languish her way to an early death and I just don't want to inflict that one anyone else." He trailed off, looking away from Bryan's curious eyes.

He didn't want to be the one to make excuses but he owed Bryan an explanation at least.

Bryan remained quiet, he was horrified at what Kieran had to go through and even more so at how gravely that had affected him.

"I'm so sorry about your mom." He murmured looking shaken up.

Kieran gave him a weak half smile. "It's fine, at least now she's found peace."

"I want to hit you though…" Bryan blurted out, his nose red from the intensity of his emotions.

Kieran nodded understandingly. "Fair enough."

It only made Bryan want to hit him harder. He was still saddened from hearing about Kieran's mom so it took a while sorting his emotions.

"So, the reason you ran out on me the other night…" Bryan started slowly, keeping his expression void of emotion.

Kieran listened intently, this was the last conversation he wanted to have with Bryan but there was no escaping it.

Because he was a selfish asshat who wanted to get to keep Bryan around without the strings that triggered his flight response.

"... was because you're worried that you'll leave me?" Bryan said slowly like he was still trying to comprehend the reason himself.

Well, when it was put that way, it felt very tame but he knew that wasn't what Bryan was trying to do, he just felt extremely self conscious.

Bryan was swamped, he didn't need to be a therapist or a psychological expert to know that his reaction to attachment was a trauma response.

Knowing the kind of person Kieran was, he just kept it to himself and shoulder his burden alone, it made tears burn in Bryan's eyes.

He couldn't imagine chasing the people you cared about out of your life because you were worried that you would leave and break their hearts.

Like him, he was alone because he wanted to be, when he liked someone, he had no qualms seeking attachment and attention.

Koeran waited with bated breath at what Bryan's response would be.

He had never told anyone this because he had always been alone so he never made any connections with people to begin with.

He couldn't predict how Bryan would react and it made him antsy, it didn't help that he himself was torn on the matter.

He wanted Bryan to understand and leave him before he got round to doing just that but even more, he wanted Bryan to want to stay.

That was quite selfish of him, wasn't it?

Bryan took a deep breath and then gave Kieran a warm smile, dimples flashing. "We're going to set you an appointment with a therapist."