1. Begin

Well, like I said before, I am just an ordinary young man who works as a teacher for local junior high in my region. I am not rich neither as handsome as movie actor, but I have balance in my height and weight.

My profession require me to have many acquaintance, and I do. I have some friends but not too close for me to calling them as my best friends, all this time I used to life my live that way and I fine about that.

I live with my grandma since I was a baby. My dad died long time ago and my mom, I don't know she is gone and I never heard things about her. My grandpa is like my mom, I never heard about him.

That's the reason I'm not dealing with any love relationship, I am not willing inherit family depravity to any girl in this planet earth. For me, love is complicated reaction in your brain that lead a desire either to have sex or possess each other. As long as I stand in this world I learn that love is not everlasting theory that will stuck with you for your entire life time, love is fundamental. There are so many book and also biography story talking about that and each verse has their own definition. but in the end, it's just matter of perspective.

Back to my grandma, knowing that she had struggle in her young age, raising my dad alone. Real alone, her stereotype family was abandon her because of her relationship with black guy. Young little girl decide to choose love over family. The sweet drama not ending well when the guy who suppose to be my grandpa left her for another young girl. Tragic. But not that long. My dad come to my grandma life and everything was good until I am born.

My grandma won't tell story why my mom left and tragedy that cause my dad died. That's oke, I am living well without them. Realize that my grandma has to experience two times bitter pill on her life, one when she raised my dad alone and second she has to raised me all alone again.

Although my grandma is obedient servant, she need to once again dealing with this unfair destiny. She has Alzheimer's.

She is the only person I know that has link with me, I respect her and love her from the bottom of my heart. So I dealing to taking care of her by myself instead of sending her to nursing home, I also hired a nurse to help me with grandma while I need to work.

I live in same neighborhood since I was 1 year old. And since that time, all my childhood friends already moved to living on their own and their parents will go to tropic island or taking world tour for enjoy their retirement. When one occupant move, they always replace for the new one. That's my neighbor hood constantly move. Except me and the old women next door. She already there even when I haven't yet moving here.

The woman next door has a son. His name is Jerry Bertson, Jerry is 35 years old. Ya, Jerry is a man who might be already life on his own if he hasn't no crash back 16 years ago. I do not know the detail story about his accident, but the accident was fatal and end with four times brain surgery. Jerry might be still alive, but never able to taste his life with his brain condition before he takes the surgery.

No matter how advanced medical science is and how genius the doctor is dealing with Jerry's head injury, they can't cure Jerry's brain from the damage.

So, Jerry might be seem physically healthy. But he is unable to create a new memory or keep it for more then 4 minutes. So Jerry always living in the past 19 years from now.

Back to years ago before his accident, Jerry is nice young man who likes to gardening. So, when I am back from elementary school or home after playing outside, he always in his yard watering his plants and ask me the same question "Hey Gray, Find something good today?"

And that things spin into my daily routine. Jerry always there, watering all his dying plants and asking me the same question over and over again. For first two years after the accident, when he asking me that question, I always answer him with different words based on what I experience. But then I realize, and smiling to myself that I always thinking out loud searching the good things on my day and tell it to Jerry. Then, when he asking me that question, I just said "Yea Jerry, I meet you" and he just smiling while I enter the house.

People out there might be able to create and keep the new memories for their self or other people. But they actually giving each other pressure too. Jerry is not a perfect guy like me. In his eyes I am just an elementary school boy and he just a teenager that loves gardening. And we repeat the same question and answer all over again, years long. But we finding an enjoyment there with no pressure.

Alzheimer is another case that haven't found the cure. And it's getting worse everyday. My grandma used to cook meal for me everyday and we always had small conversation in the dining table talking about anything.

Since my grandma was diagnose with Alzheimer, our communication is hampered. She never cook a meal for me again, and I getting used to heard her scream in the middle of our conversation cause it could be sometimes that she can't recognize me or recognize me as someone else.

My love for her is never change but her's for me maybe fade.

I like biography book, and I usually read that book when the night is young. But this time, I'm not willing to do that. Instead of reading a book, I choose to sit on the bench looking in any direction.

In the middle of my thoughts, Sarah came and calling my name.

Sarah is Jerry's mother she is around sixty years if I guess.

I looking at her and smiling with a little force

"Hei Sarah"

"What are you doing Grey?" She ask me while walk passing the fence and come to my yard joining me on the bench

"I don't know. I'm just thinking"

She looking forward into the dark sky "About what?"

I am smiling crazily "I don't know... It's just my wild imagination"

She chuckled "I haven't heard a word 'wild' again since Jerry had surgery"

"Really?"

Sarah's memories flew to the past "Ya, 'Wild' is Jerry favorite word. Jerry is nice boy, he obsessed to be a bad boy and joining motorcycle club just for show off, but all he do just watering the plans, he ask me 'mom what if I go wild' 'go wild' 'real wild' 'wild'"

Tears almost came off from her's eyes

"Speaking about Jerry, what is he doing now?" I am just curious

Sarah force a smile on her face "He is switching TV channel try to find an old show that no longer airing now"

I am signing "I though that we has the same fate"

Sarah wiped her tears "Oh ya?"

"We stuck with people we love" I said Inelegantly

"Positively or negatively" She asking me

I am hesitate "I don't know" ,"Sarah, if I tell you what's on my mind please don't offend"

She is nodding

"Maybe if we, I am not born in this world, I don't need to dealing with all this shit and maybe if Jerry haven't dealing with that accident, you and him not stuck in this reality and neither you and me, we don't need to facing this painful story that keep on repeat" Me speaking what's on my mind

Sarah smiling at me, peaceful smile.

She lend her palm on my face, stroking.

"Listen son. We cannot regret all the things that already happen. And you know? This story keep on repeat because it is our decision to keep it continue dear. I know your grandma not longer remember all the things she not suppose to forget, but that was not her decision. The same thing happen to me, I have dealing with Jerry who living in past for years. It's not what he wants, he never wanted to live the same day for 16 years. But I do it for him. Now, I ask you a question. You always able to change your life or live, if it burden you, you always had choices to left. And if your grandma burden you, you can always able to left her, sending her to nursing house?"

I shook my head quickly

Sarah hand's stroked my head

"So don't take it as your burden, take it slow and enjoy the moment. I know it hard sometimes, let it be and let the positive though lead you. All you need is follow the flow play the role that's in your grandma head. That's fun. Dear, we just a speck of dust in this universe. Why don't we play our role once in while before we decide to become a director or producer? Son, if your 'if' able to become reality, there is no guarantee that will be living a better life or cheering a happier situation than this. Life is full of trick covered by lies, we need to discover even in the worst situation ever"

I am speechless.