3. It Flows

Since Tommy move back into our neighbor hood, sometimes bump into each other but that not a big deal. My life is not change that much because of it.

My grandma still sick and getting worse day by day. Sometimes she does not able to speak at all, or calling me with stranger name

One day, in the middle of the class, Anna calling me from home and told me that my grandma was collapse. That's a big news, about two days before when I visit the doctor, he warn me that this was impossible even just to survive for a month, he told me with very humanist face that could see. That moment i don't even think to cry or felling sad, I m blank, my eyes are open and I'm sober that I'm not a saint. I like making mistake and sin all day, I'm in religion but not that deep. I'm not praying neither joining church at least five years since I college.

But just for that time, I'm agree to be God slave if that things bring back my granny for me, for couple more time, please more that 1 month

I leave my class just then and rush to home. I could not think about anything and the hopeless feeling drive me crazy

My granny, she even not longer able to speak, she cant go outside and all her daily activity just laying in the bed looking for the distant. She don't remember anything and everything, its like her body was lying down there but just her body

One fine evening, I am home after work. Anna was already move to my house because of her loyalty and my grandma condition. So I saw her first when I'm home before I headed to grandma room, Anna look at me like i could heard her brain spoke to me, that my grandma final time was no longer delay for whatever reason or even my prayer to god

She was there wide awake, she look at me when I enter her room, there's color in her eyes something that makes me recognize her

She smiling at me and some mysterious force makes me do the same

I know it was hard for her just for say a word but she keep trying

"Grey" she said finally, she call my name again, I miss it and I miss her voice

I don't know how to explain my feeling that day. It was complicated, I'm happy also sad and worry at the same time

"Hey grandma, how was your day?" I reply her with my stranger voice, I working hard on my shaky voice and the tears that almost fall over

She just smiling after my question

"Grey, find someone" she said, makes my head question her, what for? Who is it?

"So when I go, you not feel lonely" she continue her sentences

She gave me her warm hug and whisper "I remember everything. I really do love you"

I am in tears, like a river, she knew, she realize what's going on and what could happen to her in this very close time and she sleep in my arm

And when tomorrow comes, every fairy magic was disappear. My grandma back to her illness. Before the day when my grandma collapse, I don't really mind her words for find someone to love, I just have one person that I used to love, her, my grandma, my affair and hit or run night not count, It just my lust not something close to as love, then I question myself, what is love?

Then I realize maybe if I fall for someone, my grandma will stay for a little longer. That was stupid though but worth to try.

Suddenly my brain though about Anna. She was the first ideal candidate for me, she is loyal and dedicate to my grandma, it should be perfect if I choose her.

I grew up just with my grandma, sometimes we visit my nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles or going out visiting her old friends. But that's not impact a lot for my life. Still her the one that raising me.

She told me everything that she knew, she teach me waltz, baking, piano and some foreign languages that I never use in my life. She told me almost everything. But none how to love, I though that love is something that you need to learn by yourself

Its totally different the way someone love his grandma and how someone love his partner for living their life together. Share whatever happen and the biggest one is establish a commitment

I usually fine just living my life with my grandma with Anna support all the house needs, I mean she help me get rid of house care while I provide the house with my middle category of salary . Now, because my grandma demand me to have someone, my though just got messed. I was though about all possibilities to flirt, my goal is to find the fast catch woman that fit with me and makes my granny happy, but my plans? I have no idea

A week after I go to waltz class just for fun, I just dance with my random partner all women and most of them already married, I am not interest with complex love, triangle one and all kind of mommy affair. Coward? I don't even piss with that

After 2 hours straight dancing while gazing, posture and pep talk, we just waving each other good bye, dance was fun to escape a little from what been haunted me in reality, while I just taking a slow walk on purpose to my audy, and gaze for whatever in front off me, and I see some children running toward their mother, its sweet for a while before they argue and their mom almost scream to them, then I suddenly speed up my walking to my car, shut the door close and signing, wow, its not just about married, its about starting a family and all the dramas on my class was remind me for the rest of the day